Raymond groaned as muffled voices flowed through his sleep deprived head. Sunlight streamed through an open window, annoyingly accurate as it tried to pull him awake through shut eyes. He scrunched his face up as he groped for his blankets, which must’ve fallen off at some point during the night, leaving him cold. His searching hand only found his bare leg and boxer covered groin. Jason had probably stolen them sometime in the night. Again.
He grumbled incoherently to himself, and began rolling over in bed to continue his search for the missing blankets. His alarm hadn’t gone off yet, but it was light outside, so that probably meant he only had some fifteen minutes of sleep left. Five hours of sleep was better than four and a half. Or, three-fourths, he didn’t give a crap, it was too early to be doing math. He rolled to his right a little more, and smacked his head against something hard his groping hands hadn’t found.
Pain shot through his head as he pressed his hand against the spot, cursing. A series of gasps echoed in his room, and with a start, Raymond realized that he wasn’t alone.
“Crap”, he muttered as he turned leftward on his bed, where he attempted to roll off onto the rug only a few inches below. From the small murmurs that had followed his crude language, and the sharp “Shh, he’s waking up,” he figured that his siblings had entered the room. Unsurprising; by now they probably had enough invasion of privacy charges to get a life sentence. Hopefully.
Still, the prospect of another “no cussing” lecture from his mother made him want to personally teach them what a swirly was. He loved his mom and all of that, but she had grown up as a single child, like Raymond’s father. If they had had seven siblings growing up, then he doubted that they would be so hard on his profanity.
Raymond’s muscles groaned in complaint as he attempted to sit up, arms and legs determined to weigh no less than two tons as he stood. Shouldn’t have taken that extra shift, he thought groggily. Sure, the twelve hours of hauling trash at the dump had resulted in a bountiful check, but that extra work would probably hinder his abilities today. Luckily, Chick-fil-A paid by the hour, not by the bushel.
He rubbed his eyes one last time to get the sleep out of them, then opened them.
Two blurry, knee-high figures stood on either side of him. He placed his hand on the wall beside him, before realizing that it wasn’t a wall, but a tall marble column. He scratched his head in confusion. What trick was the demon spawn of his house working on now? It took an embarrassingly long time for him to realize that the column was authentic, and that it wasn’t even his room that he now stood in.
Looking up, the ceiling was really only a couple feet from his short nose, indicating that either he had experienced a major growth spurt, or the room he stood in was very small. It was adorned with bright depictions that Raymond’s sleep deprived brain couldn’t quite process, but that was fine by him. This was obviously another dream of his.
He looked back down at the two figures who flanked him. They had become more recognizable now that the fog in his eyes had cleared up, taking the shape of a small brown something and a slightly smaller lime green something. They stood on four legs, staring directly at him. Looking closer, Raymond realized they were some kind of equine, too short to be horses. Ponies, he decided. They wore armor that looked more like they were for decorative purposes than for practical means. The spears they carried were no better, the tips so dulled out that Raymond deduced that if he were to throw himself on it, he would come away with a mild bruise.
With the pesky stream of sunlight that was still demanding he woke up all the way, he was able to see that behind these guards, there were small steps. Tracing those steps with his eyes, he soon found himself staring straight into a pair of violet eyes. This one was different from the others.
For one, he could immediately tell that she was a female. Something her face structure, and the way her hair was laid out, gave off the impression that she was feminine. She also seemed to be a different variant of pony than the other two, a unicorn with a wings. Alicorn, if his memory of eighth grade Greek mythology served correct.
She also seemed to be their… empress? It was hard to tell exactly what she was, but easy to see that she was their leader. She sat straight backed on a throne that was adorned with a large purple star at the top, five smaller white stars forming a half circle around their larger cousin. A crown parted her violet mane, splitting it right where a hot pink highlight sprouted. It was golden and three pronged, the same purple star as before dead in the center.
Looking and the rest of her bodice- he decided it wasn’t weird because this was just another dream- she was purple. Or plum, Raymond really didn’t know enough colors to specify. Her flank bore the same mark as her throne, which really made him start questioning whether she was more deity than dictator. However, despite her imperious visage, she looked more than a little nervous.
Fine by him, he needed to find a way to get out of here. It was nice and all that this dream was more realistic, but most dreams like this ended in his death, one way or another. In the realm of dreams, Raymond thought he could relate a lot to Kenny sometimes.
Turning around, he found himself faced with two more guards. One was shorter and leaner than the other, which Raymond attributed to her being feminine. She was peach colored, her male companion a gray unicorn. Both also had spears attached to a little holster on the side.
Oh, so it's that kind of dream, he mused, mentally preparing himself for some kind of fight. A sudden *Ahem* from behind him made him turn his back on the too-cute-to-be-intimidating guards. He once again found himself making eye contact with the nervous pony in front of him.
After an awkward moment of silence from the two, the purple pony cleared her throat. “My name is Twilight Sparkle,” she said,” Princess of Friendship, Ruler of Equestria, and bearer of-”
“Yeah, that’s great and all sweetheart,” Raymond interrupted, already bored of the creations of his mind and impatient to just get on with it. If he was lucky, he could be done with this dream in a matter of a few minutes, leaving him with time to fall back asleep. “Could you just tell me where I am so we could get on with this.”
The alicorn looked taken aback for a moment before saying, "Well alright then. You’re in Equestria.”
“Nice,” he said, turning back to the guards behind him. Beyond them, an incredibly long hallway with a lower ceiling than the room he was in stretched out like a cathedral. There were colored windows that he couldn’t quite see due to the fact that there were marble columns flanking them. However, thanks to the muddled depictions that the sun wrought on the right side of the hallway, he guessed it was sometime in the morning.
He went to take a step, when Twilight’s voice suddenly called out, ”What are you doing? You can’t leave!”
Her voice wasn’t commanding though, moreso urgent and panicked. Apparently she didn’t like the prospect of him leaving. Raymond didn't know whether to take that as a comforting sign, or a warning. Slowly, he turned back to her.
“And why is that?”
“Well...” the pony was looking down now, anxiety forming a crease in her brow. The guards bore silent witness to all of this, though Raymond didn’t miss the way they kept eyeing him.
“Look, I’m not really even sure why I’m talking to you. I have no idea what kind of crazy sleep deprived dream I stumbled into, but I think I'm gonna wake up now.”
“You can’t wake up from this.” Twilight almost seemed guilty by saying that, like she was confessing something to him. He narrowed his eyes at her, but she wouldn’t meet his. Something about the way she kept fidgeting put him off. And, like a bomb had been dropped in his mind, the realism suddenly made sense.
“This isn’t a dream, is it,” Raymond asked, dreading the answer. “I mean, that’s why the column hurt. That’s why this is all so real.”
Twilight nodded. Raymond felt himself growing frantic. This wasn’t real. It couldn’t be. He had to still be back on Earth, right? Back on Earth… Relief flooded him as he realized what was going on. But deep down, he knew the relief was hollow. Still, he had to at least give it a shot.
“I’m comatose, completely unconscious,” he said, more to himself than any one in particular. “My brain’s making up excuses for the weird stuff going on in real life. I’m probably just lying in a hospital bed right now, family gathered around me, doctors telling them I’ll be awake any time now.”
Twilight muttered a small, shy “No”, head downturned in shame. Raymond began to panic again, his brain racing for logical excuses to whatever the heck was going on. He began pacing the circular chamber, hand running his hand through his hair, eyes now to the floor.
“I know,” he said, his voice sounding slightly unhinged. “I’ve gone schizophrenic like Mags, and am having an attack. I’m talking to myself, accidently hurting myself and coming up with excuses to keep up the illusion. Mags says that sometimes she realizes she’s having an episode, so that must be what’s going on right now.”
Panting, he glanced at the alicorn for confirmation, but didn’t receive it. He felt his jaw beginning to quiver as dozens of unrealistic possibilities ricocheted inside his skull. Apprehension and manic desire for the impossible concept that this “Twilight Sparkle” was pushing as real to be proven false filled his chest, making it feel like it was trying to detach itself from Raymond’s body. The air seemed to be going thin, the oxygen pulled from it, suffocating him as he tried to breath.
“What are you saying then, Princess,” he finally was able to ask. He had attempted to say it calmly, but it came out as cold and unhinged, echoing slightly in the chamber. The alicorn somehow was able to duck her head further in embarrassment, pushing back against her throne, into a position not unsimilar to a dog being scolded. Her tail tucked around her front, displaying the same color scheme as her... he guessed mane was the proper thing to call it.
“I, um, I guess that I’m suggesting, I mean saying, that th-this is… real?” Her answer came out as a question, as if testing to see what Raymond’s reaction to such a proposition was.
“And how is that.”
“I- um, well I, brought you here.”
A sort of calmness settled over Raymond. So she had accidentally brought him here, to this Equestria. It actually kinda made sense now that he took a deep breath and thought about it. Twilight seemed to be genuinely embarrassed about his being here, and he guessed that could be attributed to an experiment gone wrong of some sorts. He let the breath out, letting the motion flow into a comforting smile as he looked back at the humiliated purple pony.
“It’s all right,” he told her.” I think I finally understand what’s going on here.” Twilight looked up at him in confusion, a frown on her face. “You were just messing around with some magic or other pony crap and happened to teleport me from my home. All you have to do is simply reverse the spell and *BAM*, I’ll be back in Pittsburg. And don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone about this. Prob’ly just get sent to some mental facility if I did.”
The alicorn only cringed at his words, chewing her lip frantically. “I didn’t bring you here on accident Raymond,” she muttered. A chill passed through Raymond’s body. He’d never told her his name. What in the heavens above was going on here? He shuffled a little, anger rising once again.
“Well, if this wasn’t accidental, congratulations on completing your experiment. You’ve successfully transported- gah, teleported- a human from Earth to this place. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to go back home now. I still have a life there to attend to, and sleep is a major part of it.”
“You can’t go back,” she whispered, quietly enough that Raymond could barely hear it.
“What?” The single question echoed in the room, filling the room with the same tension that he felt building up in his chest. It was a culmination of anger and confusion, curling up over his heart and preparing to lash out like a snake. Indeed, some of the current thoughts that were running circles in Raymond’s mind held the same deadly toxicity as a snake's venom. “Why not? You brought me here, so why can't you just put me back where I’m supposed to be?”
The guards, sensing the building tension in Raymond, had begun closing a circle around him. A slight clinking from behind told him that the two guards ponies at his backside had completed the encirclement. This effectively cut him off from both an exit and the Princess.
The pony now dared to look him in his narrowed eyes as she said, ”Because where you’re supposed to be doesn’t exist anymore.”
In that moment, Raymond understood why the guards had stepped directly in front of their mistress. He felt his confusion and anger spike, and for a second, Raymond felt like reaching out and wringing her neck whilst demanding what she meant. Instead, taking a deep breath to once again calm himself, he asked, ”What do you mean?”
The voice that asked the question didn’t seem to be Raymond’s. No, it was so cold, so callous, so enraged, that it made Raymond himself shiver. Is this what really happened when he got mad? The voice also gave the distinctive ring of unhingement, and he could definitely feel that familiar emotion taking on him. Twilight had looked down when he had asked the question, and refused to meet his eyes as she began to answer.
“Your dimension, or reality, can’t be reached on this plane of existence. Not anymore, at least,” she began to hasten her speech, as if worried Raymond would interrupt. “When I pulled you off of Earth, I affected the balance between the two realms’ timelines. In order to compensate, it erased you from existence in your home, and anypony from this dimension’s ability to even contact your dimension.
“It’s like if you were to have a ball tied to your hoof. Your hoof- er, hand- is the universe you’re in, and the ball is another universe, with the string tied around your hand the gateway between the two. You stop the spinning of the ball to hold it for a moment, but have to cut the string to do so. When you're done holding the ball and releasing it back into its swing, it rolls away from you, and you can’t control it anymore because the string’s been cut.”
She paused, then glanced up at Raymond as she finished her explanation, a small smile that seemed more like a cringe. He simply stared back, not really sure what to make of the pony and her explanation. Slowly, he felt something building in his stomach. It writhed, sliding up his neck and tickling the back of his throat in a strange manner.
Before he could quite comprehend what it was exactly, it slipped out of the corner of his lips in the form of a chuckle. Soon, that chuckling evolved into unhinged laughter. His sides began to cramp and his eyes teared up, but neither from mirth or sadness. The laughter became hysteric as his voice pitched an octave higher than it should have been. The change in voice only made him laugh harder, the noise echoing off the confines of the throne room and into the hall behind. He found this funnier than the pitching of his voice, and laughed so hard his cramps began to pain him. The three figures in front of him shared disturbed glances with one another as his voice pitched higher, before becoming ragged wheezing.
“Um, did you break him, Your Majesty,” one of the masculine guards said, his deep, hesitant voice interrupting the unsteady series of wheezes that were still echoing in the chamber.
“WHAT THE HELL”, Raymond yelled, breaking off his manic laughter and interrupting twilight’s answer. “YOU’VE KIDNAPPED ME FROM MY OWN HOME, TAKEN ME AWAY FROM MY LIFE, MY FAMILY. DAMN YOU, YOU’VE SENTENCED THEM TO DEATH, YOU KNOW THAT!?!”
As quickly as he could- he was slightly dizzy from the laughing and yelling- he turned and ran for the hall. The guards ponies behind them held up their spears in an attempt to stop him, but Raymond would have none of that. He reached out, grabbing the spears shaft just under the head, and lifted them off the ground. They were rather heavy, even the smaller one, due to their armor and equine structure, but years of work at the dump, not to mention wrangling seven younger “siblings”, had left him with large, lean biceps. He tossed the two back into their comrades, causing all four to go to the ground. Looking over his shoulder, he spun a full 360 degrees, snapping a crescent kick that hit all four, knocking them out cold.
Twilight gave a cry as he turned back to the hall. About thirty meters away lay the doors that surely led out of the throne room. As he ran through the hall, he glanced out of one of the stained glass windows. From beyond it, he could see that the sun wasn’t rising as had thought. Rather, it peeked out from behind a mountain that he realized the building he was in must be attached to. In the distance, he could see that there was forest, and a clearing holding a small assembly of barely discernible buildings.
“Okay,” Twilight said from behind, her voice betraying her panic. “You're obviously very upset about this whole thing, so how about I give you some time to think about it. Sounds good?” Raymond ignored her. He was so close… “Good!”
Raymond suddenly felt himself stop mid stride as a strange sparkly aura surrounded his body. He desperately tried to fight through the field, but it seemed to be made from elastic because every time he pushed against it, he was snapped back into place. In his core, he felt something tug on him, and with that, his vision faded as he was whisked away from the strange hall.