The Name of Our Mistakes

by ObabScribbler


14. Apathy

Clover wasn’t used to eating in gigantic rooms anymore. Before there was an Equestria, when the land of ponies was just a collection of settlements fending off enemies by themselves and trying to scratch out a living, he had spent his youth accompanying his mentor on spell gathering quests and he had more often dined by campfire light, or cropped grass by the side of whatever dirt path they were walking. When the allure of that life dwindled he had accepted an offer from Princess Platinum to be her royal mage, much to Starswirl’s disapproval.

“Soft living breeds soft mindedness, my student,” he had warned. “Be sure that thy studies do not suffer for thy obedience to the princess’s whims and fancies. I would be much chagrined to find my protégé a mere lapdog whenever I next pass this way.”

Clover had dismissed Starswirl’s warning as nothing more than the grumpy cautions of a pony so old he was too stuck in his ways to see anything but his own way as the right way. Clover had enjoyed eating sumptuous meals in even more sumptuous settings at first, and being at Princess Platinum’s beck and call had seemed a small price to pay for a study to keep his books and regular mealtimes. Yet to his surprise he had not taken to a life of luxury after that initial flush of pleasure. His hooves became itchy, his gaze went to the horizon and his mind wondered what lay beyond it and what there was to learn there. Following the founding of Equestria, he had taken his leave of Platinum and the unicorns who went south with her, instead striking out on his own spell gathering quest, which had left him with an acute appreciation for family kitchens and big meals in small rooms.

Sitting at the dining table in the Great Hall of Castle Everfree made him feel lonely and, though he didn’t like to admit it, vulnerable.

Something was different about Everfree since he had seen it last. There was more tension in the air. He had felt it when he first walked over the drawbridge and it had only intensified when he met with Princess Celestia. She was as beautiful as the day he had first seen her and held herself with the same imposing grace, but her eyes were sadder than he remembered. The loss of the Elements of Harmony had hit her hard and he imagined giving way to so many things on the treaty with Gryphona had not lightened her worries. He recalled Starswirl’s words the day the two alicorns had appeared with their magic jewels and driven back the invading griffins that had threatened to end Equestria before it truly began, and how the founding ponies had agreed to make them rulers and protectors of the country they had created.

“Theirs is not a task for which I would wish,” Starswirl had said. “The weight of a crown be heavier than mere metal. I do wonder whether these two comprehend the true burden of what they do undertake here today.”

Clover wondered too. Yet, to their credit, neither Celestia nor Luna had forsaken their duties, their country or their ponies. Even Princess Platinum only held court four times a week and, though he had grown to like her during his tenure as her mage, Clover didn’t like to think what might have happened had she had a hoof in forming a treaty with someone like King Sanguine.

We might all be on platters or turning on spits in Stalwart right now, he thought.

He had been to the Gryphonan capital in disguise and found the place as grim and uninviting as he had suspected. Stalwart’s year-round snow and ice had made him turn back for Equestria’s warmer climes as fast as his hooves could carry him, without even one bit of griffin magic in his repertoire to show for it.

An earth pony who had tied her mane and tail into braids brought him a thick piece of dark bread. He assumed he was to use this as his trencher – in poorer homes where there was no cutlery ponies typically put food on slabs of bread and ate the bread too afterwards. However, she placed it on a gleaming metal plate and proceeded to bring him several more dishes of food before he stopped her.

“Good mare, I do beseech thee, my stomach may only contain so much food! Prithee, cease thy comings and goings, for I am satisfied with the feast now laid before me.”

The earth pony blinked at him, clutching her serving tray to her chest with one hoof. “If that be thy wish, lord,” she whispered.

“That it be, though I am no lord,” he smiled.

“But … art thou not Clover the Clever, a founding father of Equestria?”

Ah, so that was why she was so nervous around him. Clover nodded, affecting the playful expression he had perfected when dealing with ponies who had only heard his legend and half-believed him a character of myth rather than a pony of flesh and blood like them. “I am he, though still I am no lord. I am as thee, good mare, a pony born and a pony all my life. I seek not to be called ‘lord’, merely ‘Clover’. Wouldst thou give me this wish?”

She nodded like a chicken pecking grain. “I … I will do as thou sayest, um, sir. May I be excused?”

He nodded and sighed as she scuttled away. Well, ‘sir’ was better than ‘lord’, though not by much. He settled down to enjoy his meal, reminding himself of the courtly manners he had learned from Platinum. As he ate, he turned his mind to the conundrum of the Elements of Harmony and began considering and discarded spells to use on the chamber so that he might learn more of their disappearance. He would need to ask Celestia, Luna and the guards who had been there that night, form a comprehensive image in his head of what each had seen, and then use that to guide his magic and see whether all those set to guard the items were entirely truthful. Though he knew Celestia and Luna would both defend their guards’ honour, since they had hoofpicked them and entrusted their own safety to them every day and night, Clover was not above suspecting those same guards of foul play. He had seem much in his travels and knew that even in a country as idyllic as Equestria some ponies’ hearts beat to a darker rhythm. He only hoped he would not discover somepony in King Sanguine’s employ. Such a blow would be agonising for poor Celestia and Luna.

As he munched on a bowl of particularly tender green shoots, the doors to the Great Hall opened. He looked up, expecting Celestia to have finally finished her courtly audiences, but it was Luna who came towards him. He swallowed and quickly rose from his seat, extending a hoof for her to shake. As a founding pony he knew he enjoyed a degree of respect from the princesses not afforded even to the nobility who had chosen to live with them here in Castle Everfree .

Luna looked at his hoof for a moment before shaking it. “Thy presence was much unexpected, Lord Clover.”

Clover rolled his eyes and chuckled. “Prithee, Princess Luna, I care not for the title ‘lord’. I am mere Clover, as I have always been. Upon occasion of pomp and circumstance I may also be Clover the Clever, but I am happier thus.”

She nodded, though her expression didn’t change. He was struck by the differences in her far more than the changes in Celestia. Luna had grown thin, her limbs so spindly he was surprised her muscles were trembling with the effort of keeping her upright. She looked sick, emphasised by the dark circles around her eyes and lank condition of her mane and tail. Hoofmaidens had done their best to give her hair body and shine, but she was not the splendid mare Clover remembered. If Luna now had to take on a platoon of griffins, as she had once done to save Chancellor Puddinghead, he wondered whether she would still be able to do it. Evidently the loss of the Elements of Harmony had affected her even more than her sister. When he met her eyes, however, he didn’t see the same sadness as in Celestia’s. Luna’s stare was blank, not even a hint of emotion anywhere. The back of his neck prickled, though he didn’t show it as she sat beside him and pulled a daffodil off his plate to eat herself.

“I apologise. I was abed when news of thy arrival reached me, else I would have greeted thee sooner. Thy travels have taken thee far and wide?” she asked unemotionally.

“Far enough and wide enough,” Clover replied.

“Beyond Equestria’s borders?”

“Sometimes, though I confess, I do prefer Equestria.”

“Hast thee knowledge of Gryphona, the frozen north and the Dragon Lands?” Luna named their nearest neighbours.

“Some, though the frozen north remains unknown to me. My mentor hath made the journey hence, should thou wish to learn of it.”

“Ah, yes, Starswirl the Bearded,” said Luna with a nod. “I presume thy youth and experiences hath rendered thee his superior in knowledge and learning now.”

Clover choked on his mouthful. When he swallowed it he laughed out loud. “Me, surpass Master Starswirl? Princess Luna, thy jest be amusing in the extreme! My skills be formidable but remain no match for his.”

Luna didn’t laugh with him. Her silence eventually caused his own laughter to evaporate and he fell back to eating in silence. She took a leaf of lettuce from his plate and nibbled it daintily, examining it between bites.

“Princess Luna, knowest thou of my purpose hither?” Clover finally asked. He found it strange that she had not mentioned the Elements of Harmony, since she had to know that was why he was here.

“I knoweth it,” she replied calmly. “Wilt thou desireth my account of the night in question?”

“Uh, indeed.”

“Then I shall give it unto thee. I presume my dear sister’s account wilt also be required?”

“Indeed. Also those of thy guards and hers.”

Luna’s ears flicked back for a moment. “Wherefore?”

Clover blinked at her. Why? “So that I may understand the true nature of what occurred when this heinous act was committed.”

“And thy thought is that my guards have some part in it?” For the first time, actual emotion crept into Luna’s voice, though her eyes remained impassive.

“That was not my allegation, Princess. Neither thy guards nor thy sister’s are suspect in this act. I merely wish to put myself in their place and may do so only with their words in my mind.”

Luna’s ears flicked back again. Even though it was only momentary, it made Clover wonder. She stood and gave him a cursory bow. “I take my leave of thee, Clover the Clever. Thy counsel in this matter shalt be much of value and I thank thee for thy time and interest.”

“The Elements of Harmony art worth both my time and my interest, Princess Luna. Thy well-being also.”

She paused. “My well-being?”

“I am not blind, Princess. Thou art not as I remember thee. The loss of thy Elements hath affected this much and I do promise to restore them to thee so that thy gleam and lustre be also restored.”

She said nothing for several seconds. “Be these changes in me … very obvious?”

“Thou art still beautiful, Princess,” Clover assured her. Princess or commoner, mares still cared about what they looked like, he had found. “But thy thoughts must weigh heavily on thee. Prithee, if thou knowest more than thou hath voiced before, I beseech thee tell me and I shall do all in my power to set them right.” If she was protecting one of her guards for some reason, or knew more than she had told her sister and the worry had done this to her –

“I will set my account in writing for thee,” Luna said sharply. “That thou mayest consult it even when my own presence be not with thee. Good day to thee, Clover the Clever.”

“Good day to thee, Princess Luna,” Clover said, but before he had finished she was already walking away.