Anon’s Friendship Lessons

by DatZigga


Lesson 2: Visit the Spa with Rarity, Part 2

After an hour of drafting and brainstorming, Spike finally came to Anon’s rescue. Rarity took the practice of brainstorming to a whole other level. She would ask for a second opinion, only to neglect it or she would send out a flurry of new ideas, only to scrap them later, only to revisit them even later. She could never settle on a conceptual design, preferring to keep her options opened to the whims of the wind. So, imagine Anon’s relief when he heard the bell above the door ring as Spike waddles in.

“Hey, Anon!” He called out, Anon already heading down the steps.

“Thank the God Almighty.” Anon remarked, putting a hand to his forehead. “I thought I would never make it out.” Rarity followed behind.

“Oh, hush.” Rarity wore a blue sunhat, tilting it to sit on her head just right. “You’re merely over-exaggerating.”

“I ain't the only one…” Anon mumbled. He picked up Spike and placed him on his shoulder, making sure to duck under the door.

“I will say, it’s awfully kind of you to invite me for a spa visit. I do wonder what is the occasion, if you don’t mind me asking?” Rarity looked over to the two. Anon and Spiked looked at each other for a brief moment, coming to a silent agreement.

“I’ve just been really sore and stressed lately, you know?” Anon lied through his teeth. He nudged Spike with his head.

“Oh, yeah. I recommended Anon to you since you visited the spa so frequently and knew a thing or two about relaxing!” Spike chimed in. The two fist bumped.

“Ah! Then you’ve come to the right pony, Anon.” Rarity promised. “I’ll have you positively glowing by the end of today!” In no time at all, they arrived at the spa.
“Just go on and take a seat over there, sweethearts.” Rarity pointed to a set of chairs. “I’ll make our appointments.” With that Rarity sashayed over to the counter. Anon looked up to the dragon on his shoulder, where he saw a particularly lovestruck reptilian watching the mare.

“Don’t go shooting off a red rocket on me, man.” Anon warned, pulling Spike off his shoulder and sitting him down next to him. Spike, however, still had his eyes glued on the pony. ANon watched him with curiosity. That question from earlier slowly crept back into the forefront of his mind. “Hey, Spike.”

“Yeah?” Spike asked dreamily. Anon gave a sly smile.

“Are you thinking of fucking Rarity?” This managed to snap the little dragon out of his stupor as he blushed a nice crimson. Anon, back in the Forest several months ago, had taught the little dragon a plethora of curse words and their meaning. Spike snapped at Anon, glaring at the smug human.

“A-Anonymous!” He said in a harsh whisper, not wanting to alert anyone in the spa, least of all Rarity. “I-I would never think of Rarity like that.” Anon held a hand to his mouth, failing to stifle his laughter.

“Shit, Spike. You ain’t got nothing to worry about.” Anon assured with a condescending pat on the little dragon’s head. “Even in a technicolor world like this one, boys will be boys. I just didn’t think a dragon would have such tastes.”

“I wasn’t thinking of having an, er, intimate moment with her.” Spike crossed his arms and looked away. “B-but I was thinking about her?” Anon could see the dragon’s tail was stiff as a wood board and couldn’t help but laugh out loud. This grew the curious gazes of all the ponies in the waiting room. Spike, in retaliation, used his tail to jab Anon in the side, hitting him in the kidney. Anon’s amusement was cut short by a brief period of pain.

“Ouch! Bastard.” Anon grunted, rubbing his side as Spike stuck his tongue out and blew a raspberry. “On a more serious note, how would a relationship between you and her even work? Ain’t that taboo or somethin’?”

“Uh, I don’t know.” Spike scratched his cheek. “I never heard about a pony having a dragon for a somepony? But, I wouldn’t rule it out. I’m pretty mature for my age.” Spike bragged. Anon looked down, having come to realization.

“Spike, how old are you?” It dawned on Anon that he wasn’t sure how old of these ponies were, at least in relations to humans. Anon was almost scared to find out, considering those many words he had taught the dragon so long ago. “Actually, don’t answer that. I’m sure you’re very mature for your age. Moving on, what do you even see in Rarity that you don’t in literally any other pony?”
“Well, she’s just gorgeous!” Spike answered quickly, his expression quickly returning to that lovestruck gaze. “Just look at her, Anon! Look at the way her hair bounces, the way the light gets caught in her beautiful blue eyes. Just listen to her soft, yet affirming voice! Not to mention how she is so generous and driven!”

As Spike swooned over the mare, Anon watched and listened as instructed. Rarity had gotten engrossed in conversation with another mare with a blue coat and pink mane. Anon had to admit, there were places in which the mare almost looked womanly in places. The eyeshadow, the eyelashes, the hair, it was all something that was familiar in a very human way. Yet, much to his chagrin, to admit that she was genuinely attractive would say a lot about himself than he would not like to think about right now.

“She’s fine, I’ll give her that much.” Anon waved it off. Spike looked at Anon like he just pissed himself.

“Just fine?” Spike repeated, the word sickly on his tongue. “You must have some weird tastes.”

“Were I not internally debating the ethics of this conversation, I’d show you true beauty.” Anon clapped back. However, their discussion was cut short as Rarity walked back toward the excited duo. They sat, neither able to look at Rarity at the moment.

“Well boys, we have a lovely day ahead of us!” Rarity wore a great big smile, clearly proud of herself. “Hooficures, saunas, mud baths, body massages, the works!”

“Uh,” Anon grimaced. “That’s quite a lot. I thought we were just going to sit in a hot tub and be done with it?” Rarity laughed, waving a hoof.

“Come now, dear. I wouldn’t subject you to something so mundane. I want you to be absolutely glowing by the end of this. Besides,” Rarity looked Anon up and down. Despite his best efforts of washing himself in a tiny shower every few days, one could see that Anon was still rather musky and unkempt. “You could use a fair bit of treatment.” Anon lifted his arm, giving himself a smell before recoiling. He could see where the mare was coming from.

“Aight then.” Anon stood up, subconsciously fixing his clothes. “Lead the way, homegirl.”

“A curious title.” Rarity remarked to herself, leading the boys deeper into the spa. They reached what looked to be a changing room. Anon grumbled, having realized what this means. “You can undress yourself here. Don’t fret, darling. I managed to whip a robe for you before we left out.” She levitated a robe to Anon, relieving him just a little. Still, the idea of stripping down just didn’t sit right. He already felt out of place, his bare human skin and anatomical differences were only gonna make it more pronounced.

He reminded himself that he is among friends and stepped inside, ducking his head to avoid the door frame. In the dressing stall, he stripped down. As he stood in his underwear, he looked at himself in the small, pony sized mirror. He remembered once looking at the mirror and being impressed with himself. Now, he felt oddly self-conscious. He was still lanky and barely had an ounce of fat, scars from past blunders in the Everfree present. Now that some time had passed, he no longer felt like that cool survivalist he thought of himself as. That died with him on the day of the Storm King’s invasion.

“Hurry up, Anon!” Spike called through the door, snapping Anon out of his thoughts. He quickly wrapped the robe around himself, colored almost exactly as the mare that made it for him, and stepped out.


The first activity that awaited them was a facial treatment, to which Anon let out a childish giggle. When he was finished, he joined with the others. He sat awkwardly in a chair that was slightly smaller than himself, allowing his feet to rest flat on the floor. The spa ponies saw this and quickly brought over a cart to rest his legs on. +1 for customer satisfaction, I guess. Anon thought, closing his eyes and trying to relax. For a second, he was starting to feel a little calmer than a few minutes before. A pleasant song played throughout the spa and the atmosphere was equally nice. He didn’t feel judging eyes pierce him as he laid, which was a welcome absence.

This was interrupted by the sudden feeling of hooves pressing against his head. It wasn’t terribly uncomfortable, their hooves were surprisingly fluffy and malleable. However, that didn’t stop the awkwardness of his head being pushed around by what amounted to 2 fists with none of the dexterity of fingers. After a while of this, Anon softly grabbed the hooves and opened his eyes, eliciting a gasp from the pony.

“I got this.” Anon told the pony with a pink coat and blue mane that was remarkably similar to that pony by the counter. He let the pony go, letting her fall to her hooves, as he reached for the facial cream on a cart next to him. Anon then proceeded to do the facial massage himself, much to the disdain of Rarity and Spike.

“Anonymous, you do know that we are in a spa, don’t you?” Rarity asked rhetorically, peeking under a cucumber placed over one eye.

“Uh huh, but this something that’s just better if I do it myself.” Once Anon finished he took his two cucumbers slices and ate them in one bite. “Didn’t need those.” He explained, then grabbing a canister of water and pouring it on his face, washing the face cream off. This display has now gotten the attention of the entire establishment. Anon could feel those judging eyes again and looked around to confirm his suspicion. He coughed into his hand. “Uh, yeah. My B.”


The second activity on the agenda was the sauna, something Anon personally looked forward to. He had never been in a sauna before, as that was a luxury neither he nor his family could afford. He joined Spike in a small steam room designated for males. Not long after, the two were relaxing under the heat. Anon could already feel the sweat beads rolling off his body, but when he turned to Spike, Spike looked just about the same as he came in not 10 minutes ago. Spike noticed Anon watching him.

“Oh, this is nothing.” Spike bragged. “We dragons can acclimate to way higher temperatures than this.”

“And here I thought I wasn’t making the most out of my visit.” Anon stood, grabbing a bucket of water and tossing it on the hot coals. Steam bellowed into the airs, spreading throughout the room. He poured water from a spigot into a bucket and repeated the process. “If I’m sweating like a stuck pig, you are too, Mr. Cold Blooded.” Spike frowned.

“Are you sure?” Spike sat up, fidgeting with his claws. “I’m not sure how heat resistant humans can be.”

“Spike, my boy.” Anon responded, throwing more water on the coals. “Humans have lived by volcanoes and walked frozen tundras. We are a very adaptable species. Plus, my cousins would call me a bitch if I didn’t challenge a dragon in his own domain.”

“If you say so…” Spike wiped his own bead of sweat from his forehead. Satisfied, Anon sat back down, breathing heavily from having carried around a full bucket of water for a few minutes. Or, so he thought. The two sat there, now sharing the immense heat that filled the room. From the outside, one could see the steam leaking through the door. A full 5 minutes passed.

“Wow, you weren’t kidding, Anon.” Spike remarked, looking at the slightly dizzy human. “I can’t believe you’re still awake.”

“Y-yeah, Spike.” Anon said to the two dragons sitting next to him. “I f-fuckin’ told you sooo. I ain’t no pussy, Spike. We humans...are totally...capable…”

“Yup!” Spike happily replied. “You’re made of tougher stuff than I thought.” He teased, hoping to get a reaction from the human. Spike was surprised how long it took for Anon to come up with a reply. He was usually on top of this kind of stuff.

“Anon?” Spike asked again, looking over at the human. The human had slumped in his seat, unresponsive. Spike’s eyes widened. “ANON?!”


After a few minutes of rest and a couple bottles of water, Anon felt ready for the third activity: a full body massage. Anon laid on the table on his stomach, arms folded under his chin. Still a bit miffed with the sauna incident, he had hoped a good massage would take his mind off the increasingly less successful spa visit. Suddenly, he felt a light beating upon his back. It felt nice, though nothing to write home about, if he could write and had a home to write to. That seemed like a nice thing to study after this whole visit was done, writing. He could even refer to Twilight for assistance.

Anon frowned. That was the smart thing to do, that was obvious. However, after that reading session, Anon did feel just a little bit better about reading. Maybe that meant he could possibly do it on his own? No, that’s that stubborn pride talking. He was making friends, so he might as well get some use out of them. Not that he was only making friends with these ponies so that he could exploit them, of course. Or was he? He never did think about just who was paying for this spa visit in the first place. Although Anon came to Rarity with the suggestion, he didn’t have a dollar-er, a bit- to his name. So, not only was he being read bedtime stories by a princess, he was being treated to a spa visit by a pony woman. A successful white business pony woman at that! Not that race had anything to do with it, obviously. Nor gender! Ponies didn’t even have race, at least by coat color. It was just that...that…

Anon suddenly propped himself up with his arms, throwing off the spa pony on his back onto the floor. She let out a squeak as she hit the floor.

“I am not relaxed.” Anon declared with a stern expression. Rarity peeked over at Anon

“Well it’s no wonder why,” Rarity sighed, waving a hoof at her masseur to leave. She and the other spa ponies left, leaving the three to privacy. “What is the matter, Anonymous? You have been doing all you could to sabotage this visit.” Anon bit the inside of his cheek, feeling that same uncomfortable burning under his skin.

“Well, uh…” Anon found that to be a more difficult question to answer than he anticipated and it already seemed impossible. It wasn’t like he was actively trying to after all. First, it was a matter of discomfort. Then, a matter of hubris. Now, a matter of restlessness. It was always something with him. Still, that was just something he couldn’t admit, at least not out loud. He looked around, hoping to find an answer in the room. “I dunno. I guess the masseuses here aren't all they're cracked up to be?”

“Now, Anonymous.” Rarity shook her head. “These ponies are some of the best masseuses in Ponyville. You can’t expect me to believe that.”

“Ha!” Anon crossed his arms. “Sure. Despite the fact that you ponies don’t have digits like these.” Anon wiggled his fingers to emphasize his point.

“If you are insuitating that you can do a better job than a trained professional, I suggest you not insinuate that.” Rarity crossed her hooves in response. Spike watched the two, who had only a few seconds before had been friendly. Anon stood up, walking over to the white pony. The pony’s glare quickly changed to worry as the human drew near. “What do you think you’re doing!? You best not harm a head on my head.”

Anon ignored this, continuing to walk to the mare, sitting up on her table. Spike debated whether he should jump into action to save his beloved. However, that idea was shot down by Anon’s smug expression. He slowly reached out a hand towards Rarity, who leaned away from his hand, blushing profusely.

“I will not repeat myself, Anonymous!” She couldn’t lean any farther back, lest she fall off the table. Anon reached for the mare’s ear and lightly rubbed his thumb and index finger. This caused Rarity to let out a squeak of surprise and straighten her back completely. After a while, she began to relax, realizing Anon wasn’t going to do anything barbaric. “W-what are you doing? This doesn’t prove anything.”

“Correct.” Anon moved his hand to the back of her ear, lightly brushing his hand against her mane. Rarity yanked her head away.

“I urge you not to touch the-Ooh!” Anon snuck his other hand behind the other ear, scratching behind that instead. Rarity let out reluctant sounds of pleasure, as Anon began massaging the pads of his finger against her soft fur, down to the muscle. “O-okay. You made your point. Now, stop with this charade!”

Anon didn’t stop. He was actually beginning to enjoy this bit of teasing, partly because it was just as pleasant for him as it was for her. Petting her brought a sort of calmness that he hadn’t felt since last night with Spike and Twilight. Speaking of, Anon looked over at Spike. When he did, Spike quickly turned his head away from him, blushing profusely and pouting. Anon could imagine the jealousy Spike was feeling with him feeling up on the poor dragon’s waifu. A thought steadily formed in his head and as it did, so too did a smile.

“Aight then.” Anon said, taking his hand away. Rarity almost looked surprised that he listened. Anon turned to Spike. “Yo, Spike. Imma need you to tag in.” Spike looked up, first in disbelief, then in excitement as he hopped his table and rushed to join Anon. He stood on Rarity’s opposite side. The mare looked estra worried. “Now, follow my movements and be careful with the claws.”

Anon slowly began rubbing Rarity’s ear again, with Spike doing the same with the other ear. Once Spike got the hang of that, Anon moved down to Rarity’s neck, causing her to jump. However, her complaining was replaced with a soft and measured breathing, with the occasional moan. The first time it happened, it caught everyone off guard. Anon silently assured Spike that they weren’t doing anything sexual...yet. It was in his best interest to not let it go that far. Rarity sleepily laid back against the table on her stomach.

“Alright.” She finally said, sighing in relief. “Since you two are so insistent, I guess you two can play masseuse. It is quite nice.” Given the okay, Anon took the time to teach Spike the ropes. Not that Anon had any expertise beyond having pet other animals before, but that's besides the point.

“You see, Spike, Anon began to lecture. “What you wanna do is feel around for any muscles and knead them like dough.”

“I’ve kneaded dough before, Anon.” Spike rolled his eyes.

“Then this should come easy, smartass.”

As the two bickered, Rarity hummed a tune to herself. She had to admit, she hadn’t expected Anon and Spike to be the ones giving her a massage. Yet, she couldn’t deny, the dexterity of human hands and even dragon claws were able to do things that hooves just couldn’t do. She made a mental note to ask Spike to do this for her at a later date, during one of her many work sessions. All the while, Anon and Spike worked along Rarity’s body, from the hooves to the scalp.

At some point, the other spa ponies had entered the room once again, watching as the two worked. Anon even found a brush and was brushing the mare’s white coat, chatting with Spike over Power Ponies and other comics. Spike noticed the other spa ponies watching them and nudged Anon to get his attention. Anon looked back and froze, feeling that he was overstepping his boundaries.

“Ah shit.” Anon mumbled, before clearing his throat. “Uh, sorry, girls. I didn’t mean to take over your business. I just wanted to make a point and got carried away and-”

“Oh, no no. It’s quite alright.” Said the pink pony from earlier. She spoke in an accent that could only be described as vaguely foreign. “Actually, we were wondering if after you were done with that mare, you could maybe do us next?” She asked, a little unsure of the request herself. “We hardly ever get to feel it ourselves and we’ve been so busy, right girls?” The other spa ponies all nodded feverishly.

Anonymous and Spike looked at each other, both flabbergasted at what they just heard. Anon figured that, were these human women, he’d feel like the luckiest motherfucker in the multiverse right now. Unfortunately, they were only ponies, so it wasn’t like he could expect any action. But, hey! They were cute ponies. That, and Spike would probably hate him forever and a half if he denied them.

“Alright then, ladies!” Anon answered, a pleasant smile on his face. “Form a line. I’m willing to do head and shoulders, but that’s all I do for free!”


Visit the Spa with Rarity? ☑ (With nonsexual benefits!)