My friend Josie taught me everything I know about how to use my powers. She visited me at least once a week, if not more, from the entire time after I learned that I had weird powers, up until the point we moved to Skytree. She was always kind of sad though. I hated anyone being sad, especially a friend.
One day, I tried to do something about it.
I had been expecting her. Because we had a rough schedule. It wouldn't do for her to show up in the house unexpectedly when we had guests, or I wasn't there. My mom accepted her presence, because she understood I needed to learn how to control my abilities. I'm not sure my mom ever really liked Josie though. It took a lot of effort to convince my mom to go along with my plan, but my mom eventually caved in, mainly because she couldn't deny me trying to make someone happy.
When Josie appeared she gaped at the room in open mouthed shock. My mom and I had party streamers hanging from the ceiling, balloons scattered around, a big cake, along with a big banner that said 'A Very Merry Unbirthday, Josie!'. Alice in Wonderland was my favorite book, and I loved the idea of an unbirthday party. You could have an unbirthday party every day of the year, except for your birthday, and that was better than just one birthday party a year.
"Happy unbirthday, Josie!" I shouted with joy. I then paused. "It isn't your birthday today, is it? This would be really badly planned if it was."
Josie gave me a flat look. "It actually is my birthday."
"Oh…," I mouthed, unsure what I was supposed to do now.
Josie stared at me with one eyebrow raised. "No, it isn't my birthday. What's this all about?"
I brightened up again, and laughed. "You got me good! I just wanted to have a party for you. You're always really nice to me, but you always seem unhappy. I want to turn your frown upside down!"
Josie blinked, then looked suspiciously at my mom. "And you helped her with this?"
My mom seemed unsure how to reply. "I- I am willing to indulge whatever helps bring my daughter joy. I couldn't deny her a chance to throw you a party if that was what was going to make her happy."
I put my kazoo in my mouth and started playing the unbirthday song as best I could (not very well at all). Josie just continued to stare, and after a few seconds I stopped, and dropped my kazoo. "What's wrong? Is it the cake? I know you can't eat it here, since you aren't really here, but we could mail some to you."
Josie sighed, and ran a hoof across her muzzle. "It isn't the cake."
I looked around, trying to determine why this wasn't going right. "Is it too bright? I know you don't like bright light, but I didn't think it was that bright in here. Maybe too colorful?"
Josie gave me an even sadder look than normal. "Rebecca… I know your heart is in the right place, and I really appreciate the gesture-- I do, but I don't think this was a good idea."
"Should I do something else?" I asked, looking for something to cheer my friend up.
Josie bit her lip, and seemed to be calming herself. "I don't deserve this. Just let it go. We have lessons to do."
"Now wait one moment!" My mom yelled. "My daughter has gone out of her way to do something nice for you, and you refuse to even try to pretend to be happy about it? I don't know what kind of problem you have, but it better not be with my daughter."
Josie's eyes narrowed. "I don't pretend to be happy about it because I don't want to put on some fake persona for her, and lie to her. I'm here because there was a scared filly, dealing with things she didn't understand, and I can't leave a filly like that when there is something I can do about it."
My mom was about to fire back some angry retort, but I asked a question first. "Why? Why don't you think you deserve it? Did you do something wrong? I don't think you did anything wrong."
Josie took a step back. She seemed to be really struggling with something. She gave me a final sorrowful look, and then vanished.
My eyes started to sting, and my vision got blurry. Before I knew what was happening, my chest was tightening and I started to cry. My mom hurried over to me and grabbed me up into her arms. I wrapped my wings around my mom and cried onto her shoulder while she cradled me in her arms.
"What did I do wrong? I wanted to make her happy."
My mom rocked me back and forth, still holding me tight against her shoulder. "I know you did, that's who you are, but sometimes you just can't make someone happy."
"Why?" I sniffled. "Doesn't everybody want to be happy?"
"Some people don't," my mom replied quietly. "Some people get it in their head that they can't be happy, that they shouldn't be happy. Some people just wallow in their own self loathing. You can try to help, but you have to understand you can't always help them."
"Why is Josie like that?"
My mom just continued to try to soothe me. "I don't know, sunshine, I don't know."
"I'm like this because I've done a lot wrong. It wasn't my fault, but I didn't have a choice."
I picked my head up from my mom's shoulder and looked back to try to see Josie. I saw nothing. The room seemed to be empty.
"Josie?" I called out, looking for the source of the voice.
"When I was little, I had such terrible nightmares," the voice continued, still unseen. "I would wake up, and it would still feel like I was in the nightmare. Night terrors are what people call that. I could never remember what I was afraid of after, just the terror."
"What does that have to do with anything?" My mom demanded.
"Because my nightmares weren't nightmares, my nightmares were real," Josie replied. "There was always this little girl in my room, a little girl who didn't belong there, and was gone by the time my parents came running to me, just vanished. I could never remember her after, but she was always there."
"A ghost?" I asked.
"No, not a ghost. That girl was all too real. A red-headed girl in tattered clothes, she never aged, from when I was six up until when I was ten. She… she did things to me. Then, one day, she came and told me she was done, that she was sorry it had to be this way, but that I would do a good job when the time came."
"And no one ever caught her?" My mom asked, seeming to doubt the story.
"My parents put up cameras in my room, to see what was happening at night. The cameras never saw anything."
"It sounds like you were just dreaming," my mom said. "I'm guessing this was back before ETS, judging by your age, so that rules magic out."
"Oh, but that's the thing. I'm from Lazy Pines. Where ETS first broke out. My life was decided for me, and I had no choice in the matter. When I fully transformed I was not only the first night pony on earth, I was the strongest that there would be, by design. When her voice came to me again after my transformation, I didn't remember it, but I did as it said… just like she had intended."
"And what did it tell you to do?" I asked in a low voice.
"It told me how to craft a vision. The vision was my craftsmanship. The greatest mind magic crime in history was started by me, the mass brainwashing of millions. I may have been conditioned to do it, but it was still me."
Josie now appeared in front of us, crying. "I wouldn't stop trying to craft visions, and the Dreamwardens grew angry. They put me on trial, and I was unrepentant, prepared to die for what I thought was right. I wasn't so lucky. I had Phobia Remedy for a judge. It would have been so much better to have Sha'am Maut, and just died, but Phobia Remedy forced me to face my fears-- all the fears that had been suppressed and hidden from me for years. She made me remember, she made me realize the truth."
Josie stared at us with a look of horror. "Nothing in my life was ever my choice. I can't even say for sure that me being here now is my choice, or if it is just how I've been programmed to think. That's why I don't deserve parties or gratitude. I've done bad things, and I'm not a person of my own making. I'm just a tool, here to do a job."
I don't know how I managed it, but I put myself right into astral projection right then and there and sent my projected form over to Josie. Then I hugged her. It caught her completely off guard, and my mom as well; who almost dropped my body in shock, before she realized what I'd just done.
"Rebecca, please, I'm not a good person. I'm not even a person, just some thing that was made," Josie wept, trying to gently free herself from my astral grip.
"You care about scared foals."
We both turned and looked at my mom, who was watching us intently, still holding my half-asleep body. "You care about scared foals," my mom said again.
"So? Of course I do," Josie replied. "After everything that happened to me as a kid, I can't bear to watch them go through terrors."
"And that's all you," my mom said quietly. "If what you say is true, you weren't made to care about scared foals. The real you that went through all that stuff is the one that cares."
"I-" Josie began, but my mom wasn't done.
"You said you are here because my daughter was a scared filly dealing with things she didn't understand. You don't just help her, you empathize with her. You've made it so she isn't scared anymore, because of your care and empathy, not because that was what you were made to do. Please, accept my daughter wanting to celebrate you for it."
"Please, Josie," I begged, gripping her tighter.
Josie sat still, and sniffled. "Okay kid, you can mail me some cake, and play your song for me. If that is what you want to do. I do appreciate it. I just can't promise that it will make me happy."
"Will it make you less sad?"
Josie chuckled dryly. "I guess it will."
"Then that's a start."
That's when I learned how much hurt a person could be hiding, and that sometimes bringing someone joy was a process.
Maggie ended up being the one late getting back down from her new dorm, though only by about four minutes. She was very apologetic, and I told her that it wasn't a big deal. It had given me time to raid the vending machines for some snack cakes.
We got to the bookstore and reserved and paid for all our books. I thought we were supposed to take them home with us today, but they said they'd hold them there until our move-in day. That made things much easier, because there were a lot of books, and I wasn't looking forward to carrying them all at once. After that we took a brief walk around campus, just to see where everything was at, before hopping back in Maggie's car and heading home.
Unfortunately, about five minutes into the drive, the car got a flat tire. Maggie had a spare tire, but she didn't actually know how to change a tire. I of course was absolutely no help in this, other than try to be moral support. It took a few minutes, but a nice human man eventually pulled over and helped us change the tire. He took an extra few minutes looking over the other tires, and explaining that Maggie needed to replace not only the one that went flat, but a second one as well, or it would be going flat as well soon. It really was nice of him, but it took extra time, and I was starting to fret about getting home late.
While he was still explaining things to Maggie about tire wear, and how often she should get her tires changed, I called my stepdad. "Hey Dad."
"Rebecca, where are you? Are you on your way home?" My stepdad answered back. He normally called me Bec or Becky, when he used my full first name it usually meant something serious.
"I'll be home soon. We got a flat tire, but it is fixed now. We've been running behind all day," I explained. "Is everything okay? Did you need something from the store?"
"We don't need anything, but thanks for asking," my step dad replied. He paused, and lowered his voice. "Becky, have you been doing anything you shouldn't? Things involving your you-know-what?"
I shook my head. "No, I've been a good girl. Why do you ask?"
"It's nothing," Dad replied quickly. I could tell he was very worried still. "Our guests were just very insistent that you be here." His voice dropped lower still. "Two of them are OMMR agents, Bec. Are you sure that you haven't done anything? You can be honest with me, we'll protect you."
"Oh, that," I said, forcing a laugh and grin. I did my best to put my smile into my voice. "Don't worry about that. I know why they're coming, bit who's the other guest?"
"Someone important. Your mom said you met her a long time ago, your mom's old boss," Dad replied.
"Oh." Mom's old big boss was Wild Growth, who was now a senator and a national hero. She was a very important pony, and she didn't typically just make social house calls. Saying Wild Growth was showing up for dinner was like saying the president was showing up for dinner 'just because'. It just didn't happen without a reason. She didn't run my mom's work anymore either, some other person ran that company for her; so she wouldn't be visiting to talk about that.
Of course, I already knew this was all because of me, but why would a senator be showing up? The only reason some big important government person would show up was… It couldn't be that. Miss Seapony would have told me… Wouldn't she?
I wanted to astral project right then and there to ask her, but I was in public, and with Maggie. There was no way I could do that right now without drawing attention to myself. It would have to wait till I got home.
"Hey, Bec! We're ready to go. Come on!" Maggie called out to me.
I turned my attention back to my phone. "I'll be home soon, Dad. I'll ask her about it when I get back. Love you."
"Love you, too. Just stay out of trouble, and get here soon. Your mom is on her way."
I ended the call and bounded back to the car.
Maggie gave me a curious look when I got back inside. "Everything okay? Do we need to stop at the ice cream place?"
Ice cream sounded so good right now. "No time. Need to get back home to be ready for the guests."
Maggie frowned. "What's wrong?"
I turned and looked at her, giving her a big smile. "Nothing's wrong. Why do you think something's wrong?"
Maggie narrowed her eyes. "I just offered you ice cream and you didn't protest that you are on a diet. That means you want ice cream; which means you're nervous or upset about something. The fact you refused, despite the fact you really want it, means whatever is going on is urgent."
I stared at her blankly.
"Bec, I'm your friend. I know you. You might smile all the time, but you get easy to read after a while. Tell me what's going on."
I didn't have a good out for this, and no white lie available. I just lowered my head. "I'm sorry, I can't talk about it. I'll be alright, I promise. Tomorrow, when you pick me up, I'll be perfectly fine."
Maggie didn't seem happy with that answer at all. She just put the car in drive and started driving. We drove back to my house in complete silence.