//------------------------------//
// Chapter 4 - Getting High at Canterlot High 
// Story: That time my OC got turned into a waifu 
// by Leondude 
//------------------------------//

Lion sat at the proverbial edge of his seat, listening to the deal Sally was offering him.

"Now, if you get just one small peck on the lips, no tongue necessary, before the full moon," Sally explained, "I will allow you passage back into Equestria. And not only that, but I will throw in something to turn you back into the handsome stallion you once were."

"While the thought of what I would look like as a mare intrigues me, I personally would like my beard back. As well as my sexy baritone."

Sally leaned in even closer, once more invading Lion's personal space. Lion thought, if the sea witch came any closer to the point of smothering him with her mammaries, he was going to spew.

"Have we got a deal?" Sally asked Lion.

"I dunno," Lion replied. "Sounds like it benefits me way more than it does you. What's the catch?"

"Well, there is one small catch. While I love playing matchmaker, who doesn't?"

"I don't," Lion butted in.

"There is one little thing I want and that is my good looks back," Sally continued. "And since your current form is so beautiful...."

Sally chuckled as a look of horror spread across Lion's face.

"No!" Lion shouted as he got up. "No! I am not having you bodyjack me just on the off-chance I fail that stupid deal!"

"Oh, you are so presumptuous," Sally said playfully. " I never said anything about stealing your body." Sally got up and eyed Lion's extremely tight arse. "Although I won't deny it would be nice to traipse around in it in its current condition." 

Sally raised a hand and spanked Lion, which emitted a whimper of surprise from Lion.

"I'm merely going to take away your good looks," Sally explained. "You know, so I can restore myself to my true natural beauty."

"Oh," Lion said, "well, that's even worse."

"True. But it would be worth it if you can get your girl, as well as go home, of course." Sally summoned a scroll and unveiled it to reveal a contract. "Just sign here, here, and here," Sally said while pointing at the relevant places on the scroll.

Sally conjured up a pen and handed it to Lion.

"I trust you know how to put those fingers to work," Sally said.

Lion tried to grab onto the pen, only for it to slip out of his hands and fall into the ocean.

"Way to go, butterfingers," Sally deadpanned. "You know, it's honestly amazing that you can start up a boat motor, throw a flare gun to a bunch of sailors and even throw an obscene gesture their way and yet you can't sign a bloody contract."

"You know, the whole 'waifu' thing is a lot harder than it looks," Lion said defensively.

"Well, if you still had your stallionhood, that would definitely be the case," Sally said with a chuckle.

Sally conjured up another pen and put it in Lion's mouth. While Lion doesn't use his mouth as much as everypony else, except for talking, but even then not as much as everypony else, he managed to use it to messily sign his name onto the contract. His mouthwriting proved to be even worse than his magicwriting, which is impressive since his magicwriting was pretty bad in that the letters were larger than how most normal ponies write and wasn't even in cursive.

"There," Lion said with the pen still in his mouth. "Now what?"

"Have a nice day," Sally said affably.

Once again, everything got sucked up into a dark vortex. Recognizing the situation, Lion knew what was going to happen next.





Lion jolted awake on grassy ground. He put his hand to his head in an attempt to alleviate his now splitting headache.

"Oh man, that was a weird trip," Lion said to himself.

As Lion pulled his hand away, he realized it had not turned back into a hoof yet, much to his annoyance.

"Nope. Still actually happened," Lion said matter-of-factly.

Lion slowly got up and observed his surroundings. There were rows of houses that he presumed were made of brick and a long black road. If Lion didn't know any better, he would have presumed he somehow teleported to Manehatten. As she walked forward, she encountered a green waifu with red dreadlocks and violet eyes. She was wearing a flowery hat and a dressing gown that matched her eyes. It reminded him of a pony whose brother just so happened to be his dealer, Geronimo.

"Radical to meet you, martian lady," the green waifu said to Lion.

"Huh?" Lion asked in response.

"Your aura. It just feels so alien, dude."

"How do you know my last name?"

"Wait. Your name is Dude?"

"Lion Dude, to be precise."

"Nice. I'm Tree Hugger."

Lion widened his eyes with the realization that the waifu before him is this world's equivalent of Geronimo's sister. Tree Hugger tucked her hand into one of her pockets and pulled out a blunt. Lion stared at the blunt the same way a dog would to a strand of cheese or a piece of chocolate. 

"You seem really cool, dude," Tree Hugger said. "Wanna toke?"





Lion and Tree Hugger sat behind the school enjoying their respective joints. They stared absent-mindedly at the clouds, basking in their fluffiness.

"Isn't it weird that there are people who live in the clouds?" Lion asked.

"Yeah, it's pretty radical," Tree Hugger replied. "Do you ever feel like going up into the clouds and, like, rolling around in them? I bet it would feel like the fluffiest mattress ever."

Lion and Tree Hugger laughed at the thought of the both of them rolling around in the clouds stark-naked. At the corner of Tree Hugger's eye, she saw Principal Celestia and Vice Principal Luna walking around the school grounds.

"Oh shit, the fuzz," Tree Hugger said. "I gotta go, dude. Cool meeting you."

Lion giggled at Tree Hugger's utterance of the word "shit". It was such a funny word. It was so funny, he felt like he could make a song out of it. After all, it was an Equestrian tradition to burst into random song and dance numbers.

Shit-titty doo-dee, shit-titty dee-day
Oh my, oh my, I had a shit-titty day

For a second, Lion saw what he thought was Celestia turning her head and looking at him for a second.

"Shit!"

Quick as a flash, he threw away his toke and made a run for it. Unfortunately, while making his escape, he bumped into someone. The clashing of waifus caused Lion to fall flat on his perfectly formed arse and the person he bumped into to drop her books.

"Oh, man," Lion said nervously. "I am so sorry about that. I was in a rush and I didn't see where I was going and...uh...like...I'm uh, I'm new around here so...uh."

Lion got a closer look at the individual he bumped into and noticed that it was the alternate Twilight Sparkle the sea witch told him about. She was even more beautiful in person, with the sunlight shining on the rims of her glasses.

"It's fine," Twilight replied. "I've gotten used to it during my time at Crystal Prep."

Twilight held out a hand and helped Lion Dude up.

"What's your name?" she asked.

"Lion Dude," Lion replied.

Twilight raised an eyebrow at Lion's answer. Being high as a kite and having difficulty reading people even when not high, it took Lion a while to realize that such a masculine name was unfitting for his female form.

"Lion Dude?" Twilight asked.

"Yeah...uh...it's uh like uh," Lion stammered out "Like a nickname! My uh full name is Lioness Dudette."

"Okay?" Twilight replied. "Uh...hello, Lion, my name is-"

"Twilight Sparkle. I know who you are. You hang out with uh...those guys...with the magical rainbow lasers."

Twilight sniffed the air. "Is that cannabis on your breath?"

"No," Lion replied hastily, "I just uh have...really bad breath. It is tradition where I come from to have appalling dental hygiene. How do you even know what cannabis smells like anyway?"

"I experimented with it once," Twilight said. "Thought it might help with my anxiety but it instead made it worse. I suppose that's what happens when you borrow your brother's keys for the evidence room and take a random bag of cannabis out."

"Yeah, I suppose it depends on how your brain works and what type of weed you're taking. Most people are chill AT when using it while others get fits of paranoia and even hallucinate weird shit."

"Yeah, that's kind of true."

Both Lion and Twilight looked around awkwardly.

"Well, I better get to class," Twilight said. "I have history and Doctor Whooves tends to get annoyed with students that are even just a minute late."

"Wait, there's a teacher here that's also a doctor?"

"You'd be surprised how some schoolteachers have doctorates."

"Yeah, you'd think a doctor would be lecturing in a college or a university somewhere rather than waste his time in your average high school."

"Oh trust me, this school isn't average. But at least it isn't as mean as Crystal Prep."

Both Lion and Twilight laughed at the latter's math joke.

"Well, I better get going too," Lion said. "I'll see ya when I see ya."

As Twilight walked away, Lion sighed a breath of relief. While their first meeting was incredibly awkward, he felt like he could very easily seduce her in no time. Unfortunately, his happy thoughts were cut short by one very noticeable spanner in the works:

He was a girl.