Button Mash! Master of the Arcade Arts!

by Clockworklich

You Break the Law, You Go To the Dungeons!

It was night and Button was laying in bed with his back to the door. In front of him was a variety of parts from the robot toy Pinkie gave him to practice with. When he completed his latest toy gadget, he turned to look at his clock.

After finding out about that timed quest Button has been grinding nonstop. Why? Because Button Mash is a completionist! And he was running out of time. Tomorrow is Sunday. His last free day before he will have to be back in school. And he still had no idea how to grind his magic! So for the first time in his life, Button was planning to commit a crime. Golden Oaks Library has been closed ever since the old librarian passed away. So to get to the possible answer to his problem, he was going to break into the library to gain access to those books.

Sure that his mom was asleep by now, Button placed the practice toy on the ground, uncrossed his legs, because why not grind something when you can and it doesn't interfere with what you need to do, and grabbed his alarm clock which has been pre-set to go off at 4:00 AM. Placing it in his saddlebag, he snuck out of his house. His heart pounding at the thought of getting caught. Fortunately the only pony he came across on his trip was Berry Punch, the town drunk, who happened to be asleep with her head in a knocked over trashcan. It was when he reached his destination that he got his first surprise.

"How can a treehouse give a quest?" Button Mash couldn't help but ask when he saw that there was a quest marker on the door. "Hello? Do you need help with something tree?" The lack of a response made Button feel even dumber than he did just asking the question. His next thought was to try knocking on the door which got him a popup on first contact.

On reflex, Button lifted his hoof to the insane option but managed to stop himself. Challenging himself in a game is one thing, but this is his life. And he didn’t want to find out the hard way if this power comes with any extra lives. Not to mention that this is his first dungeon and he doesn't even have a weapon. He quickly pulled his hoof back as if the popup were about to bite him.

“Maybe I should start a little light. Just to be safe.” Button said nervously as he backed away from the door. Until proven otherwise Button was going to assume that they’re the giant kind of rats and spiders found in RPGs. He was still going to do it, he needed to get to those books after all. Now the question was, where can he find a weapon to fight the mobs with. So, not wanting to actually steal anything, Button started searching trashcan after trashcan.

"Ew... No... Nothing good here... Double ew.... Glass bottles? I can work with that... Triple Ew... Nothing... Nope... What even is that?... Who throws away an unopen box of rubber bands?... No... Oh sweet. Somepony has been cleaning out. Jar of rusty nails and a baseball bat! Cracked guitar." After a moment's consideration Button just dumped everything in that last trashcan into his inventory, looked through it to make sure he didn't get anything gross, then rushed back to the library where he hid behind one of the bushes.

Taking the bat and rusty nails first, Button used his strength to hit the nails through the bat until he had a spiked bat. Putting that aside he took out the guitar some kind of curved stick an old sippy cup and some clothespins. Taking a moment to draw a blueprint in the dirt with a stick so that it won't count for his Jury-rig skill Button was able to make a sort of makeshift crossbow only the sippy cup was in the middle so it could launch whatever he could put in it.

"Cool" Button said happily. Locked and loaded with one of the baseballs that were in the can with the bat, Button felt as ready as he could be. So with his weapons, he walked up to the dungeon, and reluctantly pushed normal. He couldn't bring himself to take easy, but without experience with how real-life dungeons work or weapons he could take time to make properly, he didn't think it was a good idea to play hard this time.

Gulping, Button looked around the dark room he found himself in. It didn't take long before he was attacked by a charging rat. Thankfully, though larger than the average rat, it was still in the range of possibility. Taking aim he fired and the ball hit it in the head. The word headshot appeared over it before the rat disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"Oh, maybe this won't be so bad." Button said after seeing the rat go down so easily. A thought that went out the window when two spiders charged out from under the table. Two spiders, that happened to be as big as the average house cat. With a girly scream Button quickly brought the spiked bat down on one, killing it instantly. Unfortunately, the other one managed to jump onto him and sank its fangs into his foreleg that he brought up to defend his face. With a cry of pain, Button pushed the spider off and brought the bat down on its head.

Button's eyes widened in fear as he watched his hp being eaten away by a poison effect. Once the effect wore off he had lost 12 hp. 10 to the poison and 2 from the bite itself. As tears began to fall from his eyes Button quickly reloaded his crossbow and quickly looked around in a panic, waiting for the next attack. Thankfully, none came and he was able to get his tears under control. Once he calmed down he learned something new about the game. There was no bite mark to show that he had ever been hurt, but his HP wasn't regenerating.

"I hope eating restores HP like it does in the games." Button said nervously. Looking around for any loot drops he found nothing other than the ball he first fired. So he checked his inventory and found 3 metal plates, one box of bolts and seven bits that weren't there before. Deciding that he should move on he walked over to the next room which happened to be the kitchen. The sound of skittering and squeaks told him that it was infested with rats. Carefully he snuck over to a nearby stool and climbed up it. Seeing one of the rats across the room he took aim with his crossbow.

That had gotten the attention of the other rats which all stopped what they were doing to look at him.

"FPS for the win!" Button cheered as he reloaded his crossbow with the last ball. By now the rats were scurrying towards him. Taking aim for one last shot he fired but before it hit another rat got in the way when it ran across his target. The hit didn't kill the rat but it stopped moving and had little swirls over its head showing it was dazed.

"Oh, come on! It's bad enough when NPCs and my teammates online do that without other baddies getting in the way too!" Button complained as he took up the bat and started swinging at the rats that were unable to climb the stool. One freaky version of wack-a-mole later and the kitchen was mostly clear. Fortunately, Button Mash remembered one of the most important rules of dungeon diving. He remembered to look up. There were five spiders on the ceiling. Looking into his inventory he pulled out one of the alphabet blocks and loaded his crossbow.

"This little nope-spider went to the market..." Button said as he shot one down before quickly reloading to take another before they all attacked. But to his surprise, they didn't move. "This little nope-spider staid home..." He shot down another one and again reloaded as quickly as possible, yet still no movement from the others.

"Seriously what's going on here? Are they traps that drop on me if I walk under them?" Button asked out loud. Deciding not to test it, because giant spiders, he finished them off before re-collecting his ammo. The trip upstairs was much the same with six what Button now calls drop-spiders and one nope-spider that managed to get him by jumping out at him from the side the moment he got at the top. He was proud that he only cried a little.

Peeking into the first room Button quickly pulled back and closed the door. It was a bedroom and if that horror survivor game he played that one time taught him anything, it was that if there is a bed, there is something horrible under it. That game was one of the reasons he needed the rubber bed sheets for so long. Taking an empty bottle from his inventory the opened the door and tossed it under the bed before pulling up his crossbow.

Just as he thought three nope-spiders charged out. Quickly killing one with a shot from his crossbow he then closed the door and waited. After a while the sounds of the spiders scraping against the door stopped and Button opened the door again and quickly smashed the second one. When he tried to close the door again the last nope-spider made it halfway through. Screaming like a little filly Button kept trying to pull the door closed while the nope-spider tried to pull Button towards its awaiting fangs with its front legs. This short struggle lasted until the spider finally died from the crush damage causing the door to slam shut and cause him to fall onto his behind.

"Strength stat good. Strength stat very good." Button said shakily. Taking another break to calm down Button opened the door again and found another drop spider to shoot down. Making sure the room was cleared he then moved on to the bathroom. He shot down the drop-spider which left one more. Slowly creeping towards the closet he was surprised when the last nope-spider launched itself out of the toilet like a jack in the box.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Button screamed as he swung the bat and killed it. "Oh come on! What was it even doing in there!" Button demanded as he breathed heavily before walking out of the room while grumbling about jump scares. Moving on to the last room, the one marked with a sign that said 'basement' that he left alone because he was sure that it was were the boss was. With a deep breath, Button opened the door and moved down the stairs. With a loud bang the door slammed shut and the sound of a lock being, well, locked.

"It's okay Button. You can do this! You can win, you can win, you can oh my Celestia it's bigger than Big Mac." Button said when he saw the super nope-spider sitting in a giant web.

Gulping Button checked his inventory for anything that could give him an edge. "Why did I get three mana potions but no health ones?" Button asked in a whisper. Taking out one of the empty glass bottles he smashed it against the ground and used one of the metal plates drops to scoop it up into the sippy cup. Looking over he saw that the glass breaking had caught the boss's attention and it was moving towards him. Shakily Button waited until it was close then shot it point blank with shards of broken glass.

As the boss gave a pained shriek from the attack Button wasted no time and took his spiked bat, jumped up as high as he could and when he came down he swung his bat down with everything he had.

Shrieking louder now the boss spider jerked back, dislodging its head from the spikes. At this point it was flailing wildly in its rage, kicking Button around like a kickball. Desperately Button started doing his own flailing with his bat, crippling several of the spider's legs as a result. At that point, the fight was just embarrassing as Both Button and the boss spider were just screaming while swinging wildly at each other. One out of panic and the other because it had shards of glass and a spiked mace take out its eyes.

As the smoke vanished after the body of the boss dissolved Button continued to swing his bat around, screaming the entire time. It wasn't long until there was a flash of light and the sound of fanfare as a chest appeared out of nowhere. And just like that Button's panic vanished as it was filled with excitement at the loot. Opening the chest Button looked inside to find one health potion, a schematic, and 20 bits.

"Yes!" Button exclaimed as he pushed the button. "Oh, sweet! It's how to make the hook shot from the Zelda games!" Happy with his prize Button headed for the stairs to get to the books, paused, then came back and stuffed the empty chest into his inventory before rushing up to the books.