//------------------------------// // Medieval AND Futuristic! // Story: Comedic Burst of Funniness // by Lunatic God //------------------------------// An elevator opened, admitting Marine into a room just tall enough for him, which was filled with scientists of all races wearing lab coats, running to and from a variety of high tech looking machines, the only ones of their kind, holed away in the middle of Canterlot mountain, hidden from the public eye. Marine exited the elevator, its doors hissing shut as he slowly stomped through the crowd of ponies. Any caught in his way stumbled to the side, and the ones who saw him coming stepped away with wide eyes. Hesitantly, the director of this project, Heat Breaker, joined his side, clutching a clipboard to his chest with a white hoof. "Celestia said you'd come for this eventually," the unicorn informed him as the door on the opposite wall hissed open, allowing them to enter a spacious room devoid of ponies, brightly lit with a single pedestal in the center, holding a strange crossbow shaped weapon. "So we made an experimental trigger designed for human hands." Heat stopped at the door as Marine approached the weapon, grabbing it carelessly with his left hand and bringing it to him, the pedestal retreating into the floor, before clutching it correctly at the trigger, examining its unique look.   "We studied your armor, and invented a weapon designed to penetrate it, shields and all," Heat explained. "We noted its menacing look, the color of the energy fired, and the shocking similarity to one of the extremely violent and otherworldly games that Princess Luna plays, so we made sure to separate it from that horrid realm and colored it white," he stated, referencing the white painted wood making up most of the weapon and Princess Celestia's cutie mark stamped on the covered end of the crossbow, while the receiver, specifically the groove that would traditionally hold an arrow, and the limbs made of pure gold, designed to absorb the heat created while forming and launching the projectile and safely releasing it into the air, connected to the body with chains instead of traditional rope. "We also designed two separate states for it, each designed for a specific purpose," Heat started. "Currently, it is in what we call the 'Arbalest' state. If you hold down the trigger, the limbs will extend outward three times as they charge, allowing for increasingly powerful and wider shots, made to fire into a group of enemies and literally chop them in half." He winced, remembering the designer's love of the same games as Princess Luna. "If you pull the limbs back and lock them against the body, it will enter the 'Charged Shot' state, allowing you to hold the trigger to produce a powerful projectile that will explode shortly after contact, made to counter highly armored targets." Heat finished, and Marine did as he said, noting the click as the limbs locked against the body. "Go ahead, try out the basic projectile," Heat said, summoning a Usurpation soldier on the other side of the room, who was unarmed and had long blue blades of energy extending from his hands. Marine raised the weapon, leveling it at the alien's chest. He pulled the trigger and a bolt of red energy impacted the alien at the speed of light, emitting a noise similar to a heavy railgun as it fired and the alien exploded into red mist. Heat held back vomit. "A-And now the charged shot," he said, summoning another soldier, this one white with a spot or two of red. Marine held the trigger, listening to the hum of energy from the weapon, then blasted the alien, the weapon making a louder noise as it fired. A brighter bolt of energy impacted the alien, sending it into the wall, and exploding less than a second later, producing a similar result as the first alien. Heat held a hoof over his muzzle, lurching a few times as he fought back vomit, determined to give a good impression to the Marine. "Lastly, the A-Arbalest," he said through his hoof, barely able to watch as he summoned three more aliens, this time with dark green visors and green glowing weapons Marine and his friends had described as a CS-BNG. Marine pulled the limbs out until they were perpendicular to the rest of it, locking it in place with a click. He held the weapon, waited about three seconds as the limbs jerked out, then released it, launching a huge blade of red energy that easily sliced through the three and chopped them in half, making a black scorch mark along the wall behind them. Heat couldn't take anymore, summoning a brown bag and sticking his face into it, vomiting his lunch into it. Marine crouched down, softly scratching behind his ear as he retched, staying with him for a good few minutes before his stomach was totally empty, leaving him to dry heave a couple times before Heat could lean into Marine's hand. "Th-Thank you," Heat murmured, a small smile growing on his muzzle as he closed his eyes and enjoyed the attention. "In a little bit..." Heat started, waiting for a few moments before finishing his thought. "I'll show you to the 'Ripatorium' to practice..." According to Heat Breaker, the Ripatorium resided in Ponyville, under Princess Twilight's eye. Currently, the friendship express had begun to pull out of Canterlot station, chugging along as it accelerated along the tracks towards Ponyville. Marine took up an entire pony sized seat in the passenger car nearest the front of the train, relaxing as he watched the landscape roll by. Pretty soon, after a quick trip to the restroom, Heat Breaker entered the car, trotting towards him. "The ride usually takes a few nights, so..." Heat trailed off, hopping onto Marine's lap and taking a seat on his armored thighs, facing the window, leaning back into him as he relaxed and watched the landscape with him. Soon, Marine's hand closest to Heat's rear came up to rest on the stallion's head, scratching him behind the ears, adorning Heat’s cheeks with a light blush as he melted into the human, feeling the calm waves of pleasure flow through his body. "What exactly is the Ripatorium?" Marine asked. Caught a little off guard, Heat took a moment to respond. "When Twilight’s castle came to be, so did a dark and gloomy dungeon, hidden under the bright crystals," Heat started. "Since Canterlot already had a dungeon with plenty of room for criminals, she saw no need for it, and abandoned it. Recently, you," Heat continued, tapping Marine's thigh with a hoof, "came into the picture, and just as quickly was project 'DOOM' started." He closed his eyes for a moment as he relished Marine's touch before reopening them to continue. "I haven't actually been there myself, but I was informed that it was to be the training grounds for weapons developed to fight the Usur... Usup... Usupart... aliens." Heat informed him, giving up on pronouncing the name of Marine's enemies. "But nopony goes down there unless it's to test an experimental weapon." He finished. "My Ballista is the only one to have made it into the testing stages as of yet, so only we would ever be down there," he explained, before a heavy blush made its way onto his cheeks. "I've also heard your interest in being a pony, so I've made a spell, and uh... i-if you ever wanted to uh, t-test it out, I c-could... set aside some time?" He asked, his cheeks burning as his heart pounded in his chest. Marine didn't respond for a few seconds. "Are you asking me out?" “N-No! Never! I would never, um..." He stuttered, trying to think of an honest response. "Well, uh... um... maybe?" He finally finished, his ears flat against his head as he tensed and fearfully waited for an answer. Marine didn't answer for a longer period of time than before, and Heat feared the worst. "...Perhaps." Marine finally answered. Heat emitted a quiet but cute gasp. "R-Really?" Heat asked, voice barely above a whisper. "Yeah. I think it could be fun." Marine told the pony. Well, it wasn't a no, Heat thought, a small smile on his lips as he relaxed into Marine's touch once again.