Tracy couldn’t help but grin as Bon Bon settled his plate in front of him. In terms of tasting alien food for the first time, this looked like it would be far more alike than it was different. What was I expecting, monkey brains? This isn’t Indiana Jones. Instead it was a velvety-looking pastry, not unlike the breakfast pies he’d seen in the frozen food aisle.
“Dang that’s good,” he admitted. “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that you’d know how to cook for…” He trailed off awkwardly. He still didn’t want to just go and admit that he was an alien. “Yeah.”
“Better than what they serve in Canterlot?” the green one asked. Lyra, he thought her name was. “Maybe not as good as Ponyville’s version, but I enjoyed it.”
“Canterlot…” he repeated, poking at the edge of the pastry with one hoof. He didn’t cut into it yet, though the willpower to resist cost him more and more by the second. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a place like that. I’m from San Jose. Or… technically I’m from Ely, but that’s a long way out and nobody’s ever heard of it. So just call it San Jose.”
The ponies shared a look, particularly the two new ones he hadn’t met yet. Tracy searched for hostility in those eyes, but they seemed only confused and a little concerned. “I never left the city,” Lyra said, after a few bites from her pastry. “Is San Jose a nice place?”
Tracy shrugged. “If you’ve got money, I guess. The breweries seem interesting, and there’s the garden district. Basically, if you can afford not to live downtown it’s nice. Doesn’t help that half of the people living there are engineers working for one of the big companies, so they’re drowning in more money than they can spend. Drives up rent for the rest of us. That’s… how I got into this mess in the first place.”
It seemed to Tracy that a silent second conversation was taking place between these ponies. For all he knew, maybe they could speak with some sense he lacked. Instead of stressing about it, he finally dug into the breakfast pastry. The crust parted easily, filling his nose with a savory-sweet smell he couldn’t place. Let them share their private conversation while he ate, he’d trade that for a free breakfast.
Better be careful. If all their food tastes this good, I’ll be coming here too often. Maybe he’d have to do the exchange for gold like Discord suggested.
“So, you’re in Equestria because of the… price of rent?” The other new one asked. Bon Bon, he was pretty sure. At least their silly names were words he recognized.
He had to put the fork down to reply. “I didn’t believe it either. It’s not Rose’s fault, but… I think I was trapped into buying here. Is the name ‘Discord’ familiar to either of you?”
He didn’t need to wait for their responses, every one of them reacted with a jolt. Rose’s ears flattened, apparently embarrassed. Bon Bon didn’t look away. “I’ve, uh… heard of him.”
Him. So, she did know. He leaned across the table, hope rising involuntarily in his chest. It was probably unreasonable to expect anything, but he couldn’t help it. “Maybe you can help me! There was this contract… they’re everywhere when you rent somewhere to live, so I didn’t look too closely. Turns out it was forcing me into being here. Not that… you’re all not great or anything. I’m sure your world is amazing or whatever. But if you could help me get out of a contract with him… I’d be all kinds of grateful.”
The pony looked sympathetic, though far less hopeful than he would’ve wanted to see. “Discord is… more powerful than ordinary ponies can even imagine. Plenty of ponies today don’t even realize that he conquered all Equestria by himself. Kidnapping creatures from other realms…” She hesitated a moment. “Well, not kidnapping. You weren’t dragged here, right? You weren’t forced to agree?”
Before he could answer, Rose snapped suddenly alert. “Shouldn’t we be doing something about this, Bon Bon? You can’t keep listening to this like it’s true. What about the danger to Equestria?”
Tracy took a few seconds to process what she said. What could she be talking about? Why was she… Then it clicked. Back of the restaurant with creatures who seemed uniquely qualified to know about him. Confident, competent… “Rose, what are you asking? We’re here because you wanted to share Equestrian food with me, right? Isn’t that the only reason?”
Her head snapped towards him, glaring. “Finish your moth-pie, Tracing. I want to figure out what kind of rescue Bon Bon is planning. When do we save Equestria?”
Moth pie? Tracy dropped his fork, staring down into the pastry with sudden horror. Those little specks he could see drifting through its fluffy exterior, they couldn’t possibly be… He pawed at one, until he came out with an unmistakable chunk of wing, curled in on itself. “Oh god.” His stomach turned, revulsion coursing through him in waves. It didn’t matter how savory-sweet the pie had been, or how much he’d loved it only seconds before. They served him bugs!
“When it needs saving,” Bon Bon said. “I haven’t seen any sign we need to. What do you think, Lyra?”
Lyra rose from her chair, and something moved through the air in front of her. Tracy shielded his face from the self-propelled cloth, glowing suddenly gold—but apparently it wasn’t an attack. Instead of smashing into him, it stopped right in front of him. “You don’t look so well.”
He started to answer, but the taste of the pie was still sharp in his mouth. It was finally more than he could bear, and he began to heave. He flopped to the side, snatching the cloth and doing his best to keep the mess down. He hacked and coughed until there was nothing left in his stomach, then he kept going a little longer.
Tracy shook his head, shaking away the pain. He rose to unsteady hooves and found a cup of water floating in the air beside him. It was as impossible as everything else that had happened so far, but it was water and he was in pain, so he didn’t resist for long. He snatched it with a hoof, dumping it into and all over his face.
The chef glanced between him and the floor, pained. “Was something wrong with your breakfast? It’s not easy to source insects for insectivores on short notice.”
He shuddered, backing away from the table. “Nothing was wrong with it. Other than… it’s bugs. The fuck are you eating bugs for?” He spun, glowering at Rose. “I thought you were going to show me what your world was like. That’s not why you… Fine. Just keep it, okay? I’m going home.”
He shoved past the green one, kicked the door open, and stomped out onto the street. Tracy wasn’t really thinking after that, he just needed to get as much distance between him and the restaurant as he could. The light was overwhelming for a brain that was expecting stars. At least he didn’t have work tomorrow to worry about ruining things even more.
Tracy had been walking for nearly five whole minutes before he realized he’d run out of town. There hadn’t exactly been any thought to where he was going, and now… where was he?
Going on long walks back home was one thing, Tracy. But you don’t have a clue where you are.
He stopped, taking in his surroundings with a glance. He was standing on a dirt road, with a stone bridge ahead and trees all around. He hadn’t been going that long, so at least he couldn’t have far to go. He groaned, spinning back towards “Ponyville.”
My roommate is completely insane. She’s so afraid of me that she tricked me into meeting with… secret agents? Or just friends she trusts to back her up.
They hadn’t been trying to poison him. From Bon Bon’s reaction, she apparently thought the meal was something special. Because I eat bugs.
Just thinking about that meal brought all kinds of conflicting messages between his tongue and his stomach that he very much wanted to forget.
He walked slowly back into town, not in any rush. It didn’t help that Rose had been the one to take him to the restaurant, and she was the only one who knew the layout of the city. Did he even know what his house looked like from the outside?
Tracy stopped abruptly as he noticed a familiar face behind a street-vendor. That was Lily, Rose’s younger sister. She stood behind a stall packed with flowers and bouquets, smiling hopefully at ponies as they passed. With each who continued by without a purchase, she deflated a little more.
Why couldn’t you be the one sharing the apartment with me. You wouldn’t completely lose your shit and try to get me arrested, would you? Granted, he’d only met her a few times, and never for more than a few moments of polite conversation.
Her flower stand clearly wasn’t busy. Tracy approached, not looking at the flowers even once. Hopefully that would be enough for her to realize that he wasn’t a customer.
“Welcome to the Flower Sisters’!” she exclaimed, as soon as he got close. “Locally sourced, locally prepared, meal ready—” She trailed off, eyes widening. “Wait a minute, you’re Tracing! I didn’t think you left the house during the day!”
His ears flattened—this was hardly the first time Tracy had been called a shut-in. But it wasn’t even true this time! “I don’t usually come out on this side,” he admitted. “There was something… Your sister wanted to take me to breakfast. And maybe a kidnapping, I’m not sure.”
Lily didn’t react to that last part. Instead she smiled conspiratorially. “It was only a matter of time with you living there. Don’t let her name fool you—if you’re trying to get something for her, lemongrass and mustard is her favorite. Do you want me to arrange some for you?”
I don’t think you know your sister as well as you think, Lily. She tried to lock me up, she isn’t interested in me. Thank god. “No.” He retreated. “This might sound like an odd question, but could you point me towards home? I don’t know how to find it. Your sister”—tried and failed to screw me over—“got separated. I’ve got myself turned around.”
“Oh.” Lily’s ears flattened. “I suppose it does make sense not buying from us. She would know I’d put it together. That’s probably… weird or something. Just don’t buy an arrangement from Barnyard Bargains. Their flowers come in refrigerated trains, and they taste awful.”
Are you even listening? “Do you know how to get to Rose’s house?” he asked again, speaking as slowly and deliberately as possible. “I am trying to get home and got lost.”
Lily hesitated another moment more, then pointed. “You live on Main, don’t you? A block over from the castle? Just go that way, and if you bump into a silly crystal tree, you’ve gone too far.”
“Thanks,” he said, turning to go without another second’s delay. Any longer around Lily, and someone was going to get strangled.
“Don’t worry, I won’t tell her you asked!” Lily called after him. “I know how upset she gets when ponies pry into her relationships!”
Having to spend any length of time around a pony like Lily, Tracy could almost understand why she’d be so emotionally difficult. Almost.