//------------------------------// // Man About Town // Story: Care to Take a Lady Out on a Date? // by MisterEdd //------------------------------// You are Anon and after the emotional rollercoaster you were just on, you felt as though you could use some good news at this point. You'd told Spike about your budding relationship with Rarity and after an emotionless response and abrupt departure, you were afraid that you'd lost a good friend and dashed a good person's hopes of ever finding love outside of the white mare that he cherished. A short time later, he returned and, to your total amazement, admitted that he was upset at first but accepted you dating Rarity as long as you treated her right. That was a no brainer after you shook hands with him and even hugged him, the two of you split the remainder of his cookies and life went on as usual. Although you couldn't tell if his threat of burning you to ashes was a half-hearted joke or a warning, it still felt good to have your dragon buddy back. Leaving Twilight's place, you strode through town with your shoulders back and your head held high. Now that things with Spike were settled, you felt your future with Rarity was that more prosperous. Townsfolk chattered and sold their wares but started whispering amongst themselves when you passed by, trading amazed looks or staring incredulously in your direction. Well, so far nopony broke out the pitchforks and torches, so you were convinced they at least tolerated the concept of a human dating a pony. You waved to those three florist mares and they returned the gesture, giggling to each other. "Hey Anon!" You turned to find a mint-green unicorn trotting towards you, followed closely by a beige-colored earth pony. Lyra Heartstrings was one of the few ponies to greet you with open arms when you first arrived. Her erstwhile companion Bon Bon took a little more time to warm up to you but now she gave you free chocolate pretzels whenever you visited her candy shop. Even after all this time, you still had no idea if they were just friends or lovers, given the fact that you rarely saw one without the other. Due to the overwhelming amount of mares compared to stallions, lesbianism wasn't uncommon in Equestria and you weren't one to judge another's lifestyle. Especially if it was hot. "Lyra, Bon Bon! How's it going?" "Great! Bonny and I just wanted to congratulate you! We're so happy for you!" "It's nice to see you finally find a special somepony," Bon Bon sweetly added. You beamed down at them. "Thanks you two! So you heard the word around town?" They snickered to each other and Lyra gave you a sly grin. "Let's just say that we heard it straight from Rarity's mouth." She then winked while Bon Bon snorted. "What, did Rarity tell you?" After a short round of giggles, Lyra said, "Rarity wasn't exactly subtle the other night." Your cheeks reddened. How many neighbors had heard your romp? It was a little embarrassing but also kind of gratifying to know you could make your marefriend so loud while pleasuring her. "I see," you managed. "Well, thanks anyway. I've got to get going." "Wait!" Lyra darted in front of you. "Please Anon...I need my fix. It's been two whole days!" You rolled your eyes. Kneeling down to one knee, you placed your fingers behind Lyra's ear and curled them, scratching that spot you knew she loved. Her little hindleg kicked at the ground hard enough to create dust, her tail wagging dog-like as she started panting. Bon Bon stood by watching you curiously, biting her lower lip. Was it wrong that you were getting a little turned on by this? "Oh, oh, yes! A-a little to the left! Mmm, yeeeees! Mama likes it!" "Okay, that's enough," you declared, standing up and straightening your pants so you could try to hide your half-chub. "I'll see you two later." "Oh, man! Bye Nonny!" "See you later, Anon!" Bidding farewell to the Ambiguously Gay Duo, you passed by several other well-wishers and coyly-grinning mares. The biggest downside to living in a small town? Word travels fast. Despite being the town gossip, you knew Rarity kept her private life to herself and wouldn't go blabbing about her bedroom exploits. She was too lady-like for that. Hey you know what they say, "a lady on the streets, a freak in the sheets." You dug your heels into the ground and skidded to an abrupt stop at the same time a mare ten away from you did. Her eyes narrowed beneath her Stetson, making you feel like you were in a western. Applejack was a cowgirl-er, mare-whose family had been operating Sweet Apple Acres, an apple farm for the better part of a century or so. When you first arrived, you freaked out and brandished a hatstand like a club, giving the orange earth pony a good clock on the noggin. Even though it was a panic-induced accident and you apologized profusely, she never quite forgave you for putting her out of work for a week and kept her distance as a result. You briefly worked for her on the farm applebucking (which, come on, sounded really dirty) and it seemed to go alright at first. Your height meant that you could reach stubborn apples that refused to budge and your strength matched both Applejack's and her Hulk of a brother Big Mac, who rarely contributed to a conversation without a simple "Eeyup" or "Enope." Nevertheless, he was actually a cool guy and you two went out drinking a couple of times. That is, until a drinking match between you resulted in him getting so plastered that he smashed the jukebox, resulting in him having to pay for a new one and being permanently banned from The Water Trough. After that, things only seemed to go downhill from there. Applejack's little sister Apple Bloom was one of the cutest, most precious little things you'd ever met. Unlike her sister, her accent was cute and had an innocent folksy sound to it and was overall great to be around. Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and their friend Scootaloo made up their own little club called the Cutie Mark Crusaders and often got into all kinds of whacky shenanigans, some of which you took part in. There were no issues with you hanging around them but when you stubbed your toe and Apple Bloom overheard you call it a "fucking splooge-rag," she decided that it would be her new catchphrase. That got you kicked off the farm and out of a job. Oh, and you once referred to Granny Smith as an "old horse," a word which apparently did not mean what you thought it meant and almost resulted in Applejack putting you through a wall. "Anon," Applejack grumbled. "Hey Applejack!" You cutely waved. "Mind gettin' outta mah way? Ah've kinda got uh full load here." She gestured to the wagon full of apples that she was hitched to. "Unlike some critters, Ah work fer uh livin'." "Look, I said I was sorry for the calling-Granny-Smith-a-horse thing. You don't need to be a bitch about it." She did not appreciate that. "What did Ah tell ya about tha language?!" Taking a deep breath, you shouted, "Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker and tits!" You sped away, a horseshoe whizzing past your ear. Whatever, she didn't like you anyway and it wasn't as though you didn't try to make up for all of the unfortunate incidences between you two. You were scared out of your wits when you hit her so she was overacting about that. Hell, you offered to do her work for her while she recovered but that just pissed her off more. Big Mac was an angry drunk and that was out of your hands since he should've known his own alcohol limits. Okay, using bad words in front of impressionable foals was bad but how were you supposed to know that "horse" in Equestria equated to "prostitute?" In your professional opinion, Applejack just needed to get laid. You walked across a small white bridge and entered the park, a nice long area of grass dotted with oak trees and the occasional shrubs. Couples were having pic-a-nics while the foals played tag or flew kites. It just went to further remind you of home and the minute differences between humans and ponies. Slumping into a wooden bench, you groaned and stretched out your legs, enjoying the gentle breeze and the warm sun, courtesy of Princess Baby-Got-Back. You were ready to close your eyes and take a nap when you soon spotted a certain yellow pegasus skipping along, merrily singing to herself. "Morning Fluttershy!" The mare turned and upon noticing you, gasped and galloped towards you. Fluttershy, being a timid, socially-intimidated person, was a bit scared of you at first, your whole swinging-a-hatstand incident not helping first impressions-wise. You were patient and a few weeks later, was comfortable enough to say hi. Months later, she finally warmed up enough to you to show you her cottage and introduce you to her animal friends. She keeps a fucking bear around! If you had a bear watching your back, you'd be walking around town like you owned the place. Angel, her pet bunny, was a little asshole that bit you whenever Fluttershy turned her back but acted like his namesake when she was watching. Maybe you shouldn't have tried to pet his ears without his permission or threatened to turn him into rabbit stew the first he bit you. To your amazement, Fluttershy was friends with Discord, a misshapen pony-dragon-bird thing that was the literal personification of chaos and better yet, actually held some sway over him. The first time you learned this little fact, you privately wondered how she hadn't taken over Equestria by now and appointed Angel as the despotic mayor of Ponyville. You knelt down, being mindful of the food bags as Fluttershy darted into your open arms. She nuzzled your chest and hummed pleasurably. "How've you been, Flutters? I haven't seen you in a week." "Oh, I had this nasty cold but I'm all better!" Fluttershy gave you one of her patented too-cute-hate smiles. "I missed you," she blushed. You rubbed the back of her head. "I missed you too." You became aware of the fact that she was now seated atop your raised thigh, her long tail wrapping around your leg and she was leaning in close. You cleared your throat and set her down. "So anyway, what's new with you?" Fluttershy seemed momentarily saddened by the loss of physical contact. Ponies loved giving hugs or nuzzles, something that pissed you off slightly during your initial stay in Ponyville, all of the unwanted touching making you very irritated. Thankfully, they wised up and now only shook your hand or hugged you when given explicit permission. A part of you figured that Fluttershy had a crush on you but given Pinkie Pie and Twilight's affectionate nature towards you, you soon scrapped that theory. She smiled and all of your fears vanished. "Well, one of the chipmunks gave birth to a litter of five adorable little kits and I put up a new hummingbird feeder," Fluttershy replied, eyes sparkling with excitement. "Do you think you could come by my cottage and help me build some birdhouses? A family of robins just moved in." Even with her being the Element of Kindness, it still amazed you how thoughtful and kindhearted Fluttershy was. You'd think that after two years you'd be used to it but the pegasus continued to surprise you. "I have some errands to run but sure," You grinned and rubbed her head, making her giggle as you ran your fingers through her silky-smooth mane. "Anything for you, Flutters!" Humming, Fluttershy presented her neck and you obliged, scratching through the fur to the soft skin underneath. Her wings unfurled, partially shielding your face from the sun, reminding you of their impressive size. It was really a shame that she was such a weak flier. She had a petite frame that would be aerodynamically perfect for flight and you could easily see her graceful movements on the ground translating to the sky. Man, you wish you could fly! And had a solid gold 12-gauge shotgun that fired diamond buckshot. Because why not? Your arm tired so you stopped your ministrations, much to Fluttershy's disappointment, the pegasus emitting a soft whimper at the loss of her neck scratches. You rose to your full height, shaking your head amusingly. Ponies were so weird but also so goddamn cute it ought to be illegal. "Anyways, I've got to get going. See ya later?" "Absolutely! See you, Anon!" You waved Fluttershy off as she skipped away, resuming her merry humming. Your eyes drifted to her tight little rump. Given her looks, singing voice and kind heart, it was only a matter of time before some lucky stallion snatched her up. Maybe you could ask Rarity if she'd like to- Nope, no, too early for that! You just starting dating a talking pony and it was too soon to discuss the idea of a three-way or a herd situation. Basically, a herd was a collection of a stallion and usually two to six mares in a polyamorous relationship, typically all living in the same house and supporting one another financially. It was kind of like marriage except it was a dude and multiple chicks. Since there was a disproportionate male-to-female ratio, herds became more commonplace though not everypony went for it. Single-pony monogamy or marriage was still the norm but herds weren't a taboo like polyamory was on Earth, herds being viewed as more of an alternative tradition. You soon found yourself stepping through the door of Carousal Boutique, the little bell tink-tink-tinkling as you strode through the store. A few mares like Carrot Top and Octavia Melody waved at you and you happily waved back. You found Rarity hard at work taking measurements for Derpy, that wall-eyed mailmare that always smelled of muffins. You'd heard that she started going out with Time Turner, a Doc Brown-esque earth pony whose inventions sometimes bordered on the supernatural. There was that one time he accidently punched a hole through reality with his sub-atomic telescreen and let's just say that you couldn't sleep for days. "Hey Rarity!" "Inthemiddleofsomething,Darling!" The unicorn speedily muttered out, writing down measurements on one sheet of paper while designing rough sketches for dresses on the other. You tottered on your heels, waiting for her to finish up. Once Rarity was in "the Zone," nopony could reach her until she was out of it. It reminded you of being a kid and not being able to pry your eyes away from the TV until you could beat the final boss in Contra. "No, that won't do at all!" "And could you make sure it's blue?" Derpy inquired. "Time Turner really likes the color blue. In fact, he has this blue box-..." "Uh huh, blue, got it!" Rarity hastily scratched out a design before her face lit up in a eureka moment. "Ideaaaa! Perhaps a nice bouffant with see-through shoulder straps?" She spun the paper around and Derpy squealed in delight. "It's perfect! I can't wait until Time Turner sees it!" "Trust me, he won't be able to see anything but you," Rarity assured her. "I'll let you know when it's ready." "Great! Bye Rarity!" Derpy stumbled past her, tripping on her own hooves before bumping into your hip. "Oof! Oh, hi Anon!" "Hey Derpy. Got a hot date?" "Yep! First I've got to pick Ditzy up from a friend's house. Have a good day!" The pegasus pushed the door open and, after a little mishap, took to the air, whizzing above the head of a stallion that was somehow always covered in jelly. Like you said, ponies were weird. "Hi Anon! Sorry about that, you know how I get when-Ahhh!" You followed Rarity's outstretched hoof towards the door, where a thin trail of dirty footprints led from across the carpet. Shit... "Damn! I am so-..." Taking off her glasses, Rarity gestured to the backroom with the angry darting of her eyes. Yep, when a woman (or mare) gave you that look, you were definitely in the doghouse. Being careful not to drag your feet, you wordlessly followed her and leaned up against her desk as she slammed the door behind her. T-minus five seconds until bitch-fit. 5...4...3...2...1... "What were you thinking?" Gentlemen, we have liftoff! "Just because we're dating does not mean that you get to just traipse around my shop and treat it like its your own personal pigpen!" "Look Rares, I'm sorry, okay? I wiped my feet when I came In." "Hmph! Not good enough, I'd say." You pinched the bridge of your nose. "I said I was sorry! That dirt's hard to get out of sneaker soles but seeing as you don't even wear shoes, I wouldn't expect you to understand." Rarity furrowed her brow. "Excuse me but do you think us ponies never get anything trapped in our hooves? Why do you think we have rugs? Don't be so thoughtless!" "Don't call me thoughtless! If anything, the dirt is an improvement!" "'Improvement'?! That carpet cost fifteen-hundred bits and came straight from Upper Canterlot!" "Well, I'd say you got ripped off." Jumping up on her hindlegs, she came up to your stomach and jabbed a hoof at your side. "What would you possibly know about high-end upholstery, you culture-deprived brute?!" You glared down at her. "Yeah? And you're an uptight busy-body with a stick up her keister." "How dare you, you...? Why are you laughing?" A hand went over your mouth as you snickered. "I'm sorry, it's just that...this is our first fight as a couple." You stopped to let out a loud chuckle. "And it's about carpets!" Rarity dropped back down to all fours and stared at you until a small smile appeared. "Ha...ha ha ha! I guess it is!" For two whole minutes, the both of you giggled like hyenas at a comedy club, no doubt attracting the ears of the curious mares outside the room. Once the laughing gradually subsided, you gently grasped Rarity around her waist and lifted her up, cradling her in your arms. The unicorn sighed, placing her head against your chest, your heart pounding in her ear. You stroked her back, a chill running down your spine at the softness of her fur. Rarity kissed your hand. "I'm sorry I blew up at you," she said, blue eyes sparkling. It's funny, but you never really cared about a girl's eye color before but seeing Rarity's shimmering up at you stirred all kinds of feelings within you. "Yeah, well...I kind of had it coming. I'm sorry for being so thoughtless. It didn't look like the dirt went too deep into the carpet. I'll clean it up ASAP." "Thanks Darling," Rarity cooed and lightly pecked your lips. "Oh no you don't!" You placed a hand on the back of her head and lined your mouths up, bringing her into a long, deep kiss. She tasted like mint tea with a light pinch of butter pecan, your tongue lapping at her gums to dig the cookie crumbs out. Your mouth vibrated as she let out an impassioned moan, her own tongue circling around the tip of yours. You could feel her hooves pressing into your chest and her pelvis grinding up against yours, making your penis hard enough to dent titanium. Your lips suckled on Rarity's before you pulled away, your heart doing jumping jacks at the salacious gaze she was giving you. "You should...probably..." "I should get back to work..." "To work, yeah." Ignoring your raging boner, you set Rarity down and she fluffed out her mane. "Ahem. We'll continue this later, Darling." You felt something smack your butt and saw the glow of Rarity's horn going out. With a wink, she turned around, swaying her hips side to side before telekinetically goading the door to open and close behind her. Status report: you're alone in your marefriend's office with a major case of blue balls and a rock-hard erection. Spotting a box of tissues, you pulled out a few sheets and dropped your pants, your dick swinging upward as if leaping up in joy. Fuck it, you were going to whack it.