Embracing Chaos Chapter 7
Spike was a strange dragon, he knew this intimately. He was raised by ponies, had a unicorn-turned-alicorn for a big sister, liked to be kind and respectful as a matter of course, and most of all, he could tolerate paperwork. If there was any one thing that most dragons could not stand, it was boring, tedious things like paperwork, but Spike had enough practice and experience with it that it was only mildly annoying to be caught doing it. Being Twilight’s assistant for years though had let him easily adjust to the necessity of it, even deriving a bit of pride in doing it so well that he received praise for his punctuality and penmanship. Not many dragons could claim to be well liked by many bureaucrats, but like with many other things Spike was the exception to the rule.
So it was that Spike often found himself hanging out in Twilight’s office long after school hours had gone by, keeping track of all the paperwork that escaped Twilight’s notice while she took a more direct hoof in running the school. Not that he minded. She was the more personable one after all. Spike was perfectly happy with his own work and hanging out with his friends in his off time.
It also meant he wasn’t in the crossfire for the recent conflict which had been raging up and down the halls of the school, unlike most of the rest of the students and faculty. No, he got to sit back and see the aftermath from a safe (and hilarious) distance.
A knock on the door put paid to his thoughts as Twilight marched in, a flat frown on her face.
“He got you again didn’t he?” Spike asked casually, not even looking up from his attendance record.
She merely glared back at him silently in response, one eye nearly imperceptibly twitching.
“What did he do this time?”
Twilight glared for a second longer, then sighed and lifted her head roofward, almost as if asking the hidden sky above what she had done to deserve this treatment. Finally she left her wallowing and said a single word.
“Books.”
Spike blinked in mid-pen stroke, then looked up at Twilight curiously.
“He messed with the library?” he asked.
Twilight shook her head and again said, “Books.”
“He… read a book?”
Twilight huffed. “Books. Books.”
It took him a moment to process but eventually Spike hinged upon an answer. “Oooooh, he made it so you can only say books. Heh, that’s actually kinda clever.”
Twilight glared at him again and marched over to her desk to mope some more.
“I’m not sure what you’re complaining about Twilight. You are the one that started this whole thing to begin with. Discord’s just continuing the game you set up. Besides, on my personal scoreboard you’re still ahead by a hair.”
Twilight perked up at hearing that. “Books? Books books?” She heard herself speak and facehoofed in annoyance again.
Spike smiled and hopped out of his seat, turning to the wall behind him. “I’ve been keeping track of every prank you and Discord have been playing over the last two weeks and, with a little outside help, keeping score of who’s had the better performance.”
“Books?”
“Ah ah ah!” Spike said warningly while he scrambled in a pile of scrolls. “I can’t say who just yet, it would spoil the surprise!”
Twilight pouted slightly, then paused as she realized something. “Books… books books books?”
Spike was head-deep in the pile when she spoke, but he still managed to hear her. Excellent dragon senses and whatnot. “I took an interpretive language course a few years ago, one of the segments was learning how to understand speech that was otherwise unintelligible. I got the best grades in the class on that topic.”
Twilight made a weird sound that was a cross between ‘huh’ and ‘book’ while Spike finally found the scroll he’d been looking for and unrolled it along the wall.
“For the opening round you were given 5 points for effectively shutting down Discord’s powers in an amusing way,” Spike said, pointing to the column just under Twilight’s name. It went down for several feet, marked along the way with dates and notes highlighted by a big number, colored purple for herself and brown for Discord.
“Next was Discord’s big counter, which was converting every flat surface in your office into a fun-house mirror. That one was admittedly pretty funny, but that was more me just enjoying the opportunity rather than laughs at your expense, so he only got 2 points for it.”
Twilight huffed and muttered something in Bookish that Spike didn’t catch, though he could guess at what she said fairly easily.
“Disorienting isn’t the same thing as disruptive, Twilight. Besides, shouldn’t you be glad he got less points?”
Twilight shook her head, saying, “Books books. Books books books books.”
Spike eyed her weirdly. “Fair? You do know this is Discord right?”
“Books books,” Twilight replied firmly.
The little dragon shrugged and returned to the list. “Anyway, your counter move to that was to interrupt Discord’s lunch the next day by turning his weird spaghetti-pastry thing into plain ramen, which was pretty basic by itself, but I really liked the touch of it becoming more and more flavorless every time he tried to change it. That got 3 points for a good execution of a very simple trick.”
Twilight nodded agreeably at that, then froze as she seemed to recall what happened immediately afterward from that point.
“That afternoon, Discord struck back, and boy did he strike back hard. I don’t think anybody got any kind of studying done for the next couple days in the library. Or any sleep in the dorms from the sheer noise level.”
“Books… books books.”
Spike nodded. “Yeah, having all the books say what they were about out loud isn’t a bad idea, just… not every single one of them at once.” He tapped his claw on the null mark on that part of the sheet. “As a result of the ‘collateral damage’, he got no points for that one. Discord learned from his mistake pretty quick though, cause the next one was way more targeted.”
“BOOKS!”
“Yeah, yeah, we all saw that one Twi. Though you gotta admit, having your mane glittering and sparkling like that was kinda neat once you put shades on. And hey, maybe it was a preview of what your mane will look like when you get to Celestia’s age, who knows? 5 points for that one, mostly because of how bad you took it.”
“BOOKS!”
“Geez, lighten up, Twilight. It was just extra light, nothing ridiculous. That was saved for what you got up to next.” His claw scrolled down to Twilight’s next point, which was a 1.
“Books books?”
“Yes only 1,” Spike responded sternly, “cause this one was very close to being mean-spirited, Twi. It’s one thing to shut down his powers by making them bland, it’s quite another to make him make things orderly.”
Twilight hung her head, sighing. “Books books books…”
“We know you didn’t know. Only Fluttershy knew what would happen to Discord if he was forced to be orderly. That’s why you still got a point for it, even if it was only one.” Spike looked back at the scroll, pointing to a few days worth of blank spots. “You guys took a bit of a break after that one, but then Discord made his real play.”
“Books. Books books books books.”
“Involving the Princesses in the joke was a fair play, especially since you were still the one targeted.”
“Books books.”
Spike shook his head at her. “It would have gone a lot better if you had just gone along with it rather than try to ignore the fact that you were swapping tribes every few minutes.”
“Books? Books books books.”
“Easy? No, but still doable surely. Anyway, Discord got 4 points for that one. The next day though, you really hit it out of the park.”
Twilight preened. “Books books books books.”
“I don’t think Discord would have ever seen it coming. I mean, making yourself out to be the Draconequs of Order? Totally brilliant. Full five points, and we almost wanted to score you more just for the level of success. Still, it was very well done and I don’t think I’ve ever seen Discord more shocked.”
“Books books books,” Twilight pointed out.
Spike shrugged. “Eh, maybe, but I think he liked this surprise a lot more than when he got turned to stone again. Anyway, most of the stuff after that was a lot more minor,” he said while trailing his claw through a whole week on the scroll, filled with 2s and 3s and the occasional 1. “And that brings us to today, with your trick of making Discord’s copies of himself turn out as Fluttershy, which netted you two points… and Discord’s riposte.” He smirked at her. “How much do you think he should get for this one?”
Twilight sighed. “Books… books books.”
“4 huh? That’s nice of you to say. I was gonna say just 3, but if you think it’s worth it, I’ll bump up my score. Now, let’s ask our second judge what he thinks shall we?”
Before Twilight could ask in Bookish who he meant, Spike snapped his claws, followed swiftly by an eruption of purple mist between them.
“Ah, is it time for the day’s point measure then, my good drake?” Discord asked as he floated out of the mist with a self-satisfied smirk.
“BOOKS!?”
Discord’s smirk disappeared just as fast as the mist, evaporating as if it had never been as he whirled around so hard his head was twisted out of angle of his body.
“Twilight?! What are you… what is she doing here?” he said as he rounded on a still smiling Spike. “I thought we agreed she would not be told of my involvement as a judge!”
“Not exactly,” Spike corrected. “You suggested she not be told, I said I’d make my mind up about it later.”
Discord glared at him furiously but held back from responding as he realized he had indeed not gotten a solid answer out of the drake at the time. “Well why now, then? Is it merely to ruin our fun?”
“BOOKS! BOOKS BOOKS BOOKS BOOKS?”
“Because Spike asked me to,” Discord told her reasonably. “He wanted to organize things but wanted a second opinion.”
“And before you ask why I didn’t go to Rainbow,” Spike said quickly as he could see Twilight about to do just that, “I was worried she might be biased in your favor.”
Twilight just looked at him, then thrust her arm and wing at Discord, prompting the draconequs to recoil.
“Ah, I am APPALLED at your lack of trust in me, Twilight,” Discord said. “Do you truly think so little of me that I would ever seek to give myself unfair advantage in this personal competition of amusement?”
Twilight narrowed her eyes at him with clear suspicion. “Books books books… books books.”
Discord gazed right back at her, stroking his beard thoughtfully. “Hmm… fair enough I suppose. But, I will not have my honor besmirched even by realistic concern. Thus, I will make this promise: I have not, nor will ever, overrate my judgement of my points, nor underrate the judgement of my opposition’s points, in seeking a personal advantage.” He then had a copy of himself - still shaped like Fluttershy, complete with her veterinary outfit - help him fulfill the motions of a Pinkie Promise.
Spike moved over to Twilight so he could drape an arm over her shoulders. “See Twilight? Perfectly reasonable. He’s the one who’s constantly put you ahead in this thing anyway.”
“Books?” Twilight asked.
“Quite so, Headmistress,” Discord said as he settled onto the floor, coiling up like an overgrown furry snake. “Your issued challenge wasn’t just to mock me. It was to test yourself against me, to see if you could match wits with me in my domain. How could I ever do anything less than grant you a fair shot at it?”
“Books,” Twilight said with surprise. “Books books books books books.”
“Honor means different things to different people, Twilight,” Discord said with an oddly serious tone. “To some, it is loyalty to your employers or family. To others, working to fulfill a dream or ideal is the way to go. But in my estimation, there is no higher honor than being true to yourself. Letting who you truly are define what you can and should be.”
Spike and Twilight shared a look of surprise before the young drake said, “That’s… that’s very interesting for you to say, Discord. I think that explains a lot about you.”
“Hopefully not too much,” Discord replied cadily. “The Master of Chaos should have some mysteries around him, after all.”
“Books. Books books books books books… books books.”
Discord bowed his head to Twilight gracefully. “I welcome your try at such investigation, Twilight. I’m sure it will be your greatest challenge of friendship yet.”
Spike looked between the two, trying to figure out just what their expressions were trying to say but not quite piecing it together. He wasn’t sure if they knew either.
“Okay then, so… now that that whole thing is settled, I think I’ll punch in my ticket for tonight. If you need me Twilight, I’ll be in the cafeteria making a sapphire souffle.”
Spike bowed his way out, accepting a muted Bookish goodbye from Twilight and a rather more ostentatious farewell fanfare - complete with trumpet fans - from Discord. As he closed the door behind him he couldn’t help but shake his head in confusion.
“Why is it that Discord’s friendships are always so weird? Is it cause of the chaos? Or… is he just attracted to crazy people? … Nah, it’s definitely the chaos.”
And with that, Spike departed on his way to the kitchens, looking forward to cooking himself a gloriously sweet dinner with his own two claws, in a way no ‘normal’ dragon would ever be caught dead doing.
After all, only the truly crazy thing they are sane.
Twilight and Discord stared at each other as Spike left the room, both stewing in their own thoughts. Taking a moment to try and ignore the surprisingly tasty smell of Discord’s most recent literalism - as she had coined them - Twilight coughed expectantly at the Chaos entity.
“Oh very well, I suppose the joke’s played out at this point.” Discord brought his palms together with a loud smack, which sounded like the halves of a book being brought together, and Twilight felt the strange weight on her tongue lift.
“Thank you, Discord,” Twilight said primly, fluttering her wings slightly to resettle. “So… now that we’ve been doing this little prank war for a while, what are your thoughts on my performance as a whole?”
Discord grinned, slithering through the air to coil around the scoreboard Spike had been using. “I thought the evidence of my feelings was made clear by the scores, my dearest Sparkle. It has been a close race indeed, but you have done admirably in besting me on more than one occasion and playing along with a few of my better jokes.” He watched Twilight shrug at that, pursing his lips before grinning again. “You feel differently?”
“I… maybe?” Twilight paused a moment to collect her thoughts, tapping her hoof to her chin. “I guess I’m just… surprised you thought so highly of my work. I know I was enjoying it, but I didn’t think you’d be so impressed. You’ve been doing stuff like this since… actually I don’t even know how old you are. Does anybody know? Do you?”
Discord split his head down the middle so he could say, “Yes and No,” twice in opposite orders. When Twilight merely tilted her head at him in confusion he refused to clarify. “I am unsure of my exact age because I don’t know what age really means to me. Where you and the other alicorns are ‘conventionally’ immortal through the benefit of never aging, I am not quite sure if time has any real effect on me at all. After all, I can move through time in more than just one direction.”
Twilight felt her heart skip a beat and her brain short-circuit as she heard that, flashes of alternative Equestrias streaking across her mind. “H-how do you mean?”
Discord conjured a clock in his paw, moving the hands with his claws forward and backward with no regard to each other. “It’s nothing so concrete and dangerous as what Starlight did, have no fear. I cannot alter history or the future to any true degree, merely witness it and perhaps enjoy throwing reality for a loop for some brief seconds before time snaps back into its proper place. Then of course there is moving sideways in time.”
Before Twilight could go any further on the fritz Discord sent a static shock to realign her cognitive process onto its correct track. “W-what… you… What?”
“Confounding, isn’t it?” Discord said with a grin. “Trust me, time travel magic is far more trouble than it's worth, even for one such as me, so I rarely bother with it, save for a few times when I require… inspiration.” His last word was spoken as a whisper while he looked at Twilight strangely, causing her to quirk an eyebrow at him. “But I suppose we are getting off the original topic, are we not? As for why I so much enjoyed our games? It’s because you did not treat this as an attempt to put me down or insult me, but rather were focused on playing my kind of games on my terms… and succeeded.”
Twilight couldn’t help grinning, though she filed away the odd words from the sentence before for later consideration. “I will admit, it was a lot more fun than I expected going in, even if it caused me more than a few headaches both dealing with your pranks and coming up with my own. It was a nice distraction from work, even if I enjoy my work here so much. Hmm… it’s funny, thinking about how different our relationship is from when we first tried to reform you. Back then I was so sure you’d go right back to being your old self I was a hair’s breadth away from blasting you at a moment’s notice. Now I’m plotting the next scheme to mess with your head.”
Discord lounged in the air on his upside down chair lounge, a casual smile on his face. “Tis the beauty of time and familiarity. Looking beyond the surface to find the fascinating person beneath. Of course I always found you fascinating, Miss Sparkle, but my reasons for doing so have changed as of late.”
Twilight blinked and narrowed her eyes at him. “Changed how?”
Discord flinched, the chair folding over and around him as he fell to the floor, coughing and sputtering.
“Woah, are you okay?” Twilight asked, getting out of her chair. She was held back by Discord thrusting his hand up through the chair bottom with his thumb up before snapping and reappearing upright before her, albeit with the chair still lodged around his form. He was looking away from her and acting rather shiftily as he tried to physically pull the chair off of him.
“Fine, just fine, Twilight, really. Oh goodness will you look at the time,” he said as he pointed to the clock he had conjured, which was showing it was Foot and Mouth time. “I really must be going, so much to do for class tomorrow. Tah tah!” With one final wrench he yanked himself out of the chair, leaving it a crumpled mess on the ground as he disappeared with a snap and pop.
Twilight stared at the spot he had disappeared to blankly for a while, trying to guess just what had caused Discord to hastily retreat so quickly. “Hmm… always found me fascinating, but reason has changed…”
She looked at the scoreboard, seeing the visual record of the past weeks of zany back and forth between them. The prank war, the teasing. The proper friendship they’d developed after years of tense acquaintance at best. And the lingering feeling that there was something else below the surface she didn’t really recognize.
“Changed to what?”