"Nice first impressions George. Real smooth." Bradley said as the 3 generals walked into their quarters which was set up in the guest wing of the castle.
"Oh c'mon Brad, it wasn't like I fucking slapped the numbnut. Besides, that jackass had it coming and you know it." Patton said, taking his helmet off and tossing it on one of the plush chairs provided for them.
"Brad, as much as I would hate to agree... Georgie has a point. That little shit clearly needs to know who the hell is in charge right now. I don't want another god damn Montgomery situation on out hands." Eisenhower said, taking a seat and pulling over a bottle of whiskey that was left on the table.
"Thank you Ike. Hey, is that from my personal stash?" Patton said, pointing towards the bottle of whiskey.
"Deal with it George. Besides, you always have the best drinks anyways so go get the shot glasses." Eisenhower said.
"Jeez, anything else Mr President? How about a U-2 report eh?" Patton said walking over to the large cabinet that held his "stash" that he collected over his years.
"Motherfucker." Eisenhower muttered under his breath.
"Alright so... Looks like we have our hands full with a whole load of horse shit here." Bradley said while taking his boots off.
"You can say that again. How does a god damn country of intelligent horses not even have a centralized army? That sort of shit doesn't make sense." Patton said, setting the shot glasses on the table.
"Well George you gotta remember that these horses haven't seen a major war in centuries. From the looks of it when looking back through the documents, the only straight shooters they have had in command of their shit are a few of the Wonderbolts commanders and that Shining Armor fellow that was sitting right next to us." Eisenhower said, pouring the drinks into each glass.
"Hm... I actually like the kid. You can tell he doesn't stand for shit. How the hell his successor turned out to be that stupid, I have no fucking idea." Patton said, taking a glass from the table.
"Amen to that Georgie... Well, regardless of the nonsense, we got shit to do tomorrow." Bradley said.
"Well then... Let's toast to our new fucking jobs boys. May God have mercy on our sanity." Patton said, holding up his glass for the toast. With that, the 3 generals took a shot of the whiskey and started preparing for the next day's duties.
*** *** ***
Meanwhile
"I am glad I do not have to put up with this nonsense." Shining Armor said, taking off his helmet and gear before making his way towards the table in one of the guest quarters within the main Royal Guard barracks.
"I am surprised that your own service record wasn't called into question seeing how those humans grimaced at the old reports on the guard." One of his old Lieutenants, Sharpened Rapier, said as he himself was preparing a few drinks.
"Well, I did not put up with nonsense. Heck, I didn't even recommend Mareclellan for the job. The idiot should've stayed in logistics and accounting because that was all he was good at anyways." Shining Armor said, grimacing at the thought of the incident report.
"Shining, you have been out of Canterlot far too long my friend. You gotta remember that a lot of this stuff now is all based on bureaucratic matters, not matters of skill and such. This isn't like the Crystal Empire where things run smoothly because you are in charge and don't put up with nonsense." Rapier said.
"Thank you for reminding me. Oh... You don't need to pour me a drink, that stuff doesn't help at all." Shining said.
"Suit yourself... Oh, how is Cadence by the way? I hope everything is going well."
"She is fine, thanks for asking. Y'know, you should stop by sometime, I miss having a straight shooter around. Who knows, maybe I can get you a transfer to the Empire." Shining said.
"I'd appreciate that but right now... It looks like I am gonna be stuck here. Besides, those generals haven't even reviewed the Night Guard regiment yet." Rapier pointed out.
"That probably would not be necessary, they don't put up with nonsense."
"Well, you never know..."
*** *** ***
The Next Day
"Hey dumbass, what the hell am I looking at right now? Patton called over to Mareclellan.
"T-that would be the uh... The tactics manual General..." Mareclellan nervously said.
"Why the actual fuck is your tactics manual the size of a fucking pamphlet then?"
"B-budget cuts... General..." Mareclellan said. Immediately, it looked like Patton was gonna have a heart attack.
"Brad... I need you to take over for me. I did not just hear that..." Patton said, literally fuming with rage.
With that, Bradley and Ike watched as a very irate Patton stormed out of the main office to god knows wear and left the room in complete silence as Bradley and Ike took a look at the "tactics manual".
"What... The... Fuck..." Bradley said out loud, not even earning a look from Ike as they stared at the pamphlet.
"Mareclellan... How the hell does a simple budget cut lead to this absolute piece of crap?" Eisenhower asked, his face devoid of emotion.
"Well... You see... The budget was well.... Err... It got cut... Drastically as a matter of fact. So in order to save money and keep a surplus... We cut down on some of the more excessive parts within our budget... Mainly the uh.... The paper." Mareclellan sputtered out.
"How the hell does a budget get cut that far? Are you horses that insane?" Bradley said. Before Mareclellan could answer, the door to the officer was nearly kicked down as Patton came in with a large box of books.
"LISTEN HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT. THAT PIECE OF GARBAGE IS NOT A FUCKING TACTICS MANUAL, YOU WANT A FUCKING TACTICS MANUAL? ALL OF THIS RIGHT HERE IS WHAT A TACTICS MANUAL IS!" Patton screeched. One by one, he began to toss out old and new books on military tactics at Mareclellan, so much so that the former Captain had to duck down behind his desk while Bradley and Eisenhower had to get Patton to calm down.
"Jesus fucking Christ George, calm you ass down and shut the hell up!" Bradley yelled.
"Oh for fucks sake, that little shit tried to fucking sell us a bunch of bullshit. Its just like fucking Market Garden!" Patton yelled.
"Georgie, shut up and sit your ass down!" Eisenhower yelled out, shutting Patton up.
"You can come out now." Bradley called out to the scared Mareclellan that was hiding under his desk.
"I-is... There anything else you would like to see today?", Mareclellan said.
"Just give us your god damn inventory. I think that would do it for today." Eisenhower said, placing his hand upon his face in annoyance.
*** *** ***
"So, I hear that the news advisors nearly dragged Mareclellan out of bed to get a look into his office." Rapier said to Shining as they marched over to the Captain's office.
"Wow... Seems like we are in good hooves if they managed to do that." Shining said back, earning a chuckle from Rapier.
"Yeah, well... I hope nopony is killed in the process." Rapier said, still chuckling.
"Don't say that, it's not like they would even be able to get away with it. From what I heard, they are here on some sort of contract." Shining said.
"You saw the look in the tall one's eyes as they went over the files right? It looked like he was about to kill somepony for Celestia's sake!"
"Relax... I have a feeling they were just simply angry with Mareclellan. I wouldn't blame them either. We probably have nothing to worry about anyways." Shining said as they made their way to the door into the office. Immediately, they regretting ever being in the area.
The first to march out was Patton who, judging by the look in his face, was about to explode. He didn't say nothing as he stormed on by the two Stallions but simply have the two a simply salute. The next to walk out was Bradley, who was carrying a large stack of papers and documents, a large amount of them being marked as classified, and seemed equally pissed. When those two were gone, they could hear two voices coming from inside the office. Looking inside, the could see Eisenhower towering over and berating Mareclellan.
"How the hell do you expect to manage a god damn military with all of this shit?" Eisenhower said.
"It is quite difficult concerning the circumstances..." Mareclellan began before being cut off by Eisenhower.
"No no no no no... Don't give me that bullcrap you idiot. You don't even have a god damn equipment surplus! How the hell do you manage a guard without an equipment surplus?" Eisenhower said, raising his voice this time.
"The guards buy the equipment." Mareclellan simply said.
"What?" Was all Eisenhower could say.
"Well, they... They buy their own equipment. Armor, weapons, and all." Was all Mareclellan had to say before Eisenhower went completely silent and simply began to walk away. When he saw Shining and Rapier, he simply gestured for the two to follow him as they exited the administration building.