A Thief's Tale: The Road to Redemption

by Ringtael

Re: Chapter Twenty-One: Operation Forbidden Durian

I had no idea what to do with my day and it already seemed like it was going to be a long one. After my little revelation last night, sleep eluded me and my stomach twisted itself into knots, raveling and wrapping itself into neat little bows that filled me with the desire to do anything else but lay down. All I could think of was the fact that I’d fallen for one of the people I respected most and had managed to get into her good graces through some manner of miracle. I didn’t want to be in love with Applejack and it didn’t feel like something that I wanted to make known at any point. On the bright side, I used the carpentry tools I had bought some time ago to make a passable deck chair. It wasn’t exactly pretty and it may have been a bit lopsided, but it was nothing a well-placed shim couldn’t fix. Working in the dark had been pretty annoying since my porch light wasn’t the best, although it still worked well enough to let me get the job done. 

The sun was rising by the time I had gotten the worst of the rough stuff off of the wood and I hadn’t slept a wink all night. Lupa was still over at Fluttershy’s, but I didn’t really want to deal with either of them at the moment. In fact, I really didn’t want to deal with anyone. I knew that my day would be even longer if I didn’t go do something, but there was nothing I wanted to do. There was no one I wanted to be around, and the one thing I needed to get off of my chest at the time was something I couldn’t take to any of the girls due to me not trusting them enough to keep it quiet. Well, that was a bit untrue. I trusted Twilight and Flutters to do right by me, but I knew they would pressure me into revealing my feelings about Applejack and it just wasn’t something I wanted to deal with.

I sat down in my newly made chair and watched the sunrise. It would have been a more enjoyable time if my heart wasn’t so divided, but I made the most of it by getting started on a different project. I began by checking to make sure that my knives were in their respective sheaths, and that I had a few days worth of food and water on me. I had no real idea how to make a bow, but there was no doubt in my mind that I could find something worthwhile in the Everfree, so I went to the forest’s entrance near Fluttershy’s house and started what would hopefully be a short journey. 

Four hours later, I had a couple of haunches of some goat-looking thing in my satchel and a few thick branches dragging along behind me, tied to my waist by a rope. I had surfaced from the Whitetail Woods right next to my house, so I didn’t have far to walk, which I was extremely glad for. I didn’t want to stroll through town with the cloying scent of blood stuck to me, and I really didn’t want to explain just what I was going to do with the leg in my bag, so it was pretty convenient. Once I got home, I cut the branches down a bit and shoved them in my shed to dry out a bit and collected some deadfall from the nearby forest to make a little log cabin style campfire. I still had the massive pyre that I had built a month ago, which reminded me that I needed to get my little party put together again.

Facepalming, I deconstructed my new unlit fire, grabbed a shovel from the shed, dug out a small hole, and lined the small pit with broad leaves that I had brought from the Everfree. After putting the meat that I had poorly skinned in the pit, I covered it with a few more of the large leaves and reconstructed my fire. Before I headed inside to get clean I lit the fire to get the cooking process started. There was no telling if the meat would be okay, but I remembered seeing something similar in a documentary that followed the lives of various indigenous peoples, so I had some hope that I would have my protein for the future sorted out. My telekinesis was really coming in handy when it came to killing shit like it used to.

I had some time to myself before I hopped into the shower and looked at myself in the mirror. I liked what I saw and the protein in my diet had done me some good. However, I still felt a little off after having spent so long in the Everfree and even though sliding back into my life felt natural, at the same time it felt alien and different. The guy in front of me wasn’t the same person that reflected back from a pond with poison frogs hopping about, and the guy smirking at me felt better than I really did. Maybe it was just the beard, but I genuinely felt like I was wearing the mask better than I usually was, even though I kind of felt a certain hollowness to a point. Yeah, I’d come back home and my friends were waiting for me, but now what? What did I really come back to?

And then I start thinking of Applejack, Twilight, and Fluttershy and it’s hard to say that I could have stayed gone much longer...

Post shower, life was looking up. I still had that awful feeling in my stomach, but I had some stuff to do now so keeping busy would help deal with that. After whittling down the sapling that I had cut down and inspecting it for any imperfection, the realization that it was a fucking tree and I don’t know shit about them, so it looked fine to me. I browsed through the four other types of wood I had brought with me, but none of them struck me like the sapling. There was something about it that told me it was made of better stuff than the others, but it really just looked like wood and bark to me. I trusted my gut and started whittling away at it some more though it was slow going. I was glad for it to tell the truth. The monotony of the task really helped pass the time, and after a few hours, I had a rather respectable shaft ripe and ready for whacking. I used a rasp to flatten out the tips and looked over my handiwork, checking for straightness and any notches in the wood that were too large. Finding it to be straight enough, I grabbed another piece of sandpaper from my quickly diminishing supply and worked on getting the surface smooth, progressively moving down to finer grits until I was sure I would have to buff it to get it any smoother. I hadn’t planned on making a staff, but it just seemed like a good use for the wood and it also meant I had a walking stick I could carve things into for shits and giggles.

That being said, I had a fondness for sticks for some reason. Maybe I was an adventurer in a past life or a warrior monk, but a man does love a good hunk of wood. Good for walking, good for whacking. Speak softly and all that, yeah? 

I decided to keep practicing my whittling with smaller pieces of wood and, as it turns out, I’m not complete shit at it. I had a decent looking cartoon face carved into the stick I was working on and wanted to see how far the new hobby would take me. From there, Mr. Me picked up another piece of softwood and delved into the wonderful world of woodworking. I worked on piece after piece and eventually managed to start getting my cuts uniform and made a few things that weren’t terrible. It was a productive time as I started in on my first real piece of work other than engravings. By the time the sun set, I’d made a goofy looking dog with two legs that were shorter than the others. I set it down on my coffee table and figured that I would give it to Celestia as a sweet gesture, so I wrote out a quick note, tied it to the figurine, and sent it via Dragonfire. I was mildly surprised to find that I could send things other than paper and brownies, but it was a good thing to know in case I ever wanted to carve a penis and send it to her in the middle of Day Court. That would be a good prank.

Before I could finish up in the ‘shop’, Celestia sent back a note asking if I was going to take up woodworking. I explained that it had kind of just been a day where I wanted to keep my hands busy and we entered a conversation about that. It was nice to know that I could always rely on Celestia’s ear and advice whenever I thought I needed it, but she tended to have a certain air about her that I wasn’t fond of whenever she started getting too tender. I can’t put my finger on it, but it’s certainly odd. However, I still thought it was a worthy venture to vent to Celestia and hear about her day in turn. She knew that she could trust me with more than she might should do, and it showed when she started talking about [Omitted].

Once my correspondence with Celestia slowed down, I cleaned up the mess I’d made and collected all the wood shavings, sawdust, and scrap wood before putting it on my bonfire so I could get it out of the way. Now that I was starting to get bored, I grabbed another shower before going into town and looking for the Lock Pad. When I got there, Onyx’s clerk at the counter was the same dim fellow who had locked himself in the closet the one time, and he told me that Onyx was in the back where he usually resided when he wasn’t installing locks or picking them for people. I thanked the fellow as I started heading deeper into familiar territory and caught the guy at the door just as he was about to take his leave for the day. I mentioned that I needed to talk to him and borrow some of his wisdom and he welcomed me to join him. Actually, he said something along the lines of ‘then shut up and let’s get on with it’, but it's the same difference. 

Once we got settled down on a bench at the park to watch the sunset like old people, he told me to speak up or shut the buck up and leave him alone, so I started talking. “So I’m having girl problems, right-” 

“S’Whatcha get for taking on so many at once. I have two mares I see regularly, and neither one is ready to make a real commitment.” Onyx grumbled before taking a bite of his sandwich, leftover from lunch. 

“Mate, that’s not even the problem here. 

He chewed for a moment. “So what is the problem?” 

“I’m pretty sure I’ve fallen for one of my friends with benefits, who also just happens to be my best friend.” 

“Yup, bucked yourself there, colt. If you really want my advice, then here it is: Wait. Wait a week or two and see how you feel. Think about why you feel the way you do about him or her, I don’t judge, and decide for yourself whether or not to tell them once you’re certain. Nothing good will come of trying to keep it between you and someone who’s close to them, so you’re already making some decent choices when it comes to who you talk to this with.”

“I know you’re not close to her, but how do you know?”

“Take a wild one.”

“Because you’re grumpy and old and I attract sweet mares?” 

He gave me a look. “... It’s one of the Elements of Harmony, right?” 

“Yeah?”

“The only one I ever talked to in depth was Twilight, and I think I scared her off well enough that she won’t come back with more questions. From what I know of you she ain’t your type, but that Applejack could be the one.” 

“Twilight’s really not, but I’m still dating her for some odd reason, and yeah, it’s Applejack. Maybe I just need to learn to be a worse person and start scaring more people off.” 

“It only ever works well when you’re as big as me or Macintosh, and AJ ain’t scared of him. Don’t think that mare got a scaredy bone in her body. You’re a little on the short side to pull it off, but you do have those predator teeth you like to flash at ponies. Still, if they ain’t scared her off when you were sucking her tits then I doubt she cares.” 

“It’s just how I smile, man! I didn’t pick my teeth, they just kinda came with being Human, and there’s nothing anyone could say to dissuade me of their uses.” Like how they bite your own ass sometimes. Not useful, just true. 

“Gotta admit I wanted to ask how meat tasted when I first saw ‘em, but it’s impolite to ask that around most non-ponies.”

I shot Onyx a bleak look. “As much as you take the piss with me, you’re worried about coming off as impolite?” 

Onyx shrugged. “Just around other ponies. I have to keep up appearances to keep my business alive.”

“Cunt.”

“Buckbone.”

“So you’re not this cunty to everyone who crosses your path?”

Onyx snorted. “You’re one of the few that tolerate it.”

“Yeah, because I know it’s just your way. You’re probably old as shit.”

“I’m still young enough to kick your ass, but in all reality? I’m just an old ex guard that’s seen more than my fair share, and in doing that, I got a lot of questions that I’d like answered.”

“Shite on a kike, maybe I can answer some for you.”

“You ever take a virgin?”

“Yeah, actually.”

“Huh. What was it like?”

“I gave her a massage and gave her a few licks downstairs. Fun trick-”

“Mares smell good, taste terrible. Apparently some mares like the taste of a stallion, but there aren’t many stallions that like a mare’s flavour.”

“Then fuck them, I think Ponies are delicious and fragrant, like candy a lot of the time.”

“That’s probably because you smell like candy, Sugarlad.”

“This coming from Cotton Cuntie over here?”

“You wanna get hit?”

“Go down on your mares, fool. It feels better for them than it does for us.”

“Eh. I’ll think about it.”

“Any other questions?”

“Virgin.”

“Oh. After the first thrust, it was just like fucking someone sensitive and tight. Very nice.”

“Alright. What was being a thief like?”

I puffed out a breath and chuckled at that. “Mm, that’s a broad question, mate.”

“I figured. Start somewhere and see where you end up.”

“Yeah… So… I guess being a thief was like always knowing that a slip of the tongue, anyone’s tongue, could be the end of your career and the start of a jail sentence. You had to have the right connections or you didn’t get work or protected. You made all the wrong kinds of friends, but there was always someone to share a drink with, especially if you were buying. It was… It was a different time in my life.”

“What was it like to steal?”

“... It was always a thrill, mate. The thrill of taking something, of trying to get away with it. Whether you’re talking about strolling through a store, running a con, breaking and entering, or just pocket-diving… All of it came with a different high that hit you in a different way. It was all so… Taboo, I guess. Like, you do it all or you specialize in some, but either way you know that the better you get the worse you are as a person. When you’re just doing it to survive it’s all well and good, but when you start doing it just to fucking have something to do… It’s a problem. It’s a different kind of addiction. Easy to break, hard to ignore, ya know?”

“Nope. Never been one to steal, never want to try it. What was it like growing up?”

“... Rough.”

“And?”

“... Rough.”

“You said that.”

“I had a shite childhood, mate. It’s not something I like dwelling on.”

“I grew up in Slane. Dad was a drunk, Mom was a salt-whore, both of them would snort a line and buck in the living room while me and my sister sat in our room and played. We never really left that room because outside was scary. Eventually came time for us to go to school. Sis was older, but only by a few minutes. She wanted to be the one to get us to school since Mom and Dad were out roaming the streets like usual, so we woke up early. Got ourselves dressed. Made our own lunch. Peanut butter crackers with the two ones with jelly on the top.” He bit his sandwich and chewed for awhile. “Never made it to school that day. We got snatched up by some folks. Never learned their real names, but it’s not a surprise. Just the nature of Slane. Sis got sold off. Fillies sold easier, but not before she got tried out to see what she’d be good for. We took the same tests, but she was unlucky enough to be a filly in the wrong city. Sis went bye bye and I sat in the same festering hole just gettin’ madder and madder in both meanings of the word before I up and got sold myself, looking like a good prize fighter.”

“Damn. Never knew you had that kind of history.”

“I was a killer before I was a stallion, kid, and I was a stallion before I met my sister again. Don’t think you need the whole life story, but that’s a part of me.”

“... Tit for tat, right? Because I’m always sharing with you.”

“Yeah.”

“... What was being a guard like?”

“Boring. Not very tough from what I’d put myself through while training for fights. Wasn’t much of a comparison. Just wasn’t allowed to hit people like I used to, but it was good enough. So what does meat taste like?”

“I have a few samples at home if you want to try it for yourself. After I spent some time in the Everfree, I went back to the roots of my kind and started hunting, though my methods couldn’t be much further from what my ancestors used.” 

“You know what? I haven’t taken a real day off since I retired from the Night Guard-” 

“Wait, you were a Night Guard?” 

“Yeah? What of it?” 

“Most Night Guards I see are either grey or dark grey, and the variation is only because of different lighting.” 

“They use magic to change your coat when you join the ranks. I swear to Celestia, if I hear so much as a peep about a pink Night Guard…” He shot me a black glare that made me doubt the safety of my ‘predator’ teeth and their positions in my mouth. 

I gulped. “There are… There are a lot of things in life I’d still like to experience and I’ve already had my face broken. I like my face unbroken, thank you very much.” 

“Knew you had a good head on your shoulders. Am I supposed to meet you at your house?” 

“I’m pretty sure you don’t know where my house is.” 

“Everypony knows where you live around here, colt.” 

I shivered. “That’s fucking creepy!” 

He shrugged. “It’s what you get when you live in a small town full of gossips. Especially if ya ain’t a Pony.” 

“I might move my house if anything then just to get off of people’s radar. Seriously, I think I’m going to be ill.I am in distress. I am distressed. This isn’t okay.” I shook my head.

“Save it for later and let’s get moving. I want to see what the deal is about eating living things.” 

“For starters, you don’t eat them alive.” 

“Shut up, smartass.” 

A passing Donkey glanced over and huffed. I wasn’t even aware that Donkeys had any representation in Ponyville. I traded a look with Onyx and he rolled his eyes, leading the way back to his shop where he told Knuckle to fuck off since he was done for the day. After that, we were on our way back to my place so he could finally get some meat in his mouth. On our way out of town, we talked back and forth about our childhoods and I found out that Onyx knew where his sister was and actually visited her from time to time. Her name was Elusive Lumoona or something and she was out further west. Not Appaloosa west, but somewhere in the middle.  

The trip back home was quick enough, but the important part is that some jet black pony with a red mane was walking toward my house. The color scheme was familiar since I hadn’t seen many legitimately black ponies... Well, ever. I vaguely remembered meeting someone who was darker than night with a bloody mane to go with the fur, and it suddenly clicked, a smile breaking out across my face. I hurried Onyx along and we slowly started gaining on him, though we caught him at my house anyway. Crimson had heard us approach and waved, so I waved back and explained who he was to Onyx but my tall friend didn’t appear to be listening. Instead, he picked up his pace and went to go hulk over my friend. 

“What the hay are you doing here.” Onyx rumbled in a lethal voice. The question was more of a statement, to be fair. “Don’t you know better?” 

“Here to visit a friend,” Crimson responded cooly, “wasn’t expecting to see a familiar face.” 

“Yeah, I bet you weren’t.” 

I looked between them, and while Onyx’s tone was overtly hostile, I couldn't get anything from their postures that would tell me if they were about to scrap, so I sat back and waited. Crimson coughed a couple times and looked over to me. “Well Max, I see you’ve met my old mentor, Daisy Carn-” He ducked suddenly and Onyx’s fist occupied the air where his face had once been. “Daisy Carnival! How dare you!?”

“I taught you not to call me that years ago, you ungrateful shit head!” Onyx snarled. 

“Old habits die hard, old monster!” Crimson answered with a grin. 

I mimicked Crimson and went over to pat Onyx’s shoulder. “Now now, ladies, let’s not mess up my house over who’s prettier, okay? Onyx, you are, just for the record.” 

He grimaced and took a swing at me this time, but I had been expecting it, so I tried to dodge to the side only to find that I couldn’t move my feet. Panic struck me and then Onyx struck me as his swing came through and his massive hand planted itself on my chest with a resounding slap, the sound echoing comically despite how much it had stung at the moment. It was solid contact and some bro shite that I hadn’t missed from England, but it was a healthy reminder of the fact that Crimson was a cunt with his magic. 

Crimson chuckled from behind me and Onyx from in front. “Oi! You cheeky bastards can’t team up!” I argued. 

“Whatever you say, colt.” Onyx grunted. “It’s good to see you again, little monster.” He turned towards Crimson.

“I’m not little anymore, old monster, and you would do well to remember that unless you want to ruin Max’s lawn.” 

I waved a hand in the air. “Yeah, catch up all you want, just don’t break my shit and we’ll be cool.” Rubbing a hand over my still smarting chest, I gave them the shittiest look I could. 

They both chuckled at that and I rose up from my bent-over position. I lead them inside and went to grab a bottle of something that burns, but I remembered that I no longer kept much in the way of alcohol in the house. Well, barring my E-bourbon and the wine… With an evil grin, I fetched a pitcher, filled it with water, grabbed three glasses and went for the wine. Crimson gave me an odd look when I came back with a wine bottle and water, but he continued catching up with his old mentor while I did my running about. After I found my shot glass, I returned and started filling glasses with water, then poured a shot into each.

“Skimping on us pretty hard, aren’t you?” Onyx chuckled. 

I grinned and gestured for them to take a sip, and when they did, their faces screwed up hilariously. “Trust me to keep the good stuff. From what I’ve been told, this wine is about a thousand years old.” 

“Where the hay did you find something like that!?” Crimson asked. 

“Spent a month in the Everfree and found some dope shit.” I shrugged. “Onyx, if you ever need a battle-axe for any reason, I have one.” 

“No thanks, I still have my old one, and I keep it in usable condition.” He shrugged.

He then traded a look with Crimson and they spoke in unison. “A dull weapon is a decoration. A sharp weapon is a tool.” 

I shook my head and they had a chuckle. “I’m guessing that’s some old guard adage?” 

“It is. It’s also one of the things I had to beat into Crimson so he would look after his sword.” Onyx grumbled.

“Shut up, old monster! The way I took care of it before was fine, and you know it!”

“You made the blade as sharp as a damned razor! How the hay did you expect it to keep an edge like that!?” 

“By taking care of it, duh.” Crimson responded. 

I sipped my watered down wine. “Not to break up the happy reunion, but it’s been a while since we’ve seen each other, Crimson. What brings you to my little slice of Hell?” 

“What? A guy can’t just come and drop in on a friend to see how he’s been? Aren’t we friends, Max?” Crimson asked innocently. 

“Sure they can, but not when it’s been as long as it has. I thought you forgot about me.”

Onyx rolled his eyes. “Crimson ain’t one for keeping in touch.” 

Crimson blushed (somehow) and scratched at his face. “I meant to write to you, but I just got so caught up-” 

“In chasing frilled and lacy stallions so you could get your rocks off. I know what you’ve been up to, you slacker.” Onyx winked. 

Crimsons blush grew. “Just because they’re high society stallions doesn’t mean they’re ugly, you just hate upper-crust hot-fashion.” 

“They always look like they’ve been put in a bucket of last night’s leftovers and thrown to the pigs.” Onyx scoffed. 

“I swear, Old Monster, you’re worse than my father.”

“Because I care more.”

Crimson rolled his eyes. “Yes, and you also hit harder.”

“Because I care differently.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, your wang still doesn’t work.”

“Don’t lust after me, you little cretin.” Onyx grunted.

I chuckled and sipped my shit while they followed suit. “You two obviously have a lot of history.”

Onyx grunted again. “This colt’s been the bane of my existence since I took him under my wing when I retired from my first position in service to the Crown.”

Crimson jerked a thumb at him. “This bastard’s been trying to beat me and break me down since we met. I’m just too tough.”

“You can’t beat mush and semen.”

“And you shouldn’t beat the elderly, but I’m getting awfully tempted.”

They bickered back and forth for a while longer, and I quickly got bored, though adding another shot of wine to my glass helped with that. “So are you two just going to bitch and moan all night, or are we going to bring out the meat and figure out why my part-time partner is here?” 

“Meat?” Crimson asked with an odd look crossing his face. 

“Partner?” Onyx asked at the same time. “I thought you were more of a mare's stallion.” 

“I’m not gay. Crimson and I worked a job in Gryphonia not too long ago, but I haven’t seen him since.” I explained. 

“Ah. Then if he’s here, it’s nothing for my ears, even if I was the guy who preceded him.” Onyx casually commented.

“Wait, you were an Operative too?” I asked, shocked. 

“He was, and he was the best in his generation.” Crimson expounded proudly. “Old Monster here was so good he went on more black operations than any other pony in history, and he even had a ninety-one percent success rate!” 

“That was a long time ago, Crimson, and you know that,” Onyx responded quietly. 

“Yeah, I’m sensing a sad story and I don’t think this is the time to get into it. Lemme grab you a care package and I’ll see you some other time, okay?” I said to Onyx. 

I grabbed some newspaper that I never read and wrapped a few slices of dried meat in it before handing off to Onyx. We agreed to meet for a proper beer at the bar in town later tonight, press-ganging Crimson into joining us. Once he was gone, I sat down across from Crimson and we got started on business. “So what’s up, Crimson? This isn’t really the best of times, you know.” 

“I’m sure it’s not, but I’m also sure you heard about another job in Gryphonia, haven’t you?” Crimson asked in a low voice. 

“I think so, but as I’ve said earlier, I spent a month in the Everfree, so a lot of things are foggy.” 

“Right. The job this time is harder than the last one, and as you probably guessed, it’s in Gryphonia.” 

“Wait, this isn’t the assassination that Celestia forbade me from doing, is it?” I asked, astonished. 

Crimson slowly nodded. “Princess Luna told me that Princess Celestia put a cease to any actions that would carry you into the line of fire, which is the main reason we haven’t seen each other in so long. I’ve been picking up the missions that are supposed to be yours due to Princess Celestia’s unwillingness to let you get hurt.” 

I clicked my tongue. “Dammit, I’m sorry mate, but I can’t really go against her unless I want to risk losing her, you know?” 

“What do you mean by that? I thought you were just one of Celestia’s favorites since you were one of a kind.” 

“I really hope that’s not the case since I’m dating her,” I responded dryly. Even if that’s legit how it feels...

 “Oh.”

“Yeah, we’ve been courting since before our first mission.”

“Ahem.” Crimson coughed a couple of times. “Moving on now. Princess Luna took the assassination on the Gryphonian King, but she coudln’t get close enough to him to carry it through. She tried poison, magic, direct assault, indirect assault, bribery, and all manners of things that would make you cringe, but none of them got her close enough. The one time she had a chance, Queen Elfriede ratted her out and her cover was nearly blown, so in order to prevent the war that would ensue she pulled back. Now Princess Luna has sent me to ask for your help.” Crimson set his jaw and leaned forward. 

“... Luna herself sent you to ask me for help?”

Crimson pulled two missives out of his jacket and handed me one. It read thusly:

Dear Maximus,

As we both well know, I am loathe to ask anything of you, given that I have a strange feeling that it will come back to bite me. However, I find myself pinned against a wall with a boulder in this circumstance. You, Maximus, are the only one who can carry out the task I have sent with Crimson Tide. I await your response, but there will be little time to waste if you agree. I would not ask this if there were any other choice, and know that I will protect you as I can. However, if you are discovered during your task, then you are not my friend and our meeting was not that which you will speak of.

I held the letter, to fond of what was in it. “... Look, mate, as much as I want to help, I love Celestia way more. Going behind her back to handle a situation that she specifically told me not to sounds like a slap to her face. If it was a slap to her ass, it wouldn’t be a problem. It’s the blow to her face that I’m not fond of.” 

“I know love is a powerful thing, Max, I really do, but we… We really don’t have another option here. Things are getting tense up north and they’re getting worse by the day. Ponies are already dying because of Celestia’s actions.” He said, looking down. “Max… Celestia’s hands are tied, but yours aren’t.”

“... There’s little I can say against that. I understand too well what lives are worth for me to sit back and do nothing… But Luna promised that she wouldn’t make me kill, Crimson… I never wanted this.”

He took in my stony expression and cracked a smile. “... Welcome to the Brotherhood. With you now do I stand. I trust in you to find a path home, and I trust you to know I’ll follow. Though only one of us may complete the task, the other shall walk in the sucessor’s shadow. I do declare you in my fellowship, Maximus Gadai, to be an Operative of the Midnight Stream.”

“Lovely. In your oath you promise to leave me for dead.” I chuckled.

“The mission is the mission and we are expendable. One life for all others…” Crimson closed his eyes and shook his head. “It’s what they preach, but… You’re not an assassin, Max.”

I nodded, the emptiness from earlier thrumming in my chest. “I know. I had the chance to be. Many chances. I never took them because that’s not who I was.”

“Then is it who you are?”

It was legitimately a struggle to not let the mask fall and with it tears. “It’s who I have to be now, and I’m nothing if not flexible. When do we leave?” And… Fuck, I’m about to storm a castle or shoot a fucking King. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fucking... 

Crimson wasn’t as dumb as I’d thought him to be, but he was still oblivious to my inner struggle. “We need to leave as soon as possible. Gryphonia gets more antagonistic by the day and they’ll spark a war at any moment. This was honestly the last resort, Max… I’m sorry, but I can have a message sent to Onyx if you want to explain our absence.”

“I’ll do it. I need to pick up Lupa before we go anyways, so give me some time to get my notes written out. We’ll go as soon as Lupa gets here.”

“Lupa’s your wolf, right? I’m sure you’ll be glad to have her when you’re in Gryphonia.”

“Wait, I’m going in solo?” I asked, my brow furrowing naturally. Crimson nodded slowly and I rubbed my face. “Not the first time. I’ll make it through, though I wish I’d at least have you to back me up.” 

“I’d happily go with you, but if I could go I’d be the one doing it anyway. The reason you’re the only one who can do anything is that you’re the only one who isn’t in the roster. Yes, we have free agents and freelancers, but they’ve been known to spill secrets in the past and that could spark the war. Equestria wants this done quietly, and even if you botch it… It just has to be quiet.” The look he gave me told me a lot of things I didn’t like. “Trust me when I say that it’s been bleak for our fellow Operatives knowing that we can’t get back into Gryphonia for who knows how long, but there’s something about being an Operative. It’s the mission, or we miss you… The only reason Operatives even go on ops is because they’re highly trained and willing to die before they get tortured for information.”

 “So kill myself if captured? Too bad, I’m not good at dying. Guess I’ll just have to not get caught.” I smirked, not feeling the mirth in the grim looks we shared.

 “Max, I wish it was different-”

“I literally might come back to life anyway even if they kill me, Crimson. It’s not out of the realm of possibilities right now. If I fuck up, I’m fucked for the rest of a very long life…”

“... Princess Luna took the risk too. She must have a lot of faith in you…”

“Do you guys only take missions in bird land?” I asked, avoiding that rabbit hole entirely.

“We take jobs outside of Gryphonia, I assure you. It just so happens that you’ve been unlucky enough to keep getting stuck there.” The amusement on his face was genuine, but there was obviously something on his mind. 

I have a feeling we’re on the same page for a couple books, Mate. “Yeah, it’s just great. Next thing you’ll tell me is that you’ll be going to some tropical island while I freeze my arse off.” Crimson just shrugged and smiled. “Oh come- Oh fuck you!” I exclaimed, my salt low for the situation, all things told. 

“Calm down, I’ll only be in the South for a while, and there really aren’t many islands near where I’m going. I’m just glad it’s somewhere warm and full of Ponies for once.” He sighed.

“I can understand that.” I rose and stretched. “Time to pack?”

“Yes, unfortunately… And Max?”

“Yeah?”

“... No one cares about the body count if you prevent a war, but don’t be sloppy. Hide the evidence, stay out of the way, and get to the target undetected.”

I took three deep breaths to steady myself and center my focus, meditating like I had in the forest for but a second. A warmth in my navel let me know that I could change modes. “... I’m ready. I gotta grab some shit.”

Thus I started getting things together. My satchel eventually got refilled with clothes and food, though kept my knives on me. I also grabbed my favorite jacket since I was sure that the autumn in Gryphonia was far worse than the one in Ponyville, so that along with my scarf and some gloves made it in my kit before I started jotting down two notes. One was to Onyx to let him know that we weren’t going to be able to have that drink, and the other was to ask Fluttershy to send Lupa my way. Once that was said and done, Crimson and I sipped our drinks in silence while I thought about random things, like how the Captain of Celestia’s guard was probably Twilight’s brother. It had occurred to me some time ago soon after I realized that it had been Twilight’s parent’s house that I had broken into, but it did make me wonder why Twilight never brought the guy up. One would think that having a relative in the service is something to be proud of, but I guess that’s just not how Twilight rolls.

However, the empty time gave me moments to simmer on different things, like the fact that Luna herself was asking me to do assassinate the King of a rival nation. As a friend. Her note wasn’t long, but it was meaningful. It told me that the woman very much felt guilty about having to ask me in the first place and she didn’t feel like her pride was worth shit since she couldn’t do it herself. Our relationship was somewhere between a friendship, a rivalry, and to a point a tutoring session every now and again. It made me draw parallels to Celestia having Twilight take care of Nightmare Moon, except Luna straight up tried to unalive King Adolf Nee- Niets- Neit- Nietzch- Nietzsche(?). The name’s familiar and reminds me of the topic of nihilism for some reason, but I hoped that I was making the right choice in following the orders implied. My hands were already dirty anyway, right? Why not just… Add a little more mud to the pile?

I was stuck in my head and stewing in the unfortunate mindstate of ‘I can’t afford to fail’ before I perked up. How was this all that different from landing marks back in London when I’d had the balls to do it? It just took more planning and consideration than a normal job, and if I was good enough; If I used everything I had, then I could get away with one kill and one kill only. It was a good feeling. Made me think of better times and better luck.

About thirty minutes after I’d sent my notes, Lupa and Fluttershy were at my door and I had some explaining to do. I told Fluttershy the bare minimum, citing that it was something that Luna needed me to do and that it was also a task I couldn’t talk about. Fluttershy, of course, was not happy about that in the slightest since I had effectively told her nothing, but there was precious little I could do to rectify that, which I told her myself. Her anger abated when she saw Crimson, and her face turned the same color as his hair when he introduced himself. I might have been a little jealous if I didn’t know that Crimson was gay. Fluttershy was pretty amusing, however, because she couldn’t get a word out of her mouth without stuttering worse than usual. After I sent her off with as much information as I could give her, Crimson, Lupa, and I went to the train station and waited. Our destination was a town called ‘Sadsdale’. 

It sounded like a fun place to me.

The train ride was boring though Lupa was happy to bounce around the car, looking out the windows and bothering anyone she got close to. I eventually corralled her back to my side, but even then all she did was clamber over me to get a good view of the scenery passing by. Chuckling, Crimson and I did the same though I lost interest pretty quickly. I generally prefer to walk through my scenery, thank you very much. The novelty of riding a train is generally lost on those who take the tubes often, but there was still a certain quality, a quaintness to riding the technologically-lacking Equestrian equivalent. 

We arrived in Sadsdale soon enough, and the town was… The town had a kinda of uh... Well, it was sad. The streets were made of the same stone that decorated most of the houses, and it gave the entire area a very drab, dead feeling. I felt my anxiety lessen once we arrived, but it was replaced by a bone-deep chill that lingered uncomfortably. Crimson assured me that it was just the way Sadsdale worked, explaining that Sadsdale was a cursed town, doomed to always be under the weather. I was inclined to believe him. The sun was only beginning to set and in the mopey little town, you could barely tell because the skies were so overcast. Between the grey, withered buildings and the dry, brown grass, there wasn’t even a note of color among in the town, even among the ponies who seemed to be made entirely of black, white, and grey. It was a jarring transition, coming from a town as colorful as Ponyville. The way the two little towns juxtaposed with each other had to be some kind of joke somewhere. It was such a contrast that I stopped trying to make sense of it after a few minutes of being there. 

Apparently, the Transportation Station we were heading to was on the other side of town which made for one hell of a walk. To say it was agonizingly boring would be a hideous understatement. Everything looked the same, even the people! Faces and places just blurred together, and if it wasn't for Crimson’s Pathfinding Spell, I rather doubt that we would have gotten to our first destination any time soon. We got through Boresville and greeted the Night Guard that was running the Teleportation Station, and by the looks of it the guy was actually pretty happy to see us. He went from leaning against the wall with his eyes half-closed to being quite the spritely, helpful fellow. Pretty good service if you ask me.

“Before I send you off to Hooverton, I need to give you this.” Crimson said as he handed me a slim, garish envelope. 

“If it’s that important, why not just give it to me earlier?” I asked, waving it.

“Because it was pertinent that you get it here and now, according to Princess Luna. Speaking of, the address where you’ll be briefed is in there, as well as who will be briefing you.” Crimson took a deep breath. “Not much else to say. Just keep one eye open and stay safe. I might not keep in touch, but I do care about my friends, and the mare you’re going to see is my ex.” 

“Thanks mate. Gotta keep in touch though, and I’ll treat your ex as if he were my own enemy.” I grinned and patted his shoulder. 

“It’s a mare. I said that.” 

“... Oh. I’ll be alright, in any case. I’ve done crazier shit for worse reasons.” 

“I really have a hard time believing that, Max. Have you actually put any thought into your mission?” He asked. 

“Yes, and that’s why I’m afraid. Thinking about it isn’t why I’m agreeing to do it. I know this is probably the dumbest thing I’ve ever done, but if I can save lives doing it then it’s a worthy task and that’s all I need on my mind. People have thrown it all away for worse things and I fully believed for a long time that I was going to die facedown in a gutter with cracklung and alcohol poisoning. This isn’t the life I wanted, but it’s the result of the life I’ve made for myself and I don’t shirk my duties, and I hope I never get to that point. Even if I come to regret every word that’s come out of my mouth today, my cause is just.” 

Crimson was silent for a minute. “... You are single-handedly one of the most respectable idiots I’ve ever met. I do salute you, Max. If you were to lead, then for some odd reason I don’t think I’d stray from your flock. You’ve got a good head on your shoulders and wisdom beyond your years. A sense of duty at least, if not a sense of purpose.” He extended a hand and I shook it. “I wish you the best of luck, my friend. May the ground quake in your wake.” 

“May the shadows hide you, Crimson. Visit before something comes up, alright?”

“Ha. If only…” 

Crimson stood back and the Night Guard stepped forward, leading me over to the teleportation runes. Lupa yawned and trotted behind me lazily, probably just waiting for the mission to start and I was with her. The anxiety I had been feeling came back and my stomach did back flips, most likely trying to get me to turn back, go home, and save my miserable ass from jumping straight into the fire, but I still gave the nameless Night Guard the nod. In a moment, I was facing a familiar mare from Canterlot.

Velvet Breeze stood in front of me with a clipboard and a slight frown on her face. She hadn’t looked up, but it was still odd to think of her doing anything other than smile. When she looked up, that frown deepened and her eyes narrowed. “Max?” She asked cautiously. 

“Yeah. Hullo, Velvet...” I offered her a weak smile. 

“I have no orders for you, so I’m guessing you already have them. If that’s the case, please exit the Teleportation Station and carry on with your business.” She said flatly. 

“...Right. Will do.” I turned to leave, but I couldn’t yet. “... Velvet, I-” 

“Enough was said back then.” She replied coldly. 

I bit my lip. “There’s-” 

“Max, I already lost my buckin’ job and got transferred to nowhere. What else do you want?” 

My heart throbbed. “... Celestia. It was Celestia, right?” 

She furrowed her brow. “You… You didn’t know I got sent away, did you?” 

I shook my head. “... I didn’t think Celestia would be that petty… Do you want to go back?” 

Velvet looked me in the eye. “Max, what are you even doin’ here? Why did our paths cross?” 

“Operative mission. Completely by chance.”

“So this is all just random chance?”

“Yeah… I’ll get you home, Velvet. I’ll keep this promise...”

Her lip curled for the briefest of moments before she pursed her lips. “... It’s the least you could do.”

“... How’ve you been?”

She puffed a breath through her nose, looking down. “... Found a nice stallion. Little too nice. Small town guy. Tries to spoil me…”

My heart pounded in my chest. “Is he affectionate or distant?”

“... It hasn’t been long. He’s still learnin’ when to back off a little. Physical kind of affection, but he has a decent grip on what’s in his heart.” She smiled at me. “Okay, why are you smilin’?”

“Because it sounds like you found someone worth your time. A guy who keeps it interesting without causing trouble with every step…”

“You do attract nonsense, and that’s just true.”

“I never said it wasn’t. I never even said it was worth dealing with, I just didn’t take the chance to warn you-”

“Oh you warned me in plenty a’ ways… I just wasn’t ready to handle someone like you.” She shrugged. “... Did you at least end up datin’ that Flutter-somethin’?”

“She’s a sweet gal. Has a tongue like a whip when you crack the shell. It’s worth getting to know her, but the circumstances that led to me knowing her anal side…” I rolled my eyes and shook my head. “It’s… Mind boggling to think that I actually got hopped up on air musk drugs and didn’t do anything that- Well, I hurt someone, made someone bleed, and I fuckin’ still regret that shit so uh…”

Velvet giggled. “Still got that self-deprecatin’ sense a’ humor I see.”

“Who would I be if I didn’t razz everyone? Including myself.”

“... Still the same old Max.” She shook her head.

“... I’m still trying to get better.”

“And I can tell that you’re gettin’ there. Don’t lose sight a’ you, Max. It’s the only redeemable thing about ya.” 

I nodded and left with Lupa en tow, opening the envelope I had been given while in Sadsdale. It was impossible to read with my mind ebbing and flowing from though to thought like it was the tides. I thought of Velvet and how she’d been doing… She looked okay, but stressed out. I really was glad that she’d found someone, but I was still worried about her as a whole. I needed to get her situation taken care of, and until I did that there wouldn’t be much else on my to-do list. After asking around for a bit, I eventually found the address listed though the name that was with it didn’t ring any bells. I didn’t think I’d ever heard of a ‘Starshine Nebula’ but I was hopeful that it would be Luna in disguise, despite what Crimson had told me. After finding the place I was supposed to go, I wrote a little note that went kinda like this:

‘Dearest Celestia,

It’s come to my attention that you made a mistake. Specifically with Velvet Breeze. Rectify it within a week before I break up with your ass. You know better than to pull shit like this, Cel.’

Her reply was something along the lines of, ‘How the hay did you even find out?’

I didn’t reply to that and instead decided to wait around in a random bar, just in case she decided to see where I was. No one teleported to me, so I assumed all was well. After a few minutes more of waiting and drinking, I made my way to the meeting point. Upon knocking on the door at the meeting place, however, I was quickly pulled inside and a bright white mare with pitch black hair and oddly large glasses was straddling me in moments. The woman held a finger to my mouth and slowly got up to look out of the blinds, checking for something other than her modesty. She quietly scanned for trouble before gesturing for me to get up once the coast was evidently clear.

“Well fucking, ow, may I say. Simply fucking ow.” I got up, salty as fuck. 

Starshine smoothed out her dress and tugged at the sleeves of her sweater. “Sorry about that, but you never know who’s watching.” She cast a furtive glance toward the window and drew her curtains over them. 

“...Yeah. Lime green isn’t your best color, by the way.” I commented, giving her a look.

She looked down at her white sweater and black dress. “I’m not wearing any green.” 

“Are you sure about that? Actually, nevermind, I don’t care that much. You’re Starshine, right?” 

“Please, call me Nebula.” She requested it politely enough for me to actually do it.

“Nebula then. You’re the one briefing me?” 

She smiled a bit when I called her Nebula, but her face became more serious after that. “Yes, I’ll be giving you your information. Do you want the full mission specs or an abridged version?” 

“All the important details. Not trying to get killed for not knowing some things.” 

“The smart survive.” Nebula said with a grim smile. “We’ll start with the basics: The mission is in Otterwa in King Adolf’s castle, of course. You’ll be staying in the nearby town of Geflugelt, and you’ll be making your move from there if you follow Luna’s latest plot. However, your approach is all yours and no one’s really telling you how to do your job on this one. Kill the King, don’t get caught. Not that hard in concept. He isn’t known to keep a rigorous schedule, so your best times will be at night or at dawn when the guards change. However you want to complete the mission is fine, but you must confirm that you have actually slain the King. We’ll probably just get it from one of our spies during your exfil, but you need to know that he’s not getting back up.” 

“... That’s pretty par for the course, I guess.” 

“It’s the nature of the job.” She shrugged. 

“How tall are the outer walls?” I asked.

“The outermost walls are about ten feet tall, and the castle’s own walls are about one fifty or so at their tallest point if you’re talking about the structures around the main tower. The main tower is massive at two-hundred feet..” 

“What’s that in meters?” At her blank look, I rolled my eyes and asked, “What are the walls made of?” 

“The outer walls were made from slabs of rough cut stone, and the inner walls are made from cobblestone and mortar.” 

Climbable. Not terrible. “Not bad. What do we know about guard rotations?” 

“Princess Luna drew us a map, it’s in the dossier I’m giving you.” 

“Great news. Lookout positions?” 

“There’s a reason Princess Luna was able to get into the castle so many times. There aren’t many lookouts on the outer walls, but ever since she failed most recently there have been more. There are still blind spots that you can use, as well as the castle sewer and laundry system.” 

“Both of those sound like I’ll need plenty of luck to use them, so I think I’ll pass unless Route A falls through. How do they want his death to look? Am I going to be equipped with poison?”

Nebula raised her index finger and rushed off further into her house. I looked around a bit, but saw nothing of note besides a little statuette that looked a bit like a standard alien. It wasn’t that weird until I considered it looked like an alien possibly from an Earth comic or something and that mademe ponder the subcultures of Equestria that Ponyville wouldn’t be privvy to. She returned before I could inspect it in depth and she had three small vials in one hand, a pouch to hold them, and a large manilla envelope in the other. She handed the pouch to me and started with the red vial. 

“This one here is called ‘The Red Menace’. I cooked it up myself!” She grinned. “It’ll cause intense hallucinations in its victims and once they die in their visions, they die in real life!” 

“... Sounds like a bad way to go.” I’m not using this.

“It really is! All the mice I tested it on came back to haunt me and I had to get an exorcist, but I don’t think he got them all.” She scratched her chin. “Eh, whatever. Here.” She handed the vial to me and I put it in the pouch. 

“Now this blue one,” She held it up. “Is supposed to put the victim into an unbreakable sleep. They basically suffocate, but it’s a gentle, kind way to go in all honesty. It’s what the Operatives generally carry, just in liquid form and much more potent as a result. Don't let this touch bare fur, don’t sniff it too often unless you wanna get really bucked up, and whatever you do; don’t sheath your knife with this crap on it. You’ll kill yourself.” Nebula pursed her lips. 

“Better than The Red Menace. What’s it called?” 

“I didn’t make it, so I didn’t name it. Blue Goo, I guess?” She shrugged and handed that one off to me. “What do you want to call it?”

Blue- “Blue Dreams.”

“Quaint. I like it. The last one,” She held up the vial full of white stuff, “is a little notorious. One drop, and you can wipe out a hamlet. It’s called ‘White Night’ but if you use it, you really should keep in mind that you might have some collateral damage.”

“...Did you make it?” 

“...Maybe. What’s it to you?” 

“How do you know what it does?” I asked slowly. 

“Do you really want that question answered? A Princess asked for it, I made it. That’s all there is to it.” She hissed. 

“Which Princess?”

“Do you want it or not?” 

“Not just no, but fuck no. I’m not going to use something that might up my body count. I really don’t want to kill the King dude as is, but I don’t really have much of a choice.” 

“That’s right. When it comes to the Princesses, nopony does.” She muttered darkly. 

“I thought the ponies loved their eternal rulers?” 

“Most, not all. If you’re working for them, you should have heard about me. My ex was the rebellious one, but I got the bad rap.” She scoffed. 

Ah fuck. Crimson, don’t do anything stupid, Mate. “I have not heard of you, actually.” 

“Seriously?” 

“Celestia tries to keep me away from this line of work, in most cases.”

“I can understand why if you’re really her favorite like the rumors say.” 

“Yeah, those rumors are probably true. I’m guessing you have a reputation for being some genocidal mad scientist type in the Dark Ops circles?” 

“It takes all the drama out of a moment when you say it like that.” She huffed. “And I’m not genocidal. I’m multicidal.”

“Alright.” I strapped on the pouch and looked at her. “Is there anything else I need to know, or can I get a headstart on traveling?” 

“Yes, actually. We have friends in King Adolf’s staff that will help you get to where you’re going, but you can’t let them get caught. Equestria values it’s agents very highly, and any loss of life due to negligence is severely punished.” 

“Yet Equestria uses poisons that can kill hundreds of people with a drop?” 

“...Shut up and get to the border. You have a long walk ahead of you.” Nebula adjusted her glasses and turned her back to me. 

With a grin, I left Lupa’s side and slid my arms around Nebula. “Don’t be that way, lover,” I whispered in her ear. “Can’t always be so… Sensitive, now can we?” I nibbled on her ear and she jolted away, her face bright red.

“What- What the Tartarus!? Are you insane!?”

“What? You don’t want you give me a little pre-mission… Luck?”

She stared at me and licked her lips. “I-I mean… I wouldn’t be opposed, but uh-”

“Come now, don’t be so bashful. Just relax and give into Max~”

I struggled to wipe the grin off of my face. “I-I-I- Research! I have research!” She said quickly before making her exit. It was too easy. 

“That was completely unnecessary.” Lupa huffed. 

“But it was funny, was it not? Besides, she probably turned Crimson gay.”

“Then she would be an awful mate, would she not?”

“That’s not what casual sex is about.” 

Lupa snorted and led the way out of the house. “Slut.”

“Bitch.”

“I am literally a bitch and this does not change any time that you make such a statement.”

“Bitch ass bitch.”

“Shut up.”

We started walking away unaccosted, so I kept talking. “You know why you’re such a bitch?”

“Because I am a female wolf?”

“Because you’re a fuckin’ bitch.”

“The more we converse the less I like you.”

“Don’t be a bitch.”

“I will bite you.”

“Sounds like a bitchy thing to do.”

“Then do not tell me to avoid being a bitch if you do not want me to act out of character.”

I patted her back. “Love you, Lupie.”

“I truly do not understand why I should not find my own way home. I should learn how to use your Two-Leg language pictures.”

“You mean you wanna learn how to write?”

“It would have its uses.”

“I guess you can-”

“You can shut your filthy vomit-munching muzzle.”

“So mean.”

“Again, why did I come along?”

“Because if you didn’t I’d probably get myself killed?”

“Ah, yes. Because I am your cub-minder and the teat from which you suckle every ounce of wisdom you have every had.”

“Oh, fuck off.”

The sun had been setting in Sadsdale, and there in Hooverton it was no different. With only a few hours of daylight left, Lupa and I asked around to see if there was an inn nearby. As it turns out, the inn was placed near the Teleportation Station which just so happened to be clear across town, and since Hooverton was significantly larger than Ponyville, Farrier, or Sadsdale, that was a bit of a walk. Once Lupa and I arrived at the only inn in town, we were told that they didn’t allow pets, unless of course, the owner was willing to pay a fee. I tried to argue that Lupa could understand everything that he’d just said, but he just gave me an odd look and Lupa just laughed at me like the bitch she be. 

I paid the extra fee and we walked up four flights of stairs to get to our room. Luckily, they had a dumbwaiter and a magical walkie talkie, so I was about to order food for Lupa and I. The food sucked, but it kept my stomach full, so I can’t really complain. It was rough fare that was warm ,but the taste and mouth feel were both lacking and I could easily imagine having a better time with gritty apples. I can also complain about the state of their mattress, which was complete bullshit. I swear, the pad I’d had at the Castle in the Everfree was softer, and the pillows I’d made with leaves had made my head itch less. 

The next morning was a rough one. I was more than a little sore from the shitty brick I had been given to sleep on, but I still needed to get my journey underway. I spent a good fifteen minutes sitting on the side of the bed, contemplating what the shitfuck had brought me to this level of retardation, but I cleared my head and got a move on before I could psyche myself out. I had a King to slay, after all. However, I stayed in my head the entire time I got prepared and thought of a million different plans because I’d been putting it off until I had time to truly appreciate the magnitude of what I was about to do. I had a lot of ideas, but few of them were going to go very far until I saw the place for myself. 

Walking there was boring as shit, I didn’t meet anyone of particular interest, and the border guards were pricks, so I’ll skip all that noise. There’s a reason that people just pop up at places in movies and television, and it’s because walking is fucking tedious and boring to talk about. Lupa and I had some interesting conversations about sexuality, life and death, and how I was practically forced into being with Celestia due to my position and first impression. The last one was an interesting one, but I won’t go into detail about it since it was long and boring, so deal with it. Especially if you’re not me or Celestia. Actually, if you’re not either of us and you’re reading my personal, private thoughts, FUCKING KILL YOURSELF. You’d be doing the world a favor, and it’ll save you from me breaking your knees. 

That aside, after two days' journey we arrived in Otterwa because fuck Geflugelt and Luna’s shitty, shitty plan. Seriously, she basically wanted me to snipe him. I don’t know how to shoot a bow, there are no guns, and I don’t have that kind of Magic, but whatevs. I didn’t have to abide by her guidelines. The new city itself was about as large as Canterlot, but the effect it had was so completely different. Tall brown spires dotted the city and the castle loomed menacingly over the town, its massive stone walls seemingly warding off any possible assailants. It was quite the sight to behold, and I was quickly realizing just how in over my head I was. A former petty thief was there, in the capital city of a foreign nation, to assassinate a king and set his wife up as his successor.

It was some serious JRPG, mango-style bullshit.

Lupa and I made our way into the heart of the city in fits and spurts, trying to secure food and lodging for the night. We avoided back alleys at all times and stayed out in the open, making sure not to trust anyone that offered to take us somewhere themselves again. Without Crimson there to lead us into a deathtrap, it was actually smooth sailing. Eventually, some grizzled old guard pointed us in the direction we wanted to go and we nabbed a room and some meat for the night. Lupa was grateful for the meal and I was grateful to have somewhere relatively safe to sleep, but yes, I was also greatful for a heaping slab of stake and potatoes. And beer. God bless a solid beer. I might have been able to relax a bit, though I still kept my knife under the pillow throughout the night. It wasn’t restful sleep, but it was slumber all the same. As little as I wanted to get out and start my plot to slay a man… I kind of had to. 

Morning came and I got out into the city and into the alleys. I had avoided them while entering the city because I wasn’t looking for that kind of trouble yet, but I had a feeling that I would find someone willing to answer some questions around there. I made a few passes and started setting up a network with some gold and silver-tonguing, getting an idea for the King’s rule to find out if I even wanted to kill him in the first place. Apparently it would behoove me to slay the bastard…

Adolf was not a popular King. Not to the average guy or gal. Not to the working or sub classes. He was very much a rich man’s king. The royalty paid a flat tax and the working class had brackets that would take up to half of their wages. Executions for dissenters were common and speaking out was difficult. Yes, food and most good were cheap, but there was so much strife in the streets that it was hard to find work outside of familial connections and there was very much a problem with gangs that had long since developed under Adolf’s rule. Gryphonia was kind of hellish, but the main thing they had going for them was that snake venom, the Gryphon drug of choice, was hard to come by since even the weak stuff needed to be processed carefully.

My questions got me a lot of answers and I learned that hating the King was the order of the day every day. The bastard was notorious for letting his children run rampant if he himself wasn’t doing so, all the while he’d been said to slum it from time to time and take a ‘Mollyhen by the waist and show her a bad time’. I wondered what his wife thought of him and spent a good portion of the day asking about Elfriede and found that she was actually quite moderate and was publicly against most of her husbands actions. She was often seen with an inconsistent limp and her head held high.

 I picked up a tail during my research though, and they were very bad at their craft. For one, they stayed way too close and then they just made too much noise, which didn’t even cover the bright orange shirt they were wearing. I eventually turned a corner and ambushed him, spinning my new ‘fan’ and slamming them into the wall next to me. My follower let out a loud squawk, but since I had them pinned against a wall with a knife against their throat, there was precious little they could do.

 “Who are you and why are you tailing me?” I snarled in their face. I couldn’t tell if it was male or female. 

“M-My name is Flint! You just looked weird! Don’t kill me, please, I-I have a sick sister!” Flint murmured, terrified.

Now that I had a chance to examine him, he seemed to quite a few years younger than me, though the difference in species left me with a few unimportant questions. The crackling in his voice also clued me in, but I generally try not to let that play a part in any first impressions. After all, it wasn’t something anyone could control and being a victim of puberty was just a fact of life. I pressed the knife against him a little more firmly and made sure he knew that he had my attention and my ire. 

“You should have thought of your sister before trying to follow me. Who sent you?” 

“No one, I swear! I was just passing the time!” 

He teared up at the steel in my glare, especially since there was also steel cutting into his beak. “Right. You have ten seconds to tell me the truth before I start chopping pieces off of you.” 

That got him properly motivated. “G-Godrick sent me! I don’t know him personally, but he pays me to follow interesting people, so that’s what I do! It’s all I do, I don’t get paid enough to die, man! I didn’t see you! Th-This never happened, I swear! I-I didn’t see anything!” 

His voice rang true, so I eased up. “Where can I find this ‘Godrick’ guy? I have a few questions for him.” 

“I-I don’t know!” Flint clenched his hands. Talons. Honestly, the guy could’ve gotten away and killed my arse if he wasn’t dumb. If they were sharp, my throat would’ve been a thing of the past. 

“Thinking about decking me, aren’t you?” Flint gulped. “Yeah, don’t do that, it’ll get you killed until you die to death. Tell me where I can find your boss and I’ll make sure your name doesn’t come up in conversation. If I have to find him myself, I’ll be selling you out so he can deal with you.” Because you’re about to take me straight to him anyway. 

He gulped again and gave me an address. Of course I didn’t believe him, so when he ran off, I had Lupa follow his scent because the place he’d told me to go was a brothel where people disappear. 429 April Rose wasn’t an establishment you walked out of until you answered questions the right way, when asked, and maybe perform an extra service as payment. Knowing what I knew because research, we tracked him down to an old, run-down apartment that seemed like it was a haven for all sorts of unsavory types. I’d heard vague tellings of a modern fortress built as a factory from days before Adolf. It was eye opening for a few reasons, but the main one was that the rest of the world was probably miles ahead of Equestrian tech.

The stocky, red brick structure had obviously seen better years. The citizens of Otterwa may have passed by it, but even after an hour of watching the building I noticed that no one actually looked at the thing. It would’ve made me more than a little nervous if I wasn’t certain that I was observing at the low-tech internet in action. If I wanted my information, I was going to have to go in with only Lupa as back up and I had no idea what I was dealing with. After staking the place out for about fifteen more minutes, I didn’t see anyone come out or go into the building, so I took a meandering path and approached the building from the alleyway behind it. I left Lupa behind for her own safety since I had a couple tools in my belt at the moment. If I couldn’t handle a simple talk with like, a lowkey drugdealer? Then I’d be boned anyway.

Behind the building was where the party resided. There were a few dozen Gryphons milling about, all carrying boxes of various sizes or weapons that looked pretty harmful if you found yourself on the wrong side of them. The Gryphons themselves were clearly cut from a different cloth than the ones I had seen on the streets, and I could see that I was going to have my hands full if things went south. It was in the way they walked, the way that the armed ones carried themselves that told me I was well and truly back to square one, dealing with the writhing, gritty underbelly of civilized society once again. For some odd reason, my heart skipped a beat and confidence sparked in my heart. The situation reminded me of where I’d clawed my way to a decent part of the food chain, a familiar enemy that I’d taken down before. Gryphonia and it’s people weren’t Equestria with its minute niceties that restricted me from being who I was. No, this little alley behind a ramshackle tenement was analogous to where I had begun my life as a thief, and it was here that I could be Kaid Gadai without shelving the truest, ugliest parts of myself.

Velvet’s words echoed in my ears. ‘Only redeemable part about ya.’

She wasn’t wrong. She meant a good couple of things and they were clear enough. Even the good do evil, and even though I had a feeling something was about to go wrong… I felt assured. I knew that I would come back and that put a cocksure grin on my face, filling me with a willingness to tackle my task head-on with every ounce of poise I could muster. I strolled down the alley with some swagger to maintain face and to give me the impression of someone who knew exactly what they wanted because Kaid Gadai scraped and climbed. Maximus Gadai? Strides. I got a few cursory glances, but none of the freight haulers paid me much attention. The armed guards, on the other hand, kept an eye on me as I approached my destination. I paused at the back door to speak with one of the Gryphons guarding it. 

“I’m looking for a kindly gent, possibly one with a mind for business. Perhaps a fellow named... Godrick?” 

The two burly Gryphons traded a look before they burst out laughing. “Yeah, no.” The one on the right said. “I don’t think our boss is looking to deal with any hosers like you right now. Why don’t you go grab some mead and see if he can take some time for you in about… Never? We’ll let ya walk away nice and easy since you’re so polite.”

He and his friend laughed, so I chuckled too. “You gents sound like a round at a pub waiting to happen, but uh... You loyal henchmen wouldn’t take a bribe, now would you?” I tossed them a fifty-bit coin each and they traded another look. 

The one on the left spoke this time. “I wouldn’t go around flashing Equestrian shit around here, buddy. Brings all sorts of trouble.” 

“Might make ya some friends, might make you some enemies.” The one on the right added. 

“I take what’s offered and the Ponies have such a way with metalwork,” I replied calmly, raising my chin. 

They the one on the right stared at me and his companion went inside. I took that as my cue to wait, so I had a staring contest with the fellow who stayed behind. He totally blinked first, in case anyone is keeping track and I let him know because I was keeping track. He was confused because he didn’t even know The Game and couldn’t lose The Game because of that fact. By the way, you just lost The Game. Much like anyone who I’d let read this, the guy shrugged and continued staring at me which was awkward. Much to his dismay, I’d already slowly grown a bit of a tolerance to awkward moments, seeing as how I spend so much time in them. Maybe I was becoming more shameless? Maybe it’s Maybellonna, my shampoo. Soon enough, the other henchman returned and gestured with his head for me to follow him in. I thought things were going far too easily, but I held the slightest hope that criminal elements in Gryphonia were incompetent and that they would just give me what I needed for a reasonable or even hefty price. As long as no one had to die I would be fine.

The inside of the building was more like a factory than the apartment I had taken it for. It reminded me of old pictures of the assembly lines in Detroit after the automotive boom. Rubble lined the walls, the eerie lighting casting queer shadows over what few surfaces it covered. There were more armed guards supervising dudes with boxes, and it seemed to be quite the well oiled machine, moving boxes in and out without so much as a misstep. To my left, there was a Gryphon opening a crate of some kind, and inside, there were several very long and very sharp looking spears, primed and ready for action. That combined with everything I’d seen outside lead me to a silly conclusion given the environment. 

My dumb arse had hunted down and bribed my way into seeing an arms dealer. It was evident when I saw the crossbows and muskets, both of which are banned all over the world for being cheap and bullshit weapons that take little enough skill to use. The fact that they had both and the ammo required to use them all in the same place? I’d skipped Slick and gone straight to Savage. If I didn’t keep my head and make a show, I was going to die. The need to curry favor while earning respect was key in my survival from that point forward. Then I remembered I had telekinetic tencool stuff going for me and could take the B Route to murdering people. 

 It was both a relief and a bleak moment.

I’d only ever dealt with two arms dealers before, and Slick Sagiano was a right prick at any given moment. I remembered the fellow as being a complete greaseball in every sense of the word, and that was why I had pulled multiple jobs on him for various clients over the years. You only get to short me once before you earn yourself a place on the menu. Of course, crossing Sagiano had its repercussions from time to time, but they were manageable since the guy was an idiot anyway. Only possessing any real kind of power because of his brother’s fearsome ways was the main reason no one gave a shit about Slick, but Savage? Respectable in a way. Honorable. And yes, quite savage. I’d seen the guy do horrible things to people myself over crimes committed against his person and empire. I had no way of knowing if Godrick was Slick or Savage, but I was hoping that he would have the connections I was looking for. John crossed my mind as I thought of the elder brother and the mercy he’d shown me. While we waited in front of the door, I was taken back to being fifteen.

Savage had found John and I after diving for pockets all day. John had clocked one of Savage’s men. We gave up everything when I started handing Savage random things that I had. He asked me if he could keep what I was showing him because he liked shiny things. I passed him everything I had on me and looked him in the eye. He knew me. I knew him from when I was thirteen. I still remember the casual raise of his brow as he turned to the guys who were going through the crap I handed over. All my shit was as clean as dirt got. First thing they pulled off of John was the Chapman’s watch. Last thing they got was one of their wallets. Both of which John had asked me to carry, which was against our rules for the exact reason I felt more betrayed than I ever had.

I ruminated on the travesty that was Slim John’s last few moments and switched gears. It did me no good to think of what would have happened to me if I’d taken either. The main reason Savage let me go the second time was because I was nowhere near the markdown John was at. I shook my head to clear it and thought of what I’d learned from being under the man;s thumb for years. If I knew crime bosses at all then they often had their hands in multiple cookie jars, and I was willing to bet that Godrick was one fat cat if his operation said anything about the scale of his efforts. As I watched more and more people shuttle weapons from place to place, I realized that I saw highly illegal bombegranets in their numbers. 

My nerve redoubled as I almost started chuckling to myself, reassuring myself with the fact that I had a weapon far more potent and versatile than any they carried. Even as the grunt lead me up a staircase and to an office at the top of the building, I couldn’t help but feel as though I was in my element with more to work with than ever before. Once we arrived, he knocked three times in a peculiar pattern before the clear sound of multiple locks being disengaged could be heard. A second or two after the final and loudest lock had been dealt with, the door swung open to reveal a hulking mass of feathers and fur. Honestly, the guy looked like Lupa could be his lap dog. Needless to say, my bravery took a hit and I was tempted to call everything off and just go back to Equestria, but I’ve always been one to follow through even in the shittiest of times.

“Is that the guy?” A mid-twenties sounding voice called out from behind the behemoth. 

“Yeah. Can you make Tiny standby?” The grunt yelled back. 

“Tiny!” The guy in the room shouted. “Get out of the way, ya pluckin’ hoser!”

Tiny moved and the grunt grabbed my arm, leading me into the office. I gave him a look and he rolled his eyes, making a shove at me. It missed and I shot him a twin-salute, walking faster to avoid him. At a desk on the far side of the room, there was a youngish looking Gryphon with two scars that ran parallel across his face, clicking his talons together in anticipation. Tiny had moved to stand beside him, and the size comparison was nearly humorous. The Gryphon who I assumed to be Godrick was about my size, if not a bit smaller. His plumage looked well-cared for unlike most of his subordinates, so I hoped that my dashing rogue thing was a good match for his suave criminal schtick.

“So you’re the guy flashin’ bits around, huh?” Godrick monotoned. “You obviously aren’t from around here, so I’ll tell you now that it ain’t a good idea. The only reason you’re in here is because my little buddy Flint said you might be looking for me, and I think you followed him here, yeah?” 

“I sure did. Kid’s dumb, but give ‘im a break. Little bruv nearly wet himself when I put him against the wall. He’s had a day.” I responded evenly.

Godrick snorted. “Sick sister?”

“He’s a little brother sure enough, but I doubt he even has a sister.”

“He doesn’t, but this is the fifth penalty. Flint probably didn’t make it out, Mr…?”

“Kinkaid. My friends call me Kinkaid. So do people that don’t die of bleeding out, but that’s not fit for polite company. Tell me, Godrick, are you a Gent or a Yobbo?

He raised a brow and clicked his talons together. “... You’re an interesting character. Briddish?”

“Born and raised on fish, chips, and mum’s pudding, except mum was a cunt and her pudding was awful.”

Godrick squawked out a few birdy-birdy chuckles. “Oh, that’s rich. So you’re not Equestrian. I guess you can live another five minutes if you tell me what you came for in the first place.”

I pulled a face. “I’m havin’ fun takin’ the piss, but if you wanna get down to the brassies, then it comes with a little prologue.”

“Interesting. If you’re done pissing, then tell me the details.”

“I, my friend, am what’s known as a Spectre, capital S. As such, it’s my job to collect information from reliable sources and pay them accordingly for such information. I’ll admit to being new to the region, but a Spectre is seldom friendless. I suppose I could be offering you an opportunity to invest in connections that reach a touch higher than you might think.” 

Godrick leaned forward. “And how is that, oh sociable Spectre?”

“My ilk breathe royal air. We are trained with silver tongues and it’s… Frowned upon, we’ll say, to fail an infiltration. My predecessor was a little too bold in the Gryphonian Court, but I’ve tread Bridleland and Scotchland unscathed, made a few friends in Mexicolt, and even wagged my finger beneath the Solar Diarch’s nose in person.” I smiled. “My kind make friends. What do you need to form such a bond?”

Godrick’s beak eased into a grin. “Mighty Spectre, huh? So what are you?”

“An agency of people well-versed in acquiring certain avenues of capital. Personal, financial. It matters not.”

“And you’re going to infiltrate the castle?”

“You say that as if I’m some kind of plague. Consider me a flower on the wall. A decoration for the sole purpose of occasional, reliable inspiration.”

Godrick rolled his eyes. “So without the theatrics.”

“Ya man talks good and isn’t afraid to get ‘is hands dirty. I connect the dots. You want to do business risk free? I can arrange that. Easier shipments? I can take care of that. More manpower? Bruv. Some people have a way with words, but our words are worth nothing without a starting point.”

Godrick looked to his huge companion. “Tiny?”

“Yeah?” It’s ready, just gonna...

“Grab him.”

I rolled my own eyes. “Tiny, that’s ill-advised.” Twitch, bitch. I dare you.

He lifted his leg and my tentacle wrapped around his waist and slammed him into the ground multiple times, the popping and snapping enough to make everyone flinch other than myself. Godrick stared at his broken muscle and then his gaze slid to me. “... So.”

“C’mon, mate, I said it was a bad idea. Fair play, right?”

Godrick waved the guy who’d led me in over and gestured for him to check on Tiny. The guy was alive, but he wasn’t playing polo any time soon. “He’s gonna make it, boss.”

My new pal nodded a few times, never moving his head from my general direction. “Spectre, huh?”

“We’re a rambunctious bunch. Always up to-” He whipped out a pistol, but as soo as he’d started moving I’d prepped my tentacle to a spike and just stabbed him in the shoulder. “Godrick. C’mon mate. Did you really think that was going to work? Put the pistol on the table. Slowly.”

He glared at me but he did as I said. “Cocky, aren’t we?”

“Comes with the job, unfortunately, but really, bruv. I thought we could talk.” I picked up the weapon with my tentacle.

“Yeah, why don’t we talk? Sounds better than the alterative.”

“You know that the second someone walks through that door, I’m gonna rip your beak off of your face, right?”

“I’m not stupid, Kinkaid. I can see the position I’m in.”

Christ… “Good, but I need to know some things and I think we’re both well aware of what happens if you lie to me. And I’ll know. You strike me as a wise man, so we’ll skip a confirmation and go straight to the meat of the situation. What do you think of Adolf?”

“... What?”

“No time for silly questions. What do you think. Of your king. Point blank. “ I crushed the pistol casually, using compound force and sheer willing to rend the metal.

I might’ve scared him a bit. “Great guy, really doing his best for the people-”

“You’re only going to lie to me that one time, right? Because I’m a man of patience, but even a patient man can rest in his bed upset for the night. I am not fond of lies.”

Godrick nodded. “... No one likes Nietzsche, Kinkaid. The line’s damn near cursed. His father was fine. Grandfather? Mad. Great Grandfather? Lunatic. The line until this point, however, has never thought of a serious war with Equestria. Adolf the Third is an absolute looney, he’s going to get us all killed, so I arm the people who can pay to protect their lands when Equestria comes to pay us back for the bullshit in the south. You wanna be a ‘Spectre’? Wanna make real connections? Walk outta here. Lemme get me and my men some help.” 

“You can walk away from this, yes, but would you happen to have a marker available?”

“Of course. I keep one in my desk at all times but- But what are you even asking for?

“Marker, demands, sign marker, then I leave and you get a little medical assistance. How’s that sound?”

“I, Godrick Alberto, will grab the marker and only the marker.”

“I’ll know.” I gave him a puzzled looked.

He reached into his desk with his heart hammering the entire time, the steady drum all too easy for me to hear, even after the mild sensory madness of the city. The relatively well-insulated building provided great sound-proofing that let me hear for myself that he wasn’t aching to die. He placed a Gryphonian Crest on the table in from of me and I nodded, opening it. “I need a surefire way into the castle. Double-cross me and I’ll not be dead long enough for it to matter. Can you clear a path, or can you help me make one?”

He puffed out a soft laugh. “I’m fuckin’ Godrick Alberto. Tricky Rick? How bad you want that?”

“Bad enough to pay well instead of finishing off the big one.”

His heart started pounding and I could smell something really sharp in the air. It was sharp and acidic. Rusty. I’d smelled it a few times in the Everfree. Especially on the pink cunt, Diamond… Something. It didn’t take a genius to recognize the scent as fear. “Of course, right. You send a letter here, I’ll answer and get you what you need. I need three hours prep-time, err high-side, low-side comes with notice. Don’t dawdle. I can guarantee you twenty full minutes to get up, twenty-five goin’ down, and whatever else you need…?”

“I need the Queen out of the way. Perfectly unharmed, but somewhere not related to the King.”

“... Harder to do, but I’ll give you heads up.” He nodded a few times and it hit me. It wasn’t fear in traces, it was a fucktonne of it…

This man was afraid for his life and the life of his comrade, which was the point. However, I was extending the time between him and help. “Then I wish you well, and don’t try anything unwise. I expect to walk out of this building unfollowed.”

“Of course.”

I nodded to him, stood up, and extended a hand. “I wish we’d gotten to this level of civility without the bodily harm, but we all learn in our ways, yes?”

He shook my hand gently. “Sometimes it just takes… A-A slice of humble pie and a reminder.”

“Take care, Godrick.” I dropped two hundred bits in silver and four hundred Gryphonian drachs on the table in small change. “For the information. For the favor. For your cooperation.” I slid the marker over to him. “And for sparing you after your casual disregard for my civility…?”

I’d wondered why it was so wide until he cut his palm and pressed the whole thing into the marker. In any case, I had another favor to cash in some time in the coming days. “You need anything… I got it covered.”

“I have my own methods for the most part, but I appreciate it. Farewell, and don’t look so scared. It’s not as if you’ve seen a gh-” I paused and shook my head. “Cliche, I apologize.”

 And so I walked out of the factory casually. Waved at people. Talked to a guy for a sec and found out that he kind of sounded like a twink, but was really cool and didn’t have good hygiene from what I could smell. Great guy though, kinda curt. In any case, I strolled away to Lupa and said, “Well, I am a Goddamn monster.”

She followed me ask we walked. “You managed to come back after such an extended absence. I thought you’d died.”

“No, Lupa, I almost killed two people. Almost, not quite. Give pauper an ounce of power and he thinks he rules the world… Spectre my ass.” I grumbled in low tones as we built distance, both of us being able to hear little more than whispers anyway. That and Lupa was still a wolf, so…

“You restrained yourself. I hear from your words that you attempted subversion. I would be proud of making it out alive.”

“Honestly… I’m mostly upset at how good it felt… Walk in, own the place, take what I want through different methods… Give a pauper and ounce of power…” I took a deep breath and sighed.

“Do you not have a task?”

“Yeah, I know-”

“And yet you do not. You were entrusted with this task. How you complete it is not set in stone. Do as you see fit. Do not be caught. Were you given any other orders?

“Not… Not really… They kinda just threw me to the wo- badgers.”

“Ferocious indeed, but we’ve been over this. This is a task you msut complete. There is no other option.”

“Other than running from Equestria, killing the King, and maybe stay here…”

“Interesting.”

 “You think?”

“I follow in your footsteps, Master. In all things, I await your word.”

“Then lets grab a nip n’ nap, yeah?”

It took awhile to get back to the inn, but the time was well worth it for a good bed and a solid meal. The next day, I picked up three more tails while out and about gathering information. I met each of them with well-practiced ease, the first of them being a Molly, a female Cat. She was surprised to see me waiting for her at the entrance of the alley, but she approached me to give me a letter of invitation to something interesting. The letter was illegible when I tried to read it then and there, but the Molly was quick to assure me that the scrambling would work after my magical signature took hold. Then she disappeared while I was glancing at the letter. It was a formal invitation.

I’d caught some attention and it could very well be in my interest to accept some of the affections being leveled my way. The Gryphonian Liberty Union contacted me and wanted to meet up. The other two tails caught up later and were from the same people, asking me if I had a response. For the first I told them to give me time. On the third, I’d just barely come to a conclusion and followed the man to a nice set of flats, on edge as Lupa told me to calm down. I wasn’t visibly disturbed or anything, but I was ready to pounce at a moments notice and it just wasn’t necessary. I absorbed the necessary info while walking in, but there wasn’t much to examine. The foyer was clear, the stairs were clear, and there was no unusual activiity. It was just quiet. Very, unbearably quiet. My guide, some nondescript person of doggy Dog heritage, left me at a door. 

826A

I looked at Lupa. “You knock.”

“I can’t.”

“You totally can.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Yes you do. You are the one who knocks.”

“Hush.”

I hip-checked her. “You do it.”

“I’m not doing this with you.”

“Killjoy.” I knocked the ‘shave and a haircut’ for flair.

‘Two bits’ came back and I thought of the irony of the situation. I went to open the door and there was no need since it was already opening, and interesting, Birdy kind of face looking back at me. Gryphon females weren’t sleek like their male counterparts, but were the sex with the decorative traits. Their plumage tended to flair out a little bit around the neck and the back of the head and there were usually dark feathers around their eyes. Female Gryphons also had breasts for whatever reason, but I’d never tried to feel one. The younger one was the harder it was to tell what they were, but after puberty it became pretty clear. 

However, I doubted this particular Gryphon was that close to my age and she seemed to regard me with more skepticism that even I could conjure up. “Kinkaid. Border crosser. Phantom of the night with a roost in the Halved Trout. Come in.”

I entered casually and offered her an easy smile. “I wasn’t expecting such hospitality, to be honest with you. Unless this is all a very well-presented trap. By that means I’m honored to be worth the trouble.”

The Mollyhen have me an odd look an clicked her beak twice. “A dark, dry sense of humor on you.” 

I gestured to the sofa. “May I?”

“Only if I may join you.”

“By all means.”

I let her sit first and followed shortly after, feeling incredibly underdressed for the affair. However, my hostess didn’t seem to particularly care. “I fear I’ve been rude, but you’ll have to understand. Godrick is an acquaintance as well as my distant relative.”

“I would apologize, but it would purely be for the offense the actions I took caused. Godrick instigated the occurrence, if I recall correctly, Miss…?”

“Ms. Finch.”

“Mrs-”

“Ms. Mizz.”

“Fuckin’ colonists.” I rolled my eyes. “Mizzz Finch.”

“With a y.”

I gave her a look. “Why y? Why, why oh! Why y?”

I didn’t know Gryphons could chirp. “Oh, you are a fun one. But yes, Ms. Fynch.”

“You’re a nut in a feather-coated shell.”

“I think that’s a slightly more polite method of calling me a nutcase, is it not?”

“Do Gryphons wear shoes?”

“If they’re fit-” She open her beak and let it click closed. “How would you not know that?”

“Because I don’t know the common folk of each place I start making connections, but I do know that most races have their holdouts or don’t wear them at all.”

“Ah, smooth cover.”

“I do not have a foot fetish and I would laud you if you avoided such a topic in the future.”

“Of course. So what are the Spectres? Hm?”

“I’m afraid you’ve lost me if we’re not talking about ghosts and shades.”

“So you’re not a part of Spectre?”

“I am apart from this part, I’m afraid.”

“But you’re tying connections.”

“Always useful to have, connections are.”

“And you want to connect directly to King Adolf himself. Is that true, or have I been more misinformed than you would already have me think?”

“I believe Adolf and I can make arrangements that can suit the lovely nation of Gryphonia.”

“And on who’s authority would you do that?”

“A man should truly only be beholden to himself, to act under his own hand, yeah?”

Ms. Fynch chuckled and chirped. “You’re a delight, have I told you that? Talking with you is like verbal fencing. You’ve an answer for every question.”

I made some serious bedroom eyes at her. “And I have response for every advance.”

“This isn’t that kind of meeting, kid.” All amusement drained from her tone.

“Gotcha.” I smirked.

“Damn virgins.”

“Far from it, but what am I here for?”

“A judge of character, initially. Soon, a judge of skill.”

“Eh, my skills are more ‘sneak’ and then if I get caught ‘Unsneak’.”

“And conversation, I see.”

I could hear heartbeats enter the flat. One in the closet near the door. Two from further inside. “This is a very bad idea, Ms. Fynch.”

“Hm?”

“I’d call it off if I were you.”

“Call what off?”

“There are three people in here besides us and you mentioned a test of skill.”

Ms. Fynch stared at me. “... How did you know?”

“I’m exceedingly good.”

“Alright then. I do apologize, of course, but you never know the quality of the fish that jump into your boat.”

“They’re evidently strong enough to make it in the boat. Some make it back out too.”

“Cute. Shall we get to business, then?”

“I wouldn’t mind. I need a way to take care of the capital problem. Doing the deed is no issue. Getting close enough to do so is key.”

“Tch, after the last real attempt, the tightened up security. Godrick told you correctly, but that’s just not enough time. You get stuck in there and discovered during a lockdown? Torture is going to be a pleasant reminder of the fact that agony is now your version of a good time.”

“Spicy. So I gotta be really fast?”

“... Are you an idiot?”

“I’ll worry about exfil, just be concerned with infil and we’ll go from there.”

“Teleportation doesn’t work in the castle-”

“I can’t do that anyway. No, I’m going to send myself through Dragon Fire!”

“... You’re an actual idiot.”

“The term is savant. How much time does it take to get to Adolf from entry point to point?”

“A while, thirty minutes at least any direction, anywhere in the castle. Dodging patrols, running past them… Wouldn’t matter much toward the result.”

“Best entry point?”

“Sewers, bar none. You can stay clean while walking through and it’s unguarded at all times.”

“Lovely. Best time to strike?”

“The King is a heavy sleeper, but Elfriede is not. If she didn’t sleep in the same bed every night, it would be a lot easier.”

“So night in general, just don’t wake up the Queen. Why does all this sound so straightforward?”

“Because when you get caught for thinking that you’ll be a martyr and made an example of in the worst of ways.”

“Nah, that can’t be it.” I stroked my chin. “Gotta go extra fast.”

“... I know this is just a mask, but it is very extraordinarily convincing.”

“Yeah, mask on and all that. Is the King’s upcoming schedule known?”

“No, but you shouldn’t have to worry. It rarely deviates from food, consorts, court, food, consorts, food, bed. He blocks many things into certain areas of the castle and the best time to slay him is in the night.”

“Then do I need to let you know-”

“Three hours before you act. We’ll let you know before your window opens. We cannot let you know when that window will close, and it will close before you can leave. I wish you well, Kinkaid, but this is not a fool’s errand. Keep your wits about you.”

I shook my head, letting the seriousness of the moment rest on my shoulders for a moment. “If I fuck this up, Gryphonia suffers, Adolf does who knows what with his power, and I fail my own mission… Lot can change in the span of a few hours.”

“Second thoughts?”

I stood. “Second’s long come and gone. I can fight my way out if I want to, I just don’t want to… This is gonna be the biggest stunt I’ve ever pulled, but I’ll be damned if I don’t land it like the rest.”

Finch nodded. “A steady resolve, even with residual doubts. There may be hope for your sanity yet.”

“Yeah. Maybe. I’ll send you a note when I’m ready.”

“Any other assistance you may need… Well, don’t harass poor little Godrick, please?”

I strode toward the door, knocking on the closet before I stepped out with Lupa and headed back to grab my shit and find another fucking inn.

I followed a newly begotten lead late into my third day, heading down winding alleys and streets to find the hovel that held the crone I was supposed to speak with. Lupa aided me in my search by sniffing around, but without a sample or really knowing what she was looking for, there wasn’t much that could give us a solid lead. Still, after an hour or two of searching, we found a broken-down house that should have been, by all rights, condemned and destroyed long ago. I stood on the crumbling stoop and knocked on the door, softly at first, then hard once my knocks went unanswered. Eventually, a nearly featherless, withered old woman came to the door. 

“I heard you the first time, you know.” She groaned. 

“Sorry, but I wondered if you were even here.” I shrugged. “Are you the one they call ‘Soothsayer’?” 

“Shit nigga, I might be.” 

I blinked. “Well okay then. I was told that you could ‘aid me in my journey’ or something.” 

“I probably can. I’m a talented old lady, you know.” She cackled harshly. “Come in, boy. We got a lot to talk about and not enough time to do it.” The old lady disappeared back into her ramshackle… Hut? I would call it a hut, I suppose. 

Following her in, candles lit most of the hazard hut, so I didn’t have any issues wish visibility, but the smell that resided within was heavy and thick, making my head spin. It was definitely herbal in nature, but it wasn’t something that I was familiar with so I couldn’t identify it. I knew that there was far too much of it in such an enclosed space, though. My bitching and moaning aside, the old lady was very hospitable, bringing me a cup of some oddly flavoured tea that burned in just the right way going down. I had learned that the Gryphons were certainly fond of their alcohol and whiskey in particular through mingling with the locals. Of course, if anything worth recording had been mentioned I would have done so, but it was mostly just trading stories and opinions like so many of my other interactions, which was exactly what I was expecting to happen with my host.

We sat down on cushions around the remnants of a fireplace and sipped our tea. Shortly after finishing my tea, the crone took my cup from me and dumped the regs on the saucer that had come with it. She poked and prodded at the leaves for a moment, making ‘hmm’ noises as she did. I’d always thought that reading tea leaves was one of the dumber bits of divination but in a land chock full of magic, my disbelief was suspended. 

“Hmm…” My hostess scratched her chin. “Why you trippin’, brotha? This here leaf shit say you tryna stir shit up, be all nefarious ‘n shit.” She asked. 

“...It’s only nefarious if you consider it so. What else was in the leaf shit?” I asked, skipping the unimportant bit.

“Well, besides the fact that you’re more than likely gonna die while trying to complete your mission, not much to be straight witcha’.” She shrugged. “I hope you succeed with ‘whatever’ you’re doing. You seem like a nice enough young man, after all, but I rather doubt that the path you’re on will bring any sort of happiness to you. Should you go through with your current endeavor, there’s only more guilt and bloodshed ahead of you.” 

“That’s not foreboding in the slightest. If I manage to live, what am I looking at?” 

The crone took another look at the dregs. “Well, I see a loss of some sort, enmity, and pain. I wish I could tell you more, but the sign of imminent death is taking up a lot of your space, McFoolie. Ya girl don’t lie, but I considered it.” 

“So even if I don’t die, I’m looking at a sucky life?” I sighed. “I already knew that much.” 

“Hey, don’t shoot the messenger, playa! I haven’t even told you that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel!” 

“Oh really?” 

“Yes. After years of turmoil, you will eventually be some manner of happy. If you don’t die within the next three days. And if you don’t live forever.” 

“Oh happy day,” I sarcastically commented. “I can’t believe I’ll eventually be not sad if I don’t die from doing stupid shit.” 

“It is what it is, nigga.” 

“Yeah, I figured. Never caught your name, by the way” 

She cackled again. “No offense, but I don’t think I want my name known by a kingslayer, even if he is as cute as you is, honey.” 

“... How did you know?” 

“Don’t worry about it, Max. It’s tricky Magic, but it’s more real than any that those pathetic little Unicorns use.” 

“Wait, what do you mean by that?”

“I mean that there’s Pony Magic and then there’s the good stuff! I wouldn’t be too concerned with it now, though. It’s not really in your best interest to be hungry for more strength.” She gave me a pointed look 

“Right.” 

The silence stretched on until the crone spoke again. “I’ll give you a hint, if you care to ask.” 

“I’m listening.” 

Her tone turned dark. “Go through the sewer. It’ll be the easiest and most direct route.”

“If you know I’m going after your King, why are you helping me?” I asked, confused. 

“Because Adolf is no King to my people.” She began bitterly. “For years, Adolf has been slowly turning this country into Tartarus, letting my once beautiful ‘hood crumble like this old bando.” She spat on the floor. “We have more thug niggas in the streets than ever, more crime bosses divvying up territory like they’re slicing up pie than you can count, and people just don’t trust each other like they used to. I’ve heard more tales of rape and murder than these old ears care to hear, and if Queen Elfriede had her way, we wouldn’t be so focused on trying to go to war with those foolish Ponies! History has proven that the Ponies aren’t as easy a target as we think they are, but I’ve read our books and learned from my elders in my time: Equestria is a sleeping Dragon that we should not be poking. If Adolf must lose his life for my niggas, homies, dawgs, and bitches to see that, then I say deep-six that muhfucka; put a cap so deep in his ass it comes out the castle!”

“That makes my conscience rest a bit more easily, knowing that he’s run his country into the ground.” I stared at the ghetto, chavvy fortuneteller. 

She tsked. “Paying attention would have told you that. Now that I’ve ranted, I suppose you’ll be bouncin’?” 

“I’ve always had an ear for an old lady with a lot on her heart.” I offered. 

“This old lady has gotten the worst of it out. Take it easy, Max.”

“... Yeah, take it easy.” I stood and prepared to leave, but couldn’t help myself. “If you don’t mind me asking, how do you know my name?” 

“Don’t worry about it too hard.” 

“... Right.” 

Lupa and I took our leave from there and started the long walk back to our inn, though she was just as confused about the encounter as I was. Neither of us could make much sense of what the old lady’s words about differences in Magic was, but if it meant that I could possess my own, I have to admit I was more than a little interested. Still, once I voiced my opinions to Lupa, she shot them down stating that I would lose my sense of self if I particularly had Magic. I couldn’t help but agree, due to my general leanings toward being a prick and the fact that I murdered a guy basically because I could. It didn’t matter much anyway: I wasn’t going to go actively looking for something so easily corrupted if I had a choice. I may have been interested, but caution was one of the main reasons I was able to be a thief as long as I was. 

We got to the latest inn after midnight, so we weren’t able to get dinner, but an empty stomach was the least of our worries. Tomorrow night was the deadline that I had given myself. I would end the King’s life and hopefully, keep my own.

The morning started and ended shittily. Lupa and I were rudely booted from our room during the wee hours of noon, making sure that we didn’t have a base for our operations later in the night. Though the issue was rectified after a few hours of barhopping, it was still annoying. Most of them were throwing out customers who’d outstayed their welcome at this point in the morning and the early drinkers were petering in. The drinking culture was strong in Gryphonia, and for once, I was grateful to have a bunch of loose-lipped fools babble away while filling the space with a dull, undulating tone.

Since I was in a bar, I ordered a beer because that’s what you’re supposed to do (no I don’t have a problem), and a couple of hearty slabs of whatever meat they had. With breakfast sorted, I ran over my plan in my head, and it was rather straightforward. Enter through the sewer in the back of the castle if I can’t scale the walls. Dodge guard patrols until I got to the fourth level of the far west tower, probably kill some guards, put a poisoned knife in the King’s heart while he’s napping and get the fuck out of dodge. When I thought about it like that, it had all seemed so simple, and that was generally how I liked to keep my plans if there were unknown elements. Between the mapping of the guard patrols that I had been given by Luna and a few patterns there within, I wondered how Luna failed in the first place and how anyone expected me to do this when one of the damn-near almighty Princesses couldn’t do it. Even if the plan looked incredibly simple when I looked at the route I was slated to take in the castle, it still seemed like it was above my pay-grade.

Shaking my head, I downed my beer and spent a few hours inwardly complaining, and then outwardly complaining with plenty of vagueness once I got a few more in me. Of course, I stopped drinking at a decent time so I wasn’t exactly intoxicated, but I was feeling it regardless. However, my nerves were steady and the liquid courage had done its part. If I could keep my head together, then I could get in and out without any issues. After I paid the tab that I had accumulated through the day and departed the bar, I looked at my watch and saw that it was around six thirty, just under three hours before the guards rotated. I took that time to make my note up, send it off and take a circuit around the castle’s outer walls for the umpteenth fucking time, but I saw nothing new. My best bet was still in the same spot, and the sky was rapidly darkening. The time to move was closing in quickly and I needed to get into position. 

Through stakeouts and bribery, I learned that the zone with the thirteenth tower was the one that was almost never actually guarded. In fact, I had learned through some sneaky eavesdropping that the guards took that specific shift as a break since they were never actually slated to get any real off-time, so if you wanted to make a quiet entrance, that spot was good. I loitered around the area, dipping into a shop every now and again to give myself the general presence of a lazy shopper rather than a lurking cutthroat. 

Once the last of the heavy traffic petered out, I saw something quite surprising: I wasn’t the only one scaling the wall to get into the castle. In fact, there were four other people with my idea and each of them patiently waited their turn before entry, and each of them was unceremoniously thrown back over the side. The thirteenth tower was a bust, but I had a smelly backup plan courtesy of a smelly old lady and a smelly middle-aged lady. Gryphons generally smell like birds, so it’s not inaccurate. 

Now, my sense of smell got a lot better while I was in the Everfree and for the most part, it was a good thing, but ever since coming to Gryphonia I noticed that it was starting to be much less of a boon. In the town sewers, there was no doubt that it was a complete negative. I voided my stomach’s contents more than a few times and so did Lupa, but since we were down there, we had a job to do. I had remembered every turn in the map that Nebula had given me in the dossier from my entry point to the castle, and thankfully, there were only a couple, though I did have to count the side tunnels to know exactly where I was at. After a few good ol’ minutes of trying not to die from gagging, I was doubly grateful for the walkway that meant that I wouldn’t have to trudge through… sludge to get to my destination. 

But my God, the fucking SMELL. 

Breathing through my mouth made it no better, so I tried to get my mind off of it, focusing on getting Lupa and I to where we were going. “This has to be the single stupidest thing you’ve ever done,” Bitch growled.

“It’s only stupid if you look at it like that. This is actually an ingenious way of getting into the castle. You just hate it because it's dark and smelly.”

“It reminds me of bears, but at least they don’t smell this bad. Next time, I pick the mission.”

“Hopefully there won’t be a next time. Hell, there shouldn’t have been a ‘this time’, and I need to make sure we’re clear on not telling Celestia. If I catch flak for saving her country from a goddamn war I‘m going to be very cross with both of you.” 

“She won’t hear a word from me,” Lupa chuckled. “The bitch can’t even understand me!” 

“You’ve sold me out before. Remember when we raided Twilight’s parent’s house? You totally threw me under the bus on that.” 

“I don’t know what that means, but you deserved it. Pure foolishness was the only thing in your head when you did that.” 

“It was pure foolishness that I probably could have gotten away with! You got me sent back to Ponyville!” 

“Hmm. That’s a curious hypothesis.” Lupa commented lightly. 

“Hypothesis!? It’s the truth you fucking mutt! I’ve dealt with a lot of shit because of your actions, and I demand recompense!” 

“Shut up, will you? Just because we’re underground doesn’t mean we’re inaudible.” 

“Fair enough, but my point still stands.” 

“I’ll give you plenty of ‘pupper kisses’ whenever we get home, then. If we get home.” 

“...You said you would never talk about that.” 

“It was just so cute, I couldn’t help myself!” Lupa looked up at me, wagging her tail. “It’s rare that I see that side of you.” 

“And to think you’ll never see it again.” I replied frostily. 

“You’re just mad because you’re cute.” 

“I’m handsome, dammit! Girls and pretty boys are cute. I? I am a man! See this beard? That’s some MAN shit!” 

“...You’re a cute little fool, yes you are.” 

“Shut up, Lupa, we’re almost there.” I drily responded. 

“We have nine tunnels left to pass, so we’ve got at least fifteen more minutes of walking.” 

“And I’ve got about fifteen seconds left of patience.”

“I’ll be sure to spend that time wisely.” Lupa chuckled. 

“Please don’t.” 

She respected my wishes and we walked on in peace for the last clip. Once we saw the ladder leading to the surface, I noticed that there was water sluicing down from the manhole cover, so I hung back for a moment before climbing it, just in case those fluids were something I didn’t want to touch. After five minutes of waiting, the water wasn’t stopping so I assumed that it was clear to ascend. Lupa had a harder time than I did with the ladder, but she still managed to stay right up my arse, unfortunately. With a nose in my bum and a rusty ladder supporting me, I pushed against the cover and found that it was actually surprisingly light, far less heavy than the other one I had lifted. I clambered out of the sewer and found myself in what appeared to be a communal bath of some sort. I had never made use of the one in Canterlot because it just seemed weird to me, but luckily there were no patrons at the given hour. I scooted the cover the rest of the way off of the hole and Lupa joined me topside. I left the cover slightly misaligned just in case I needed to make a quick escape, but decided against it at the last moment, hoping that I would have enough time to make my exit through where I had come from without scrambling. 

I scanned the bathhouse before carrying on, my eyes sweeping over white tile of every kind to the large steaming body of water that was the main bath. I was standing in the shower stalls currently, but I needed to hurry up and get out of the open. I hunkered down to a familiar stance and snuck my way through the bathing area, happy that it was empty. Consulting my mental map, I left the bathroom or whatever and tried to find the Main Serverants Corridors. 

Now, to say that the castle was massive would be an understatement, and to say that it felt anything like the one in Canterlot would just be flat out wrong. Instead of the clean marble that adorned the walls of Celestia’s castle, the architecture of the Gryphonian structure was far more Victorian-esque. It reminded me of a cathedral in a way that sent chills down my spine, but I wasn’t about to let a hostile environment stall me. I cast a couple glances down either side of the hall leading to the bath and saw a guard patrol closing in quickly. They appeared to work in pairs and were heavily armored, though from what I could see they appeared quite bored with their task, despite Luna’s failed attempts on Adolf’s life. The guards passed at a lazy gait, and I hid behind a particularly large potted plant. Lupa, with her size, chose an erect stature of armor that loomed over most other decorations, standing straight up to keep herself in cover. I held my breath as they passed, not wanting to give either of them a chance to spot me.

Luck was not on my side. Just as they cleared Lupa’s hiding space, she did the stupidest, most retarded fucking thing that she could have done. She sneezed. In fairness, one cannot control a sneeze without opposable thumbs, but I would have appreciated it far more if she had not done exactly that. The guards turned on their heels and scanned the area for the source of the noise, and they found Lupa all too quickly. Just as I was preparing to cleave their heads from their shoulders, Lupa began whimpering and tucked her tail between her legs, backing up as far into the wall as she possibly could. The guards traded a look and one of them went over to her with a hand outstretched. 

“Get it, Gerald.”

The second guy sighed. “C’mon now, ya mangy mutt. Don’t know how you got in here, but we can’t let ya bleed on the carpet-”

I swung my tendril, the tip formed into a flat round shape. Mr. Guard stopped moving, his head slowly sliding off of his neck like it was a shitty anime or something. His buddy drew breath and prepared to shout, but Lupa was on him in the blink of an eye, ripping off his helmet and most of his face in one go. With the poor sod’s beak in her mouth, Lupa tossed her head and flung the beak in my direction before she ripped the bastard’s throat out. 

It was a quick and brutal affair. Almost completely unnecessary since the servant’s corridor wasn’t far away at that point. Now we had to stow the bodies in our former hiding places. Once they were firmly stuck in the shadows, I turned the corner and we started a light jog toward the top of the castle. As promised, the way was clear and the first five floor were completely dead in the main tower. Lupa and I got to the fifth floor in less than ten minutes, but we got halted up by a patrol passing by our hall. Then it became obvious that they weren’t ‘passing’ anything and were on the lookout for trouble. Unfortunately for them, I needed to get my mission done and no one cared about the body count. The only thing in my head was the mission, getting it over and done with, then going the fuck home. Both men were casually poked in their head, both fell, and I helped Lupa drag them somewhere discreet. 

After catching more pottery than I had in my entire life within the span of five minutes, we had made it to the correct set of halls, the biggest at the end of the current corridor. However, we were discovered by an unlucky maid. Before she could scream for help, I ran over and clamped her beak shut with my hand, hoping that I wouldn’t have to kill her. Guards and Slitters were one thing, but civilians...? 

I doubted that I would go back to Equestria if she made me hurt her, so I said, “I’m not here to hurt you, so don’t scream.” I stared into her eyes. She nodded. “Alright. I’m going to let you go, but if you scream, I will have to kill you. I really don’t want to kill you, but I will. We clear?”

Her eyes widened further and she nodded rapidly. 

“Good.” I slowly eased my hand off of her beak and she stood completely still. “Now, I want you to forget that you ever saw me, okay? You never stopped, you were just passing through and saw nothing, right?” 

“...A-Are you here…” She shook her head. “Why are you here? 

“For reasons that will benefit our great nation,” I replied evenly, hoping to give her the impression of a sly rebel, come for a regime change.

“...Are you here for The Great Bastard?” She whispered. 

No, I’m here for love and idiocy and because it’s a favour and I don’t fuckin know. “I am.” 

She lifted a hand to a bruise on her face, just below her eye. “You’re almost there...”

“Then would you care to help me?” She nodded rapidly and I addressed Lupa. “... Make a distraction with her, and be sure to keep the guard’s attention for a few minutes. Cut and run as soon as you can, okay?”

“I do not like this plan. I already find myself against it.”

“You’re gonna get out. I’ll be right behind you.”

“Don’t do anything foolish.”

“You remember-”

“I will not leave you. The scent of dogs is present here. I will hide until I know to come for you. You have my word.” 

I looked up at Broomhilda and she was staring at me. “Cause a distraction with this floofball here. I’m going to hide, you two are going to draw the attention. When Lupa goes nuts, just try and avoid getting hit with her tail.”

“I will!”

I grabbed her shoulder. “I’m counting on you.”

She nodded one last time and headed towards the hall at the end of the corridor. I hid and Lupa sprinted past her. Next thing I know, five guards are being as quiet as they can be while chaisng a giant dog and a maid. Slipping past them was easier than I’d like to admit, and soon enough the end of my task was at hand. It had been a weeks since I’d gotten the mission, left, and started the current event unfolding before my eyes. Every step down that damn hallway was hastened and restrained, not a footfall to be heard. Two tall wooden doors stood before me and I had a bad, bad feeling about what was about to go down. I dripping some Blue Dream onto a throwing knife and coated the tip of it well enough to get a good dose.

I took a deep breath and cracked the door open, barely allowing the light to filter in before I swiftly entered, leaving Lupa outside to meet once I was finished. Creeping in slowly, I could hear the even breathing of two separate individuals, and looking around, I saw that the victorian architecture carried into their decorations as well, which gave the place an overall drab quality. Shaking the joys of architectural bullshit from my mind, I crept closer to the right side of the bed since it was more common for dudes to sleep there back home according to some random googling I had done one day. I chose incorrectly and had to go to the other side, seeing a much more masculine face this time. 

You put your best knife in, you pull your best knife out, you put your best knife in, and you put poison all about. You do the folky pokey and you turn yourself around. That indeed is what it’s all about. 

With the job done, I rose to leave, but I noticed a sudden change in breathing on the other side of the bed. With a yawn and a stretch, I could see the limber form of Queen Elfriede rise above the covers and look around. I hunkered down below the bed and waited to hear her return to her place beside a man poisoned into eternal slumber, but all I could hear was the rustling of the sheets.

“Adolf?” She intoned sharply. I heard her shift around in her bed, so I sank and slid beneath it. “Adolf, wake you fool. Something is amiss.” She got no response. “Adolf, you’re not drunk, so wake up you, battering bastard!” She snapped. “Ugh…”

Elfriede got up and I noticed candles around the room were suddenly lit with Magic of some kind. Flickering light told me that I was hidden for the time being and that thankfully the trimming on the bed hid me well enough, but that didn’t mean I missed my first experience with a naked Gryphon. It was hard to enjoy with the circumstances as they were since I’d just widowed the woman undressing before me, and I was also doing the bad kind of peeping. Panick wasn’t the word for it. Fear was here to stay and I was looking at a very bad situation. There were windows aplenty for me to climb out of, but there would be a million different ways for that to go bad. No, I just had to sit there and deal with the consequences of my actions.

I watched Elfriede get dressed, do her makeup and come back over to the bed to nag her husband, but she finally noticed that something was truly wrong. He wasn’t waking up, and when she ran from his side, I waited a few moments to hear the doors slam and started crawling out from underneath the bed. I could still practically hear her heartbeat in my ears, but when a knee slammed into my back and claws split the skin on either side of my neck, I paused and prayed that I wouldn’t die in the next few seconds.

“You… You!” Queen Elfriede spoke severely. “Why are you here?” Drops of blood spilled from the affected areas when her grip tightened.

This is it. This is where I go... My thoughts were racing, but my mouth opened and words that I had no control over spilled out. “I’m here for you, Your Majesty! I’m here to give you your rightful place!”

“You… You- Adolf is dead, isn’t he?”

“H-He will slip away in slumber…”

“ It was by your hand, wasn’t it?” The steel in her voice was unmistakable.

No shit, bitch. “Yes, Your Majesty, it was my doing, but I did it for our people, for our nation! King Adolf was running our once beautiful nation into the ground!”

“You fool! Do you even comprehend how difficult it is to run a damned country!? You honestly think that slaying my husband will change anything!?” Her grip tightened and more blood fell 

“Yes, Your Majesty, of course! With you and your wisdom leading our proud nation, we will rise again and rival Equestria, just as we did before! Your ways are not like that of King Adolf’s: Your judgment is known by your people, our people, to be just and fair, unlike your husband’s totalitarian grip. We hope that you will prove to be more capable than your husband once was! Even during his golden age!” 

“...A filthy rebel has managed to infiltrate the castle, get past who knows how many guards, and slay the King of his own nation. Have you no pride in Gryphonia? Did you not support us through the good times and the worst?” Elfriede asked solemnly. 

“I have always loved my country, Your Majesty, and I came willing to give my life for it. If I can make this sacrifice for the good of our people, I can die knowing that I’ve aided our nation as it deserves,” My voice cracked and my emotions swirled around like a typhoon, whisking different feeling to the forefront of my mind before replacing them with another. 

Fear, anger, pride, hatred, love, regret, guilt, shame, happiness, and sadness all stayed their course for a few fleeting moments, then gave way to one of its brethren. I didn’t want to die like this, at the hands of a freshly made widow for a country that I held no loyalty to, for a woman who possibly could never love me back, for a peace that I would have had regardless. I did, however, find that I had a foundation in the house of cards that was suddenly toppling down on me: If I were to die here, then I would save so many, prevent so many families from hardship, stall the war between Equestria and Gryphonia, and most importantly, my life would have had true meaning. So many people die for nothing, but here I was, giving my life for people I didn’t know in a land that I wasn’t from, and the oddest sensation washed over me. 

Peace. With this final act, I had already done so much for Celestia and her citizens, for my friends and their families. Maybe dying here wouldn’t be such a bad thing. Maybe it would be the ultimate penance. Either way, there wouldn’t be a King pushing for war, and it was all my doing. Life had changed in an instant and I saw the end of the road in front of me and I accepted the fate I’d led myself to… Until I realized something. That I wanted to live past the moment. That I wanted to go home and see my friends again. I wanted to get laid and enjoy another glass of bourbon. I wanted to walk through the Whitetail Woods and snag some weed. Wanted to see my gals again and tell them all that I was happiest when with them.

My voice choked with emotion, I spoke again. “Your Majesty, I beg of you; be the leader your people know you to be. Guide Gryphonia into the light once more, and lead us to the victory that has evaded us for so long... War with Equestria will bring nothing but pain to our people, but I pray that your wisdom will find the best way to handle the situation. Once you have slain me here, once I pass on to the next life, please know that my heart will always belong to Gryphonia, and that I will cheer for you when you raise our country to its former glory.” 

“...You’ve slain the King of your nation, yet you proclaim that you love it so dearly.” Elfriede spoke, her throat tight. “I will admit that Adolf may have not made the best decisions, but his view of the world was just… Grim. How can you kill a man for that?” 

“I did not kill King Adolf because he made bad decisions, Your Majesty. I killed him because he was killing our people!” 

“He was not!” She roared. “Adolf was a good man! Yes he was harsh, yes he was brutal at times and a bastard at others, but he loved this country as much as you do-” 

“No, he did not.” I hissed back at her. “Your husband is the one who placed Hedard in power, was he not?” 

“No, I placed Hedard in his position.” She snarled back. 

“...What?” I already knew that she had, but I had to keep up the act. “Then you’re the reason my brother is dead…” 

“What are you talking about?” The Queen sneered. “Hedard is one of my most noble vassals!”

“Hedard raped my brother and made me watch. Hedard killed my brother in the most disgusting and vile way, and I’ve just put his patron in power.” I said numbly, forcing my voice to carry an ounce of the cyclone of emotion inside. 

“...Is that the reason you’ve come? Because your family was hurt by one of my vassals?” She whispered. 

I shook my head which made her claws rub unpleasantly in my open wounds. “No, Your Majesty. I came because nobles abusing their power is a story that many of our citizens share, and it’s not just nobles. Those with wealth have been crushing the people for years.” I was completely talking out of my arse and had been for the entire conversation, but I was beginning to feel the faintest glimmer of hope. My research was going to pay off. 

“...What is your name, rebel?” Elfriede asked. 

“My name is Kaid, Your Majesty.” 

The Queen was silent for moments that dragged on into hours. “... What do you want from me, Kaid? What do you think I should do as a leader?” She asked softly. 

“I make no presumptions, Your Majesty. It is not my place to tell you what to do.” 

“Humor me.” 

“... I think that you should review those closest to you. Hire a spy to infiltrate and gain their trust, then use that spy to, well, spy on them. Once you’ve rooted out the evil nearest to you, start looking into the judicial system and do the same, but in a different manner. Perhaps you might know of someone discreet enough to collect evidence so you can weed out your opposition there, and then you can move on to the constabulary-” 

“Slow down.” She commanded. “What did you just say? The last word?” 

Uh… “...Constabulary?” 

“That’s a Briddish word, isn’t it? You’re not even from Gryphonia, are you!?” She roared. 

“No, Your Highness, I come from a small town in Bridleland, but Gryphonia is the only home I’ve ever known! I was not born here, but I love this country like a native!” 

Her breathing calmed down and her grip on my neck loosened. After a few moments of silence, I felt the knee in my back let up and heard the Queen step away. “Rise.” She ordered quietly. 

I rose slowly and felt my neck. I was bleeding alright, but it didn’t seem too severe. Due to my healing factor, however, I felt the intense desire to scratch at it, but I knew that would end just about as well as it sounded, so I stood and patiently waited for the Queen to make a circuit around the room. One by one, she waved out every other candle that illuminated the chamber until she made a full circle. Once she was done, she walked over to her bed and inspected her husband’s soon-to-be corpse. From there, I could see that she was older in appearance than Celestia or Ms. Fynch, around forty or so years old if my time in Gryphonia had given me any indication of a Gryphon’s age. She was tall for a woman, just about my height, though I knew from experience that Gryphons were lighter than I was. However, even with that knowledge, I had a hard time believing it. Elfriede looked like a lean, muscled hunter that had dulled its claws by idling for too long; She retained her lethal grace but lacked the fire. Examining her more closely, I saw that she had a pair of black feathers under each eye and quite the figure for someone who had been about to kill me all of five minutes ago. Seeing her from afar and seeing her up close were very… Odd things, both in their own completely different aspects.

“Your Majesty…” I said softly. “I-”

“Even if your plan had gone off without a hitch, I still would have awoken to this. My husband in a coma... How do you plan to repay this debt?” She inquired evenly. 

“I thought that I was going to be paying with my life, but I will gladly accept any punishment, Your Majesty-” 

“Stop! Stop- Just stop calling me that you retarded piss-ape!” Queen Elfriede hissed. “‘Your Majesty this’, ‘Your Majesty that’!” She mocked. “Nothing meant with respect has ever sounded so casually mocking. And to think it’s leaving from a mouth so irritatingly tender and ripe to test my talons on…”

She offered you an out. Take it. “... What shall I call you then?” I asked tentatively. 

“You’ll call me by my name, as a Kingslayer should.” She snapped. 

“Yes, Your- er, Elfriede.” 

“That’s more suitable.” She paced around the bed, touching each of the four posters as she passed them in her seemingly endless loop. “By all rights, I should kill you, but I know that this is the death you seek. No, I believe your punishment requires creativity, and if you’re the man you seem to be, you’ll deal with it until I say so. Is this true?” Her voice dipped in a way and her gaze… Made me very uncomfortable. She was offering me life at a cost. Taking her toll on the road.

Fuck don’t- run just- Shit fucking- “Yes, Elfriede. I accept your punishment, whatever it may be.”

She eyed me. “Do you swear to submit to my will?”

… Mummy, I don’t want to taste Mittens! “I do.”

“And if I hurt you?”

“The price of atonement.”

“Hmm. We’ll see about that.” Elfriede stopped by Adolf’s side of the bed and stroked his face. “You know, I… The man was a true bastard.” She ruffled her feathers “He wasn’t afraid to hit a woman, but bruises heal better than gouges, I’ll say that much… It’s…” Elfriede swallowed and the action seemed to take effort. “I can’t really say I ever loved him. Few arranged marriages have love in them. As much as I would try to defend him, Adolf was a bastard beyond any need to be... The only reason he kept power so long was because of fear, and now that he’s gone, I… I don’t really know. I knew that I had a manner of protection in my station, but eve that wasn’t always enough. Make no mistake, Kaid;  I’m angry that you killed my husband, but I’m happy that I’m free of him. I’m sad that he’s dead, but at the same time, I couldn’t be more elated. I’ll never have to take another blow from his hand, but he’s the father of my children…” She looked at me, slicing his throat herself. “Do you know what this feels like, Kingslayer?” 

Queen Elfriede’s gaze landed on me and I knew this woman had no conventional magic. Shit, I technically had more than her. However, even knowing that I was better armed, armoured, and magically gifted, the woman had me speechless. I’d offered a slow, peaceful death and she’d slit his throat so efficiently he didn’t even bleed on her “... It sounds an awful lot like a triumph.”

“And in some ways, it is one. Adolf’s is not the first mountain I’ve come to conquer, and I know he won’t be the last now… It’s jarring. I’ve lived my life with him for nearly thirty years now, and it’s been wrought with pain. Battles won and many lost. Times where I was desperate for a chance to live a real life... I’ve been on the receiving end of his fist more times than I would like to count, but I’d like to think that I’ve weathered through my trials, though I suppose I should thank you for bringing an end to them. That particular part of my life is over thanks to you, even if you’re not one of my kinsmen.”

“... I didn’t know that he would lash out at those he was close to, but Adolfs deeds were widely known.”

“He didn’t strike those who were truly close to him, but that’s because the few he kept so closely are the few that will present the biggest challenges to me.” She began pacing again, leaving the last drops to leave her husband’s throat. “How do you think I should weed out the nobles that would be against me?” 

“If I may be so forward-” 

“Why, you just killed my husband. You’ve been plenty forward.” She rolled her eyes. 

“... If I may continue to do so, then.” 

She glanced at the cadaver in ther room and casually stroked her beak. “You may.” 

“... What if you used me to slay your opponents? If I was able to get here, then what else could I manage? What other feat might I achieve for the betterment of Gryphonia?” It made sense, after all. If Adolf had been the one pushing for war and his closest vassals were advocating his efforts, then it would serve Equestria well overall to get rid of them and cement Elfriede’s rule as Queen. 

“Oh, shut up. That is…” She trailed off. “... Not a bad idea, actually, if not delivered by rote. If you were able to bypass my own security, I’m sure one such as you will have little trouble dispatching my opposition.” 

“Then I await your orders, my Queen”