She's thought about this carefully.
Her dad didn’t understand at first, but she figured he would eventually come around. Her friends thought she was only setting herself up for more trouble, but Sunset was a different story. She just grinned and coolly told her to not forget about sending her a wedding invite, and that she's expecting to be a bride’s maid this time, and that she was right all along.
Luster was excited about the prospect of having her father back. Her eyes were full of hope and the squeal she let out when she talked about the possibility of Sunburst coming back to live with them was enough to trump over the doubts of her decision.
She also considered things like, what if it doesn't work after all?', 'what if this is also another mistake?', 'what if I'm only acting out based on my current feelings again?' However, Starlight decided to be a little more optimistic this time, because this time she knows she’s more prepared.
She very much learned her lesson.
But before all that happened, she first had this conversation with her ex-husband, which had been the hardest part of it all. After their calm but heartfelt talk by the bay two weeks ago, they started talking casually again and there were a few times that Sunburst dropped her off at her house after work. Most often than not he would stay over for dinner and Luster would help him with the dishes, but she kept herself from cooking his favorite dinner. She had to be sure or she would end up hurting herself and those two even more.
He might have changed in those two years, but what if his feelings had changed as well? What if this was all just obligation? What if he was only being nice because of the guilt that came with being absent for two years? What if she was rushing into things again?
'But what if he wants to make things right this time if I only gave him the chance?' was the loudest thought in her head.
Starlight picked the quiet spot where they usually stopped to rest after a round of jogging to talk. It's a nice, semi-secluded area that's only a few meters away from the park, she liked it because it provided a nice view of the bay, especially during the summer.
Surely, she hoped, he still remembered this place.
"Sorry, I'm late." Sunburst apologized as soon as he saw Starlight. She had brought out a book along with her so waiting become a little less painful to her butt.
She looked up and met his eyes with a knowing smile. "Did Cadance put you in charge of Flurry Heart again?"
He grinned and shook his head, extending a brown paper bag towards her. “I stopped by the Sugar Cube Corner for a snack, it was more crowded than I expected.” Starlight’s smile didn’t disappear, she only motioned for him to sit beside her.
He returned the gesture and doesn’t hesitate to do so, placing the paper bag on her lap as he did so. This time, Starlight noticed, there was a little less space between them, he was close enough for her to smell his freshly washed shirt and the menthol from his shampoo.
"I'm glad you could come." She mumbled as she tucked her book inside her bag. "I thought you guys were almost on the last stretch of data gathering. I know how hectic it can be."
He shook his head. "I asked Cadance if I could take the day off. I did overtime yesterday when you told me you wanted to see me today."
If her eyes weren’t deceiving her, Starlight thought she saw a faint pink staining his cheeks. She's…touched, if anything, to think Sunburst would do that just to see her.
Had this ever happened before?
"Luster's not here, is she?" Sunburst asked as he craned his neck left and right to look for signs of their daughter’s blond hair.
"No, she’s having a sleepover with one of her friends and will be back tomorrow morning."
"Ok," Sunburst mumbled as he stared ahead. "Well, hmm, any particular reason you wanted to see me for?"
Starlight tucked a bit of her hair behind her ear and exhaled. "Well, there's something I need to talk to you about. It's been bothering me for quite some time now."
He looked at her once more, concern painted on his usually serious face.
'There's no turning back anymore,' she told herself and took a deep breath.
"Sunburst," she began and hoped he didn’t notice the slight trembling in her voice, "what do you think about starting over?"
Luster's finally retired to her room for the night. It surprised her that she was still so energetic after playing with her friend for a full day, but Starlight guessed any child would expend as much energy as they could for a few more hours with a parent that they don't regularly see. Sunburst volunteered to put their daughter to bed as she busied herself cleaning up in the living room. It's amazing how two people could mess up a room in a span of a few hours. It's even more amazing that at his age, Sunburst could still keep up with their daughter's energy. Not that 34 was very old.
The stairs creaked slightly as he came down them. Starlight placed the last of the throw pillows on the couch and flopped unceremoniously. Sunburst joined her, still keeping the friendly distance between them. She allowed herself to smile fondly at him for the first time since they'd seen each other.
"I've…thought about it. Starting over?" Sunburst began, speaking without really looking at her, a pensive look crossing his face. He glanced at her and smiled a little before continuing. "I'd like that, too."
It was Starlight who closed the space between them but not to rest her head on his shoulder, or to smell his scent that she secretly missed, but to hold him close—like she wanted for so long—and to hide her watery eyes. He felt his arms circling her back—tight, but not tight enough to hurt her. She relaxed in his embrace without a second thought.
"I'm sorry for thinking only about myself." She whispered on his shoulder, she tried to keep her tears from falling, because she knew that they wouldn’t stop once she started.
Sunburst only tightened his embrace and she felt him nuzzling the top of her head. "I'm sorry for just leaving."
Starlight realized that between the two of them, it's Sunburst who's the most sensible. Or at least the most patient.
For one, she acknowledged that she tended to react to things according to how they affected her at the moment, rarely stopping to think about the consequences. She learned that Sunburst was the polar opposite. When she told him that she wanted them to get back together, she meant that she wanted things to go back to the good old days, to act as if the two years of separation never happened. His response made her see just how much she needed to work on her patience, considering she had to deal with different types of people—mostly young adults—regularly for work.
What Sunburst meant—or at least what he understood—about 'starting over' was working his way up from zero. "I'm going to woo you, and please you as I should've done way back," is what he meant. He was dead set on courting her properly this time.
From then on, when Starlight came to the faculty office, she would be greeted by the scent of freshly brewed coffee and Sunburst sitting on the other chair inside her cubicle. He would also bring her bread, and when she wasn’t busy with morning classes, they would have breakfast together in the faculty lounge. This, of course, didn’t go unnoticed by her colleagues and they tried to mask their curiosity, shock, and even giddiness with indifference and nonchalance. Her boss Star Swirl, who also knew about her divorce, didn’t ask her about it, even when he's seen Sunburst around her more frequently. She figured as long as she got her job done and Star Swirl was pleased with her performance, then he didn’t care much about what she did.
"I see that spring has come early for you, Starlight," her other superior stated as she passed by her cubicle one busy afternoon. Starlight briefly looked up from the book she was reading and spotted Celestia with a small and knowing smile on her pretty face. "It’s such a beautiful season, don’t you think so?"
There were times when Sunburst brought her home too and this time, she wasn’t reluctant. She also invited him for dinner and let him spend the rest of the afternoon with Luster. He helped their daughter with her homework, explaining patiently and thoroughly the subjects that Luster didn’t understand, something that Starlight was grateful for. Luster was even more pleased because she could spend extra time with her father. It had been a while since she saw her beam and glow like she expected kids to look like at her age, and she admitted that she's a little jealous of Sunburst, since she hadn't seen her little one that cheery when it's just the two of them.
They put Luster to sleep together on most nights, when she wasn’t cleaning the living room, or when he didn’t have to leave early for work. They don't read stories because Luster takes after her father's sleeping habits, they simply tucked her into bed and watched as she fell asleep, her eyes fluttering and her lips upturned with a weak smile until her features relaxed. Sunburst told her once that he's happy she didn't get his resting face at all. Starlight agreed with a giggle.
After making sure their daughter was asleep, they walked down the stairs. On nights like this, she would usually see him off, tell him to take care, and wait until his car disappeared down the road before going back inside.
But this time she tugged the back of his dress shirt. Sunburst turned to face her, looking puzzled.
"You know," she whispered, looking at him from underneath her dark lashes, “this used to be your home too”.
The beating in her chest turned erratic, the widening of his eyes told her that he knew what she's saying and what she meant. She didn’t wait for him to speak. She didn’t want to. Starlight all but threw herself at her ex-husband's form to close the gap between them. It's awkward, but only because of the height difference, and because she is standing on her tiptoes instead of wrapping her arms around his neck for balance. They stood there awkwardly for a few seconds until his hands came to rest on her shoulders and he gently pushed her away, and his actions hit her like an ice-cold shower.
"I know that," he said it so quietly she almost didn’t hear it. His hands stayed on her shoulders as if he were making sure she didn’t try anything else. "Which means this isn't my home yet."
Starlight frowned at his sudden modesty. He's certainly seen it all, heard it all, tasted it all—why was he shy all of the sudden?
She allowed herself some room, to be honest. To hell with being mature.
"It's not like we haven't done this before. We've done so much more."
It annoyed her that Sunburst only laughed at her comment. What? So now he's the better one in this relationship? What happened to him in the two years he was away? So mean.
It's only when his laugher was under control that he started talking.
"Look, Starlight; this is just as hard for me as it is for you. I know very well what else we've done aside from kissing," he paused and blushed uncharacteristically (which was endearing enough for Starlight to smile), then cleared his throat. "Anyway, we're not husband and wife yet. Right now, we're exes, and I'm here trying to get on your good side—properly this time—and knowing you, you'd probably stop in the middle of the action to ask if it's okay to have sex when we aren’t together anymore."
She's floored. She opened her mouth to say something, then stopped, thought better of it, and sighed. Starlight touched her cheeks and they’re warm with embarrassment.
"I wouldn’t do that," she muttered, and as much as she tried to avoid it, she looked at Sunburst's eyes, “would I?"
Sunburst only laughed.
He told her on his last week of work that he'll be going back to his original apartment, located an hour away from where she lived, and since he would be returning to his normal work schedule it would be harder to see each other. Despite his calm tone, he watched her with slight anxiety in his eyes, waiting for her reaction. Starlight just smiled and took his hand in hers, her thumb caressing his knuckles as she assured him that she understood, that she would be fine in his absence. He smiled and promised that he'll make time for her no matter what, and for their daughter, too. She nods, and that simple gesture quelled the anxiety that was building up inside him.
A few days later, Starlight and Luster Dawn paid a visit to Sunburst's temporary lodging—a quaint studio not far from the university—which Cadance shouldered as part of their agreement. Mother and daughter along with Sunset drop by to help him pack his things, but the girls found themselves mostly packing numerous books and folders in boxes instead of furniture, and Starlight couldn’t say that she was surprised when she saw that all his clothes fitted perfectly in two small suitcases.
When lunchtime arrived Sunset offered to go to the store and buy lunch for all of them, asking Luster if she would like to come along so she could pick the dessert, the little one agreed to such a tantalizing offer without hesitation and eagerly took Sunset’s hand as they walked through the door. Sunset turned and winked at Starlight before they set off. She rolled her eyes in response.
It’s just the two of them seated on the floor of his bedroom, Starlight to the left, and Sunburst to the right, as they sorted out the books he brought along for his work and placed them neatly into their proper boxes.
"Come to think of it, we never talked about what happened to you two years ago," Starlight said as she taped the box shut. "Where did you stay?"
Sunburst took the box from her and set it atop of the others. "Shining Armor allowed me to stay over his place for a week until I found a small unit that's only a walking distance from his house."
"You went to his house after the divorce?"
"He happened to spot me sitting alone at the bus stop and saw the luggage. It didn’t take him long to piece together what happened."
"I’m not surprised, Shining Armor's a lot more perceptive than people think. That's very nice of him."
Sunburst hummed in agreement. "He even gave me food to last the whole week, when he found out how bad I was in the kitchen."
She laughed and his arm came to rest on her shoulders, pulling her close as she rested her head on his collarbone. "I have to thank him someday."
They sat in silence and Starlight’s lost in the moment, granted it’s a mundane one, but she treasured it almost as much as other more important memories. It was the first time in a long time that Starlight had felt so at peace, with herself, with Sunburst, with the world. And that peace had found her there, sitting on the beige carpet, the midday sun shining behind them and casting their shadows on the floor, illuminating the dust spores dancing in the air, the warmth of his hand permeating through her shirt, and his beard tickling her forehead as he sat close.
She loathed to break the silence, but Sunburst did it for her. "During that time, living on my own again and having more time to think clearly, I did realize some things about us and myself."
Starlight made sure to listen as he spoke, it was rare for Sunburst to willingly speak his mind without her prodding because Sunburst was generally reserved. This was a new side to him and she couldn’t help but smile slightly as he opened up to her in a way that had been lacking while they were married.
"For one, I was surprised that I wasn’t overcome with helplessness after living with you guys and then suddenly being on my own, then again, I've managed before our marriage…and while I’m sure that I can be alone for as long as I want, I…" he paused, and Starlight looked up to see him scratching his cheek as a charming shade of red taints his cheek, "…don't want to. Or at least, I choose not to."
She's tempted to retort about how modest he's suddenly become, but she felt that it'll ruin the moment. So Starlight bit her tongue instead.
Their eyes meet, and Starlight can't help but flash a lopsided smile. His brows furrow and he frowned. "You're making fun of me, aren't you?"
The small snicker that escaped her mouth betrayed her even before she could think of what to say. "I'm sorry. I guess I'm not used to you speaking your mind so openly. Remember how it used to be one of the topics we argue about?"
His frown deepened. "Well, I still have trouble trying to be more expressive, you know."
"Then I guess we'll work on that." This time, she thought, they'll work on that, along with many other things.
And thus the story about love discovered, love ignited, love forgotten, love abandoned, and love rekindled has been restarted.