//------------------------------// // Act 2. // Story: That Play // by Owlor //------------------------------// Act 2 “If we shadows have offended...” Derpy was back into her role of Commander Hurricane, and once again she switched over to her clumsy interpretation of the character. Cloudchaser made an only half-hearted attempt at acting like Private Pansy. They were both on a somewhat crude conveyor belt that had been put on stage so that the actors could walk and still stay in place. The sides of the belt were decorated with fluffy patches of feathers, the same kind used to simulate the snow from before, and cardboard clouds, or rather, indistinct white shapes that looked vaguely like a cloud if you had a lot of imagination. Derpy trotted proudly on the treadmill, flapping her wings slowly in pretend-flight, and Cloudchaser walked behind her, looking somewhat bitter and tortured. “C'mon, Private Pansy, let's get a move on!” Derpy ordered. “Sugarplum fairy sugarplum fairy... “ The cutie mark crusaders helpfully provided thunder by rattling a thick piece of paper and the sudden noise startled Derpy. She immediately yelped and jumped off the bandwagon and hid behind one of the cardboard clouds “Oh, did I do that?” Derpy asked, to which Cloudchaser merely groaned in reply. “Oh for... it's just somepony rattling a paper, and it's me who's supposed to act all scared, you're supposed to be the brave Commander Hurricane, remember? The role I I was supposed to pay, before you stole it!” "OH that's it!” Derpy steamed, shooting up from behind the rock. “I will muff-martial you for insube... insubo... for being a jerkyface! “Derpy, calm down!” Ivory demanded from behind the stage. Derpy stopped in her track, halfway about to jump Cloudchaser. She closed her eyes and took five deep breaths. When she opened them again, she was back in character... or her version of it, anyway. “Hupp-hepp, Private! We cannot let anything distract us from the mission at hoof...” she exclaimed towards Cloudchaser, who looked less than amused. “What mission?” she asked sarcastically. “TO CONQUER THE WORLD!” “Conquer?” Cloudchaser asked, raising an eyebrow. “We'll bring forth the new muffin utopia, and then all will bow before me!” Derpy laughed with megalomaniac glee, only to once again hide behind the cloud as yet another crack of thunder produced by the cutie mark crusaders rang out. Cloud chaser sighed deeply and kept trotting on the treadmill until the scene ended. Lyra and Vinyl were walking on the same treadmill as before, but this time the background had been hastily changed to resemble a small grove with trees and rocks. These props were mostly made of cheap wood and had nails sticking out of them at various angles. As with most of the backgrounds used, these gave the impression of somepony working really hard with a lot of inspiration and very little actual skill. Lyra ignored the scenery and simply looked straight on with a bored expression but Vinyl was shifting about nervously, pestering her with questions. “Are we there yet?” she asked, sounding uncannily like a small colt in his daddy's wagon. “No.” “How long have we’ve been walking?” “You mean how long have I been walking with you on my back?” Lyra asked, turning her head to face the flashy unicorn perched behind her shoulder-blades. “Hey, my wagon is at the shop to get a slick new paint-job and some hydraulics, and besides, I can’t walk to a new gig with all my gear.” With that she produced two turntables from her own saddlebags. Lyra groaned, not realizing until now where the extra weight had come from. “You didn't really have to bring your turntables.” “Of course I had. What if we meet any enemies that wants to challenge us to a rap-off?” Lyra raised a questioning eyebrow when the possibility of Vinyl being serious crossed her mind. “Is that... likely to happen?” “It's likelier than you think. I better practice: My name is MC Platinum, and that's how my records sell, got a kick-ass facial horn that'll put you under a spell...” “Vinyl!” The mayor scolded from backstage, “There are no rap battles in the script either!” Vinyl’s fanclub booed, but most of the audience were relieved at this interruption. The treadmill really didn't do nice things to Berry Punch's already grumbling stomach, forcing her to leave the stage briefly to taste her dinner a second time, much to the crowd’s disgust. Mrs. Cake smiled motherly at her as she returned. “Are you feeling better now, Berry?” she asked softly “I didn't know that many carrots could fit into one pony,” she replied with a hoarse, sick voice. “So how did the meeting go?” “Uhm, we're already past that scene, dear.” Berry tilted her head and tried to make both images of Mrs. Cake merge into one. “Then what are we doing now?” “We're trying to find a new land for our tribe, and I'm leading us in what is definitely the right direction,” Mrs cake said, trying to nudge Berry towards following the script. “Well, carry on then.” “Uhm, Be- I mean, Smart Cookie. Aren't you supposed to notice something?” Berry put her tongue to the corner of her mouth and studied Mrs. Cake intently. “Oh, is that a new haircut?” Berry said. “You look pretty!” “Thanks!” Mrs. Cake said and shone up. “No! I mean, about how we're walking.” Berry just stared dumbly at Cup Cake. “We're walking in circles!” Mrs. Cake exclaimed. Berry still looked at her dumbly, blinking a few times. “... this is a sobriety test, isn't it?” Mrs Cake closed her eyes and let out a disappointed sigh. “Yes, I guess that being able to read a script counts as a sobriety test.” Again Berry looked incredibly confused and stared right trough Mrs. Cake. “We have a script?” Another sigh from Mrs. Cake, she was way too nice to say anything beyond one or two good-natured comments. She paused and inhaled deeply, making another desperate effort to stick to the script. “Anyway, don't you think I'm reading the map wrong?” she nudged, holding to prop up to her face. “Well ,of course, lemme look at this!” Berry Punch said, finding herself quickly. She grabbed the map, took out a pen and made a mark on the paper. “There, do you see the X? That's where all the gold is.” “That's... not what the play is about,” Mrs. Cake complained weakly, but Berry Punch had already gone off the rails. “Arr mateys! Shiver me timbers, ye'll never get me gold, Captain Puddinghead!” At this point, Mrs. Cake decided to give up and just play along. “Curse you Gin Hogger!” she said in a painfully fake raspy voice. “You saw trough my clever plan, now we duel!” Berry Punch signaled for swords and a very confused Applebloom appeared on stage and gave out one prop sword to each pseudo-pirate. “What the hay are they doing?” she asked Sweetie Belle as she returned backstage. “This isn’t at all how I remember the play.” Sweetie Belle merely looked confusedly at her friend and shrugged. “Haven't you heard of improv?” Scootaloo remarked. “Yes, but not in a Hearth’s Warming Eve pageant.” “En garde!” Berry said, drunkenly swinging the sword around. “En Garde!” Mrs. Cake said in return. The mayor saw both ponies getting ready to destroy the play further and rushed out from behind the curtains. “Cup Cake, what are you doing?” she yelled. Mrs. Cake just turned around and smiled gently. “I figured, we're not going to get this play back on track anytime soon, might as well just go along with it.” The mayor made a noise from the back of her throat and tossed her hooves up into the air. “Fine! Put a pirate sword fight in a morality play about love and tolerance! See if I care!” she grumbled as she once again walked backstage. The two pirate started to cling their wooden swords together as the curtain fell. When the curtain rose again, Ivory stood alone on the scene which had been outfitted with cardboard cutouts of trees and patches of flower. The rough but idyllic mise-en-scene looked very much like a three dimensional version of a children's crayon drawing. “And so, each actor- I mean, leader encountered obstacles along the way, but eventually, they all arrived in a new and wondrous land,” she narrated. “Nopony had ever seen paradise before.” Derpy and Cloudchaser appeared on set from the right side of the stage. Derpy gazed joyfully at the scene and started to skip about. “This is it!” she exclaimed. “The new land we've been searching for!” Cloudchaser didn't look nearly as happy, but reluctantly followed in her hoofsteps. ”... and to think,” she filled in. “In the future they'll make a crappy play about us.” Derpy produced a tattered grey flag with a light yellow streak running trough the middle. As it unfolded, she placed it in between two planks on the set floor. “I proclaim this new land to be... Bubbleopolis!” “Really? I thought you where gonna go with Muffinville.” “I DO have interests other than muffins, y'know!” “How about ‘Muffdiver-ville’ then?” the white-haired pegasus suggested with a dirty grin, but Derpy either chose to ignore the comment or didn’t understand the euphemism. The two pegasi remained in a corner of the stage as the two unicorns entered the scene. Vinyl Scratch squealed with delight as she took in the sight of the paradisaical place. “Look at these awesome mice, and these awesome fields. This is the biggest dance-floor I've ever seen!” She produced a tie-dyed flag in a variety of obnoxious neon colors and planted it on the ground. “In the name of the unicorns, I hereby dub this land Mau5ville!” “Strange name,” Lyra commented. “No it's not. I named it after the first species of animal on this new land, spelled ‘maus’ to make it shorter, and with a five at the end cuz’ it's cool.” Just like Derpy and Cloudchaser, the two ponies remained on stage as the last set of leading actors appeared. “Take a look at this beautiful ground, this will be the perfect place for my future bakery,” Mrs. Cake raved until a noise from behind her interrupted her spiel. “Uhm, Berry, are you feeling all right?” she asked. Berry looked awfully green and her voice sounded broken and forced. “Let me...” she choked out. “Let me borrow your hat for a second.” Mrs. Cake gave her hat over to the inebriated pony and she grabbed it greedily. She leaned over and before Mrs Cake could stop her, she was hurtling what little was left in her stomach into it. “Thank you, you can have it back now.” She hoofed the hat over and Mrs Cake stared at it with a concerned and somewhat disgusted look. Thankfully, Sweetie Belle appeared on stage to take the soiled headgear from her to clean it up. “Thank you, dear!” she whispered to her and then turned towards Berry. “Should I take this as your naming suggestion?” she asked, and tried hard to turn this into a name. “Uhm... Pukesdale?” she offered. Berry Punch stared at her co-star with displeasure. “Mrs. Cake? Are you drunk?” she asked in earnest. “Let's go with Earth instead.” “Yes, earth sounds good,” Mrs. Cake replied, trying hard to keep a straight face. “We found our new home!” all the three leading mares said in unison. There was a silence for a fraction of a second as they exchanged glances. Berry Punch took this opportunity to sneak off-stage. Behind a rack of costumes she found her secret stash of fermented grape juice and she started drinking merrily, forgetting all about her previous sickness. “I was here first, go away!” Derpy demanded from back on stage. “No way, I was here first!” Vinyl Scratch retorted. “Calm down girls,” Mrs. Cake said softly. “Let’s say you both where here first...” Then her smile took on a slightly evil quality. “But I was here EARLIER than first!” “Hey, while you girls are in Mau5ville, you better behave, or I'll call the bouncer on you!” Vinyl Scratch threatened. Lyra looked over at her superior. “Who's that?” she asked, feeling completely lost. “You are, Clover.” Derpy stepped in between them and gazed angrily at Vinyl. “The name is Bubbelopolis!” “Earth!” Mrs Cake corrected. “Muffintown!” Derpy shot back. “Klub Klopspiracy!” Vinyl Scratch offered. “Only it's spelled with a K instead of hard C, cuz’ it looks cooler...” Derpy gave her a steely gaze. “Let's fight about it, you blue-haired, bug-eyed freakshow!” “I knew there were going to be rap battles in this story!” Vinyl Scratch said smugly. “Check this out, my Derpy friend: I'm the MC of this rappin' conspiracy, badass beat poet who's searching for clarity...” A twinkle appeared in Derpy's eye and she interrupted Vinyl's spiel with her own rhymes. “Keep on playing those derpy grooves, but don't try to outmatch Derpy Hooves. For the lyrical power that I wield, perfected on the battlefield are beyond that of any mortal mare. Just sit and stare while I handle this with flair. Got a booty that can crash trough solid wood, on a mailmares salary I still got it good. Raking in million with one album track, eating up praise like a midnight snack. So you better go back to massaging your horn, nothing left here but ridicule and scorn sit there forlorn cuz’ your rhymes are worn wishing that you never where born!” “Uhm, did I do this right?” she asked sheepishly as her confidence faltered. The audience were stomping their hooves in appreciation and steam was practically coming out of Vinyl's ears. “Oh, this has gone too far! Nopony upstages DJ Platinum! Bouncer! Throw this girl out!” “I’m not a bouncer, this isn't a club!” Lyra yelled, losing her patience. “Look, maybe we should all just calm down and actually focus on the-” “AAAAOOOOIIIIIII” “What was that?!” Lyra asked, feeling a strange chill creep down her spine, mirroring the reaction of most of the crowd. “I think it was the wind,” Mrs Cake explained to her. “Or rather Applebloom trying to sound like the wind...” “Well, she’s getting really good at it,” Lyra said and shuddered. At this point, Berry Punch returned from behind the curtain, and she had a distinct wobble in the way she walked. She attempted to turn around to face the arguing ponies, but ended up spinning 360 degrees. “I... hic.. agree with the two cyan ponish” she slurred out, pointing in the rough direction of Lyra. “Thish has gone far enough... I don't even remember what play we where schupposed to perform.” Cloudchaser gave out an annoyed groan. “The Hearth’s Warming Eve's pageant! What did you think we were staging,‘Adventures of the town drunk, the musical’?” Berry blinked twice and tried to focus her gaze. “... Thish ish a musical?” “NO!” The rest of the actors shouted back at her. “I have been at karaoke night with you,” Cloudchaser explained. “You're not allowed within ten miles of a musical!” Derpy turned towards her and shot invisible lighting trough her eyes. “Have you... fraternized with the enemy, private? I'll have you court-martialled for this!” “You betcha!” Berry Punch said with a perverse grin. “You should see her in-” Cloudchaser flailed desperately, trying to interrupt the drunken pony. “No, nothing happened at all, I swear to Celestia!” Cloudchaser noticed that everypony appeared to be staring at her. “Moving on...” she added with an embarrassed blush. Suddenly something cold hit her from behind and she turned around to see Lyra brandishing a snow ball. “Hey what was that for?” “Distraction,” Lyra said, smile a sinister smile. Before Cloudchaser could react, Vinyl Scratch appeared from behind and dumped a hoof-full of snow over her. Cloud chaser turned around to attack, but Mrs. Cake interrupted her. “Hey, you kids behav-” It was already too late, Cloudchaser had launched a snowball and it hit the kind baker right in the face. “Oh that's it!” she said and scraped together a hoofful of snow. But before she finished shaping it into a ball, she realized something. “Wait where did the snow come from?” Lyra groaned as the realization dawned upon her. “Oh no, we're at that point in the story, aren't we?” Lyra said. From behind the stage the cutie mark crusaders admired their handiwork. “Where did you get the snow?” Applebloom asked Scootaloo. “That was a nice touch!” “I didn’t do anything,” the earthbound pegasus admitted. “I just opened a window and I saw a whole pile of new snow, ripe for the taking!” “That’s strange,” Applebloom replied, looking puzzled. “It hadn’t snowed yet when we started the play; the weather team was late! You think they could’ve fixed it during the play?” Something dawned in the eyes of Sweetie Belle, her pupils shrank noticeably as she analyzed the implication of her thought. “What is it, Sweetie Belle?” Applebloom asked. “Look!” Sweetie Belle said and pointed out to the audience. The other two ponies didn’t really know what to look for and just started out with confused expressions. “The entire weather team is right here!” she explained. “They can’t have done it.” Sweetie Belle fell silent, it was obvious from the look of her friends that they too had realized the implications. In the distance, they could hear a sharp, hollow howl. “AAOOOOIIIII!” Chills crept down the spine of each of the three crusaders. This noise had very little in common with Applebloom’s shrill yodeling yowl.