The human had been provided tea and refreshments, so he would have something to occupy his time. And he certainly wouldn't mind the brief rest after he heard their proposal. As it was, the hairless face registered only the slightest annoyance at being kept waiting, but it was gone before Celestia could be sure she had seen it. Reading human expressions had become a necessary skill for the Princess. She idly wondered how Luna would deal with all that diplomacy.
She made a mental note to remind her sister not to threaten violence. From what she had seen, the humans posed significant threat if a war should break out.
In the present, however, the Princess approached the seated human and inclined her head politely. It wasn't quite a bow, but it could be taken that way.
"Thank you for coming on such short notice, Mr. Plain."
The name suited the man. Even in the sea of similar human faces, his was as nondescript as it went. The most significant feature was his graying hair. The suit was similar: simple black and white with the tie providing the only splash of color. Compared to him, Celestia practically shone like a rainbow.
"My pleasure," the human lied, "what is this about, Princess?" He glanced from one sister to the other. One expression was eager, expectant and interested, if slightly worried, while the other was sullen and mistrustful.
Celestia decided to go straight to the point. "I will not steal any more of your time, Mr. Plain. Due to certain... unexpected developments, I have decided to give you my contract. Your auction has, even among ponies, the reputation of fairness."
It was a sore point and Celestia couldn't make her face show dispassion. Her subjects - her ponies! - have been taken from their homes and sold as pets on Earth. She had put a stop to it; the humans had listened to her threats once they realized she could control the sun and the moon. But even while many ponies were being returned, a lot of them remained in captivity.
She had to admit - the humans had turned remarkably quickly. There was no more silent foalnapping in the night. Laws were being enacted to protect the pony slaves against the violence of their human masters. It appeared that the human governments, of which there were many, were really trying to accommodate her wishes and return her subjects to her, however slowly the wheels of diplomacy and bureaucracy turned.
Unfortunately, at the same time, the more industrious humans found new opportunities. Human advancements in science were highly sought after, and especially their medicine could sometimes do what even magic could not. Out of desperation, some daughters sold themselves to help their families. Some siblings accepted servitude to save their sisters from certain death. There was always something the humans could provide.
Celestia had time to consider all that before the human recovered. But then, immediately, his eyes narrowed in suspicion. "You? Do you expect me to believe that you, of all people, are broke?"
"It is not money we are after, Mr. Plain. It is medicine."
It had taken ages to find an appropriate family. A young filly, wasting away from a debilitating illness - one which humans could cure. When she had approached them, the parents had been ecstatic. That alone, perhaps, validated her decision as a good one.
The man still couldn't believe it. "Well? Why don't you just pay for it?"
He conveniently forgot the fact that, since Equestrians mainly traded with gold, the human governments, fearing the collapse of their currencies and economy, had strictly forbidden transport of all precious metals from the ponies' world to Earth. Physically, the ponies were very wealthy in human eyes. Politically, they had no money whatsoever.
Access through the portals was tightly controlled. Black markets cropped up every now and then, but they were quickly and relentlessly crushed by the human authorities. The Princess sighed and fought back exasperation with the constant maneuvering and deception that was so commonplace in diplomacy.
"You know as well as I do that this is impossible, for now. The things we are allowed to trade do not have nearly enough value."
The human wanted to be thorough. "Okay, then why you? Why not someone else? After all, you're much more indispensable to your people than, for example, a maid or a cook."
This answer came naturally to Celestia. She hadn't had to prepare it in advance. "I could not ask one of my ponies to make a sacrifice I, myself, was unwilling to make."
"Commendable. Stupid, but commendable. Okay, Princess, I'll level with you. What's the catch?"
She raised a carefully controlled eyebrow.
"Catch?"
The human sighed and pushed his chair back. It looked like he was about to stand up and leave. "Don't pretend I'm stupid, your Highness. I know you aren't, either. And I know you're not telling me something. If you want my help, you'll have to be upfront with me."
Luna looked at the older sister with alarm. "Do not! Tis a trick!" Celestia, however, was determined. She lit her horn and carefully nudged the chair back against the table. The human, seeing her defeat, didn't fight it.
"Very well. I want... a vacation."
He laughed, as if she had told him a joke. But when neither she, nor Luna joined in, the man fell silent. He blinked in surprise. "You're serious?!"
"Do understand, Mr. Plain. I have been unable to have a vacation in over a thousand years. Wherever I go, however well I hide, ponies recognize me; how could they not? And always I am treated like... well, like royalty. And each time some problem or other is brought for me to solve. But on Earth, nopony- pardon, no one knows me."
They looked at each other for a short while, then the human opened his mouth to speak. But the Princess was faster. "And before you suggest it, you know very well that I cannot simply visit your world, not without a diplomatic reason and all the pomp and ceremony that entails. Like you said - neither of us is stupid. The best way is incognito."
If he was miffed that the pony had guessed his words, the human didn't show it. He quickly found another problem to bring up. "That's all very well, but how am I supposed to get you past the controls? You're not exactly inconspicuous. Most people on Earth don't know what an alicorn is, but the customs people do."
Now Celestia smiled pleasantly. "A disguise spell. I will be a pony criminal who has been sent into slavery in lieu of a death sentence." To demonstrate, her horn lit up and the Princess was enveloped in a cloud of brilliant yellow, almost exactly like sunlight. When it faded, a new pony stood before the slaver.
She was a simple earth pony, an unremarkable cyan with a green mane. She was shorter even than Luna. Her hoofguards and ceremonial vest looked comically oversized. When Celestia opened her mouth even her voice was different.
"Meet 'Supple Branch', a convicted murderer."
Impressed, despite himself, Mr. Plain jumped to his feet and walked around the disguised alicorn. He whistled to himself. "Impressive," he said. "Yeah, I reckon this could work. But you can't stay like that for long, can you? Otherwise you'd be taking your vacations as that," he guessed correctly, waving his hands towards the disguised Princess.
Celestia shook her head. "I cannot maintain this spell indefinitely, no. If not sooner, it will slip away when I have to sleep. Once we are past the border checks, I will revert to my usual shape. You must find a buyer who doesn't know much about ponies."
The man looked doubtful, but Celestia knew it was an act - an attempt to increase his profits. "I dunno," he said slowly. "It could be tricky."
With another flash of light, the Princess reverted to her usual visage. She had a feeling that size mattered when dealing with humans, just as much as it did with ponies.
"You are the best in your line of work, are you not? And while I do not approve of what you do, I cannot prevent it without curtailing my ponies' basic freedoms. Despite that, I believe I can trust you to fulfill your end of this agreement."
Luna finally added her opinion. "Trick us, and I shall make you regret it! I will come after you!"
The human waved the threat away. "Sorry, Princess, but that doesn't scare me. You'll never make it past the border. You've seen machine guns, haven't you?"
Despite being smaller than Celestia, the night-blue alicorn knew how to loom impressively. She was just tall enough to look the human right in his face when she raised herself up proudly. Her smile was cold and merciless.
"We do not need to visit thy world to hunt you, human. The Dream spans all worlds. And I am its Mistress!"
It had a profound effect. The man gulped and backed away, wide-eyed. Undoubtedly he was imagining what kind of powers Luna might have in dreams. But he didn't know. Even most ponies didn't know. There were legends, but no hard facts. Nightmare Moon was still vivid in memories, enough so that some fear had spilled over to the humans who visited.
Celestia wrapped a comforting wing around the man's shoulders, as if to shield him from her sister. It was time to seal the deal. "Do not worry, Mr. Plain. My sister worries too much for my safety. I believe you will conduct yourself with honor and integrity in this task. No drastic measures will be required, will they?"
He managed to shake his head. But then he remembered something else. "Hey, you said 'vacation'. What happens when you've had enough of slavery? You run away and what? I smuggle you back?" The human had all but accepted. Celestia was in equal parts thrilled and afraid.
"If necessary. Consider it one of your obligations under our agreement."
It took a while and the ponies waited with held breath. But eventually, the human nodded. Celestia relaxed. Greed could always be counted upon.
"Yeah, I guess we can make it work."
Before he could change his mind, the alicorn held out a hoof for the human to shake. He did so, if a little hesitantly. "Excellent, Mr. Plain. We shall, of course, work out all the details. For now, please enjoy the amenities of this castle while I go and set my affairs in order."
"Yeah... you do that," he man said slowly.
"Oh, and I did not lie when I said a pony needs treatment. After all, you can't expect your customs officers to accept that you had gotten a slave for free, can you?"
Another nod. "Yeah, I suppose that's right. Fine, I'll get you the treatment. Anything else?"
Celestia just smiled pleasantly and left. A moment later, the younger sister also walked out, her eyes never leaving the human's. Her expression promised swift and horrible vengeance should anything happen to the Princess.
"Just what have I gotten myself into?" Mr. Plain asked the empty room.