//------------------------------//
// Nevermind 
// Story: Hearts Beat 
// by mushroompone 
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Alright.

Friendship lesson.

What have I learned from dabbling in spying? That it was really hard? That… it was actually hard to get any useful information that way?

Did spies usually do multiple missions? It seemed like they always got what they needed pretty fast in books.

That's… not a friendship lesson.

More of a logistical lesson.

Friendship lesson.

Friendship lesson…

Wow, that sounds funny now.

Uh…

Spying is wrong?

Let's give it a shot:



Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I learned that, if your friends are keeping something from you, it's probably for a good reason. Even if it isn't, you really shouldn't go looking for the thing they're hiding-- it can only make things worse. And finding out things you wish you didn't know sucks. It sucks bad.

But also… ponies shouldn't hide things from you, y'know? So I really have no idea what I was supposed to do in this situation. Isn't it better to just be honest? Even if it's hard?

That's what Applejack would do, anyway.

Do you have any advice? I know I don't normally write to you in the middle of a problem. I usually wait until it's solved. But I could really use your insight, here. I feel like I just keep making things worse.

Let me know what you come up with.

Faithfully yours,

Moonlight Spackle



"Not bad," she said. "But you probably wanna make sure you get your own name right."

Normally I would have jolted, but I mysteriously did not have the energy to do so just now. I lifted a hoof to my lips and realized, with some shock, that I had been monologuing.

I managed to roll my head to the left about an inch and crack one eye open.

"Vinyl?"

She grinned. "Hey, Twilight. That's your name by the way. Seems like you forgot it." She looked tired--little dark circles under her eyes, a kind of sleepy flush in her cheeks--but happy. Happy enough, that is.

I closed my eyes again. "I can't feel my eyebrows…"

"Yeah, that's probably--"

"Or my forehead. Or my ears. Or--" I gasped. "My horn! Did I lose my horn in the accident?"

Vinyl looked like she was trying not to laugh. I have absolutely no idea what she could have possibly found funny about this. "You have a concussion, Twi. They gave you some kinda numbing potion thing." She held up the bottle of blue liquid on my bedside table. "It's the good stuff. I'm surprised you're awake, to be honest."

She put the bottle back down on my bedside table.

My bedside table!

I gasped and tried to push myself up, but it was like my legs were moving through honey.

"Whoa!" Vinyl shot forward to stop me. "What's going on? You gonna boot?"

"My room!" I shouted. 

"What about it?" Vinyl asked, matching the urgency of my tone.

"You're in it!"

Vinyl paused, then sat back down in her chair. "I hope that's okay. I asked you earlier, and you… you said it was."

"I do not remember that, sir," I said.

"Understood." Vinyl nodded. "May I stay in your room, please, sir?"

I thought it over, but mostly my brain was just loud colors and hot words right now. I figured it was probably safe. "You may."

"Ah, what a relief." Vinyl relaxed in her chair, now that it was rightfully hers. "Fluttershy went out to get you some soup a few minutes ago. Are you hungry?"

"Hm." I put a hoof on my stomach and waited patiently for a rumble to tell me I was hungry. Vinyl was somehow confused by this extremely obvious action. "I don't feel a kick."

Vinyl actually did chuckle at this one. "Okay, well, when you do feel a kick, there'll be soup. Sound good?"

"Meh."

"Damn. Harsh, Twi."

I stared up at the ceiling. I felt very floaty-good. Like my brain didn't have to stay in my head anymore. Which was nice, because I think my head was probably tired of my brain by now.

It didn't really matter what stuff happened and in what order. All that mattered is that I was laying here now, and Vinyl was here now, and my brain was on vacation so I could do what I wanted.

Or maybe my brain was in the hospital?

What happens when you have a concussion again?

"Vinyl?" I asked.

"What's up, Twi?"

"I'm sorry I spied on you," I said. "That's not cool, I dunno why I did that. Not cool."

Vinyl chuckled. "You know, I was pretty mad at first, but I think I put you in a weird situation."

"You did!" I agreed. I waved a hoof for emphasis, which Vinyl skillfully dodged. "You-- you wouldn't talk to me. I need to talk things out, you know."

"Oh, I know it."

"Why wouldn't you talk to me, Vinyl?" I asked. "We talk about everything, so why wouldn't you talk about this?"

Vinyl sighed. "I dunno."

"You have to know."

"Well, I don't, okay?"

"But you have to!"

Vinyl put her face in her hooves. "Alright, alright. Let me think."

I looked over at the clock on the wall. I couldn't read it, of course; but have you ever noticed how fun it is to watch clocks? The way they spin around, but at different speeds, at the same time? And how all the clocks in the whole world move the same way? How do they do that? Who figured that out? I should read about clocks sometime.

"I think…"

I turned my head back to Vinyl.

She sighed. "There's no chance you'll remember this, but here goes: I think I was scared that I'd throw away my relationship with Octavia if I talked to you."

I blinked.

"She's… I dunno. Things with us have been weird lately." Vinyl hung her head. "And I didn't talk to you because I was worried I'd talk myself into giving up on her."

I thought that over. But it was hard to think. I figured she was saying something pretty heavy, since she was hanging her head and all.

"Oh," I said.

"You have a lot of influence over me right now, I'll be honest," Vinyl said, shaking her head. She laughed a bit, but it didn't seem like a real laugh.

"I do?"

She nodded. "I dunno what it is. Maybe it's because you're a princess, or because of your magic, or-- I dunno." She hung her head again.

I didn't say anything.

I guess Vinyl was done. Or, at least, she couldn't think of anything else to say. She just sat there in the chair, her body slowly waving back and forth, like she was swaying to music I couldn't hear.

"Do you hear music?" I asked.

Vinyl frowned. "Do you hear music?"

I shook my head, very very slowly. "Why are you dancing?"

"I'm definitely not dancing, Twi." Vinyl's body continued to undulate.

"Well, then, why are you wiggling at me?" I asked. I pointed at the part that was waving.

Vinyl sighed. "I think you'd better get some rest, huh? Why don't I go?" She started to get up from her chair.

"No!" I shouted.

Vinyl stopped where she was.

"I like it when you're here," I said. "Why did you stay?"

Vinyl sat slowly back down in her chair. She was smiling now, but smiling in a sad way. Did you know ponies can do that? They can smile and still be sad?

Vinyl shrugged. "I… I felt bad. I feel like I put you through this with all the… everything."

"Everything?" I repeated. The word sounded funny in my mouth.

"You know, with the speakeasy and game night and the… bookstore…" She looked down at her lap. "I think I made you feel like you were something you're not. And it led to… this." She gestured to my head.

I blinked. Is it just me, or was she using a lot of big words? I had to translate all of them and it was very slow.

"So, I guess I just wanted to say… nevermind."

"Say it."

"No, that's it: nevermind. Just… nevermind all that stuff." Vinyl waved her hoof as if she were wiping it all away. "I'm sorry I treated you like that, okay? It's not cool, especially not when I'm dating somepony else. So just nevermind. Don't worry about it."

"Don't… worry?" I cocked my head.

"Just-- I'm sorry. And you shouldn't have to think about it anymore." Vinyl said. She was sounding more aggravated, now. Like she didn't want to talk about this. "Things were bad with Octavia and I-- I shouldn't have kissed you. That was a stupid thing to do, so I take it back."

Take it back?

You can't take back a kiss.

It's a kiss it's a thing you did. You can't take back a thing you already did.

"But…" I sighed. "Well, but…"

Vinyl shook her head. "Just forget about it, okay? I didn't mean anything by it."

"But it…"

Come on, Twilight!

The words are right there.

Should they even come out? Should I even be thinking those words? What will I do to Vinyl if I say them? What will she do to me?

Will it really make me feel better? Will it make my brain feel less hot and swollen?

"But it was our kiss," I said. "And I meant it."

I wonder if time stopped for Vinyl the way it stopped for me.

For a second, I was so relieved that everything stopped melting and I felt really light. Like my brain had finally finished whirring and just said it already, y'know? It was good. It was a second of bliss.

The next second, though? Yikes. Talk about regret.

I watched Vinyl's face go through this whole range of emotion. First her eyes got wide, which I guess was just shock that I managed to get out a smart sentence like that.

Then her face sort of brightened for a second, like somepony was shining a light right in my face, and I squinted.

Then it half-crumpled, half-melted. She was sad.

"What?" I asked.

"You don't even know what you're saying," Vinyl said. She was shaking her head a lot, I guess to hide the sad from me. "You're all drugged up."

"No, I mean it!" I said.

"No, no," Vinyl said. She stood up, and started gathering her things. "You've got a concussion and you're on crazy pain meds. I shouldn't even be talking to you right now, who knows how you'll remember it."

"But…"

"Fluttershy will be back soon, okay?" Vinyl said. She smiled at me, but in a way I didn't like. Like she felt sorry for me. "Just don't worry about all this. We can talk it over some other time."

"But, Vinyl…"

"Goodbye, Twilight."

Vinyl trotted to the door and closed it behind her.

My brain let out a long sigh of relief and slithered onto the cool floor.

I wanted her to be here. I wanted it so bad. But when she was here… things were bad. She made me feel guilty. Not on purpose. But she did.

But I liked her so much. So much. I had just never felt this way before… was the hurt normal? Was that how real, big, serious crushes felt? Did they hurt like this?

It took everything I had to roll over onto my side.

The potion on my bedside table swirled and tumbled very slowly. There was this sort of glittery ribbon of something milky-white running through it… milky-white with a little yellow undertone… And some sparkly flecks of ruby-red…

I blinked.

Hm.

It seemed green now.

I decided to just close my eyes and let the colors in my head swirl around instead.

Thinking right now was like fighting through the thick underbrush of the jungle. Hard. Hot. Full of bugs, probably. Kinda damp. Making me sweat a bit. Maybe a lot.

Maybe I should go back to sleep.

I wondered idly where Vinyl would go. 

My stomach twisted.

Did she have anywhere to go at all?