//------------------------------// // Letting Go // Story: Trot Buddies! // by shortskirtsandexplosions //------------------------------// “Herrrrrre we go...” Trixie turned around three times before plopping down on a set of cushions in the castle library. She smirked at her trot buddy, her tail flicking. “Have a squat, sad sack.” “Don't mind if I do...” Flash Sentry exhaled as if he was being slowly deflated. This took place before, during, and well beyond his actual reclining process. “Whewwwwwww...” His ears folded back as a bittersweet malaise of derpy comfort washed over his features. “Yeah... this? This is nice.” “Isn't it, though?” “Sitting down feels... nice as a pony.” Flash blew out his muzzle as his wings went slack along his sides. “In fact, I bet everything feels nice as a pony.” “Mmmhmmm.” “I just wish I wasn't... so busy dodging manticores... sleeping on dirt... eating wildflowers for breakfast... galloping miles over empty fields... wearing a brambly bush as a parka... getting forced to dig through solid rock as a slave by diamond dogs... being thrown around by diamond dogs...” “Mmmmmmmmmmmhmmmmmm...” Flash shuddered. “Still... this feels nice, though.” Trixie's eyes narrowed. “Why does Trixie get the feeling that you'd prefer all of those uncomfortable things towards actually being here, though?” He clenched his eyes shut. A pent-up whine collected in the back of his throat. Trixie fluffed her mane. “Trixie doesn't get it. I mean... what makes the Princess so... impactful to Sad-Sack? In our world, she's basically just Twilight Sparkle but if you take off the glasses and give her a puffier blouse to wear.” “Ilikepuffysleeves,” Flash muttered into his forelimbs. “That's not the point!” Trixie said—lingered—then squinted. “...or is it?” “The clothes don't make the person.” “Trixie wishes she could believe in that, but she's far too busy being fabulous to blind herself with futile attempts at humility!” “Has anybody ever told you that you're brutally honest in your self-centeredness?” “We're not talking about Trixie! We're talking about you!” “You make it really... really hard to tell, most of the times.” “Fair enough.” Trixie tilted her head up. “But Trixie assures you—we are talking about you.” She blew a tuft of mane hair out from her face. “Or more specifically, you and her.” “Guhhhh...” Flash bapped his own skull with his hooves. “I'm such a friggin' idiot...” “Do go onnnnn...” She said musically, winking. “Can you believe...” Flash sat up, staring squarely at her with a disgusted expression. “That for a while there—as late as a month or two ago—I differentiated the two Twilight's as 'my Twilight' and 'Sunset's Twilight'?” “... … ...” Trixie fidgeted a bit on her cushions. “...that second designation strikes Trixie as curious—” “Point is—neither of them are anyone's Twilight! Nobody owns them! I certainly don't own anyone! And yet... just the way it'd come out of me in passive conversation...” He fiddled with the edge of a pillow as he stared pathetically into the crystalline floor of the room. “Every time I bothered Sunset and her friends... checking up on if the heard any news from the Princess in this world...” “Perfectly natural—” “Twice a day.” “Ohhhhweeeeeohhhhhhhh...” Trixie scrunched up. It was her turn to wince. “Yes, that's pushing it a bit hard there, chief.” “Don't I know it.” Flash chuckled dryly. “I do know it.” An even drier chuckle; he scoured the ceiling with guilty eyes. “I've said it time and time again—I'm over her. I'm past it all. I'm done obsessing. Finito.” His vision narrowed on a distant structure. “Are those... the roots of a tree?” “And yet...” Trixie remained on topic. “Coming here must have dug all of that up from where it was buried.” She rested a blue cheek against a blue hoof. “...you can't blame yourself for being thrown right back into those feelings.” “Can't I, though?” Flash's muzzle twisted into a frown. “It just... sucks! And the only one I have to blame is myself! You saw what happened just now. She acted like I didn't exist. That... is the greatest thing that could have ever come out of our meeting. I should be happy about it! I should... erhm... uh... embrace the existential manifestation of what I've fought so long to shake off. But... dammit... it's still there. That stupid friggin' part of me that thinks she's somehow 'mine'... as if I have to fight for an excuse to be mad. By principle!” “It's natural to be mad—” “But it's not right!” Flash snapped. Trixie stared calmly at him. “Trixie didn't say it was 'right.' She said it was natural.” Flash sighed long and hard. “All in all, Trixie thinks you're handling this better than you probably think you are.” “Yeah, well, I wish I could believe that. I really do.” Flash grumbled. “But there's this freakish moron inside of me and I can't stop wrestling with him.” “You should do what Trixie does!” “... … ...make handkerchiefs appear out of vest pockets?” “They don't appear out of midair! They come out of Trixie's sleeve!” She paused, rolled her eyes, and calmed herself. “Look. What Trixie means is... you need to broaden your perspective.” “Broaden my perspective...” “That's right! Look at yourself outside of yourself... so that you'll realize everything that you're within! Then position that in the middle of everything that's outside! Voila! You have a stage! And all that you need to know on the stage is the props and where to put or use them!” “I... don't think I can compartmentalize my own inner psyche to a magic act, Trixie.” “Pffft! Well of course not, sad-sack! You can't just become Great and Powerful overnight!” “I totally believe you.” “Well, totally believe that Trixie can help you start!” “Okay...?” “First thing...” Trixie gestured. “Refer to yourself in the third person.” Flash was already grimacing. “You've gotta be kidding me.” “Does Trixie look like she's joking?” “No, you look blue and fuzzy.” “Close enough. Now repeat after Trixie.” She smiled, waving her hoof slowly through the air. “I...” Silence. Trixie emphasized: “I...” Flash Groaned. “I...” “...the Great and Powerful Flash Sentry....” “...the Great and—pffffttt—” “Don't laugh.” “It's not a laugh. More like a spontaneous pulmonary embolism.” “Let's start over. 'I, the Great and Powerful Flash Sentry...'” “I, the Great and Powerful Flash Sentry...” “'...am no longer in love with Princess Twilight Sparkle.'” “...am no longer... in l-love with Princess Twilight Sparkle.” “'Flash Sentry has let her go.'” “Flash Sentry has let her go.” “'So it does not matter to Flash Sentry what the Princess does or say.'” “So it does not matter to Flash Sentry what the Princess does or say.” Trixie smiled. “'Flash does not care if she's a stuck-up cold-hearted packmule who doesn't believe in writing letters—'” “Flash does not c—guhhh—!” Flash barked at Trixie. “I can't say that about her!” “Euggggh...” Trixie face-hoofed. “I see we have so much work to do.” “Goddammit!” Flash clutched his face and moaned into his forelimbs for a spell. “There there, sissy-poo...” Trixie patted his shoulder. “Let it all out.” “I wish I wasn't stupid enough to bottle it in!” Flash punched at the floor. “Just... frickin'... piece of garbage... idiot...!” He stopped glaring at his reflection in the floor. Calming, he looked at Trixie with a slack-jawed expression. “Sometimes I wish I just wasn't a dude... y'know? I wish I could learn to just... shrug off this stupid stubborn ego and let things go.” “I... don't think that has anything to do with being a dude or a girl,” Trixie said. “But simply with being a good person.” She swallowed. “Which you are, Flash.” She looked at him sincerely. “At least... Trixie thinks so.” Flash's ears perked slightly. “Really?” She narrowed her eyes above a wry grin. “You've spent two days with Trixie without killing her, hmmm?” “Heh.” Flash Sentry chuckled. “Good point.” She tilted her nose up. “A most great and powerful point.” Flash Sentry chuckled for a few moments longer. The shine to his coat felt a bit brighter, and his shoulders relaxed—as if a certain degree of weight had melted off. He lay tummy-first on the cushions and aimed a mellow smile towards the far end of the room where colorful ponies had cute little colorful pony conversations of their own. The next few words merely dripped from his muzzle: “I'm very glad that I had you as my trot buddy, Trixie.” “Look, I know you're trying to ditch your ego, but you don't have to embrace lying so quickly.” “It's no lie. I mean it.” Flash shook his head. “I mean... it's not like all the problems I'm dealing with are gone, but somehow it just doesn't... seem as big of a deal anymore. I don't think I could have come out of this whole friggin' mess feeling this way with just anyone else.” “You needed someone to be angry at.” “No, I needed someone to be angry with.” Trixie bit her lip. “You don't have to say it back, y'know. But I mean it.” Flash looked at her. “I'm really glad I got to hang out with you. And I hope you come out of this nonsense knowing that you're appreciated for what you've said and done for me these past two days.” “Hmmmmff... Trixie now knows she was wrong about you...” “Oh?” Her eyes darted towards him, sharply. “You're not a sad-sack after all. You're a sap-sack.” “Heh.” Flash smoothed his bangs back and smiled towards the rest of the castle. “Maybe so.” “Thus, Trixie declares it.” “That's a Pokevolution if I ever saw one.” “Trixie's never played Digimon. Only Yu Gi Oh.” “... … ...'kay.” Flash nodded to the crystalline air. “We can forgive that too...”