//------------------------------// // Chapter 15: Am I any good? // Story: Caught and Punished // by ThePinkedWonder //------------------------------// I couldn’t believe it. My father’s chair was ruined, and because of a spell from Starlight. She didn’t even ask me if she could cast spells on that chair! Despite the blood boiling, losing it would have done no good. So, I would let her try to explain herself, which she was about to do. As I glared at her, Starlight, with a nervous smile, said, “Uh, Sam? I can explain...you see, I...cast a spell on your father's chair.” “Okay, but why?” Starlight's smile turned into a frown and she took a step back. “I-I just wanted to do something to pay you back for all you have done for me, so I...cast a spell to make it three times more comfortable.” “Well, it doesn’t look very comfortable.” I looked at the chair again. Some of the anger left, but it was replaced with hurt. Of all my possessions, not because of what it is, but who used to sit in it all the time, this was my most important one. Some of my strongest memories with my father were doing times when he sat in the chair. Feeling that surge of hurt and anger, I slowly turned my head to Starlight again. “I...*sigh*...I can’t believe this. How could you do this, Starlight? How could you do something to this chair without even asking me?! Thanks to you, it’s ruined!” I couldn’t keep myself from shouting anymore. Starlight’s lips quivered. “I-I didn’t mean to ruin it and I’m sorry, Sam! I’m so sorry!” Tears flowed from her eyes. “I...I only wanted to…*sniff*...I still can’t help anypony without making things worse. I’m no good, no good at all!” “Wait, wha--” I started, but Starlight ran out of the living room and out of the house before I could say more. I had mixed feelings. I wanted to go after Starlight and calm her down; seeing her crying was lowering the anger I felt for her.  Yet when I looked down at my father’s chair and its numerous tears, that anger came back. Call me crazy, but shortly after my father passed, I started feeling his spirit in the chair and it became the spot to go whenever I felt I needed him. And the rips...it felt like they were ripping his soul. I don’t cry often, but it was tough to fight the tears this time. I...I’m sorry dad. I just kept staring at the chair, staying still, until something soft rubbed me on my lower back. It felt too soft to be a hoof, so maybe it was a wing? I figured I’d answer my question by just looking behind me.  It was indeed a wing. Twilight’s wing. She was looking up at me, wearing a frown full of sympathy. I expected her to give some kind of friendship speech which, to be honest, I really didn’t want to hear. Wasn’t in the mood for the corn. However, she surprised me by standing on her hind legs and wrapping her forelegs around me in a hug, her head against my chest. I needed a hug, so I wrapped my arms around her. I was calming down anyway, but feeling Twilight’s soft coat against me helped relax me some more. It further helped that vibes of extra-gentleness were coming from the mare.  If that wasn’t enough, the others all quietly surrounded us and made my hug with Twilight a group hug with all of them. “It will be okay, Sam. I’m going to fix this,” Twilight said in an extra-soft voice. “Fix this?” Twilight lifted her head to look at my face. Her violet eyes had never looked so big. “Yes, but to do it, I would need you to trust me. So, do you?” That was an odd question, but I answered, “Trust you? Yeah, I do. Why shouldn’t I?” “Good.” Right after we all broke our group hug, Twilight faced my father’s chair and her horn glowed. I had no chance to say anything before she fired a beam at it! I thought she said that she was going to “fix” this! “Twilight, what are--” My words stopped when it was clear what her beam did. The rips on the chair were all gone. It was back to how it looked before. “Woah! How did you do that?” Twilight turned her head to me and chuckled. “Sam, did you forget that I’m an alicorn? My magical abilities do have limits, but I can more than handle fixing rips on chairs.” Now I felt silly. I was so upset, I forgot that Twilight could have fixed the chair with her magic. I also felt happy, really happy in fact, making me kneel to hug Twilight again, which she returned. “Thank you so much, Twilight! You have no idea how much this means to me!” “You’re welcome, Sam. What are friends for?” We broke up our hug, but with a little mischievous smile, Twilight surprised me again. She reached for my nose with a hoof and, for the first time, gave me a gentle *boop*. With all the boops I’ve given her, I had this coming to me, and I wonder how long she was waiting for a chance to turn the tables. After we both chuckled from it, I stood up. Rainbow said, “I’m glad your chair is fixed, Sam, but..." Rainbow looked toward the still-open front door. After a moment, she added, "We still have a problem: Starlight.” Spike also looked toward the door. “Oh, yeah. She was really upset.”  Fluttershy asked, “Did you hear her say that she thinks she is ‘no good’?” "Yep, and this isn't good," Pinkie answered. Rarity commented, “I'm afraid I will have to agree, Pinkie. I was angry at her, sure, but I wouldn't go as far as to call her no good. The dear was at least trying to show she cared about us.” “Wait, she did something for all of you too?” I asked. It didn't even cross my mind that Starlight might have tried to "help" the others too. The gang told me what Starlight’s spell did for them. It really made her words that she was “no good” cut into my heart. Not only that, I lashed out at her over something that could have easily been fixed and she was just trying to show she wasn't taking us for granted. She still needs to get over her habit of relying too much on her magic so nothing like this happens again, but when I was yelling at her, I forgot why she even had that habit in the first place. Could she even be thinking that we didn’t want to be friends with her anymore? That I didn’t want to be friends anymore? If that weren't enough, could the confidence she had gained over the next two months be killed now? I facepalmed. I had to go and let Starlight know that we still want to be her friends, ASAP. “What have I done? I gotta go find Starlight.” Twilight said, “We’ll help too.” Applejack said, “Let’s split up and find her before she gets too far.” We all ran out of the house and separated to cover more ground. I wasn’t even thinking of where I should go. I was just running, calling Starlight’s name. Some ponies nearby were watching me, but this time I’m pretty sure it was just because of my running and yelling, since hardly any ponies give me dirty looks now. Maybe I should’ve asked Twilight if she knew some kind of a tracking spell that would help. Then again, if she did, she would have used it already. She seems too smart to just...forget to use spells that can help in messes like this. After a while, I stopped running to catch my breath. This was getting me nowhere. Instead of running blindly, my best hope now was to try to think where Starlight might have gone. There was a field near the edge of Ponyville that she liked flying kites and is one of the places she'd most likely be when she's not home. With that area in mind, I ran to it. Once I got to the fields where Starlight flew kites, I found Starlight lying down on the ground, facing the other way. I couldn’t see her face, but I still knew she had one of the saddest frowns ever: the sniffing I heard from her proved it. The sight of the mountains and trees in the distance was nice, but I couldn’t enjoy it this time.  In one of the gentlest voices I could do, I started, “Starlight? Are you--” “Go away, before I mess something else up. I can't do anything right,” Starlight told me in one of the saddest voices I’ve ever heard. It broke my heart hearing it. I sat down beside her. I couldn’t just leave her here. “Come on, Starlight, I’m not mad at you. I just--” Starlight flung up her head. As I expected, her eyes were full of tears. “But you should be! You loved that chair!” “But it’s--” “‘But’ nothing! I wanted to do something to show I care about you, but instead, I destroyed something that was really important to you! I’m the worst friend ever!” This was getting nowhere, and hearing her talk like this was getting me annoyed. In a raised voice, I countered, “Starlight, it’s fine!” “No, Sam, it is NOT fine!” “Yes, it IS, Starlight Glimmer! Twilight fixed my father’s chair, so it’s good as new now!” The tension and sadness dropped from Starlight’s face, calming me down as well. My words got through. “Oh, right. We could have just asked her to fix it, couldn’t we?” After a moment, Starlight sat up on her haunches. Once she did, I wrapped an arm around and pulled her to me, so we were side by side. “Yeah, and I forgot about that too, or I wouldn’t have yelled at you. So, you see? No harm done, and I bet Twilight could fix the...other stuff that went wrong too.” I reached for Starlight’s muzzle with the hand on my free arm to boop her. She chuckled, but frowned soon afterward. “Sam?” “Yeah?” Starlight looked down, making little circles in the grass with one of her hooves. While still looking away, she asked, “Am I any good?”  What made that question even more puzzling is the way she asked it. It didn’t seem like it was something she just started thinking about, but rather something she’s been thinking about. I gave her mane a quick rub and responded, “Are you any good? Of course you are! Why do you think you’re not?” Starlight lifted her head to me. Her frown wasn’t a sad one, but one you have when you’re conflicted or confused about something. It alone confirmed my theory that she had been thinking she wasn’t any good for a while, or at least she had been wondering about it. “It’s...I’ve done things I’m not proud of. But, something I have been proud of is my magic skills. Once I got the hang of it, magic was one thing I’ve been able to do right. At least…*sigh*...I thought so.” Now I was the one with a confused frown. Starlight’s made...questionable decisions with spells. However, as far as I knew up to this point, this was the first time she’s ever messed up casting one, save for the times she said she struggled with them as a filly. “I don’t get it. I’ve never seen you make errors with them until today, but doing them now doesn’t make you ‘no good’.” Starlight stood to her hooves, gently breaking my hold on her in the process. She took some steps away, then looked up toward the sky, her mane flapping in the breeze. If she were staring at something, I have no idea what it was. “I can cast spells that are so complex, I can be in two places at once for a short time, and I might even be able to learn time travel spells. But, when I use spells to help others, I do anything but help.” Wow. With the time we have spent together, I couldn’t believe how I didn’t even suspect this possibility. Why she may have had doubts about her worth became clearer, even if I didn’t agree. “Okay, you did...mess up with the spell on the chair, and...the one with Rainbow’s wings...and the one with the gems…and--” Sometimes I don’t know when to stop when I start rambling. Starlight spun her head to me and quieted me by shouting, “You see?! And it’s not even just those! I couldn't help when I tried to get ponies to stop giving you, as you said, dirty looks with a spell and..." Starlight leaned her head and whimpered, "Even when I wanted to make ponies never feel alone…I...” I hopped to my feet, walked to Starlight, and got on a knee to hug her. She needed it badly.  “I...just want to make up for the wrongs I did and be a good pony. But when I...” Keeping my hug on her, I rubbed her mane again, hoping it could help comfort her. She still enjoys it almost as much as I do. “Oh. I understand now. You feel that if you can use your magic to help others, it could atone for using it to steal Cutie Marks?” “Yes. But when I do--” I released my hug to look at Starlight in the eyes. They were still watery. “Hey, listen to me. Even if you still make some mistakes with them, it doesn’t make you ‘no good’.” She sighed and looked away. “You’re just saying that.” I cupped Starlight’s cheeks to force her to look at me again. There was no way I was going to let her keep thinking like this. “No, I’m not! Think about it: your parents made you feel like you were nothing and it hurt, right?” “Yeah. So much.” “Now, many in your place would have grown up to be uncaring of others and became cold and bitter. But you didn’t and instead wanted to keep ponies from going through that. You were mad and misguided, but you still kept your good heart, even if it didn’t always show during your...phase.” Starlight raised her eyes up, meaning she was thinking about what I said. Glad to see that she was at least considering I was on to something. “You really think that?” I nodded my head. “Yep, and if you need more proof, look at that collar.” Starlight pointed at her collar. “My collar? How is this any proof?” “Besides maybe one of our friends, how many ponies would have chosen to wear it, just so it might help other ponies not think bad of me? It was even my own fault, but you did it anyway and it was your idea. Not only that, it's been working!” “Maybe, but you have been so great to me, so this is nothing.” “And that is what a good, or even a great pony would say. A truly good pony might not think things like this are a big deal. If you still don’t believe me, did you think that Twilight was a bad friend when she was thinking it?” “Twilight?” Starlight shook her head. “No way! For all she’s done for me, she’s one of the best friends I could ever have! I still don’t understand why she thought...oh.” Starlight set a hoof on her cheek and looked down. It was all I needed to see that she got the point. “You get it?” Starlight moved her hoof off her cheek and looked at me again. “I think so. Still, even if it’s fixed, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you what I did to your father’s chair. I won’t mess around with it again, I promise.” “It’s alright, and I’m sorry I yelled at you. But, maybe it’s a good thing we made up out here and not in our house. If we did, Twilight might have laid on the corn and talked about how we learned a ‘friendship lesson’.” For the first time since I found her out here, Starlight smiled. I’ve always loved them, but there have been very few times when it’s felt this great to see her smile. “Hee hee, that’s funny, but I guess she can’t help it. She is the Princess of Friendship.” With her smile further curling to become a smirk, she added, “Besides, what you just said sounds like something she would have said. Now who is, as you would say, laying on the corn?” Those words had so much irony. I’ve poked fun at Twilight and her at times corny friendship speeches, but I might be just as bad now! Twilight must never learn of this, or she might never let me live it down. “Am I becoming as corny as her?” “Maybe,” Starlight teasingly answered. "Promise to keep it between us?" She gave an even bigger playful smirk. "I'll think about it." After we shared another laugh, my best friend and I stayed and talked for a while. After maybe an hour or two, we elected to go back. During our heart-to-heart talk, I actually forgot that the others were looking for Starlight too. I also forgot that she still needed to apologize to them.