“Miss. Glimmer, will you please remain focused?”
Starlight angled her head toward the owner of the statement, barely noticing the irritation in her posture before replaying with a weak, ok.
“Please take this seriously, we go through this every session. I can’t help you when you don’t take this seriously.”
‘Not every time.’ Starlight thought as she adjusted herself on the stiff sofa, using the head rest to support her back.
Paper Clip fought the urge to say something about her posture, so he bit his lip, and continued.
“Her highness Princess Twilight, sent me a letter about some concerning behavior you been exhibiting since our last meeting.”
She watched as he shuffled through the assembled papers to reveal a parchment stamped with the familiar six-pointed star of her boss and friend, waving it like he had caught her hoof in the cookie jar. She felt her vocal cords readying to bark back at the stallion, but conceded to growling instead.
“Twilight…”
“Princess Twilight.”
“Right. So, Twilight saw me one time muttering to myself and suddenly I’m “…on the verge of a mental break down…” She gave up looking at Paper Clip once she noticed a new speck she hadn’t seen before. “She put me administrated leave with full pay.”
“I read the report…”
“Of course you did.”
“…and her highness’ thoughts on the matter. Starlight…”
“Miss. Glimmer.”
“Miss. Glimmer, can I jump to a conclusion?”
“Everypony else does so why not?” She began silently counting the specks on the ceiling once more.
“You’re punishing yourself, aren’t you?”
“Oh! Now you’ll tell me it’s because of my upbringing, right?” Starlight returned to studying Paper Clip, watching as he fought the gaze by not moving. “Listen here you bucking earther, I may have issues with my foalhood, but my father is a damn good one.”
“That wasn’t my intention, but I apologize if came across as so.” Paper Clip receded, as he decided to mouthwrite this into his journal.
“Well, you did.”
“I was referring to your guilt over Lady Trixie’s death.”
Starlight once more found herself laying on her back, counting every minute detail she could distinguish in the castle’s ceiling. Before her mandatory therapy appointments, she had found it incredibly hard to remain focus on simple tasks before her mind wondered off to find something else more interesting -more harmful.
Throwing herself into whatever duties she managed to secure until fainting from exhaustion only worked for so long before somepony intervened, and forced her to rest. It was one of those moments she was currently experiencing, counting the imperfections of the ceiling to distract herself.
With bored, but calmed eyes, Starlight finally understood the danger she commanded to the vast majority to the common pony, and began feeling a tad remorseful to how she forcibly threw her therapist…
‘But he shouldn’t have brought that up.’ She thought to herself, her mind putting the counting on hold to reevaluate that moment two weeks back.
It was is fault after all. His job is to help ponies with their problems (which she didn’t have any) so that they may began to heal, not forcibly reopen those wounds. Starlight’s hooves began curling around the edges of the old fabric she was currently laying on, trying not to further stretch the holes that continued to appear every day.
She had seen the cape many times in her life and could trace its star pattern with a 86% accuracy- she was currently doing this with her right forehoof. The act only served to spread the holes in the old cape, but the pink unicorn found a sense of comfort from the fabric being dragged under her hooves. The counting, cape rubbing, and constant overworking had helped to alleviate some of this restlessness for the first three years, but somewhere along the way it lost its edge.
‘Around the time I started seeing Paper Clip.’ Starlight noted, knowing the two were connected.
But she couldn’t just stop not seeing him, the princess herself, Twilight Sparkle, had made the monthly sessions a decree to be followed else she be subjected to alternative methods. What the alicorn meant by that, she could only guess and stress over something that didn’t deserve the effort. Once more, she played it safe by keeping the monthly sessions in the case the alternatives proved more invasive.
Starlight rolled her head enough to see the little clock ticking away on the old desk provided for her stay, finding its moving legs the newest point of interest.
3:13 pm it read.
‘Twilight should be here soon.’
These visits from her friend, while appreciated sometimes left her feeling smothered by the constant attention and subtle looks the alicorn would give her. She was flattered and happy to have somepony worried about her well being, but even that gave the unicorn little comfort when said friend was partly behind everything.
The one trying to ‘help’ here was the same one causing the problem, the one she didn’t have of course. She could…
The heavy sound of metal connecting with the wood door forced Starlight from her self-analysis, and cape rubbing, saving the material for one more day. She grunted more from the effort of getting up than the annoyance of being interrupted.
“Coming.” She called out, knowing of one pony that ever came down here, and visited on a set schedule.
She could have used her magic, but answering in the pony was the one respectful thing she could do.
Her hoof reached for the door, and the moment her hoof touched the iron handle, the door came rushing in nearly hitting Starlight.
“Celesita!”
“Starlight!”
The current reigning Princess of Equestria, Twilight Sparkle, came rushing in at the ‘invitation’ nearly hitting Starlight in the process. The alicorn in her haste didn’t realize this as she rushed to greet her friend.
“How are you feeling today? Are you getting out once a day? Did you get that letter I sent you yet? What about…”
“Twilight, please!” the unicorn cut off her rambling friend, moving past her to close the door before applying a simple noise dampening spell for the visit.
“Sorry! I’m just glad to finally catch up with you since our last visit.”
“Yea, well..alright. So am I. Drink?” Starlight gestured to the small dresser by her bed where a picture of Trixie and her posing with their simple Bit Guns proudly rested.
“Sure, I’ll have a glass.” Twilight accepted, not because of the drink, but as another way to bond with her hurting friend.
As Starlight’s magic opened the bottom the drawer that held her last, near emptied bottle of Apple Cider, Twilight began counting the holes on the cape to see if any new holes had been added. To her relief and worry, no new holes had been added, but it looked as though some had been enlarged by continued prodding. The unicorn turned around with two glass in her magic, offering the lesser filled one to her friend knowing the alicorn wasn’t keen on drinking.
“Thank you.”
“It’s no problem Twilight, but why a glass?
“Oh, well it’s just been one of those weeks… excuse me. Months. Did you know we still can’t find Trimmel or Chrysilas even with these weekly ‘sightings’?”she emphasized that last word with her hooves.
“I might have heard something.” In fact, Starlight knew all about if not more so than Twilight since she still kept in contact with her old ELF friends.
“Or there’s increasing conflict with the changelings and ponies along the east coast? I had to move another division to help bolster the patrols, Starlight.”
“You’re doing the right thing Twilight, it’s in their blood.”
“Don’t you dare start that nonsense!” The princess nearly dropping her glass as she pointed a hoof at her friend. The display held no malice toward the unicorn, but meant to be the end of that talk; the princess having heard enough of that hated thinking everyday while performing her duties.
“Ok. Ok.” Starlight recounted her action when pressed, not feeling it was worth the effort to defend. Instead, she flicked her head back with the glass to finish off its contents, before roughly placing the glass on the dresser. She reacted poorly when Twilight’s own glass floated pass to join the other glass, landing with a loud bang. The suddenness of it had sent her heart racing and muscles twitching in anticipation.
Starlight’s magic quickly sparked to life and once more grabbed the old cape, bringing it to her eager hooves as she fell to her hutches.
“Starlight?” Twilight whispered as she watched her friend relapsed into her bad habits.
When her friend didn’t respond, too wrapped up in repeating her mantra over and over did she began the process of moving to her side; against her nature the princess restrained from placing a wing around the distressed unicorn, deciding it would be best to let her make the first move.
This decision ended up costing them almost 30 minutes of her allotted free hour, but Starlight finally came out of her sober- she stopped the rubbing, but kept a firm hold on the cape.
“Thanks…” she whispered, tilting her head enough see her friend who finally wrapped a wing around her.
Twilight gave her friend a quick squeeze to acknowledge the appreciation. The unicorn sniffled away some forming tears, fixed her composure enough to sit up straighter before turning to her worried friend.
“The glass made a sound…” she had to fight back the urge to cry as she began remembering “…it..it re..reminded of a bullet.”
Starlight returned to staring at the glass in front of her, but could feel Twilight’s body tensing at the admission. This was the most open she had ever revealed to another pony, and the venerability left her feeling worse than waiting for word in a hospital. She soldiered on with her confession.
“We had just pushed west of Manehatten, toward Canterlot, still high on our recent victories.” Her voice had softened as the scents and sensations of that day crawled over her like ants- Starlight knew where she was but it was quickly becoming less obvious.
“We encountered a Panzer detachment redeploying north, likely to bolster the 15th Army when we ambushed them. We took them by surprise, none survived to even attempt a surrender.”
Twilight wanted to interrupt, but how the storm clouds swirled around in Starlight made that impossible. The unicorn continued as creak of tears followed the path down her cheeks, free for the first time.
“It was two days later when I learned Trixie…” She couldn’t finish the sentence as she sought the comfort of Twilight’s chest.
The princess didn’t turn the crying unicorn away, instead welcoming her into a hug with her hooves and wings.
Twilight had read up on everything that had happened after her capture, and what she learned nearly sent her into depression knowing how many had suffered because of her own inability. The stories she heard, and the accounts she read had left her heart bruised, but to hear it coming from a friend…
“They told me it was quick...” Starlight paused she tried remembering the exact words, but gave up knowing it didn’t matter in the end. “… one moment, ponies where there, and then nothing.”
Twilight knew what happened, it was one of her first acts as Princess of Equestria (after stabilizing the country and finding her friends) and to her shock learned it might have been friendly fire. She couldn’t back this is hypothesis up with much physical evidence, but the eye witness accounts, topographic maps, debris, impact zone, and several other key factors suggested it wasn’t changeling ordnance.
This knowledge terrified the princess greatly for friend’s well being- what would she do after learning it was ponies that killed Trixie?
“I can’t claim to understand Starlight, but if it was quick than wouldn’t it for the best? Trixie wouldn’t have felt anything.” She couldn’t tell Starlight about this, and to her disgust continued to lie as her friend quickly rose to meet her.
“SHE DESERVED TO LIVE!” Starlight screeched while jabbing her hoof into her princess and closest friend with enough force to push the alicorn back.
The anger behind it was unsettling. It was a mood reminiscent of when they first met, dueling several times in that year before finally coming to an agreement. Until now, there was never any anger…any hatred, but the death had hit the unicorn hard enough that she sought any and everything to use as an escape. Instead of pondering questions that would never be answered, she settled on turning that pent-up frustration toward her last remaining friend.
It would take some precious moments before the reality of this caught up with her, and this understanding would bring the unicorn back to the present. Both eyes would blink to rid the final remnants of her anger and spiraling depression before pinning her ears back as she retreated until backing into the dresser. The force was enough to knock over shot glass, but was quickly snatched up by the alicorn’s magic.
“I didn’t mean it.” Starlight quickly spit out as if trying to stave off any possible retaliation. Twilight gently placed the glass back on the dresser, causing her scared friend to jump away toward her bed.
“Starlight, please calm down. I’m not mad at you.” Twilight tried to reassure her stressed friend, but the attempts did little but further agitate Starlight; who started posturing herself in preparation for an attack that never came by angling her body closer to the bed, and head held low.
This display ended what little time they had left, and by the look in Starlight’s eyes, she likely didn’t even know what she was doing-acting on instincts birth from too much conflict. Twilight didn’t cry, in part because she had grown stronger (physically and emotionally), but it didn’t stop the natural habits of trying to cry. It became too much as her resolve continued to weaken until she had no choice but to dismiss herself from the room.
“Same time next week, my friend.” Twilight stated, not knowing if Starlight heard it or not, but felt it needed to be said. With no response from the near feral unicorn, the princess left the room making sure to close the door behind her.
The moment door firmly latched shut did Starlight relax her stance, trying, but failing to suppress the tingling contracting of her spinal muscles as the shiver shot through body. So far, her acting skills had proven their worth and kept most ponies away, but every week it became harder to remain stoic.
“Those words...” This time she resisted the urge to shiver before straightening her posture.
The war had changed her, or everypony around her (she couldn’t figure out which), but something about the last few years didn’t feel right- didn’t look right. Every time she tried to remember a moment in the past year, everything became hazy in the sense the exact details went missing leaving only a vague description. It was like trying to describe a griffon without pictures and only two sentences, all the finer details went missing leaving just enough to know griffins were real, but nothing else.
She used her magic to seal the door shut and apply a sound damping bubble around the room before lifting her mattress; with her magic, Starlight reopened the stitched area and stuck her hoof in, only spending two seconds feeling around before retracting it to reveal a damaged photo. The photo had two major creases that had allowed it to be folded twice into a fourth of its original size, all its corners were either bent, ripped, missing or stained, while its edges were soften to little more than splitting paper fibers from abuse.
Starlight unfolded the old photo to reveal two ponies standing directly in front of a custom-built wagon: Trixie, wearing a pointed cap and matching cape, and herself.
The photo quickly became not only her most prized possession, but the only proof she had the world wasn’t how it seemed. As she stared at it, every detail that showed its age was accurately archived in her mind, but yesterday’s paper? She couldn’t remember the headline. What she had for breakfast? Did she even eat?
“Everyday…” Starlight quickly replaced the photo where she found it, not even bothering to re-stitch the mattress. “… I recall less and less, days blur together…”
She left the bedside for the door, deactivating the spell before opening the door. No pony was around to witness the unicorn sticking her out, looking to the left and then to the right before retreating back into her prison.
“I swear by Celestia the hallway was different yesterday…” Starlight whipped her head around to the wall that proudly displayed the calendar, rushing over to start flipping back and forth between the months. “or was that last week?”
She didn’t even notice the calendar was incomplete, missing pages and only the barest of details to suggest its purpose.
“I’m not crazy.” She stated not as fact, but trying to convince herself she wasn’t.
Starlight went to her dresser, opening the middle drawer with her hooves while her magic fished out a stack of parchments held together by some ribbon. She un- tied the ribbon and began sorting through the pages, skimming through their contents before finding the one she desired- a hoof written message about a sentence long was the only graffiti on the otherwise blank page. The sentence was perhaps the only thing that confused Starlight more than her forgetfulness, because the tone and desperation it projected felt out of place amongst the other optimistic reports.
Why did she keep to this out-of-place report when the she clearly couldn’t recall the event having ever happened? Because she couldn’t recall the others having happened as well, and this report looked more authentic- more panicked... more desperate.
“Betrayed! Ost-Kommando raids!”
The halls echoed her hoof steps loudly with the intent to alert every pony and ling of her approach, but at this level and time of night there were no souls save for two. Her soul and the Queens’.
She hurried with a quickness of a changeling not wanting to remain in the cold, and dark catacomb any longer than she had to. The sickly green hue her magic gave off was the only light source to guide her down the corridor, her queen being adamant no lighting, magical or electrical, be installed making whatever light you bring the only source available.
Her first time down here, she was thankful for its simple layout of a single hallway with two doors- one to enter and one to leave. Now it spooked her more than the stories of ponies coming at night to take her way. She knew where the stories came from, but every time her grandparents told her she found the idea almost absurd. Her current coltfriend was a Pegasus for the Queen’s sake!
Yet, she wasn’t ignorant of the nation’s history, especially its past.
If it weren’t for the footage of her grandparent’s time, she wouldn’t have believed it. It made every pony and ling thankful for the peace and harmony they all enjoyed- never had cooperation on a large scale os this been seen before. Even the Empire and what is left of the River Collation sought her majesty’s consul on all serious matters involving the second continent.
Knowing all of that made coming down here all that much worst.
How much good the queen had done for the world wasn’t up for debate, but it made looking at her in the same glow harder when she willing kept that thing here. She couldn’t openly question her queen for visiting it, but why couldn’t her majesty just let it go?
‘Where would it go?’ her thoughts started traversing down the hall- she ceased this thinking immediately.
The sickly glow of her magic found the large double doors, their cold surface reflecting the glow, caused the area around them to illuminate just enough that she noticed it had been left slightly ajar. She crossed her right foreleg over her left, and nervously rubbed the holed appendages together at what was to come.
Her majesty’s private study alone invoked a sense of foreboding dread to leave even a harden ling rattling in their carapace. Not to imply The Queen, but only the sickest ling could take pleasure in what the study housed- a disgusting monument to her kind’s sinful past.
From the crack coming between the doors, a glow similar to her own shun though almost seeking her own magic out as if to invite its kin in. She bit her lip and then pushed opened the cracked door.
The weight offered resistance to her touch, but gave up after the first ten seconds allowing the young mare to force it fully open. Without it, there was nothing to shield the eerie light from seeking the void behind her; the temptation to follow the escaping rays did brush against her mind, but her duty to queen over ruled her selfishness and kept her on course.
At the far end of the room stood high the silhouette of The Queen, outlined in the same sickly green light that painted the room. The queen paid her presence no mind as she fully absorbed the origin of the light, leaving the mare to find her own distraction until being acknowledge.
To her left, along the entire span of the wall were shelves that continually collected the knowledge of the Greater Dominion. Each one housed many cases of data crystals on the country’s history, finance, society, culture, and other aspects deemed important enough for preservation. A lowly changeling as herself could never dream of being granted access to such knowledge, that was a rite only reserved for a hooful of changelings including The Queen herself.
The one time her majesty generously allowed her to stand by and watch as she browsed information during the great war had been a personal highlight of her career.
What the Queen used to properly store and power all of these crystals she could only guess, and guess she did. Her only real guess left her carapace shaking in fear at its implications, but explained so much about her majesty’s behavior- the pod. She wasn’t stupid, and by her own research and what her grandparents told her, the pods where used heavily back in their day to feed the hives, and provide power to basic systems that didn’t require more than a simple input.
If her theory proved right, then the creature it drew from was truly powerful in its own right.
‘What a mighty creature it must have been.’ She thought as the glow shun brighter in that moment, causing the crystals to shine brighter in retaliation.
“Shhhh…Relax. Relax. There’s no danger little one.”
The queen’s voice brought her back, and with that decided this was the moment to make her presence known. She gave herself a quick glance over, flatting out any imperfections in her uniform and matching skirt before standing straight and tall as per regulation to properly address her majesty.
“Pardon this lowly servant your majesty, but I’ve arrived as requested.”
“So formal Tiri…” The Queen spun around, leering at the summoned changeling “…I’d hoped we would be passed such protocol. Again.” Tiri could feel her throat going dry at the thought, making the task slightly more difficult.
“I me..e..mean hello.. Lilac.”
“HELLOOOOO TIRI!” Queen Lilac quickly morphed into a more expressive mood, using her magic to bring the changeling mare closer for a hug.
The mare weakly struggled, but not much already knowing the futilely of it, and not wanting to risk sending her liege into a tailspin. If Queen Lilac noticed/ knew than her face never betrayed those feelings as she released her subordinate and possible friend.
“Protocol is important my little ling, but there is one virtue held above all others…”
“Cooperation.”
“Good.” That earned the young ling a fanged smile. “Cooperation is the cornerstone of our entire nation.”
Turning around to face the pod, the queen raised her left hoof toward the pod in front of them and then to the shelves before turning once more toward her assistant, Tiri.
“All of this is because of the cooperation of our two races coming together to create the world we have today. I’ve been privileged enough to see the results of this union myself, and let them tell you my little ling they are beautiful, and healthy.”
“As always my..uh Lilac.”
“Indeed.” The Queen in that moment began moving toward the pod that undoubtedly powered this entire room with its stolen love. She beckoned Tiri to follow which greatly surprised the young ling, never having ever been allowed near it.
Wordlessly, she approached the suspended pod supported by no wires or rope, but the sickly organic paste that webbed off the wall and ceiling to clutch it. As she neared, Tiri noted each web of material had a thin layer of the green slime solution running through it as if it was the only thing keeping it alive and fed.
The queen stood next to it, off to the its right to allow her an unmolested view of the creature that occupied the derelict creation of their past- a pony.
“A unicorn?” She asked as the nub projecting from its head became apparent.
“She is the reason we have what we have Tiri, and why I take the same day off each week. To thank her myself for sacrificing so much so we can live!”
Since starting her employment directly under The Queen, Tiri had grown a tad accustom to her majesty’s off behavior and adjusted accordingly to it- this was new to her. Even during her public appearances and official meetings Queen Lilac always seemed relaxed and more ‘one of the common citizenry’ with how she talked and often joked; she had grown up on the idea The Queen had risen to the rank as a nobody, and thus greatly understood the struggles of the regular pony and ling.
None spoke of this side, let alone acknowledged if they even knew of this side.
The way The Queen revered the pony in the pod was unhealthy at best, but what made this worst was the how she did it. The reverence wasn’t one of a student looking up to their master, or how a pony and changeling looked up to and respected their queen for the guidance she provided- this reverence was how one looked at treasure.
A collector proudly displaying their item for others to admire.
“A sacrifice worthy of remembrance.” Tirir offered after collecting herself. The Queen nodded, but whether at her words or some internal agreement, she didn’t dare to ask.
“Truly a hero worthy of statues and a book or two…” The Queen started as she ran a hood down the pod, marveling as the pony seemed to sense her presence and by squirming as the hoof traveled to bottom where the unicorn’s head was.
Tiri watched this with a morbid fascination after finally being allowed to see what occupied the pod, but after learning the truth began feeling the effects of thinking- what if The Queen decided to put her coltfriend in one?
She took a step back, and froze after earning Lalic’s attention from the movement.
“Where are you going Tiri?” the large changeling asked as her turquoise eyes began glowing brighter.
“I forgot until know, please forgive me my..I mean Lalic, but it’s that time once more.” Tiri blurted out, remembering why she was even down here and used it to remove herself from the conversation as fast as possible.
“That time…oh!” She stood, looking as if she had woken from a nap and was trying to figure out where she was. “Is the Counsel of Cooperation assembled Tiri?”
“Most have with the exception of Counselors Integrity and Charitable being late. Again.”
“So be it, we’ll have to start without them. Prepare a briefing of the meeting and make two copies for them to have once they arrive.” Without needing to be told, Tiri offered a quick nodded and hurried a little too fast out of The Queen’s personal library.
“I have to go.” She whispered to the only one left with her, turning around to the still sleeping unicorn. Lalic watched the mare as she had been before the interruption, marveling how after all these years her rival and unofficial mentor in the philosophy of friendship still seemed oh so very stressed.
She had hoped these weekly meetings might have brighten her mood some, or enough to positively effect whatever dreams she had to allow the mare some peace. This hope hadn’t happened, but there were some minor changes happening internally that eluded her eyes, but not her magic. The unicorn’s feelings were beginning to soften, releasing more of that love hiding behind all that stress and worry.
Lalic could outright prove it, but she felt these weekly visits were helping, and by some part, were noticed by the unicorn.
“Same time next week, my friend.” She whispered next to the unicorn’s head, watching with delight as the mare squirmed once more as if thanking The Queen.
Lalic smiled at the thought.