//------------------------------//
// Wrath: Fat Dog and Little Pony 
// Story: Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship(Season 1) 
// by Barrobroadcaster 
//------------------------------//

Phoenix returned to find Link and Eric still locked in combat. He nearly slipped before he noticed the floor was covered in water for some reason. Despite this, both swordsmen were still standing, still fighting and neither looked willing to give up. They looked exhausted to Phoenix, but neither managed to land a single blow. Still, they kept going.

"The gods could have been defied here!" Eric, or Ganondorf roared. "Our destiny, for once, not decided by those three damn golden triangles!"

Link's eyes narrowed before coming at him with another slash. Did some part of him agree, perhaps? Or was Hyrule's fated hero loyal to his destined duty above all else? He answered with another blow and not a single word.

Phoenix could've said something himself. Part of him wanted to. The old Phoenix Wright, the one who only knew of battle in the courtroom, the one before he came to Equestria, would have. This Phoenix Wright, however, had grown and learned. Not everything could be solved with a few words. He felt the weight of the toolbox in his grip.

He crept up behind Eric, still keeping a good distance between them, and considered his options. With the glue, the drill and the tape measure, he thought of ways he could subdue the bathrobe'd ninja. He could drill a couple holes in the floor, blind him with the glue and then tie him up with the tape measure. Or he could wrap the tape around his neck, use the drill to pin him to the wall and use the glue to hold him in place. Phoenix tried to think what Dan would do.

He imagined Dan creating some sort of huge trap, Dan using the tape as a lasso, creating a false door, and then he felt the weight of the toolbox in his hand.

"Hmmm."

Eric was furious. He'd lost count how many times he'd done this. Forgotten how many times he'd invaded Hyrule, snatched Princess Zelda, tried to take the infernal power of the gods for himself. This was finally his chance to get over all that, to start anew, and Link wasn't letting him do that. As usual. The only thing Eric had right now was pain and it consumed his focus. So much so he didn't notice the blue-suited lawyer walking up behind him. Until he tapped him on the shoulder.

"Hey Eric, can you check something for me?"

Slowly, Eric turned and said, "What?"

*BAMF* And Phoenix hit him in the face with the toolbox.

"Thanks."

Eric hit the floor like a fallen log, his two swords half a moment later. Link caught his breath for a moment, then looked up at Phoenix and gave him a single nod.

"You're welcome."

But Link hadn't put away his sword. What he did next was unexpected: he walked up to where Eric lay out cold, sword drawn. And he raised it.

"Uh, you don't need to-"

And brought it down on the back of the man's head.

"Oh for- wow, what the... TriForce did he do to you?" Phoenix asked, shocked. He held up his hands and averted his gaze, wholly stunned by Link's brutality. It took him a full minute to question Link's actions, to which he received no answer, before he turned around again to see Eric's body encased in stone.

The Master Sword was embedded in the back of the now-stone young Ganondorf's head. A statue now, until hatred saw him reborn yet again.

In truth, Eric Fyyar, young Ganon, had been correct about Equestria; it could have changed their destiny. But it would have had to start with Ganondorf rather than the world itself. That was what he failed to understand. It wasn't enough to just get a second chance no, you had to make something of it.

Link released his grip on the Master Sword's hilt. The blade stuck firm in the stone that was Ganondorf. Was it like the stone of Equestria and he was somehow magically encased in it? Or was it something else entirely? Maybe Link himself wondered that. Either way, he found himself without a weapon, so he picked up one of Eric's swords, looked it over briefly and then placed it in his empty sheath.

"So, um, thank you for helping us out with the uh... that guy," Phoenix said. "Anyway, the planet is going to explode or something, so do you want to come with us?"

Link nodded.

"Great! Now we have another guy with a shield. I'm sure you'll get along with Dan... well, at least, your chances of getting along with Dan are..." Phoenix followed the thought to its logical conclusion. "...I'm sure you'll get along with everybody else just fine. And don't worry about Dan. He's a good guy most of the time."

Phoenix was about to lead his new companion back to Dan and the others when Pony Link produced a signature item of his.

"Uh... oh, that's the ocarina! I remember that! That's from the Ocarina of Time, isn't it? Does that mean THAT's the Ocarina of Time?"

But even while Phoenix was asking, Link had closed his eyes to play. And yes, it was in fact the Ocarina of Time. Link was now playing it.

The melody of the Song of Time echoed through the complex. Phoenix was going about to ask another question when Pony Link disappeared.

"I... but you said..." Phoenix looked around fruitlessly. He sighed. (Why don't people ever just say what they mean?)

"Nicky!! What are you doing standing around? Come help me kill the author!"

"Oh- Dan! Hey, we took care of the bathrobe guy."

Dan looked down at Eric, stuck to the ground with the sword. "Bit overkill for my taste, but good job."

"No no no no," Phoenix waved the notion away, "I just snuck up behind him and hit him with a toolbox. You would've been so proud of me, Dan!" (Why do I want his respect? Oh crap... I actually want his respect.)

And Dan gave it to him. "I am proud of you, Nicky. Good job. The easiest solution is usually the best. Just like I trained you. And you skewered him to finish him off, excellent work."

"No no NO. That wasn't me- that was Pony Link."

"Oh yeah?" Dan asked, looking around. "And where is he now?"

Phoenix rubbed his neck. "I think he teleported using the ocarina."

"Wonderful. OH! BUT HE LEFT THE MASTER SWORD!" Dan immediately ran over to yank it out of Eric.

"Dan, maybe you shouldn't-" Could he even? Phoenix tried to stop Dan but he had already wrapped his grubby hands around the hilt of the legendary blade of evil's bane and began pulling it. But it didn't budge.

"I don't think you can lift it out. It's meant for only the chosen hero to wield it. Meaning Link."

"Blah blah blah, come and give me a hand with this, Nicky, it's just stuck."

Reluctantly, Phoenix walked over to help. He grabbed the hit along side Dan's hands and pulled hard. The sword did not move an inch.

"It's not moving."

"N-n-no, pull at the same time as me."

Despite further protests, Dan continued to insist the sword could be removed. Neither of the two men noticed that something else had found its way in the prison complex; a tune had begun to play. Like a large ocarina, wind was now blowing through the perforations in the prison causing it to produce a sound almost like music.

In fact, it was music.

Twilight Sparkle was beginning to admire the construction of the cannon as she slowly deciphered it. And she was the only one left in Equestria who really could; the other students of magic were either awaiting rescue from Rice or within the Crystal Heart in her saddlebag.

"Okay, it's coming together," Twilight announced.

"Continued analysis indicates an overall seventy-percent change in the physical composition of the structure."

"Really? You can tell all that just from looking at it?" Cap asked.

Knight nodded. "Affirmative."

"I think that about does it," Twilight said. She hovered down to the ground again. The statue of the donkey mare had changed dramatically. When she started, the statue had been hunched over but now, it looked to be in the middle of a dance, holding its telescope high above it in one hoof aimed at the sky. Wind whistled through holes both in the statue and the halls of the prison, carrying a series of notes as the prison shifted.

Turning and adjusting the statues was reconfiguring the complex. It was just a matter of finding the right combination. The cannon was like an enormous puzzle and Twilight was slowly solving it.

"This doesn't solve the problem of gunpowder. Or, the stuff that powers the cannon," Cap said.

"I believe we may be able to help."

"Hostile identified."

"Wait!" Behind them, Reed Roamer had apparently arrived. A pair of his associates flanked his larger sides, as usual, but they didn't seem to be armed this time. Cap readied his shield anyway.

"We're not here for a scrap," Reed said. "It don't take no genius to figure this slice of paradise ain't got long. I undastand your current predicament, and I and my associates are willing to help."

Twilight approached, skeptical look on her face. "Reed Roamer, the crime boss."

"And recurring Daring Do villain featured in three books, two comics and a graphic novel."

The fat purple dog bristled at the mentioning of Daring Do. "AND I didn't get paid for those... references either."

Technically, Daring Do had changed Reed's name to Big Rover in her books to avoid having to pay him for using his likeness. Anyone who knew Reed and read the book would be able to figure out it was him, though; Daring Do's novels were based on her actual adventures.

"What exactly are you proposing?"

"How the hell are you still so fucking fat when the world is ending?" Cap asked. And immediately regretted it. "I'm sorry, that was uncalled for. It's been a really long day."

"No offense taken," the corpulent canine said, "Canolis do not eat themselves and with my restaurants suddenly out of business, that led to quite a few that were going to spoil."

"That would be your 'legitimate business' I take it," Twilight said. "And what about your illegitimate ones? I thought you wanted out of the criminal life entirely."

He nodded. "Very much so, ya highness. Right now, I and my guys ain't got no biness to speak of whatsoeva. You're gettin' off dis rock, I and my boys here want in."

Twilight tapped her hoof to her chin. "And what do we get in return?"

Reed knew he was getting somewhere, his big grin showed that. "I have plentya guys in each of the four cities ready to fix and switch on da pipes. I know yous guys are plannin' on using da cannon to get outta here and you're gonna need my help."

"How exactly do you know about the cannon?" Cap asked.

"My construction company has done a lotta repair work on dis prison over da years. It's one of our longest-standing contracts, actually, so I have plenty of dogs with experience to spare," Reed explained, still beaming.

"And you used it as a prime place to recruit those with less-honorable motives to your cause," Twilight said.

One of the problems with Reed's 'legitimate businesses' was that they covered his illegitimate ones. Having been a career criminal for almost his entire life, Reed was adept at predicting things, part of the reason he wanted the legendary mask of Masquerade Mountain in the first place. But now, as the law was closing in, and with the current state of things in Equestria, he just genuinely wanted out.

Reed removed his hat. "Look, I ain't been a good guy my whole life. I'm past the point where sorry is enough. But I'm still sorry. This... this all goes beyond dat, though. I need this. For me, for my guys, we ain't got nothin' if we don't get a second chance. If not here, then, wherever the hell we wind up."

"Will this make us in debt to the mob? What's left of it?" Cap asked.

"Look around ya. There ain't nothing left of it."

One of his associates, Snaps, who is based off of Clamps from Futurama, chose that moment to pipe up.

"The boss is right. I... I don't got a wife. Or a family. But I'd like to do something, ya know, more than just being anudda goon."

"Really?" the other crony asked. "Like what?"

Snaps' face turned into a bright smile. "I wanna own a miniature golf course. A nice one, ya know? With real grass. And more than just a windmill or some goofy clown- like, with a mountain and a tiny castle. And a pirate ship hole that's in a real lake."

"Wow, that's... that's a really nice dream," Cap admitted. 

"And a petting zoo! With go-karts!"

"Getting a little overboard there," Cap added.

"No, they actually have those," Twilight said.

"Really?"

"Well, I don't know about the petting zoo but there's the Dave and Bluster's in Cloudsdale. It had go-karts, an arcade and mini golf. We went there for Rainbow's birthday one year," Twilight recalled.

"I WANT MINE TO HAVE A PETTING ZOO. WITH GO-KARTS!"

"Okay, okay, calm it down," Reed said. He turned back to Twilight, "So, do we have an accord?"

"Hmm," Twilight thought. "What would Dan say?"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Knight produced a recording of Dan.

Which somehow summoned the real Dan with Phoenix in tow.

"That's my copyrighted voice! I want it back!"

"Where have you been, Dan?" Twilight asked. "What's that?"

Dan held up the broken hilt of the Master Sword. "Umm... I don't wanna talk about it. Does anybody have a shovel?"

"Uh, excuse me?" Reed interjected, "Can we get some closure here? Princess Twilight? Please, ya highness?"

"OH MAI GAWD," Dan exclaimed. "It's the end of the world! How the hell are you still so fucking fat?"

"That's what I asked him. Apparently, canolis have an expiration date."

"And so does da planet, so can we please get on wit dis?" Reed asked.

Phoenix stepped forward. "What exactly do you want?"

"He wants amnesty for himself and his cohorts and to come with us in exchange for helping fix the cannon," Twilight explained.

"I want a mini-golf course with a petting zoo!"

"Can you please shut up?"

"LOOK!" Dan shouted, "I don't give a flying, floating, falling fat fuck what anybody wants! If you want to help, do it now, I have to go kill the author!"

"What author?" Reed asked. "You need somebody bumped off? I can help with that."

"NO YOU CAN'T. NICKY, SHOVEL. NOW." And Dan stomped off to find the instrument he is apparently going to kill me with, somehow, while I'm in space and he's on the ground. Honestly, I don't like his chances.

"So," Reed said, approaching Twilight slowly, carefully. "Do we have a deal?"

Twilight sighed, reached out her hoof and shook his chubby paw. "Deal."

"Does this include my golf course?"

Twilight rolled her eyes. "Sure."

"Yeaaaah! Hey, anybody else here that noise?"