I trotted into the map room of Twilight’s castle, arriving two minutes later than our planned meeting time, which for me was pretty good. “Twilight! So great to see you!“ I exclaimed, flapping across the somewhat cavernous chamber to greet her. "How goes your move back to Canterlot?”
“Stressful," she replied, "but nothing I can’t handle with the help of my friends. Speaking of, there’s actually something I would like you to do for me.”
"Oh," I said, my ears perking up. :"And what might that be, m’lady?"
"OK, actually there are two things I’d like you to do for me; the first is to never say 'm’lady' again."
“I’ll make no such promise. What’s the other thing you’d like me to do?”
“Well, as you know, the My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic show proper has ended. We now chronologically reside in the period of time after S9E25 and the flashback portions of S9E26, but before the time presented as present day in said episode, 'The Last Problem'."
“Huh, usually you’re less acknowledging of your imaginary and serialized nature," I replied.
“Yes, well, you and Pinkie and Discord and to a lesser extent Starlight Glimmer have rubbed off on me. Also, I know like a dozen time travel spells. You better believe I’ve snuck more than a few peeks into the next several hundred billion years.”
“Ooooh," I replied, "you know what’s going to happen in the future! Will Obabscribbler ever do any readings of my stories?"
"Well, I can’t say for certain, given that I only have glimpses here and there of the future so as to not cause more timey-whimey conundrums, but I would say it’s unlikely given that your stories largely suck."
"Oof. Well, you’re not wrong. So, whatcha got for me? What’s my mission?"
"Right, well, as I was saying, as depicted in the final episodes of the show, I am moving back to Canterlot to—with the help of my friends—assume the duties of running Equestria so Celestia and Luna can buck off to Pony Cancun or wherever.”
"Do you have a compulsive need to mention that your friends help you with everything?"
“ Yes. That’s kind of my whole shtick.”
“OK, just wondering.”
"Anyway, with me no longer living in Ponyville, I would like you to be the steward of my Friendship Castle."
"Me?!?," I asked dramatically. “I mean, I’m hugely honored and flattered, but wouldn’t Starlight be the obvious choice, especially since she already lives here?
"Yes, but she has her hooves full now with running the School of Friendship, and also keeping Trixie from getting arrested every other week. Or constantly selling illegal fireworks."
“Yeah, are those two dating?”
"Ask them yourself, after all, is it not one of the central precepts of this story that you are dating all of us?”
"Wow, it is really weird to see you so nonchalant about all this. OK, so Starlight’s busy, but why me of all ponies?"
Twilight smiled, "Well first of all, unlike the human Bryan Chandler Super Trampoline, you still live with your mom, unsurprising given that Ponyville is several orders of magnitude smaller than Southern Coltifornia. I know you drive her crazy, so she won’t at all mind you moving out. And I know you have plenty of time on your hooves because you’re extremely lazy and only work the bare minimum you need to to avoid complete destitution."
"OK, you’re cynical assessment is correct, but wouldn’t you want someone you know, not lazy to be taking care of the castle?"
"Actually, it’s perfect. Being lazy, I know you’re not going to cook up any stupid crazy schemes that will blow the place up while I’m gone. But you also have a strong sense of responsibility and are generally surprisingly trustworthy, so I know you’ll make sure no one else does anything stupid either. On that note, for the love of friendship, do not under ANY circumstances allow the Cutie Mark Crusaders within 200 feet of the building. You and I both know their destructive power." She shuddered just thinking about it.
"Right, well, while it would be a large responsibility, I think it is something I can handle. Am I going to have to do all the cleaning myself though? I hate cleaning."
"I know you do. I’ll set up a janitorial service before I leave and give you a stipend for fixing any problems or maintenance or whatever. Just, you know, keep the receipts for bookkeeping. You don’t have to run the whole place, just make sure that it is running. Believe it or not, I trust you."
"So, that’s that? I’m just going to move into your castle and take care of it now? Just like that?"
"Not exactly. Of course I’m going to give you two weeks of seminars and about 400 pages of notes to read. I don’t expect you to just magically know everything there is to know about running a castle. There isn’t a spell for that unfortunately. Well I mean, there sort of is, but it uses dark magic and is super sketchy."
I laughed. "Well, thank you for believing in me, Twilight. I love you."
"I love you too, Super. I know I give you a hard time, but when you’re not being a lazy selfish poo-head, you’re a pretty cool pony."
And then she kissed me.
Being kissed by Twilight Sparkle is one of my many special talents.