Discord watched with growing disinterest as the Head Kumo ninja refused to talk. The would-be kidnapper was bound and restrained in an interrogation room behind a one-way window while he watched along with Minato, Kushina, the leader of the ANBU, Inoichi Yamanaka and one new arrival.
"I was half-expecting the hawk to arrive instead of the monkey, Hiruzen-Kun," Discord greeted idly, drawing everyone's attention to the retired Hokage.
"Sandiame-Sama!" they all greeted, almost on instinct.
"Everyone, Muchitsujo-Sama," Hiruzen greeted with a brief smile before looking to Minato grimly. "I take it things aren't going well, Yondiame-Sama?"
"I wouldn't say horribly so, but yes," Minato answered calmly while glancing back in the room as three ANBU, two being Genjutsu specialists and one a medic, worked over the foreign ninja. "The Raikage made sure he had a seal that would render him essentially brain dead if someone like Inoichi tried to probe his mind."
Inoichi nodded as the Fourth motioned for him to speak. "Judging by the workings of the seal, Sandiame-Sama, it could be worse than that; there's a chance that any mind-walker caught in his mind when the seal is triggered would be trapped in the now-empty mind with no way to escape. It wouldn't be much different than being stuck in a coma."
"Making any gambles too one-sided in odds," Hiruzen acknowledged with a hum, looking to Minato with a raised eyebrow in silent inquiry.
"It'll take time even for me to undo it safely without help, but Jiraiya-Sensei won't be back anytime soon and Kushina..." Minato trailed off to glance to said red head.
The wife of the Fourth fumed silently, glaring death at their captive as her hair billowed in a manner similar to a certain multi-tailed vulpine. "I see your point," Hiruzen acknowledged with a sweat-drop. "And Kumo wouldn't have sent someone with a will that was easily broken for a risky operation such as this."
"Yes, he's holding rather well up against those illusions: chakra-bugs laying eggs in his stomach and a pack of rats eating at his limbs? Crude, but normally effective," Discord complimented idly.
Inoichi blinked as he caught the implication. "You can see their Genjutsu?" he asked in surprise, stiffening as Discord gave him a blank look. "R-right, of course you can, Muchitsujo-Sama!"
"Kami-Sama, please do not turn the illusions real," Minato requested in an expecting monotone.
Discord rolled his eyes as he summoned a green smoothie with a bendy straw that was somehow in the shape of a kunai. "That'd hardly be all I'd do, but I get your desire, Mina-Kun. Still, how important is this confession to the village in the grand scheme of things?" he inquired as he sipped his drink.
Years had built up tolerances to the god's casual behavior for most in the room, no one reacting as Hiruzen took a deep drag of his pipe. "Without the confession, Kumo will simply state this one was acting on his own and demand his return. Not doing so would spark an international incident, but doing so would make us look weak."
"Weak to whom? Kiri is still tearing itself apart, Suna is the weakest and your ally, Iwa has failed to defeat you in literally every war and Kumo keeps trying to steal your bloodlines like they're some rare collector's item," Discord pointed out with a raised eyebrow.
Minato sighed as he pondered a way to get this across to the god. "We're the strongest village, but that is a very tentative and precarious position. And the other major villages are not our only concerns. If enough of our enemies feel emboldened enough to strike us together-"
"A feeding frenzy," Discord summarized with a hum, blowing into his straw to turn the drink into a bubble. "Mina-kun, I believe I made it clear I'm not going to solve all of your problems for you?"
"Nor do we expect you too, Muchitsujo-Sama," Minato assured quickly before turning curious, ignoring Inoichi stepping away from the green bubble. "But are you volunteering?"
Discord crossed his arms as he floated there in idle contemplation. "Honestly, I'm doing this for my own interest. I have some questions for this electric punk myself," he answered, glancing to Kushina, still glaring through the glass. "You can have my sloppy seconds, Tomato-Chan."
Kushina chose not to acknowledge him, even as he passed by her.
Meanwhile, Akinori was not a coward in any stretch of imagination. He knew the risks and importance of this mission, using peace talks as a cover to capture a high value target like the Hyuuga heiress. He had been prepared to die for this mission, and even tortured if he failed. He had felt the very realistic illusions, making him think that his body was being devoured and molested by vermin, controlled by two of the three ANBU. He contemplated attempting suicide more than once, but dared not tempt it. Not because of the medically trained ANBU also in the room as a precaution, but because Konoha's so-called kami had become involved in this situation.
Apparently thinking of the devil works just as good as speaking of him.
The Kumo ninja was genuinely terrified when he saw the serpentine chimera float through the mirror as if it wasn't even there, the Genjutsu afflicting his mind cancelling out by a wave of claws. "Muchitsujo-Sama?" the rabbit ANBU inquired in surprise.
"I'll be tagging in, lads," Discord instructed dismissively. They hesitated briefly before vanishing from the room as a trio of body flickers, leaving the ryoma alone with the man from the Land of Lightning. He took half a second to look over the restrained human, ankles and wrists bound in shackles built into a metal chair. "A fine mess you've gotten yourself into, Kumo-kun," Discord mused idly as he took a seat in mid-air, propping up his draconic foot so his tail-fluff could sharp the claws like a nail-file.
Akinori shivered as he saw the hairs masterfully tend to the talon. "Indeed I have, Muchitsujo-Sama," he admitted warily.
"Look, I get this whole 'loyalty until death' thing you ningen have going on, so I'm going to ignore every question they want you to answer. Instead, you're going to tell me what "I" want to know and then we'll see how things go for you. Don't worry, it shouldn't be anything you can't share as such a loyal, dutiful ninja of Kumo," Discord assured with a toothy grin.
"I-I shall try, Muchitsujo-Sama," Akinori answered, skeptical but curious as to what this god wanted to know.
"Obviously you won't implicate your precious Raikage, soooo let's just say that this question is directed at the person who came up with this little scheme, and you answer in whoever's place that is?" Discord offered in an almost amical voice. Akinori, unsure where this was going, nodded slowly. "Splendid! Now...what, by Mina-Kun's flashing thunder rod, made you think this was a good idea?"
Akinori blinked, not sure he understood. "I'm sure it might seem paltry to you, Muchitsujo-Sama, but you are aware how prized a bloodline limit like the Byakugan is among us mortals?" he asked curiously.
"Oh no, no! I'm not talking about the rewards, but the risk. Ignoring everything, even Minato and Kushina having past experiences with this exact situation, and the issue of being hunted down by ANBU and the Toady, there was still one glaring big red flag: Me. Or did I not display my power clear enough three years ago?" he asked, cupping his chin in his paw.
Akinori finally had a look of understanding dawn on his face. "We- I meant no disrespect to you, Kami-Sama. I merely thought this matter would be below your notice or interest," he answered carefully.
"It might have been, but kidnapping a girl on her birthday is just bad taste," Discord quipped with a huff. "So, what is the general consensus about me in your home village?"
Akinori looked completely taken aback by that. "I'm...not sure how to answer that. The Raikage and most of Kumo regards you as a sleeping dragon, to use a metaphor."
"Ahh, don't antagonize me and you won't have to worry about me. Not entirely true, buuuut one does avoid my actual ire that way," Discord mused idly, stroking his goatee. "Well, I suppose it's kind of an indirect compliment, thinking I wouldn't be a threat because you thought you and your little stunt were too pathetic for me to bother with."
Akinori refused to take the bait as the god grinned at him with false-friendship. "I-is there anything else, Muchitsujo-Sama?"
"Just a few things, Kumo-kun," Discord answered pleasantly. "Besides, I can't imagine you're in that big of a hurry to get back to the meat-headed "A"hole," Discord remarked with a chuckle.
Akinori stiffened at that, trying to surpress his glare. "Please don't speak so ill of my Kage, Muchitsujo-Sama," he requested neutrally.
"Oh, come now. No need to be so fussy, it's just us here. I'm not insulting your village, after all. Honestly, it's not the first time I've seen a city on a mountain like yours, but I rather like the aesthetic. And as much as I'm opposed to orderliness, you cloud-huggers are probably the most war-ready forces of all the five big fishes," Discord praised openly as Akinori became less guarded. "But every village has its weak point. Like your third leader grooming his son to take over instead of just finding the best ningen for the job. Hereditary is all fine and good for lords and clans, but the spot as the big shadow-boss of a major country's ninja rank and file? If they're up to the task, sure, but A certainly didn't learn too well from his old man if he sent you off to do the exact same thing that failed."
From outside the room, Minato and company watched on with interest. "What is he doing?" Inoichi questioned with a scowl. "Trying to turn him against his Kage?"
"I think he'd be making some very outrageous offers if that was all he wanted," Minato remarked curiously. "He is getting in the prisoner's head though."
"Why can't he just take him apart without hurting him and leave him a helpless slab of meat?" Kushina muttered, getting alarmed looks.
"Kushina-Chan's concerning fantasies aside, I believe our chaotic friend is about to show us a new trick of his," Hiruzen mused as he observed intently.
"The Raikage does make...bold decisions sometimes, but they are always decisive and with the best interest of the village in mind," Akinori argued.
"Of course, of course, I never said he wasn't a patriotic leader. After all, why else would he send you of all ninja here?" Discord asked, a pregnant silence growing as he watched Akinori expectantly.
"I...don't follow?" Akinori asked slowly.
"If you succeed, the village gets a new bloodline and A doesn't have to bother looking for a new Head Ninja. If you fail, which you did, he can use your death or capture as an excuse to leverage something out of Konoha. And he gets to replace you with someone a bit more...special. Maybe even that Jinchuriki brother of his," Discord mused condescendingly.
"You...you don't know what you're talking about. I've more than earned my position," Akinori defended.
"Yes, you did. In the Second Shinobi World War," Discord mused with a smug look. "But A is from the THIRD War, and wanting to prove that he is his own Kage. After all, that's what every son wants: Either to be just like their father or completely different from him. Or in the case of leaders? Both. So, don't you think it's convenient that you, one of the old guard, gets sent on a repeat of a failed mission? Wouldn't it have been smarter to send another Kumo ninja with you as a bodyguard, one obscurely known but highly specialized in stealth? It'd be a lot easier to write them off as a hotshot or extremist than replacing you if you were o-so important to the village right?"
"I will not betray my village!" Akinori declared as he kept his one eyed gaze down.
"I'm not asking you to~!" Discord promised tauntingly. "I just want you to admit that A is a Rai-bastard for doing this to you."
There was no response from Akinori at first as he sat there, motionless. His shoulders began to tremble, almost as if he was crying. The shaking grew greater and greater, the bolts securing the chair to the floor being the only reason it didn't rattle.
And then he looked up and let it all out.
"AHAHAHAHA!"
Discord's cool, easy smirk almost seemed cruel as he watched the one-eyed ninja laugh his heart out. "Oooh, you have no idea, Kami-Sama! If that bozo had any less tact, he'd be ruling with just fear! Ohh, the Haichibi's Jinchuriki might be annoying, but I half the time think he'd make a better leader than that fool! Ha!" Akinori rattled on with glee, feeling as though a dam had broken loose within him.
"Tell me more, Akinori-Kun," Discord encouraged casually.
"I shouldn't laugh; he's mainly just trying to be like his old man, like you said. But the old Raikage, he was something else. Sure, he could come off as a brute sometimes, but he was the most level headed and honorable man I've ever met," Akinori said with a nostalgic grin.
"Honorable? What about kidnapping the Uzumaki girl?" Discord asked with honest curiosity.
Akinori snorted as he looked off to the side. "That was different. I know that sounds piss poor, but it was. She was the next Kyuubi Jinchuriki. Taking her out neutralized Konoha's Bijuu all together, since the damn fur-ball was so overpowered that most humans can't be its container."
Discord blinked at that but decided not to press it further. "So A2 took what that idea seemed like and just ran with it in another direction?"
Akinori nodded repeatedly. "Yeah, I think he was jealous because he heard how some ninja over in Kiri managed to steal a Hyuuga's eye."
"A? As in only one?" Discord repeated.
"Yeah, I had the same thought. Sounds like someone trying to rip off that one copycat of yours," Akinori mused.
Meanwhile, the audience could only stare in disbelief, their jaws dropped. "What the hell did he do?" Kushina summarized in disbelief.
"I...I have no idea, milady," Inoichi answered numbly. "Muchitsujo-Sama didn't seem to enter his mind or anything similar."
"I believe it is more sinister than that," Hiruzen said grimly. "The man seems as though his loyalty and personality have been turned inside out."
"Very observant, Sarutobi-Sensei."
"I was wondering when you'd speak up, Orochimaru," Minato greeted to the pale snake summoner that was leaning against the very edge of the window, staring in with an interested smile.
"I thought my services would be desired, but I had no idea that Ryoma-Sama would deign to aid more in this matter," Orochimaru mused coyly, chucking all the while. "It is truly fascinating. He could not simply take the information from the fool's mind without removing the seal, so his words coaxed his soul into a state of despair, allowing him to warp this man's very being into something our dear Kami-Sama found more agreeable. A Genjutsu, of sorts, but one that affects the mind itself. The very personality, rather than the senses. And all with just a friendly conversation."
"My rear must taste of cake and chocolate milk for you to enjoy kissing it that much, Hebi-Kun," Discord remarked, casually leaning against the wall behind the Snake Sannin. Orochimaru looked briefly surprised, glancing back inside to realize that the Discord in the room had been replaced by a life size stuffed replica. Akinori seemingly didn't notice the change, and continued blathering to the fake Discord.
"Your sense of humor is as unexpected as ever, Ryoma-Sama," Orochimaru added, turning to face the god fully.
Discord snorted miniature pink clouds from his nostrils. Orochimaru was an interesting human, a strange outliner of this world's hominid species. And the Snake Sannin's interest in Discord was far more obvious than most, the scientist in the ninja no doubt finding him a treasure trove of information into formerly impossible topics. "And you're one to talk? I've seen your idea of birthday presents," Discord remarked dryly before turning his attention to the parents of Naruto. "Akinori-kun is all yours. Just treat him like a fellow ninja in a bar and you're both complaining about your horrible bosses and he'll just keep singing," Discord instructed, superficially examining his claws as he did so.
"Thank you, Muchitsujo-Sama," Minato said, glancing back into the room with an unsettling feeling. "How long will he be like this?"
"Well, this is the first time I've used it in this world, so maybe a full day?" Discord answered whimsically, deciding to lie through his teeth on this one. Discording lasted as long as he wanted it to, but no sense in alarming those in the room even more.
"So..." Kushina started awkwardly. "Do you just kind of flip them or can you make them act however you want?" she inquired, trying not to sound too curious.
"Oh, I can make an Inuzuka act like a house cat if I wanted to," Discord answered smugly. "What did you have in mind, Tomato-Chan?"
"My, Kushina-Chan, I didn't think you had it in you," Orochimaru praised in amusement.
"Kushina, whatever it is, no," Minato said warningly.
"I didn't even say what I wanted to do yet!" Kushina retorted with a defensive glare at everyone.
Discord held up a wooden sign with his tail that no one but Kushina saw saying 'We'll talk later.' before he cleared his throat- and coughed up a Kumo headband, which he idly tossed away. "Anyway, I'm done here. If you need him to spill more after he turns back to normal, you're on your own. Tata everyone! I'll check up on Naruto if you two aren't home soon."
With that, the god of chaos vanished, his body dissolving into toothpicks. An uneasy silence came over them before Sarutobi cleared his throat. "It seems you were wise to befriend Muchitsujo-Sama, Minato-Kun. I shudder to imagine him as an enemy."
"Agreed, Sandiame-Dono," Minato said with a sigh. "Three years and beyond a few...pranks of the higher end, he hasn't shown any ill-will towards the village."
"Accidents aside," Inoichi remarked with a shudder.
"Oi! Muchi-Dono healed those people, and it wasn't like he knew about Doujutsu at the time," Kushina defended with a glare.
"Do I want to know what you were considering just now?" Minato asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Nothing I believe you could stay mad about," Kushina answered evasively. "So, I should probably pick up Naruto before he turns Hiashi's daughter into a fangirl."
The males collectively sweat-dropped at that as Sarutobi spoke up, "If you take no issue, Yondiame-Dono, I would like some time with this Kumo ninja. As an old man, I have plenty of old grievances to share and vent," he opined with an amused smile.
"Be my guest," Minato agreed with a nod.
"And I believe this is my cue to leave as well. Unless you have need of me, Hokage-Sama?" Orochimaru inquired with a smirk.
"Not unless you have something you'd like to say, Orochimaru," Minato retorted neutrally. It was no secret that Orochimaru had hated being passed over for the position of Fourth Hokage, at first, but he didn't seem to care after the past few years.
"Just one," Orochimaru mused with a chuckle. "It was rather hard to notice, but if it puts you at ease, Muchitsujo-Sama's mind altering ability has a small tell: the eyes, or rather eye, of the victim has a hint of greyness to it that wasn't there before. I always found it amusing that a being as vibrant and chaotic as him seemed to enjoy a color like grey so much."
Minato watched the snake-man carefully as he left. He still wasn't sure if that Sannin was truly trustworthy sometimes, but he hadn't acted against the village, so his uneasy instincts would have to wait for if and when Orochimaru showed his true skin.