Pinkie stopped her pink pickup truck at the curb and put the flashers on. She walked into the Dashville Police headquarters. “Hey, I made a citizen’s arrest on four drug dealers that were trying to kill me.”
The desk sergeant blinked.
“They’re Kirin, and they probably came here from Florida. This is my first time doing something like this, so I don’t know how it works. Would you guys like to take them off my hands, or…?”
Yes, the police would.
Autumn Blaze and her three cohorts had been hogtied and gagged in the back of Pinkie’s truck, and a couple of burly officers carried them into holding cells.
In exchange for Captain Planet’s silence about Pinkie, she had agreed to keep quiet about him - and gave him an autograph. Normally, Pinkie wouldn't be inclined to favor someone who had been selling drugs to her sister, but that was a separate issue she was going to take up with Limestone. Plus, Captain Planet had some hemp rope lying around to help with the whole hogtying thing.
Pinkie supervised the transfer of the bound Kirin. All of them still seemed dazed and didn’t struggle. Though, that could have been because of Maud’s expert knotwork.
As Pinkie was peeping through the window in the heavy door that separated the office from the holding cells at the police station, a hand lightly came down on her shoulder. She turned. It was Soft Eyes.
“Hon, we need to talk,” he said. He stepped back. “Go with Detective Whet Stone and I’ll be there in a few minutes.”
Well, Pinkie had figured this was coming. She hadn’t gotten any time to rehearse, so this was going to be an ad-lib performance.
Sure, she had a lawyer on retainer, but just for business stuff. The law firm probably would not appreciate a call this late in the afternoon from Dashville, Virginia regarding their client’s sudden entry into freelance law enforcement.
Pinkie went with Whet Stone. They got coffee and he led her to an interrogation room, mirrored glass and all. There were no cuffs anywhere in sight, but the table had the fixtures. It was the same room they had talked in before, but Pinkie noticed things like that more this time. She sat down, looking at her hands and squirming a little. She took a breath, flipped the switch, showtime.
“So, tell me how this all began,” said Whet Stone, pencil poised to write in his notebook.
Pinkie laughed and leaned back in her chair. “We could be here for hours, detective.”
“So tell me about today and we’ll expand from there.”
Pinkie pulled out her phone and slid it across the desk to him. Whet Stone looked confused. Pinkie started flipping through posts on her Instagram.
Muffins are my favorite breakfast!
Getting toned! #workingoffthemuffins
Going for a walk!
Hey look at this car I found!
“That doesn’t prove anything,” Whet Stone said, glancing up.
“The alternative is me just telling you. This, at least, is photo evidence.”
“I don’t know if your social media is admissible in a court of law.”
Pinkie met his eyes. “Why would it need to be?”
Whet Stone looked like he hadn’t quite decided how to answer that when the door opened and Soft Eyes came in, holding his notebook in one hand and a disposable cup of coffee in the other. Whet Stone scooted over and Soft Eyes joined him on that side of the table.
“Some of those Kirin are making some very outlandish claims,” Soft Eyes said.
Pinkie laughed. The other two didn’t, and she pulled up short. “Oh, sorry, I thought you were making an icebreaker joke, detective.”
“That doesn’t mean that it isn’t a little funny,” Soft Eyes said, consulting his notebook. “They said you pulled some kind of Jedi mind trick in order to assault them with milk and cookies.”
This time it was Whet Stone’s turn to laugh, but he quickly got himself under control.
“Now that sounds like a party,” said Pinkie.
“Did this come before or after the citizen’s arrest?” Whet Stone asked.
“Assaulting someone who was already in custody sounds…” Pinkie put a hand to her chin “...illegal?”
“Where did this happen?” Soft Eyes asked.
“Where did which happen?”
“The citizen’s arrest.”
“Oh, I promised I wouldn’t say.”
Soft Eyes had been going for his coffee cup, but paused. “Promised who, hon?”
“I promised I wouldn’t say that, either.”
Both of the detectives seemed miffed, but moved on to other questions. Soft Eyes asked, “Why did you also bring us so many suitcases and sleeping bags?”
“Oh, I found where they were bunking.”
“But you can’t tell me where that was?”
“Nope, it would be breaking a Pinkie Promise.”
“What, I fear to ask, is a Pinkie Promise?”
“Oh, it’s too late in the story to explain, detective.”
“What was the original genesis of Kirin gangsters coming here, to Dashville, Virginia of all places, after you?”
“Well, I heard that they had put a fifty million dollar bounty on my head because they thought I snuck into a warehouse full of crystal molly, other drugs, and precursor chemicals, and leveled it with precision implosion demolition.”
Whet Stone chuckled. “Precision demolition? You?”
Soft Eyes did not seem to think it was funny. “What kind of components would go into an explosion like that?”
“Oh, I only got a pyrotechnics license to shoot off fireworks.”
Soft Eyes pondered his notebook for a moment. “We’ve taken statements from several of the Kirin: Autumn Blaze, Femme Flambe, and Buffalo Brushfire. Hmm, all fire-related. What would policing be like if they didn't helpfully name themselves accordingly?”
“Wait, is that your secret!?” Whet Stone burst out.
Soft Eyes turned to Pinkie. “I’m sure there will be many follow-up questions. You aren’t going to leave town, are you?”
“I’m not sure. I’ve been here almost a week and that’s about as long as I’ve been anywhere in years.”
“If it became necessary, we can hold you for up to twenty four hours without charge. At which point, your truck parked out front in a fire zone would definitely be a charge.”
“I mean, not to toot my own horn or anything, but all it would take would be one post from me on the internet and the whole world would know about this - and be on my side. I’m not saying that makes me above you or anything, just that the juice here may not be worth the squeeze. Er, all reference to OJ aside.”
“We’d confiscate your phone,” said Soft Eyes, though it probably sounded hollow to both of them.
Pinkie leaned forward. “Well, would you like to see what would happen if I spent twenty four hours in your prison?”
Soft Eyes took a sip of his coffee. “No.”
Pinkie leaned back and lifted her hands, palms up. “So...community service?”
“You’re not even being charged with anything,” Soft Eyes replied. “And I’d rather just have you out of my town. But if you’re offering...my niece has a birthday party coming up.”
Pinkie parked her truck in the driveway. She went straight for the barn. Her sisters were waiting and the four of them went up to the loft.
“Is it over?” Maud asked.
“For now,” Pinkie replied. “I can’t say whether they’re going to send more gangsters.”
“I think we’ll have a plan in place.” Maud put a hand on Marble’s shoulder, who blushed.
“Speaking of preparing things, I’ve just about got my media contacts convinced to do a feature on Marble’s rock shop and to publish Maud’s thesis. To be clear, that’s two very different magazines.”
“You did?” said Maud, eyebrows lifting.
“Well, I have to support the arts and the sciences somehow and it seemed a lot easier than dropping a few million dollars at Virginia A&M to get a building named after me. I felt like I needed to do something for you girls before I leave town again ahead of any more Kirin.”
Limestone opened her mouth, but Pinkie preempted, “I’m not leaving forever again.”
She raised her hands. “I know, I shouldn’t have stayed away for so long. I’m sorry it was ten years and I really should have done things differently. But I’m back with you girls now. It’s kind of weird how this whole thing happened. If Granny hadn’t gotten one of her old contacts to come out of their retirement in Florida to track me down and tell me what was going on here, I wouldn’t have lost my cool and bombed an organized crime headquarters to stop the major overseas flow of crystal molly into the country.
“Buuut it’s water under the bridge! Limey, don’t say I never did anything for you.”
“You didn’t really do it for me-”
“You mean ‘thank you, Pinkie.’”
Limestone’s jaw tightened, but she dropped her eyes and said, “Thank you, Pinkie.”
There was a moment of hesitation, and then Pinkie moved forward. Limestone seemed surprised, but almost to her own surprise, met Pinkie halfway. Marble and Maud joined in.
As the four of them shared the group hug, Pinkie knew that she and her sisters weren’t out of the woods yet. Every Ponk PK had her day, to twist an old phrase. That day wasn’t today, but she could see things looking up. There was still planning to be done.
Pinkie pulled back. “You know, we should celebrate. Let’s have a party.”