//------------------------------// // Chapter 10: Burst of Emotions // Story: Hero of War // by Teal //------------------------------// The door burst open, letting the dim moonlight enter the empty room. Rushing inside, Rainbow Dash moved in and scanned the dark corners, searching for any sign of movement, as Thunderlane followed close behind her and did the same. Sword drawn and gripped tightly between her jaws, she checked every single part of the room, making sure that nopony was there. There were none. “Clear!” Rainbow Dash shouted, sword sheathed in its scabbard once more. Stepping inside and looking around for themselves, Cloud Chaser and Lightning Dust squinted in the darkness, trying to see what they had in store inside the small house just on the outskirts of another abandoned Crystal Empire town. “Well…” Cloud Chaser started. “…this looks...umm…cozy.” “If cobwebs and layers of dust define coziness for you, then sure.” Lightning Dust retorted in reply, as she saw how unkept the place was, with cobwebs in each corner and dust lying almost everywhere, from the floor to the furniture. “Looks like this place has been abandoned for months. Besides, don’t you think it’s a little cramped in here?” Looking around to observe the room once more, Rainbow Dash had to agree that the room did indeed feel small. The one room house had furniture and knickknacks littered in every corner, as if the previous owner tried their best to cram in every possession they had. To this end, he was successful, but it gave little room for anypony to move in. Living room, bedroom, kitchen and all were crammed into this one house, and if it weren’t for the outhouse outside, they were sure that the toilet would have been stuck in here too. “As if you can find any better.” Thunderlane told her. “This whole town has been abandoned for months. If you ask me, this here house in one of the bet kept structures here. Like look, its roof hasn’t collapsed and there isn’t a single hole in the wall! I say it’s perfect here.” “Besides-“ Rainbow Dash added, knowing an easy solution to their space problems. “-there’s only going to be only two of us at a time staying here through the night. The other two would be too busy standing guard on the picket line, so space won’t be a problem here. Now, let’s just claim this place now before the rest of the Army and a bunch of grunts decide that this is the perfect place for them, while were still busy looking and arguing where to stay for the night.” Special Forces privileges meant that they always had first pick on where to bunk. Being the first on site definitely had its perks, and Rainbow Dash was certainly glad for this one. This meant that they can always chose the best house to stay in for the night, leaving the worn down or collapsed houses and buildings for the regular army ponies who would come in later. “Fine.” Lightning Dust sighed, finally relenting, to the satisfaction of the rest of the team. “Good.” Rainbow Dash said, as she have the mare a devilish smile. “Now, for being such a picky little filly the entire time we were clearing houses and looking for a billet, I’m assigning you on the first picket duty. You, along with Thunderlane.” “Me?” Thunderlane exclaimed, glancing at Rainbow Dash after having just spread the rickety sofa bed on one side of the room. “What did I do to deserve first picket with her?” “Hmm…” Rainbow Dash thought, as she rubbed her hoof on her chin. “…I’m not sure yet, buddy, but when I do I’ll tell you.” “I hate you for that, Captain.” Thunderlane grunted, as he moved towards his pack that he had just let down. “Hate me all you want, at least I get to sleep first while you freeze out there.” Rainbow Dash chuckled, as she winked at him and moved towards the sofa bed that he had just fixed. A few minutes later Rainbow Dash was lying asleep on the sofa bed. Despite finding it nearly as hard as brick, it still ended up feeling better than sleeping on the cold floor, or worst the freezing ground. But a good few hours of asleep was the last thing she was having, there always never was any good sleep for her. Even in the realm of dreams her mind was in constant alert, always in battle. At times, it almost felt that fighting in her dreams was tougher and more dangerous than fighting in the real world, since her enemies there were endless and never bled. Unable to distinguish reality in this realm she knew more for nightmares than pleasant dreams, Rainbow Dash had to fight her own personal battles. Reliving past actions, the horrors she suppressed when awake, and the guilt built from those ponies she could never save, she always tried to swim up, as she drowned in the darkness she kept in her mind. But there was only one nightmare that scared her the most, and it seemed to come more and more frequently to her. There she was, standing in what seemed to be another frozen field in the Crystal Empire, staring and motionless. Before her was the sight she had always dreaded, the thing she feared the most and always wished would never happen. Thunderlane, Lightning Dust, and Cloud Chaser, all lying on the ground, all cold, and dead. She had seen it before in many nightmares, and each time she broke down, unable to move, only standing still as she stared at lifeless bodies a few feet in front of her. Time felt like infinity during these moments, but she never noticed that. She was always too bust blaming herself, feeling the guilt as it mixed with punches of sadness and devastation within her. What made things worst was she never knew if it was the real thing. She had these nightmares before, and each time the emotions, the sight, everything felt shockingly real that she could never tell if this was just another nightmare or the actual sight of her command, her friends, dead. In this unprotected realm where horrors come to be and become as bad as their imagination would let them, reality gets confused with imagination. Staring at their dead bodies, bloodied, mangled, and drained of the spirit and soul she was used to seeing, Rainbow Dash just wanted to close her eyes and look away. How could she have let this happen? They were her responsibility, she promised to bring them home alive, all of them. Now she failed. Bringing an eye to each one of them, she felt a piece of her heart break. This was too much, this was all too much. Unable to bear it anymore, she began to take a step forwards towards them, one hoof moving closer, hoping to check if they really were dead. But the moment she stepped forward the sound of hoofsteps all around her began to echo, and her instincts immediately made her crouch low, ready for a fight. Head on a swivel, and sharp eyes glaring at the darkness that encircled her, she began tried to find the source of the noise, as it grew louder and louder. Soon enough they arrived. Faces all rotten, yet familiar, ponies of her past, ponies she knew, all there and surrounding her. They were all friends from the past, fellow soldiers, former squad-mates, former subordinates, those she had lost and couldn’t save from the past. Where they resentful? Where they angry at her? Did they blame her just like what she always believed? For a good few seconds she was more afraid at what they thought about her than what they might do. Their empty eyes, their deformed shapes, their rotting look, she somehow managed to ignore all that and instead feared what resentment they might have against her. She knew she wasn’t able to protect them, she knew that she had failed each one of them. She looked at the faces and recognized all of them. She even remembered the ones she personally promised to keep alive and get through the war, and she felt depressed knowing that she couldn’t uphold it. She even saw familiar faces that served under her, but were lost so fast that she didn’t get to know them that well. She felt ashamed at that. She felt ashamed to stand right in front of them, the one who had allowed them to be cursed in this Tartarus-like place. She wanted to say something, to apologize, to express her guilt and let out he shame. But then they started talking. “They belong with us now.” They all said in unison, bringing chills through her back, as their ghostly voice rung in her ears. Eyeing them all, she felt taken aback at their statement at first. What did they mean by that? But then a sudden realization hit her. Taking a glance at her team, she stared at them for a few seconds, before looking back out at the haunting ponies around her. They were going to join them? These were all the ponies who had served with her, the ponies who had fallen under her watch. If they were going to join them, did that mean they were taking them away to the afterlife? No, that can’t be. She wasn’t going to allow that. Not them, not one more. She wasn’t going to let any more ponies be taken away from her. Glancing once more at her team, she kept her eyes locked on them. She knew what she had to do. She needed to get them out of here and save them. She knew she lost many ponies before, but she wasn’t going to let them be added to the list. So with all her strength, she leaped up from her position, ready to get closer to her team and protect them. She wasn’t sure how she was going to get them out, but she knew that her first order of business was to prevent them from being taken away. She had no weapons to fight, but she knew her hooves would be more than enough, or at least she hoped they were. Leaping from her spot, she hoped to use her wings to boost herself towards them. But as she opened her wings she felt something grab her on all four of her hooves. In one swift motion she was suddenly pulled back onto the ground, slamming on all fours as she felt the cold grasps on her hooves. Quickly looking down, she saw in complete horror pairs of hooves protruding from the rocky ground and grabbing onto each of her legs, holding onto her firmly. Then, to her anger and fright, she saw more of these hooves pop out of the ground around her team, and wrap themselves around them. One by one, she watched wide-eyed as these hooves pulled her friends into the ground, seemingly consuming them as the rock opened up and buried them underneath. “No!” Rainbow Dash screeched, unable to close her eyes at the horrible sight. “Don’t! Bring them back! Bring them back! And that’s when she woke up. Sweating, heart pumping as fast it did in battle, she shot up from her lying position and stared out into the darkness of the room. Panting for air, she looked all around her, slowly beginning to realize that it was indeed a nightmare once more. The tension in her body began to go down, as she started to relax and calm herself down. When would these nightmares end? She thought to herself. Only when the war was over, she told herself. Or until they end up dying one by one. Burying her face on her hooves, she let out a frustrated grunt, cursing the horrible cycle she knew she was stuck in. But as she began to sit on the sofa bed to calm her mind and body, as well as forget the awful nightmare, she noticed that the space beside her was empty. Cloud Chaser had been lying beside her when she went to sleep, the two sharing the seemingly only comfortable piece of furniture in the house during the shift in sleeping. But now her spot was empty, and as Rainbow Dash checked the watched strapped to her uniform, she saw that it had only been two hours since they went to sleep. That meant that there was one more hour before they replaced Thunderlane and Lighning Dust on picket duty. So unless Cloud Chaser wanted to get up early before their shift, Rainbow Dash guessed that there must have been something bothering the other pony too and preventing her from sleeping. But where was she? In didn’t take too long for Rainbow Dash to soon see where Cloud Chaser was, since the room was small enough for her to easily notice the pegasus leaning by the window ledge, the dim moon light shining on her as she stared outside, seemingly oblivious to the fact that her leader was now awake. Studying her for a while, she soon realized that the pony wasn’t just looking and enjoying the view. No. She was crying! The gentle sound of sobs could be heard coming from her, as the pegasus occasionally buried her face in her hooves, before looking back out, sniffling and wiping her tears. Rainbow Dash had noticed this a few time before, but had always pushed it back, thinking that the problem would eventually subside. But now, seeing that she was doing it again, she started to quietly get off from the sofa bed and walk towards her. Many times before, Rainbow Dash had noticed that Cloud Chaser had the bad habit waking up at night, finding a corner or a window, and then start crying. At first it wasn’t that bad, since she often did it for a few minutes before going back to sleep. But lately it was getting worse, with her sometimes spending an entire hour awake and crying. This often had the bad effect of depriving her of sleep, leaving her body with lest time to rest. The day that followed such an occurrence often left her out of it, with her tired eyes and unrested body being unable to cope with the usual daily demands of a SAAC operator. It was starting to become a big problem. That was why she always wanted to pair with her during billets in houses, to keep an eye on her and see if the situation was improving or getting worse. Clearly it was getting worse. “Cloud Chaser, can I talk to you?” Rainbow Dash asked from behind her, obviously startling the pegasus, as she hoped from her position and began frantically wiping her face. “Erm, sure, boss-“ She said, turning around, but looking down to prevent her teary and red eyes from being seen. “-what seems to be the problem?” “I don’t know, Cloud.” Rainbow Dash said, eyeing her with the serious look she gave them during important moments. “Why don’t you tell me?” “What do you mean, Captain?” She said, still keeping her head down. “I don’t know what you mean.” Shaking her head and sighing, Rainbow Dash used her hoof to raise Cloud Chaser’s head upward, pushing her chin gently so that she got a good look at her red eyes that were still dripping tears. “I’m talking about this, Cloud. Now tell me, what’s wrong?” There was a long pause, a moment of silence as the two stared at each other, Cloud Chaser not saying a word, seemingly embarrassed at being caught. For a moment, Rainbow Dash thought that she was about to cry again, which she couldn’t blame her for, since she probably caught her in a vulnerable moment. But Cloud Chaser fought the emotions, held back the tears, and forced herself to keep things together. “I’m sorry, Captain.” She apologized, finally breaking the silence. “I was meaning to tell you, but I just never seemed to find the time, or the courage.” “Yeah, yeah, there’s no need to apologize for that.” Rainbow Dash said. “But tell me, and be honest, what’s been bothering you?” “It’s just that…” She began, before sighing. “…it’s just, billets like this remind me too much of home, you know? Flitter and I lived in a small place, in fact, one that isn’t too far off from this one, one room house with cramp quarters for two. So every time we stay in houses, especially the small ones, I remember her, our home, and all the stuff we left behind. It just…it bring me down, Normally, I don’t think of that stuff, but being in places like this, it just opens memories that I usually try to forget while we’re out here. And when all those memories just suddenly comes down, rushing in, and flooding me, I just feel down. I’m sorry, Captain.” “Hey, now, there’s nothing you need to be sorry about.” Rainbow Dash said, placing a hood over her shoulder. “Missing home, is perfectly natural.” “I know, Captain, but it just feels so strange feeling this way.” Cloud Chaser admitted. “Like you, or look at everypony else, you guys don’t seem to show you’re being weak and missing home.” Rainbow Dash eyes her for a second, before shaking her head. “Listen, Cloud-“ She began. “-it doesn’t mean we don’t show it that we don’t feel it. We all feel it, it’s perfectly natural. I miss Cloudsdale from time to time, Thunderlane sometimes talks to me on how much he misses his younger brother, and even Lightning Dust, whether you believe it or not, ends up talking of home and her family. Although usually it’s only after she’s had her fair share of hard cider.” This brought a small smile to Cloud Chaser as she let out a short giggle. “Also, missing home and crying, that doesn’t make you weak. In fact, I believe it even makes you stronger.” “Stronger?” She asked questioningly. “How?” “Because anypony who is stupid enough to hold up their emotions inside is bound to explode one day, and nopony, not even themselves, knows when that’s going to happen. Keeping it all inside, it will burst, and when it does they will lose it. If that happens while in a billet or in the rear, then that’s somewhat okay. But what if it happens during a battle? What if it happens while on patrol or picket duty? Then that pony wouldn’t just be endangering themselves, but the whole team also. Who knows what could happen when all those repressed emotions suddenly comes out. The pony could end up crying and unable to do anything, or they could end up filled with rage and act recklessly. The point is, it is not good for anypony.” Rainbow Dash said, shaking her head. “I takes strength, great strength, to realize and admit your sadness.” She continued. “But in the end, we should let it out, because it was always meant to go out of our systems.” Turning her eyes to Cloud Chaser, she watched as the pegasus nodded her head, and wiped away the remaining tear leaking from her eyes. “I guess you’re right, Captain.” She admitted. “Is there anything else you want to talk about?” Rainbow Dash then asked. “If there’s anything troubling you, you know that you can always talk to me. I’m more than just your commanding officer, Cloud, I’m your friend and drinking buddy. So if anything, as in anything, starts troubling you or getting into your mind, never be afraid to tell me.” She wanted Cloud Chaser to let it out, all of it. She didn’t want the pony to turn into a ticking time bomb, just like her. “No, Cap, I’m good.” Cloud Chaser said, shaking her head. “I think I got it all out for tonight.” “Good.” Rainbow Dash said with an approving nod. “Now, why don’t we get back to the sofa and catch up on our sleep. We still have a little less than an hour to enjoy that sofa.” “Yea, Cap, we should get back to sleep.” With that Cloud Chaser began to move back towards the sofa bed, and lied down, quickly followed by Rainbow Dash. As Rainbow Dash did her best to get comfortable and prepare her mind for the nightmares that would most likely greet her again, she turned towards Cloud Chaser who was slowly drifting back to sleep. “Thanks, Cap.” She managed to say, before falling asleep, a gentle snore echoing from her. Only nodding her head, she stared at Cloud Chaser and watched her, wanting to make sure that she really was getting her sleep. She watched and stared, afraid of falling asleep herself and encountering the nightmares. So she stared… She stared at Cloud Chaser, or at least the ground where the bits of flesh and bone that was identified as her was buried in. Lying on her grave and looking down, she kept her continued stare, unmoving, devastated. She couldn’t remember how long she had been staring, how long she had been there. All she remembered was she hadn’t moved or slept since she arrived, nor did she care about doing anything else but stare. Her sadness, her brokenness, it was just too much. She had burst and didn’t know what to do. She was still and frozen, just like in the nightmares of her past. So she stayed there, lost in grief and sadness, caring about nothing around her, but feeling all the pain inside. That is, until she came. “So, care to explain what you are doing there, lying on top of my sister’s grave? Because, if that’s some kind of Army tradition, then that’s a pretty weird one.”