Lion Dude sat in the raft he stole, bored out of his gourd. He could have tried swimming to his destination but, since he didn't know exactly where his destination was, he probably would have died from exhaustion or drowned if the exhaustion didn't kill him. To say he didn't think any of this through would be an understatement.
As Lion lied down to rest on his predicament, a big blob-like creature rose from the water and landed on the boat, soaking him to the bone. If the sailors were here to see that, they would have been very aroused by how silky and shiny Lion looked in his now wet feminine form. Lion looked closer at the creature that emerged from the ocean and noticed that it looked like the offspring of a draconequus and a manatee, and had what appeared to be a massive cuttlefish for a dress. It actually had a resemblance to Lion's current form but far more grotesque.
"Oh, deary me," the creature spoke in a raspy but certainly feminine tone, "What's a pretty thing like you doing lost at sea?"
Lion let out a nervous chuckle. "Funny story about that," he said while rubbing the back of his head, "I did some drugs, somehow got teleported into another world and turned into whatever this is."
Lion, after some difficulty, stood up and gestured at his voluptuous vessel. The creature before him hummed in a way that indicated she wanted to eat Lion. Or at least that was what Lion interpreted it as.
"You say you got transformed into your current appearance?" the creature asked.
"Yeah. I'm actually a unicorn stallion."
The creature raised an eyebrow, to which Lion shrugged.
"It's complicated," Lion said casually.
"Well, you certainly had better luck than I ever did when I first came here," the creature said self-pitifully, "I was once a star and now here I am, my most basic of privileges robbed from me."
The creature hopped onto the boat back-first, her arm positioned near her head as she did so.
"Oh, woe is me," the creature lamented.
"I'm guessing you're not from around here as well," Lion said.
"Oh, where are my manners?" the creature spoke, "I am Málóisáile, but you can call me Sally. Everyone does. I was once a pony like you, a mare to be precise, but I got unfairly banished to another world."
"Okay, I believe you," Lion said.
"Good. Ah, but luckily for me, I still possess some of my magic." Sally used her magic to conjure a ball of water from her hands.
"I trust that's drinking water," Lion said as he pointed at the water ball.
"You appear to be parched, my displaced acquaintance. Summoning a water ball as a demonstration of my power is the least I can do. Kill two birds with one stone, as they say."
Lion dunked his head into the water ball and began drinking his currently womanly weight in it. After drinking all the water he can, he sat back down and let out a large belch.
"Pardon me," Lion said.
"Do not fret, mon petit personne," Sally replied, "I personally consider manners to be overrated."
Sally leaned closer to Lion. "But that's not the only thing I can do," Sally added with a grin.
"Let me guess, you know a way to get to Canterlot High and therefore a way back home?" Lion said.
Sally gasped in an exaggerated manner. "I never said that! But yes, I do know a way to Canterlot High."
"Good because I'd be really bummed out if you didn't. Gotta move the plot somehow, you know."
"The what?"
"Plot. You know, as in story. No relation to a pony's rump," Lion said.
"Oh, you think this is a fairy tale, do you?"
"I live in a world where most problems are solved by a sextet of ponies, one of which being a princess, firing rainbow lasers. If that doesn't sound like a fairy tale, I don't know what the Tartarus does." Lion blushed a little bit. "Although it wouldn't hurt to admit I have a crush on one of them."
Sally leaned in closer, her grin growing wider and surprisingly more sinister. "Oh, do you now?"
"Yep. Twilight Sparkle. She's the princess in the group. I caught my first glimpse of her during my pirating days and, knowing there's now another alicorn princess, I decided to investigate further. And lo and behold, I just adore her personality! I mean, beauty to go with her brains?! That is a rare combination!"
Lion squeed in delight, then slumped down melancholically.
"But I doubt she'd want to pursue a relationship with me, what with being occupied with her routines and her lists and her royal duties. While she has been known to accept those with a morally questionable past, I doubt she's into someone who, more often than not, does morally questionable things without turning back."
"Oh, you poor unfortunate soul," Sally said while caressing Lion's chin, to which Lion moved away and pushed away Sally's hand.
"I wouldn't consider myself that unfortunate. Just the occasional bout of self-pity," Lion said.
"Well, what if I told you that not only can I help you find a way back home, but I can help you get Twilight Sparkle?"
"If it involves mind-control, no thanks,” Lion said, “And, for the record, I have performed mind-control spells before but I do not wish to do so on Twilight. Her mind is part of her beauty and I don't want to ruin that by subjugating it."
"Like how a scoundrel such as yourself came in possession of stunning good looks by chance?" Sally deadpanned.
"Hey, at least I'm a smart scoundrel," Lion retorted.
"Of course, you are," Sally said patronizingly, "Now, here's the deal."
"Of course, there's a deal."
"What do you mean?"
"There's always a deal with you monster types."
Sally glared at Lion, to which Lion scooched back and raised his arms defensively.
"Uh...no offence," Lion whimpered.
Sally conjured an image of an ape creature that looked suspiciously like Twilight. She wore a pair of glasses that actually enhanced her attractiveness. Lion stared at the illusion in awe, believing that there is a waifu version of his crush.
"There is another Twilight," Sally explained, "One with a past as sordid as yours. And, like yourself, she used to be an outcast."
Lion pondered on what Sally said for a moment. "How sordid?" he asked.
"She once turned into a she-devil and nearly destroyed the world. That's probably worse than anything you've ever done, don't you think?"
"Yeah, that is pretty nasty,” Lion said,. “This world must be crueller than Equestria if their version of Twilight would resort to something like that."
"Oh, it is. The people of this world are so easily corrupted as well as corrupt. If it weren't for my beastly looks, I would be right at home in this place. Oh, but we're getting off-topic, aren't we." Sally leaned towards Lion again. "Here's the deal. I transport you to Equestria and you get this Twilight to fall for you. As in she has to kiss you. And not just any kiss. A kiss of true love."
Sally conjured a love heart to emphasize her point.
Lion raised a finger. "Yeah, that sounds good and all but there's just one small problem."
"What?" Sally asked in an annoyed tone.
"I'm...not good with physical contact,” Lion said, “Especially sexual contact."
"Pardon?"
"The thought of intercourse, fellatio, hoofing, even kissing, revolts me. I'm fine with masturbation, but everything else, bleh!"
Sally just stared at Lion unamused. "You are a weird stallion, you know that, right?" she asked.
"No kidding."