“Okay,” Rarity begins, “we haven’t done an all-girls vacation in a long time, and thanks to Max, we can do that again. Thanks to Twilight, we’ll join Crystal Prep to Maui! And because I had a bunch of extra fabric laying around, I made stewardess dresses!”
She then pulls off a garment bag revealing a very bold and very red uniform. She then interjects with, “With the exception of Rainbow Dash, for obvious reasons,” and presents a standard white shirt, double breasted black jacket, and matching pants.
“So we’re gonna do a full crew situation then?” I ask after examining Dash’s duds.
“I wouldn’t be caught dead in one of those!” She says pointing to the other uniform. “No offense.”
“Eh, none taken.” Sunset responds tastefully eyeing the outfit. “I hope you can tailor these for us.”
“Of course! I already know how to adjust to my size based on Fluttershy’s back from when she used to model for me regularly, so I’ll just update your measurements now!”
Fluttershy blushes at the first part of the sentence before I butt in with feigned excitement, “I get to share a cockpit with a Blue Angel.”
“Aw, don’t worry Max,” Rainbow reassures throwing an arm over my shoulder in spite of me being a foot taller than her, “I won’t be too hard on you.”
“That’s not what I’m worried about. If you want to vacation to Hawaii, you do understand that you are obligated to accompany me back to the mainland, right?”
“Of course darling!” Rarity chimes in. “Consider this a form of… partial payment.”
“I’ve done a few charters with no flight attendants, so don’t worry about making the conscious effort to replicate an airline. If I’m honest, I don’t want to emulate, otherwise I’ll just be another cookie cutter airline service.”
“You have us, and it’s you, Max.” Pinkie responds. “It’s far from some ‘cookie cutter airline service.’”
“That kind of goes without saying, especially when I play my wild card. Dash, get acquainted with the cockpit from the right seat, just in case I need to call on you for anything. For the rest of you, let me show you around the cabin.”
First things first, how to operate the exits. Using the safety card furnished in the seats, and a ship that has been in maintenance for a little while now, which won’t be used for the trip but otherwise identical to the one on the task, I demonstrate to each of the girls how to open and close the main cabin doors and how to arm and disarm the emergency slide. (I can’t explain that here for security reasons.)
When it comes to the overwing exits, it’s a couple extra steps to avoid accidental deployment by a passenger. Since the airplane we’re practicing on is in maintenance and identical to the one being used, I can give a demonstration on these doors.
A few practice runs on the main doors and the overwing exits is good for me. They’re all pretty fast learners, so I don’t doubt that they’ll make great stewardesses for the sake of a passenger manifest.
Next, location of life jackets. Almost the entire journey will be over water, so I would be mad not to brief on the location of life vests. Passenger life vests are under each seat, or armrest for first class, and the cushion does function as a flotation device. The first class cabin has one and the main cabin has two life rafts, all located in the ceiling, only to be accessed in event of a water ditching.
Additional survival gear are located in packed kits in both galleys and in staggered points overhead. Included in the overhead bins are the crew oxygen systems, to which they get acquainted with how to scramble to get them as fast as possible in case the cabin depressurizes.
After I give them an idea of what to look for when it comes to cabin anomalies not of a passenger’s doing, I give them the galley tour. Two will serve the first class passengers, stationed in the front jump seats. Stationed in the rear jump seats, two will serve snacks in the main cabin, and the remaining two will serve drinks in the main cabin.
Now, I may suffer from personal biases, being so well-acquainted with my airplanes and all, but their job as stewardesses really isn’t that hard at all. Of the seven of them, Dash has it the hardest, and at the most, I’ll just give her all the radios, just like I do with Rosalina. Obviously, I can’t give her too much freedom with operating the airplane, but she definitely is the most qualified of anyone else both here and on the manifest to take over control if I become incapacitated (kind of goes without saying, I know.)
By the time we run through a simulated cabin evacuation a handful of times, including extra practice on a simulated ditching evac, the girls, thoroughly exhausted and maybe even sick of a day of aviation, call it a night.
It’s worth noting that the ditching evacuation limits the number of available exits, specifically the rearmost, effectively limiting escape to the overwing and the front exits. For certification purposes, aircraft seating is limited for this reason, as most agencies require a total escape time of less than 90 seconds with only half the available exits usable. Of course, on an aircraft of any size, proportionately speaking, even the largest of passenger aircraft with the tightest of seating arrangements, is still limited to 853, on the Airbus A380. That in of itself assumes a layout of 11 seats across the aisle: 3 flanking each window and 5 in the midsection. Yes, it is a lot of people for one airplane, but no airline so far has fitted their cabin as such.
The reason I bring this up is to segue into two important points. One, getting 853 passengers out of an airplane in an emergency with only 8 out of 16 exits usable in less than 90 seconds seems like an insurmountable task. And two, understanding cabin layout.
On the aircraft I’ve assigned to this trip, the cabin layout is rather low-density, even for a 2-class configuration. The exit limit is 220, which would normally require an additional exit on each side, bringing the total number of exits to 10. However, the aircraft only has 178 passenger seats, which falls under the requirement for those 9th and 10th exits, which is 190. Because of this, those exits are present on the airframe, but they’ve been plugged and are thus unusable. In fact, if you were to sit in the row of those exits, you would have a little extra legroom than other rows in the main cabin.
In a necessary yet roundabout way, if an A380 can evacuate 853 passengers in less than 90 seconds with only 8 of 16 exits usable, than surely a Boeing 737-900ER can evacuate 178 with only the two rear exits unusable.
After a few more days of additional “recurrent” training time to hone the muscle memory and impulse and such, I declare them good to go with only a day until the hire.
The day before we leave, I throw the girls my wild card. I hand each of them a sheet with cues and lines for each of the girls.
“Wowee!!” Pinkie exclaims seeing the lyrics.
“You, uh, really want to set the passenger brief to music??” Dash asks.
“Vinyl Scratch sent me the track, and I was inspired.” I say in obvious parody. “Sorry Rarity. Want to give it a whack? I had a manic streak at the time and thought it would be a good idea.”
Everyone is visibly and in some cases audibly nervous. I reassure them with a,
“Please don’t feel pressured to do it just because I’m waiving a portion of your airfare. I firmly believe you can do this if your little reunion performance at Annabelle’s wedding reception is anything to go off of.”
“He’s… not, wrong.” Sunset says as she looks over her lines. “I’m up for the challenge.”
“I am!” Pinkie seconds.
“Oh, what the hey.” AJ shrugs.
“Okay.” Fluttershy meekly agrees as she reviews her lines.
“Eh, why not?” Twilight smiles meekly.
“Come on, let’s go for it!” Dash calls as I queue and cue the track.
With their suitcases “checked in,” clad in their very Virginal red uniforms, and stationed in their jump seats, by default if you could call it that, the virtually unanimous crew chief, or more accurately, head stewardess, is Sunset. She then is in charge of making sure the passengers are okay and the liaison between the cabin and the pilots.
Joining Sunset in the forward cabin is Twilight. In charge of the rear cabin then is Applejack. After I review their positions, I ask for a dress rehearsal just so I can find out who’s where and make adjustment depending on who has a line for a specific part of the passenger brief.
Sunset by default is at the front closest to the PA, since she has most of the lines. Applejack needs to be closest to the overwing exits for her lines, and Fluttershy chooses to remain at the back so she has the least number of eyes on her. Pinkie and Rarity then choose who wants to stand between the premium economy and main cabin (in front of Applejack) or between Applejack and Fluttershy.
After that’s all taken care of, we run the track through a few times to make sure everyone has their lines covered and they can perform with the actual tools of demonstration.
Trying my best not to celebrate in an unsportsmanlike manner, I make sure all doors are armed, cross-checked, all flight attendants are seated and belted up at this time.
“Joshua departure, Boeing N493AS, IFR to Sacramento Mather.”
“Boeing 493AS, cleared to Sacramento Mather airport via as filed, except expect cruising altitude of FL330. On departure, fly direct Palmdale, climb and maintain 11,000. Departure this frequency, squawk 0215.”
“Cleared to Mather as filed. Direct Palmdale on departure, climb and maintain 12,000, expect FL330. Departure 124.55, squawk 0215, 493AS.”
“Boeing 3AS, readback correct. Void in 5 minutes, talk to you on the go.”
“Victorville airport information Delta, 1605Z, wind 330 at 3, visibility 10, sky clear below 12,000. Temperature 17, dewpoint 4, altimeter 29.99. All runways restricted access. Prior permission required. Advise on initial contact you have information Delta.”
Initiate engine start procedure.
2 alight and stable.
Flaps 5. Control surfaces check. Taxi to runway 35.
Instrument check.
Primary flight display (PFD.)
Airspeed indicator, zero.
Attitude indicator, level and upright within 5 minutes of engine start.
Altimeter, within 75 feet of field elevation at 29.99.
Turn coordinator, wing in & trapezoid out.
Multi-function display (MFD.)
Known/indicated headings against the magnetic compass. No gyroscopic precession.
Vertical speed indicator (VSI), zero point noted.
Line up on runway 35.
“Hands together, Rainbow.” I say as I place my hand on the throttles.
She puts her hand on top of mine so we can push the throttles together.
Set takeoff thrust.
80 knots.
V1
Rotate.
V2
Positive rate, gear up.
Flaps up.
“Joshua departure, Boeing 493AS off Victorville, 3,100 climbing 12,000.”
“Boeing 493AS, Joshua, nice to see you. Proceed direct Palmdale, climb and maintain 16,000. Passing 8,000, contact Los Angeles center, 126.35.”
“Climb 16,000, LA 26.35 at 8, 493AS.”
50.
40.
30.
20.
10.
Touchdown. Spoilers up, brakes on, 2 in reverse.
60 knots, disengage reverse thrust.
“N493AS, right at F or G, taxi Superior via A, monitor ground .85.”
“F exit, A to Superior,” Dash grabs, “monitor ground, 3AS.”
Parked. Shut down. Disarm left main.
Air stairs secure. Assist lineman with ground power.
Plugged in, now we wait for the arrival of the students.
Each girl stands in a random row staggered so they can welcome each student onboard.
With a copy of the manifest, I head into the terminal and wait for the first signs of Crystal Prep Academy.
Our signs come when a handful of coaches roll into the parking lot. Parking right in front of the doors, I quickly return to the ramp and take care of programming the flight computer, pressurization system, and initial autopilot functions. Nothing out of the ordinary to report, I make sure Dash doesn’t touch anything as I head back into the terminal, where Cadance, Radiant Hope, Mr. Bohr, Upper Echelon - the student body president, and who I assume is her date next to her, I don a bright and excited smile as I greet each of them with handshakes.
“Good morning all.” I say as the crowd starts to file in. “Let’s make space for everyone so I can explain the boarding process. Per my manifest, there are 90 students, and 18 faculty and staff. Unfortunately, we only have 16 first class seats available. 2 members will have to settle for premium economy. As for the students, there are 90 of you and 138 seats available in the main cabin. This means that no one, and I mean no one, will have to sit in a middle seat.
Some students perk up at that.
“I would like to clarify that there will be one row that should be entirely unoccupied, and that is the very last row. At this time, we will begin our boarding process starting with parties traveling with small children or those who may require extra time to board the airplane.”
No takers. Cadance unfortunately is alone for tonight.
“At this time, all passengers seated in first class can come forward and board at this time.”
The two members who’ll sit in premium economy let both Cadance and I know so we can mark them as such. I then tell them, “rows 7-9, either side.”
After the last member reaches the stairs, I take a deep breath and prepare to cross off names before I call out,
“At this time, we’d like to welcome aboard all those traveling with us to Maui with Crystal Prep Academy.”
Cadance and I mark our manifests in accordance with the name we’re given. The process goes smoothly until the last person in line checks in. As she makes her way out to the plane, we’re short two.
Nothing to worry about though, as both emerge from the bathrooms and check in apologizing for making us late.
“No problem,” I respond, “we’re doing just fine.”
After I close the tab and pay the fees and charges due for my visit now, I give them the card number and an email for future use when we return tonight.
With that, Cadance and I follow the last two students onboard and get seated. Dash is on her phone looking at, of all things, the airport diagram for HNL.
“You know we’re going to Maui, right?”
“Yeah, but the Angels are due for a maritime practice exercise with other Navies in Hawaii, so I want to get familiar with the area.”
“Fair enough.” I say as I run final checks on the cabin.
A few minutes after I declare the pre-start checklists complete, Dash and I head for the cabin. This is our little moment of truth.
Sunset and I close and arm the cabin door, waving bye and thanks to the lineman who pulls the air stairs back.
“Alright, ladies and gentlemen, at this time, we are now ready for departure. Welcome aboard our flight today with service to Maui. My name is Sunset Shimmer, alongside Twilight Sparkle in the first class cabin. Assisting the main cabin is Rarity, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy. Our captain is Split Scimitar, assisted by Rainbow Dash. We’re all here to make sure your journey is safe and comfortable, so for the next couple of minutes, please direct your attention to the cabin crew as we outline and explain the safety features and procedures of this Boeing 737-900[ER] aircraft.”
