//------------------------------// // Queasy feeling // Story: My Sister, Cozy Glow // by Mica //------------------------------// I sat in my sister’s desk at school. On our first day back at school, we did this volunteer thing where the older students like me went to read picture books to the kindergartener foals. And we were sitting on the kindergarten desks, and I sat in my sister’s desk. I knew it was hers. There was a sticker with her name on it, and it didn’t get peeled off all the way so I could still read half of it. zy Gl I sure as hell didn’t wanna go back to school. And you bet your life I put up a fight, but Ma kept tellin’ me I had to. Actually, the Sunday before school started, I had this really bad tummy ache. I guess I ate some bad snack mix on the train or something, or maybe Ma washed the fruit in tap water again instead of boiled. I thought Ma would let me stay home. She didn’t. “You might as well make use of that bodyguard the Princess sent you, honey,” she said. You heard that right. Princess Twilight sent an armed guard from Canterlot to escort me ‘round school and make sure nothin’ happened to me. Oh, she’s so nice. Everypony just stood 20 feet away from me instead of the usual 10 feet. At that distance, you can still see them trembling or glaring at me, but you can’t see the little beads of sweat running down their faces. And nopony wants to sit with you at lunch when you’ve gotta have this golden-armored freak stand silently next to you and watch your every move. And she just had to send a pegasus guard didn’t they? I’m the only pegasus in my grade—everypony must’ve thought she was my damn aunt or somethin’. Honestly? I felt sick. Ma gave me some stomach medicine to take if I felt queasy during the day. I did feel queasy when some of the ponies at school started staring at me. I took three mini-cups of the stomach medicine, but it didn’t help none. Now, reading to the kindergarteners was fine. They didn’t talk shit about me. Maybe they saw my new straight mane and they didn’t make the connection. Or they didn’t even see the newspaper. You see, there ain’t no kindergarteners that read the paper. They don’t like the paper. They’re like Bloofy. You know, while I was unpacking on Sunday, I threw the newspaper onto the bed, where Bloofy was sitting. Ma said she was gonna frame the newspaper up ‘cause she was so damn proud that I got onto the news and gave that “lovely speech” to everypony (Was she kidding? Was she kidding? Please tell me she was kidding.). Now, you know what Bloofy did? He looked at the picture of me on the cover page, and the headline “Romanticized Cozy’s Genocidal Actions, Antagonized Own Parents in Shocking Public Speech”, and then he bit into the paper and tore it up into little shreds. I was so proud of Bloofy. I used the bits as kindling for the fireplace and Ma didn’t even know. My kindergarten reading buddy at school was a little colt named Cream Drop. He kind of looked like Biscuit, with his short blue mane. He wanted me to read “The Princess of Friendship” to him. Cream Drop had no idea who I was, especially ‘cause I changed my mane style. He did ask me why there was this mare with a spear and golden armor standing next to me, and I told him she was my bodyguard, and he just said, “OK.” Apparently in his comic books, everypony has a bodyguard, so it’s totally normal. I opened the cover of the book and I started reading to Cream Drop. Princess Twilight Sparkle used to be an ordinary unicorn. Then, she got wings and became an alicorn. Now, she is our beloved Supreme Leader of Equestria. “How do you say that word?” he pointed. “A…li…corn.” “Ay…ay…lee…corn.” “No, a…lih…corn,” I said. “A…leeeee…con. Did I say it right?” Cream Drop asked. I told him “Yeah,” even though he said it wrong, so that he’d stop sayin’ that word. There were two pages with a picture of Twilight pursuing a helpless little filly. Twilight plays tag with her niece Flurry Heart. Whee! Whee! Look at her go! I used to play a game like that with my sister when she was a foal. I’d cover myself in a white blanket with two holes for my eyes and another two for my wings. I’d pretend I was a flying ghost and I’d chase my sister around her room. We used to do it so much that my sister knew every single place she could hide, and I knew every single place to look. Ma wouldn’t let us play outside of my sister’s room, so we got tired of it after a while. Flurry Heart loves playing chase with her aunt Sparkle. They play chase in aunt Sparkle’s throne room. It makes them both very happy. They stopped playing after they got tired. Princess Twilight copied our game. I know it. I feel it. I felt like throwing up again, and I was out of stomach medicine. I didn’t want to read the book anymore. I closed it, but then Cream Drop opened it up back to where I stopped, so I kept reading. Princess Twilight Sparkle has taught many creatures about friendship. She even turned evil ponies into good ponies. Starlight Glimmer used to be evil. Then Princess Twilight taught her about friendship. Then, Starlight Glimmer became good. Now, she is one of Princess Twilight’s best friends. The picture was Princess Twilight with her filthy ancient gold crown on, hugging Ms. Glimmer’s soft, not-stone body. I shut the book even though there were quite a few pages left. I started crying. “Are you okay, Spur?” Cream Drop asked. I paused. “Yeah.” “Am I in trouble?” “No, no,” I said. “It’s just, I don’t really like Princess Twilight.” “Oh,” Cream Drop said. “I don’t like my big brother. I had a pony doll named Azalea, but Big Brother took it and broke it because he said it’s wrong for colts to play with dolls and that it’s better if he got rid of it for me.” He looked at me. “Is that why you don’t like Princess Twilight?” I wonder what my sister would look like as doll. Dainty hooves, sugar-sweet blue curls, round peachy eyes, a silk ribbon in her mane, tied into a bow. Then…little peach shards of plastic. Evil or not, my sister was pretty. She was the prettiest pony I ever met. Maybe that’s why Princess Twilight crushed her into pieces. That overgrown, sour-faced, purple horse just couldn’t stand how much prettier my sister looked compared to her. “Yeah. Sort of,” I answered Cream Drop’s question. I saw Biscuit at school several times that day, but he didn’t talk to me. He hung out with his colt friends at school. I saw Biscuit come into math class late, and he sat in the back and I waved to him, and he shook his head and gave me that same look that he had after he took a bite of Ma’s raw onion grass and cattail salad. My blush went away after half a second. My smile, half a second after that. Then the queasy feeling came back when I saw him talking with his colt friends. I wrote him a note to meet me behind the shop class barn at 4pm, after school. I must’ve waited for forty-five minutes in the cold rain. I told my bodyguard to scram, though I wished I hadn’t ‘cause I’m pretty sure she had a hot drink or something in her saddlebag. The roof stuck out, so that there was about two feet of shelter, but I still got cold. Finally, when it was almost dark, Biscuit showed up. He ran so fast, he almost charged into me, and I had to brake him with my hooves. He was panting. “Spur, I—” He had this look on his face. And I knew it wasn’t a good look, it was the kind of look he got when he was gonna say something bad. I just knew, you know, from his face. You really get to know somepony after you’ve made love to them. So, I pulled him close to me, his fur dragging against the mud and grass, and I shut him up with a long, wet kiss. He felt even better than when I left him. He was the one who broke the kiss. “I’m sorry Spur, I couldn’t talk to you while I was at school. It’s just…it’s not safe, in front of my friends, you understand?” “I do,” I said. Even though I didn’t. I kind of felt like slapping him. I hate his friends. You know how I met Biscuit? Remember I was eleven, and I was about to get my wings cut off by this gang of colts in the cafeteria? Well, they were actually gonna do it, until one of them yelled, “Hey! Stop it, man! What are we doing to her? This is just plain cruel!” That pony was Biscuit. Biscuit still talks to them. I dunno why. He says they were just being stupid and that he’ll make sure they won’t do it again. Which I guess isn’t a bad idea. As long as he’s still friends with them, he’ll convince them not to hurt me ever again. It’s a practical solution. It still makes me feel sick, though. Sometimes Biscuit smiles at me, and his smile looks just like the smile of that colt who was holding the hacksaw that day. “Everypony’s read the news ‘bout what happened to you at Bitsburgh…my colt friends, they said their parents said that you’re a monster, a criminal, and a pre-vert.” “I know,” I said, even though I didn’t actually hear any of Biscuit’s friends say that. Just somehow, looking at their faces, I kind of knew they said that. Though I promise I haven’t made love to any of them. Eww. “I was scared, ‘cause…my friends said they’d disown me if they saw me with you. Mom and Dad’s saying they’ll throw me outta the house if I talk to you.” “Yet you still came,” I said. He folded up the note I had given him, and tucked it nicely in his saddlebag. “Yeah. I missed you.” “I missed you too,” I said. “So you’ll…?” He gazed deep into my eyes. “Yes, yes, of course, Spur.” I pulled him towards me by his collar. “You better call me ‘Master,’ or you’re askin’ for a WHIPPIN’!” Biscuit just snickered and shuddered at the same time. The rain stopped, and it was totally dark by now. We went inside the barn, which was completely empty, and we had a quickie in the hayloft. Well, a two-hour “quickie.” To make up for the long time we hadn’t seen each other. Biscuit smiled at me when I put antiseptic on his wounds. So he must’ve liked it. I told him to roll over, and he accidentally sat on a sharp rock on the hayloft floor. I pulled it out of him, and he screamed so loud the old barn started shaking. I poured some antiseptic over the cut. “OWW! OWWW! THE PAIN! MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP!” I put my hoof over his mouth, just so that he could hear what I had to say. When he stopped screaming, I realized that I was crying myself. “Biscuit…I…am I…evil like my sister?” I stopped pouring antiseptic over him. “No, Spur, you’re not evil. If you were evil, you wouldn’t be disinfecting my wounds.” “But I hurt you, when me made love, and now when I—” “No, Spur. You’re different, you’re a very pretty and kind—OWWW! FUCK!” Don’t look at me. He needed a little more antiseptic. Didn’t want that thing getting infected, now. It was only one minute, but it felt like an eternity to me (and my eardrums). After the little bottle was finally finished, I hugged him. I hugged him real tight. He was whimpering. Panting, and whimpering, like a little foal. I cradled him. “Okay…I’m all right…” Biscuit said after a while. “You…you can let go now.” He let go himself. I didn’t really want him to let go. I knew it was getting late and eventually I’d have to go home. And Ma and Pa would probably yell at me again for comin’ home late. You see, if I’m only missing for a few hours, they’ll get mad and yell at me. If I’m missing for a few days, then they’ll hug me and cry and say how much they miss me. The second option’s not as bad, I guess, but I can’t stand being with Ma and Pa. You know how sick I felt when Ma poured that glass of orange juice for me that last morning in the hotel in Bitsburgh? I’d rather be missing forever. Then I won’t have to face Ma and Pa anymore. I picked up the stone that injured Biscuit. You couldn’t see Biscuit’s blood in the dark inside the barn, but I think there was a few drops. In the dark, it looked gray. It looked like a gray piece of gravel. Then, Princess Twilight taught her about friendship. Then, Starlight Glimmer became good. Now, she is one of Princess Twilight’s best friends. Why isn’t my sister one of Princess Twilight’s best friends? “I gotta go,” I thought out loud. “What?” Biscuit said. “I gotta go see Princess Twilight. Give her a piece of my mind.” “In Canterlot?” “Yeah.” “Well, maybe you could go next weekend.” “No, no. We gotta go now, tonight. It’s too dangerous to be here. I can’t stay here.” Somethin’ in the bayou air that made me sick. The cold damp. You know that queasy feeling I’d been having? I don’t think it was the food. It was something about being in this place. Seein’ the faces of everypony at school, it made me shudder. I knew that face. I knew that face, but I couldn’t remember where or when I saw it. Then I remembered, my sister had that kind of face before she’d kill one of those animals in the bayou. She used to stab ‘em. And hang ‘em by their legs and skin ‘em. Like a piece of meat. “What about your ma and pa?” Biscuit asked. “And Bloofy.” “Ma and Pa don’t gotta know nothin’,” I said. Ma and Pa will be fine. “And considering your…ahem…track record with handlin’ Bloofy, I think it’s best he stay here. Ma and Pa’ll take care of him.” Biscuit didn’t really like that I said that, but I kissed him and he shut up. “I a’int bringin’ Bloofy, ‘cause you’re the better pet for me,” I whispered into Biscuit’s ear. I pat his head. “So, will you go with me?” I asked. He shrugged. “I…I dunno, Spur, it seems a little crazy, us just goin’ out, without tellin’ our parents.” “You don’t understand, Biscuit. We’re not just goin’ out. We’re gonna FLY. Your pops already threatened to throw you outta the house, didn’t they? I’ll grab you, Biscuit, and I’ll flap my wings and I’ll pull you up into the sky, and we’re gonna FLY away from this place, to that far away city up on a mountain. Not tomorrow. Tonight.” Biscuit suddenly became quiet. “What?” I said. “You kinda sounded like your sister when you said that.” I folded up my wings. They popped out ‘cause they were wanting to “FLY” so bad. “It’s not a bad thing, you know.” Biscuit could’ve been blushing, but I couldn’t really see in the dark inside the barn. “You know I like when you get mad. Actually…I think the evil in your sister is what makes you good.” I closed my eyes. My sister was there again. We’ll FLY! We’ll FLY outta this bayou, and we’ll go someplace far away. I could hear her wings fluttering up and down. This big smile on her face. Maybe it was her usual evil smile, but I didn’t feel queasy when I saw it this time. Usually I’d be mad to see my sister’s face, but I wasn’t mad no more. More like, I felt alone. Tortured by the press. Disowned by my friends. And I had to face the music alone ‘cause my sister decided to bail out on me. I think, whether my sister realized it or not, that was the most evil thing that she ever did. Nah. I like a mountain better, sis. Let’s FLY! “Shall we go?” I asked both of them. “Sure, but…can we at least stop by my house and pack a few things?” Biscuit asked. I’d never been to Biscuit’s house. “Sure,” I said. We walked out of the barn. The full moon was enough light for us to find our way back onto the main road, that’s next to a pond. I took the blood-covered piece of gravel, and I bucked it so hard that I skipped it across the water twenty times.