//------------------------------// // Part 5 // Story: Chryscord // by Pootie D. Trillist //------------------------------// Look more shipping! See I didn’t leave you hangin… The Elements of Harmony tmhasbro had been defeated by Discord and Chrysalis’ love, I know cliché isn’t it? The massive changeling army took every pony city one by one. Over the course of a few hours the newly promoted commanders’ strategy of deliberate confusion fooled the ponies by tricking them into beating each other senseless. Now in an incredibly high position of power, the most horribly shipped MLP tmhasbro couple finds themselves looking at all the possibilities. “Oh wow this is even bigger than my last palace!” Chrysalis shouted down the massive hallway, “One can only imagine the number of slaves who died making this place.” “Wow… Chrys, really?” Discord sneered, “you know the earth ponies are still really sensitive about that and we just conquered them, I mean really I thought we gave up on being tyrannical.” “Seriously Discord?” Chrysalis screamed back, “you are the one who enslaved them remember?” “Oh yeah,” Discord chuckled, “I did build the first Canterlot on the backs of a hundred thousand forced laborers didn’t I? Boy I guess I did deserve to spend a thousand years as a statue.” “Yeah, you doing that to ponies makes my sacrifice of so many changelings in conquering this stupid Empire seem like nothing,” Chrysalis grinned, “I guess we run the world now, isn’t this every villain’s dream?” “I just love the showmanship and conquest,” Discord admitted, “I have never liked the part where I actually run the world.” “Oh yeah, I truly am a horrible leader,” Chrysalis confessed, “the great thing about absolute monarchies is that no one else is allowed to say anything about it.” “Maybe we really should try and do it the right way this time.” Discord cringed at the thought of actually ruling a country without torturing its subjects, “we really should make a couple of speeches or something to touch base with the populace. Maybe reward your soldiers if they return looted property and… oh who am I kidding let’s just scare the crap out of everyone and wait until some spell or something restores Celestia.” “Good Faust our lives are predictable,” Chrysalis pouted, “let’s just have fun this time.” “Gigantic stone monument of our glory?” Discord asked with a gigantic smile. “Damn Discord when did you start reading my thoughts?” Chrysalis laughed (yolo). ======= Luna limped her way through the tattered streets, if her sister’s plan was correct then Celestia’s statue would be up just one more city block. ‘Of course,’ Luna thought ‘I did fall from fifteen feet higher than I agreed to but Celestia would never miscalculate her own downfall.’ The princess of the night made her way around the block, where she saw the debris. “Oh my Faust!” Luna screamed at the horrible sight of her sister’s shattered statue, “WHY? Why? Why would you intentionally deviate from your original plan like this Tia? I have such a bucking headache right now and you are making me do a reassembly spell. That’s top grade magic and I’m in serious pain, but I know how you get.” Luna remembered what happened the last time she tried to disagree with her sister, shuddering at the thought of spending another thousand years on the moon. “You know what I just want something for all of this just once Tia.” She reared up on her hind legs and took in energy from the universe around her. A white aura shined around Luna, feeding her a massive amount of energy, changing her eyes from their usual color to a bright white. She blasted the rubble, collapsing on the ground in pain as she watched her magic take hold. Celestia reassembled in front of her sister, coming out as flawless as ever. “I love how you always come through for me Luna,” Celestia smiled as she approached her sister, “let’s get you some medical help and then take back our throne. How does a nice new defense tax sound?” Luna’s magic had been used up, leaving her as a small, light blue filly. She looked up from the spot where she laid in pain, staring her sister in the eyes. “By defense tax do you mean we pocket half of it for ourselves?” Luna smiled at the thought of more money. “Half? I was thinking more like three quarters,” Celestia laughed, “how would you like that?” “I’d like that a lot Tia,” Luna managed to squeak out before losing consciousness. ======= “Oh Faust my miserable head,” Twilight wined from inside of her cell in the castle catacombs, “I can’t believe you gave us acid the other night Pinkie, we haven’t had any proper sleep and I have been dehydrated this whole time. Seriously why would you do this to me?” “How was I supposed to know that we would get caught up in all of this,” Pinkie’s hair deflated from its usual puffiness, “I just thought it would be fun to try, but I guess I got about twenty ponies high against their will huh?” “Yes you triflin’ ass bitch,” Apple Jack shouted, “you’re supposed ta ask first before ya go an drug a whole damn party!” “I’m sorry that I got us into this mess,” Pinkie began to cry, “if it wasn’t for me at least we all wouldn’t feel like doo doo right now.” “But we would still be in the catacombs in separate cells with very little food or water and nothing but the floor to sleep on either way,” Fluttershy reasoned, “I think I’m just going to make the most of this like Biggie Smalls did and write a rap album.” “Well shit I guess I should just hang myself… except I don’t have anything to do it with,” Rainbow Dash complained, “this whole situation couldn’t be any less awesome.” Suddenly a changeling guard came around the corner. “All of you have been requested by her royal highness Queen Chrysalis of the changelings and Equestria and her co Emperor Discord in the throne room in five minutes. Come with me.” “Stupid writer’s stupid plot devices,” Pinkie Pie grumbled as the guard put her in shackles. ======= “Ok you impudent little swine!” Chrysalis addressed her new subjects from the palace balcony, “you insignificant specks of stupidity, you little walking vaginas with horns! It has come to my attention that this bullshit constitutional monarchy needs a little bit of an overhaul, so from this point forward I hereby disband the pony parliament, overturn the marena-carta, and decree you all to be enslaved to myself and Discord until further notice.” Chrysalis knew the deep seething hatred she was stirring up in the crowd, in fact the changeling knew it all too well. The murmers of revolt, the angry looks on pony faces, and the negative energy were all familiar to her, and not concerning in the least. “Therefore, as your new queen I hereby decree that a monument to this conquest be built in the center of Canterlot square! A twenty foot high, golden statue of Discord and myself, sitting atop a ten foot high pile of golden skulls, with a massive base and a plaque that says ‘neh neh neh boo boo… ponies eat their own doo doo’. Thus says your queen!” The outrage was very clear from the moment she accused ponies of consuming their own feces, and Chrysalis was trying her best to stifle her laughter. She walked back inside of the palace, hearing the ponies of Canterlot shout horrible things toward her. “So babe, I can guess from the sound of the mob outside that it went exactly as planned?” Discord asked as Chrysalis began to lose her composure and start laughing. “I called them walking vaginas with horns!” the changeling queen chortled, “I said they eat their own crap and called them impudent swine. Oh it was absolutely fantastic doing that whole evil conqueror bit again.” “I’m glad to hear you’re enjoying yourself,” Discord smiled as he pulled out a joint, “and speaking of enjoying…” “Of course I’d like to smoke with you,” Chrysalis smiled, “but that little joint reminded me, what happened to Princess Cadence? Have you checked on her today?” Discord cringed, thinking of the best way to break bad news to his special somepony. “Well I certainly did check on the princess,” Discord struggled to say, “and… well… I really don’t know how to say this.” “What happened?” Chrysalis stared at the draconequus. “Well, I guess the spell I put on Cadence left her higher than I ever thought possible,” Discord admitted, “and even though we shared a pizza with her, she was still hungry. I never changed Shining Armor back from that chess pie, and she didn’t quit smoking all day and night yesterday.” “Oh boy, so she ate a part of the Royal Guard Captain,” Chrysalis frowned, “the last thing we need is to reassemble Shining Armor and he’s missing a leg or a kidney or a chunk of his head.” “We won’t have that problem,” Discord sheepishly grinned, “Cadence ate the whole damn thing, probably two hundred pounds of chess pie, gone between one yesterday afternoon and three today.” “How the tartarus is that even possible?” Chrysalis shouted in disbelief, “Shining Armor’s wife ate every single piece of him in the matter of a day? Does she still have twelve pounds of herb upstairs?” “More like eight,” Discord admitted, “that pony hasn’t stopped smoking since we got here. Probably a good thing considering the pain any normal pony would be in after eating their Faust damned husband.” “Oh boy,” Chrysalis tried to think, “I guess at least we know one thing.” “What’s that?” Discord asked. “We know that Cadence can’t escape because she’s definitely far too bloated to fly, and Shining Armor can’t escape because he’s inside of her,” Chrysalis reasoned. “Yeah well, I guess I can always try and change him back after digestion,” Discord shuddered at the concept of Shiny Sparkle being turned into the most disgusting thing ever, “we should probably tell Twilight and her friends at the very least.” ======= A small time Canterlot doctor sat at home with his family, huddled on the floor waiting for whatever horrible thing to happen next, when a knock was heard at his door. ‘Bucking great, I bet it’s a roaming death squad sent here by that changeling bitch to kill my family’, he thought as he slowly walked toward the door, ‘I guess the best I can hope for is that they will kill me first so I don’t have to watch the kids go’. He opened the door and was shocked to see the ponies waiting on the other side. “Sweet Faust it’s you!” he spoke quietly as he dropped to the floor and cried tears of joy, “praise Faust for this glorious day, our princesses live.” “Yes, but I think Luna has some head trauma,” Celestia coldly added, less than impressed by the stallion’s display, “she fell about sixty feet into a brick house… but my sister is one tough cookie.” “Please bring her in,” the doctor stepped aside and held his door open, “we have a guest bedroom down the hall, hardly befitting a princess but…” “Hardly,” Celestia agreed. “Daddy is that who I think it is?” the doctor’s small daughter asked. “Yes darling, but the princesses deserve our privacy if nothing else,” the doctor stated as Celestia made her way to the guest room with Luna on her back, “you may only talk to the princess if she speaks to you first, do you understand?” “Yes daddy,” the filly agreed. Celestia laid Luna down gently onto the bed, watching her sister’s shallow breathing. The doctor grabbed his medical kit and walked back into the bedroom, giving Celestia a nod before sanitizing his front hooves and putting on a medical mask. He got to work, checking the night princess as delicately as he could for any health problems. “I did a case study on the health of an alicorn as compared to a normal pony in college,” the doctor explained, “and from my knowledge of the subject I can tell you that certain things are more fragile because of your delicate frames.” “Fragile, ha,” Celestia chuckled at the notion of anything on her being more fragile than a regular pony. “I wouldn’t laugh just yet,” the doctor explained, “it seems as though alicorns can survive almost anything, however this is only because your magic is incredibly powerful. With your sister it appears as though she has used a large quantity of magic shortly after receiving a massive blow to her delicate system.” “Well yeah, she had to reconstitute me from rubble,” Celestia explained, “that’s probably the only spell no unicorn possesses the ability to do. Also we had planned to have her fall about fifty feet into a hay roof, she fell about sixty-five and hit a support beam.” “Well that explains everything then,” the doctor explained, “Luna’s magic is functioning at about a third of its usual capacity, she has a broken back leg, six broken ribs, some hairline fractures in her skull, and obviously brain damage, but without any MRI’s or X-Rays I can’t really tell how severe. If she remains unconscious too much longer it could be fatal.” “Nah,” Celestia laughed, “I’ve seen her take way worse before. If she has a third of her magic she will be mostly healed in about six hours or so.” “I will still set the leg for a cast and get her an IV for some fluids,” the doctor reasoned, “even if she regains consciousness in six hours the ribs will take at least twenty four. This leg concerns me, a lesser pony would need that amputated, however with Luna I would say two weeks minimum. I will need to give her some booster shots for…” “You know for a fact that no member of my family has ever gotten any kind of infection before, I read the Case Study,” Celestia stated, “why would Luna need a vaccination for normal ponies?” “Unicorns get infections and as of right now her magic is only about fifty percent more powerful than that of an average unicorn,” the doctor explained, “as a medical professional I must see to it that I take every possible precaution.” The doctor paused for a moment and tried his hardest to hide a gigantic smile. “I am absolutely honored that you read my Case Study by the way,” he added. “Oh you didn’t think I just went to a random pony’s house and asked for medical attention did you?” Celestia asked. “Well… I… Uh?” the doctor stammered out. “Well I believe I would like some tea if you have it,” Celestia smiled, “I take two sugar cubes and a lemon wedge.” ======= Twilight Sparkle was less than happy. Her body was dehydrated and still felt some of the effects of her experience the other night, her head throbbed from not sleeping, and she was fairly certain that she stunk. Her friends weren’t much better as they stood in a throne room with shackles on all of their hooves awaiting probable torture at the claw and paw of the most evil being to ever walk on Equestrian soil. As Chrysalis and Discord entered the room laughing, the elements of harmony tensed up, afraid of what might happen next. “You know the whole impudent swine thing cracks me up every time,” Discord chuckled as he approached the pony element bearers. He reached down towards Twilight Sparkle, who shuddered at her nemesis and closed her eyes. She was shocked to find that she was unharmed and her shackles gone. “What did you think? That I was going to kill you or something.” “Well, yeah,” Twilight sheepishly admitted, “you are evil incarnate.” “Hahaha splendid,” Chrysalis laughed, “I guess that settles it, I’m just bad and Discord is actually evil incarnate.” “I think I owe you five bits now,” Discord chuckled. “So can we go or is there some nefarious plan to send us on a quest to our dooms?” Rainbow Dash asked. “Oh you all can go in just a second with no negative repercussions… there’s just one thing I need to tell you first,” Discord claimed as the expression on his face became slightly more grim, “or well, I guess we could just show you.” Chrysalis stepped aside, revealing a massively bloated version of Princess Cadence, sitting on top of her own stomach, smoking what had to be at least her fiftieth blunt of the day. “Oh my Faust, she’s having triplets and my asshole brother didn’t tell me,” Twilight smiled, “I’m so happy for you Cadence, but why are you smoking?” “Because there is only one pony inside of her and it’s your brother,” Chrysalis began to crack up at Twilight’s facial expression. “And here I thought this might be a DELICATE situation,” Discord sneered, “well I guess I would like to start by telling all of you that I harbor no ill will, the past is done and now is all there is.” “But what in tarnation happened?” Applejack shouted, “Cadence aint just eat Shiny on her own free will.” “Well I did,” Cadence admitted as she rubbed her massive belly, “and he was really tasty.” “I turned him into a chess pie and left them alone,” Discord admitted, “I really had no idea that this would happen, but I guess I need to wait until… well you know.” “He means he’s waiting for her to poop!” Pinkie Pie laughed, “you can just say it, this is the funniest possible thing that could have happened.” “Yeah… totally,” Cadence admitted as she opened up a candy bar wrapper “She ate a two hundred pound chess pie earlier, and the damn princess is still eating,” Chrysalis whispered into Discord’s ear, “I think I figured it out, Celestia controls the sun, Luna controls the moon, and Cadence controls diabetes.” Discord tried to stifle a laugh. “Could you please take this a little bit seriously, there is a chance that I won’t be able to reconstitute him.” The expression on Twilight’s face was one of absolute horror. “Are you saying that my brother is dead?” she asked. “I’m saying that if he isn’t then he probably wishes he is,” Chrysalis laughed. “Actually when a pony is changed into something inanimate, they enter a comatose state so he doesn’t feel a thing,” Discord tried to help Twilight look at the bright side, “I just have never reconstituted a pony after digestion before so there is a slim chance that he won’t make it. I just felt it was the right thing to tell you.” “And since when are you interested in doing the right thing?” Rarity asked. Discord just looked at Chrysalis and shrugged, “well I guess we all have to grow up sooner or later… I just happen to be a thousand years late.” ======= Luna stirred in her bed, slowly returning to consciousness. “Ooooh my head,” the night princess moaned as she tried to sit up. “Please lie down,” the Doctor politely explained, “your body has been through quite a bit of trauma in the past forty eight hours and it’s best to do as little as possible until you are fully healed.” “Ok, but where’s Tia?” Luna groggily asked. “She brought you here and did everything she could for you, but your sister said that in order for her plan to be brought to fruition that she needed to leave to prepare,” the Doctor stated with some confusion on his end, “I asked her what she meant and she said you would know. All this happened about an hour ago.” “Yeah, she’s pretty anal about planning things through til the end,” Luna admitted, “I just hope she wasn’t rude to you.” “Oh she was,” the doctor smiled, “but she might have given me the confidence I need to pursue a private practice. Now if you don’t mind she mentioned that you would wake up in about six hours and it’s been exactly five hours and forty eight minutes, so I need to do a couple more tests.” “Classic Tia,” Luna chuckled. ======= “OH YES!” Chrysalis screamed as she climaxed, her hooves curling in and her whole body tensing up for that one brief moment. “Bam! Bam! Bam!” Discord shouted as he finished, rolling off of Chrysalis to take a breath, “well I guess this makes six different bedrooms we’ve had sex in today. Want to go and try out the master suite?” “Are you TRYING to make me obese?” Chrysalis asked as she heavily breathed and sweated all over the sheets. “No darling, but having all this sex with you has definitely made my day,” Discord smiled as he lit up another joint, “damn these royal ponies have good weed.” “I’ve told you before on multiple occasions,” Chrysalis explained, “all of this love you have for me is going straight to my ass. I’m so full from your love today that if we fuck again I will probably throw up.” “Who ever said this additional weight looked bad?” Discord teased as he passed the joint, “I personally think it’s downright sexy.” “But I’m so bloated right now,” Chrysalis smiled, “I’m so full already. If we go again I’m going to end up looking like Cadence.” Discord snapped his fingers and transported the pair from the ambassador suite to the master bedroom. Lying on Celestia’s massive, plush, luxurious bed felt heavenly. Chrysalis was thoroughly stoned and wanted Discord to pound her into next week, but was using every inch of will power to keep from increasing the already ridiculous amount of nutrients in her system. She already knew that tomorrow her fat ass would be fatter, but Discord was persistent. He caressed her in his arms, chuckling as she tried to squirm away. The draconequus kissed every inch of the changeling’s body, tenderly sucking and licking her everywhere. “Resistance is futile,” Discord commanded as he rolled on top of Chrysalis, “surrender to my will or have it forced upon you!” “Well, here we go again,” Chrysalis sighed as the pair began to make love for the seventh time. ======= The bearers of the Elements of Harmony tmhasbro sat in Cadence’s room, smoking blunts and watching late night television on her Hooflix account. With a bedroom full of munchies and seven pounds of the finest chronic in Canterlot at their side, the mane six were more than happy with the outcome of their day thus far. “Oh I’m so glad I got to nap and shower,” Twilight grinned, “and this smoke cleared my headache right up. Boy you royal ponies have the best weed.” “The best weed outside of the kush mah brother grows at Sweet Apple Acres,” Applejack corrected. “No this is even better than sweet appleicious,” Cadence explained, “no other weed has ever made me eat my own husband before.” “Well ah reckon that’s true,” Applejack agreed. “So is this what you little turds do while I’m gone?” Princess Celestia walked into the smoke filled room with a sour expression on her face, “you trash the palace, eat all my munchies, smoke all the weed Hadrian left me, and watch hooflix?” “Umm yeah?” Cadence sheepishly grinned, “I also ate my husband.” “Well that explains why you got so bucking fat in such a short amount of time,” Celestia walked up to the princess of love and poked at her fat rolls, “you’re absolutely disgusting Cadence.” “So did you come back to reclaim your rightful place as princess?” Pinkie Pie asked. “No I came back to smoke weed and watch hooflix with you lazy mother buckers,” Celestia sarcastically claimed. “Well here ya go,” Pinkie passed the joint, “we were about to watch Half Baked if you’re interested.” “I have seen that too many times to ever be interested,” Celestia frowned, “so elements of dumbassity, can you tell me where Discord is or do I just have to find him myself.” “He’s having relations with Chrysalis in every room of the castle,” Twilight explained. “Oh boy… he had better not be in my master suite,” Celestia rolled her eyes and walked away, “you can all go home now, but I expect some compensation for all the food you ate and all the weed you smoked understand?” “Yes Princess Celestia,” they answered in unison. “But princess, I need to stay and make sure my brother’s all right,” Twilight explained, “he needs reconstituted when Cadence... well you know.” “Fine, but the rest of you need to get the buck out and go home,” Celestia sneered, “I will go deal with those stupid villains.” “And I will go release Shining Armor,” Cadence added as she began to happily roll towards the bathroom. Everypony else just looked at her with disgust. ======= Discord slept next to his lover, holding her in his arms and smelling her delicate hair while he slept. Sure the two of them had their differences, but Chrysalis was the love of his life, and there would be nothing that could ever change that. Discord smelled a familiar stench wafting into the room and grinned. Cannabis sativa was one thing that he always knew too well. He heard a few noises and ignored them, assuming that any threat would be dealt with by the changeling guards. All seemed right until the God of Chaos heard a small clicking noise like a bullet being loaded into the chamber of a gun. He snapped awake, stirring his lover in the process. “Oh my Faust,” Discord cringed at the visage standing at the foot of the bed, “It was an accident I swear.” Chrysalis awoke and screamed at the sight. Celestia sat at the foot of her bed, a shotgun levitated in front of her as she smoked Pinkie Pie’s joint. “So you really thought you could get away with taking over my kingdom huh?” the princess cocked her gun, “and here I actually thought you two were smart sometimes.” “I-i-i-it was an accident!” Discord reassured the princess, “I knew you had some kind of contingency plan Tia, honest. We were only trying to have some fun until you returned.” “Y-yeah,” Chrysalis confirmed, “we wanted to scare your subjects a little bit… that’s what you wanted us to do right?” “Well I suppose so,” Celestia began to grin as she set down her weapon, “and you two did a damn good job at that. But I just needed to put you turds in your place for messing up my clean sheets!” “They certainly aren’t clean anymore,” Chrysalis blushed. Celestia laughed at the changeling’s accident. “Some evil queen you are,” she continued to chuckle, “I must say, thanks to this little fiasco I’ll be able to add some big taxes to the government agenda.” She tossed a set of keys to the couple, “here’s that Manehattan penthouse I promised. It’s stocked with food and drinks to last a while, along with about a half-pound of my personal stash.” Celestia reached for her gun one more time, “now get the tartarus out of my bedroom before I leave changeling brain stains on my wall. AND you owe me a new set of sheets; those were eight hundred thread count… not cheap.” ======= Celestia, Twilight, Chrysalis, and Discord stood outside of Cadence’s bathroom waiting for the princess of love to finish her business. It had been an hour and she was still on the toilet, making Discord more anxious with each passing second. Finally, the sound of hoof washing was heard and Discord breathed a sigh of relief. Cadence emerged, still very overweight but able to walk once again. “Normally I would advise against going in there for about the next forty five minutes or so,” Cadence admitted, “but desperate times call for desperate measures.” She shoved Discord into the bathroom and grinned, “I know you all think I’m a horrible pony now, and I truly don’t care. That felt better than any one of you could possibly imagine.” Discord stared at the two hundred pound crap in front of him and struggled to not throw up. He waved his claw and paw in front of the stool, hoping with everything he could that his magic didn’t fail him now. He mumbled some words in old ponish and released a massive amount of energy, undoing all of his previous enchantments that turned his enemies into edible foodstuffs. He smiled at the unicorn in the toilet bowl. “Success!” he cheered as he turned to leave. “Eeeewwww,” Shining Armor cringed, “this is the grossest damn thing to ever happen to me by far.” “Shining Armor Sparkle I command you to take a shower immediately!” Celestia shouted at her royal guard captain, “and rinse out the shower when you are done. I am going to burn my sheets but when I come back to this suite we shall smoke some more herb and watch Half Baked.” “But I thought you said you have seen Half Baked too many times to count,” Twilight questioned. “I have, but I will watch it again,” Celestia explained, “I love the movie, I just hate dealing with all of your annoying ass friends at once. Oh and Discord, be a dear and bring Luna back here for me. Tonight we will enjoy ourselves and tomorrow I will tell the public the harrowing tale of how Luna and I defeated you two with… I don’t know the magic of family or something stupid like that. In the meantime can you all tell me what you learned from this experience?” “Princess Celestia is always in control and we are nothing but her pawns,” the group stated in unison. “Very good,” Celestia smiled, “I think they are finally starting to get it.”