It was a dazzling spring day in Canterlot. Barrier stood at the edge of the large training yard watching his cadets going through their morning exercises. The palace was sparkling as the sun beamed down on them all.
“It’s a stunning day, isn’t it, Flash?” Barrier said to the gambouge pegasus at his side.
“It sure is, Barrier,” Flash Sentry replied as the two walked out onto the field. “To be honest, there’s just one problem.”
“What’s that, Flash?” Barrier asked, but saw everything seemed to freeze in place, the colors all bleeding away.
“That sadly, this idyllic day is merely a dream,” a familiar mare said as she approached Barrier.
“Of course,” Barrier sighed before he faced the alicorn. “Hello, Luna. What brings you here?”
“I come because I have a potential mission for you and your privates. One that I dare not risk having any knowledge of this being intercepted by others,” the princess said as she came to a halt before him, standing nearly a head taller than the unicorn. “It is a mission that would have some risks for all of you and if you are caught, I will deny any involvement. You’d be completely on your own if it comes to it.”
“Doesn’t sound too different from the old days.” Barrier gave a shrug. “So, what will we be doing?”
***
As evening settled in Vanhoover, the dark unicorn stallion took his seat at the table. Only the five privates remained in the house while the remaining residents had gone out bowling.
“Privates,” Barrier said from the head of the dinner table, eyes gazing out at the gathered young soldiers, each patiently waiting in their chairs. “Princess Luna has asked us to partake in an infiltration mission.”
“May we have some more details, sir?” Swiftsword asked as Barrier picked up a note.
“I’ve written the instructions for what we are to do here,” he said as he gave the note to Swift. “Memorize it, pass it along and once Forge gets it, he’ll incinerate it. What’s on this note is not to leave this table.”
One by one, the paper was passed along between the five ponies. Verdant’s eyes bulged at what the instructions on the note said while Gem covered her mouth in shock. Once Forge finished reading over the note, his magic engulfed it for a moment before it spontaneously burst into flame and was quickly reduced to ash.
“Should we get caught, we will not be protected by the crown and we might even face prison time for this.” Barrier stood up from the table. “However, this mission can only happen if we all agree to this.”
“My friends.” Swift waved her friends over to her seat, where the five huddled close and started to mutter to one another.
After nearly three minutes, the quintet separated and Swift cleared her throat. “We have come to a decision, sir… We’re in.”
“Excellent,” Barrier gave a nod. “After I go to sleep, I’ll contact Luna so she can provide us with supplies. Verdant, I want you to start to brew up what the note called for immediately.”
“Yes sir,” the shamrock stallion nervously said before tossing up a salute.
***
Two days after the meeting at the table, a parcel arrived for the household sent by someone going by the name ‘Selene’. Within the crate was a set of disguises, along with vials full of potions.
“Everypony, I hope you’re ready,” Barrier said as the five each started to examine the crate’s contents. “The mission begins tonight.”
Hatty gave a nervous swallow before he and the rest of his squad saluted the unicorn.
***
The moon hung high in the sky as midnight drew closer and closer. Hidden by a small grove of trees, Barrier, Swiftsword and Verdant were waiting outside of a massive palace.
The two unicorns were draped in armor that was enchanted to disguise them as guards while Verdant was covered in a black bodysuit with a padded bandolier that contained a wide collection of small glass vials.
“Ready to proceed, sir,” Swift whispered as Verdant took a purple vial from his belt and quickly drank down its contents before covering his face with the suit’s face mask. In a matter of seconds, the stallion had shrunk down to the size of a pea.
“Wait for the signal,” Barrier replied as Swift lit up her horn and quickly hid Verdant within the hair of her tail.
Several tense, quiet moments passed. Barrier and Swift kept their eyes firmly locked on a distant part of the city on the other side of the intimidating palace.
Finally, a light shot up into the air before exploding in the sky. The firework was quickly joined by several other bursts of light in the inky blackness of the night.
“Now,” Barrier whispered before he and Swift charged forward, keeping to the shadows.
As they approached the palace, they spotted several armored guards heading from the castle and towards the source of the fireworks as even more began to go off far overhead. Barrier took particular note of the guards with leathery wings flying overhead.
The pair halted as a set of guards ran past them. Once they were out of sight, the two managed to slip inside.
***
On the far side of the palace, a trio of ponies in garish guises were patiently waiting, their eyes all locked on a clock.
“Steady,” Winter Gem, garbed in black and white pleather, a pair of spiky green mane and tail wigs and her face painted in pink and purple streaks that made her resemble the hood of a cobra.
Hatty nodded as he hefted a boombox upon his shoulders. His coat was painted white while he wore curly golden yellow wigs that managed to stand out from his golden pleather jacket and tight black pleather pants.
Forge’s horn glowed orange, revealing his coat was dyed brown with mane and tail covered by slicked back purple wigs. His clothing was much less elaborate than that of his companions, a simple red flannel shirt and blue jeans.
Soon, the clock struck midnight. The time had arrived.
“Now!” Gem whispered as she charged towards a trash can, giving it a hard kick and launching it over a wall and onto the palace grounds.
Pressing the play button, Hatty started up his red and yellow boombox and cranked the volume up as far as it would go. A punk rock song started echoing through the streets before Forge started to light off several fireworks.
After several of the blasts burst in the air, Hatty flew up over the fence while Gem kept wrecking things like stop signs, lampposts and carts and Forge continued to shoot fireworks into the sky.
“Heads up, guys!” he called out. “The guards are on the way!”
“Good,” Gem said with a grunt as she pulled a stop sign from the ground, along with some cement. “Remember to keep them in your sight as long as possible. We need to buy the rest as much time as we can.”
“Hey, you!” a voice came from one of the winged warriors that flew over the stone fence. “You’re under arrest by the authority of—”
“Cheese it!” Gem shouted with a Trottingham accent. She and her compatriots each took off in a different direction. The flying guards split up as they attempted to pursue the three.
***
Deep within the palace, Barrier and Swift carefully made their way through the darkened hallways. With what little light was given from the moon and some candles that dimly lit the halls, the two grew closer and closer to their destination.
Here’s hoping Luna’s intel was right and there’s a gap in the defenses’ schedule.
After a few minutes, the two arrived outside a set of doors that were unguarded.
“We’re here,” Barrier whispered, recognizing the door from some of Luna’s instructions.
Quickly, Barrier and Swift took their places outside the doors, making themselves appear as if they were nothing more than guards who were keeping watch of a room.
Within the dark blue strands of Swift’s tail, a stirring came as Verdant worked his way towards the door. Once he reached the floor, the shrunken stallion took off like a shot and squeezed his way under the gap in the door.
“I’m in,” Verdant whispered to himself as he took in the sight of the dimly lit room. In the center of the room was a large island that had a set of pots, pans and knives hanging above it. To the right was a collection of stoves, ovens and sinks. On the left were several refrigerators, cabinets and cupboards.
Bingo. the shamrock stallion thought to himself as he reached into his belt of potions. Pulling back his mask and taking a swig from one of the green vials, he soon found himself returning to his original size.
As quietly as he could, Verdant replaced his mask and moved towards the refrigerators, stepping as if the floor were made of bubble wrap, softly creeping forward one hoof at a time. Arriving at the first fridge, he cautiously pried it open to a narrow gap.
A smirk was hidden behind his face mask. In front of him laid the bottle he was after. It was a rather mundane looking glass bottle that was filled with a red sauce. He gently reached in and plucked the bottle from the shelf.
Suddenly, a noise came that made the blood in his veins turn to ice. It was a voice from the other side of the door Barrier and Swift stood at.
“Good evening, my little ponies.” A feminine voice yawned. It was one he both respected and in this moment, feared.
***
Barrier and Swift kept their eyes focused on the window in front of them. They could see the occasional firework shoot off into the sky.
As the two kept their eyes forward like the disciplined guards they were, the sound of approaching hoofsteps made their ears prick up in attention. The gaps between the steps seemed oddly long.
Glancing left towards the source, Barrier spotted a sight that made him start to sweat under his helm while also needing to hold back a bit of a chuckle. Approaching him and Swift was Princess Celestia, not wearing her typical gilded attire, but only a pink bathrobe and a set of fuzzy slippers that bore her cutie mark’s image on each of her hooves.
“Good evening, my little ponies,” the princess gave a yawn as she drew closer, covering her mouth before coming to a halt in front of the pair. “Anything to note on your shift?”
“Nothing too notable, princess,” Barrier said in a voice that made the unicorn sound like he was a sailor who subsisted on a diet of cigarettes and spinach. “We’ve remained at our post, though some ponies had to go to deal with the fireworks going off outside.”
“Hmm… any idea what could be the cause of it?” The alicorn mare raised a hoof to her chin as she looked towards the disguised Swiftsword.
“We’ve been focused on the task assigned, your highness,” Swift answered in a deep voice with a Neigh Orleans accent.
“Very well.” Celestia nodded before standing between the two of them. “At any rate, I’m going to have a midnight snack. Alone.” She then looked towards Barrier, who gave a nod and nosed his head past the door.
To his relief, it appeared that the kitchen was empty. It seemed that Verdant had managed to hide himself.
“Coast seems clear, your highness.” Barrier pulled his head back and took his position once again as the princess pushed her way past the double doors, making her way into the darkened kitchen.
***
Verdant, knowing he had very little time, quickly stowed the snatched bottle in his bandolier while pulling out a seemingly identical bottle before putting it in the fridge.
Hopefully she doesn’t notice the bottle’s fuller than it was before, the stallion thought to himself as he quickly grabbed a violet vial from the bandolier and drank it down. Just after the fridge was quietly sealed shut, Verdant was reduced to the size of a pea once more.
Right as Barrier stuck his head in to quickly sweep the room, Verdant ducked his way under the gap of one of the cupboards next to the fridge.
A moment after Barrier withdrew his head from the door, Verdant felt the room quake as Princess Celestia made her way into the room and drew closer. He was rather grateful that instead of flicking the lights on, the mighty mountain of a mare was only using the faint light of her shimmering horn to help her see.
This allowed the shrunken stallion to remain concealed, though he felt his stomach quake with each footstep she took. The rumbling was like thunder each time her slipper clad hooves impacted the floor and it grew worse and worse as she drew closer to the fridge Verdant was standing beside.
Celestia’s horn lit brightly as she opened the refrigerator, bathing the room in light.
Don’t notice, don’t notice, don’t notice! Verdant mentally screamed as the alicorn stuck her head in the fridge right next to the bottle. To his tremendous relief, she seemed to not notice as she pulled her head back out with several sticks of celery and a jar of cheese spread in her magical aura.
She then opened the cupboard above the little pony and pulled out a box of raisins before closing the fridge, cloaking the kitchen in mostly darkness once more, save for the faint glow of her horn.
Before Verdant could let out a sigh of relief, Celestia turned around. Her movements caused her ethereal tail to sweep up the shrunken stallion. He chose not to struggle against the tail to avoid attracting her attention. With a minor flick of the tail, Verdant was sent skidding across the kitchen floor before coming to a halt behind her as she came up to the kitchen’s island.
Verdant tried to stand up until he looked up and saw that, to his horror, Princess Celestia’s massive mountain of a rear had started to hurtle towards him as she started to sit. He fought the urge to scream as he tried to flee while her flank fell towards him like a meteor. He pushed himself as hard as he could to try to get back under the cupboard, but his current size rendered his attempt to escape moot.
A mighty crash echoed all around him and he found himself trapped in between the cheeks of the princess’s prominent plot. The flank flesh was nearly smothering him as he was bombarded by her body heat and weight pressing all around him.
Don’t say ‘how could this get any worse’, Verdant. He thought to himself as he was engulfed by darkness and the royal rump. If you say that, at best you’ll get farted on. At worst, you’ll either be crushed to death or sucked inside her butt.
While Verdant was trapped, Celestia was humming to herself while she filled the celery stalks with cheese spread before putting a trail of raisins atop. Once her treats were complete, she happily savored the snack, oblivious to the pony underneath her.
After a few minutes, the princess had finished off her snack, topped off with a belch suppressed by her hoof covering her mouth. Even then, it was loud enough to be heard by the two outside the kitchen and like a volcanic explosion to her prisoner.
“Pardon me,” she elegantly whispered before she rose up, unaware that she was taking Verdant along with her.
At least I’m not being crushed nearly as much anymore. Verdant thought before he slowly climbed his way down between the royal buns. Unfortunately, his tiny movements were enough to give the princess an itch, so she quickly shook her hind end back and forth.
Verdant managed to remain wedged between the cheeks, so Celestia brought a hoof to her buttocks and started to rub her cheeks around. The movement of her hoof squished the cheeks together before prying them apart, making Verdant plummet to the floor, landing hard on his back.
To the shamrock stallion’s great fortune, his small size allowed him to survive the fall without injury while Celestia was relieved her itch had ceased. With her itch relieved and her belly full, the princess made her way out of the kitchen while Verdant ran back under the cupboard.
A few moments after the princess had left and he was certain he’d be uninterrupted, Verdant pulled a green vial from his belt and drank it down. Once he returned to normal size, he opened the fridge once more and grabbed the bottle he’d left there.
Pulling the original bottle from his bandolier along with an empty one, he carefully compared the amounts of red sauce in both bottles and uncapped his before pouring some of the sauce into the empty one. Once certain that both matching bottles were filled to the same point, he placed his bottle back in the fridge and stored the other two once more.
Mission accomplished. Verdant smiled behind his mask as he crept towards the door and pulled a violet potion from his belt. Drinking it down, he soon shrank down enough that he was able to squeeze under the door’s gap once more.
Once he was back in the hallway, Verdant darted across the floor before leaping into the forest of blue hair that was Swift’s tail. He quickly wrapped a bit of one of her hair strands around his waist. He was ready for the next phase of the plan.
***
In the city of Canterlot, the guards were scrambling to find the garishly dressed trouble makers. Their efforts seemed fruitless.
Eventually, the guards were drawn to a source of smoke that came from near a fountain in the central town plaza. When Starshine and a light blue thestral stallion arrived at the scene, they found the source of the smoke was a fire in a dumpster that contained the remnants of the trio’s clothes, reduced to only the smallest of scraps.
“Dammit all,” Starshine grumbled as her horn glowed a brilliant green and her magic pulled the tiny scraps from the dumpster. “They’ve given us the slip.”
“Ma’am, do you wish to keep looking for them?” the thestral asked as he approached the golden unicorn.
“Don’t bother, Esi,” Starshine sighed as she closed the lid of the dumpster. “By now, they’re likely long gone and probably in a bar, blending in with the late night crowd. Just get a forensics team to investigate this dumpster and the stuff they damaged.”
“Yes ma’am.” the silver maned thestral saluted before he and the mare departed.
A minute after the two had left, a trio of ponies emerged from the fountain, coughing and sputtering.
“Urgh, I thought they’d never leave,” Gem wheezed before coughing up some water.
“I wish I didn’t sacrifice that boombox,” Hatty said as he shook some of the water from his wings. “Hopefully the sewer rats like The Misfits.”
“I think I swallowed some bits,” Forge said before he coughed, making a couple gold coins clatter on the ground.
“Hopefully we bought the others enough time,” Gem interjected as Forge’s horn lit up. An orange aura washed over the three and quickly dried them off before Gem started to move. “C’mon, boys. We don’t have much time until the rendezvous.”
“Yes, ma’am,” the two stallions replied as Hatty quickly fell in line behind Gem. Forge only briefly stopped to pick up the two coins from the ground before following.
***
Outside the royal kitchen, things were rather dull and quiet.
The only thing to break the silence was when Barrier pulled a pocket watch from his night guard armor.
“Time to head out,” Barrier whispered and left his ‘post’. “If Verdant’s not with us, he’s on his own.”
“Roger that,” Swift said as she followed Barrier.
In a matter of minutes, the two had left the palace and made their way back to their former lookout spot hidden in the small grove. With a quick flare of their horns, hidden gemstones in the armor pieces started to glow. Once the light from the gems died down, the armor crumbled to dust and the enchantment disguising them faded away. He and Swift then picked up their saddlebags which had been hidden within the bushes.
As the next part of the plan, the two soon arrived at the train station, where the rest of their party was waiting for them.
“Perfect timing,” Hatty nodded as Barrier’s magic pulled a set of train tickets from his saddlebags and gave them to each of his companions.
In a matter of moments, the train was ready to board and the squad quickly made their way aboard. The five found an empty cabin for them to settle into before the train started to take off.
“Right.” Barrier closed his eyes to try to ignore the rumbling of the train as it pulled away from the station and began to pick up speed. “Is Verdant—”
Suddenly, on the floor in front of him, the shamrock pony seemed to appear from nowhere as he returned to his regular size. “Present.”
“Very good.” The obsidian unicorn nodded as Verdant gave a stretch. “I assume you pulled off the switch?”
“Yes, sir, but not without issue.” Verdant gave a roll of his shoulders before pulling back his face mask. “I had to shrink back down really quickly so the princess wouldn’t see me.”
“Wait, Princess Celestia showed up?” Sweat poured from Forge’s brow as he asked. “What was she doing there this late?”
“Getting a midnight snack, apparently,” Swift answered as she leaned back in her seat. “Still, I don’t believe she saw through our disguises, so things went rather smoothly.”
“Easy for you to say.” Verdant gave a roll of his eyes before he glared at the noblemare. “I got swept up by her tail before being trapped under her butt! While she was having her snack, I had to spend several minutes being completely covered from head to hoof by her royal rump.”
Lucky bastard. Barrier thought as he resisted the urge to glare at the verdant stallion in slight envy.
“At any rate, can I please have my ticket, Barrier?” Verdant asked as he held out a hoof to him.
“Sure thing,” Barrier replied as he opened his saddlebag and started to search through it. “Uh-oh…”
“Uh-oh? What uh-oh?” Verdant worriedly swallowed.
“It looks like I only got five tickets for the trip back to Vanhoover. It looks like you’ll need to shrink back down, just in case the staff comes by to check us.” Barrier stated, making the green earth pony smack a hoof against his face.
“Dammit all,” Verdant muttered before reaching into his bandolier for one of the purple potions.
“Before you do that, there’s something I need to say, Verdant.” A grin stretched across Barrier’s face as he pulled the sixth ticket from his saddlebag and floated it in front of the earth pony’s face. “April Fools.”
Verdant glared daggers while the rest had a laugh at his expense. “Bastard,” he muttered as he grabbed the ticket.
***
The next morning in Canterlot palace, Princess Luna gave a yawn as she took her seat at the breakfast table where her sister and fellow princess was eagerly awaiting her.
“Good morning, Luna,” the alabaster alicorn cheerfully said as she held up a teapot. “May I offer you some tea?”
“Yes, please,” the midnight blue mare flared her horn, lifting up a fine porcelain cup that Celestia quickly filled. Luna took a deep breath, savoring the aroma before she took an elegant sip of the brew. “Excellent tea, sister. Tastes a bit sweeter than usual.”
“Thanks. I had it specially prepared just for you,” Celestia stated as she set the teapot down before levitating a plate with a stack of pancakes before her. “I get the feeling this will be a delightful morning.” She then flipped the top off her bottle of strawberry syrup and drenched her pancakes.
Luna sipped more of her tea to hide her grin while Celestia started to cut into her pancakes. The princess of the sun cut a fairly large chunk of the syrup coated treat and lifted it to her lips.
The solar mare, deciding to forgo royal etiquette since the only pony in the room with her was her sister, quickly shoved the chunk into her mouth and rapidly chewed the fluffy food. Her eyes closed as she savored the delightful tastes.
Celestia let out a hum of satisfaction when suddenly, her eyes shot open and her pupils shrank to the size of gnats at the feeling in her mouth. It felt as if her mouth had been set ablaze and turned into a raging inferno.
“Gyyaaaaahhhh!” she screamed as she fell back in her chair before she quickly tried to scrape the familiar burning feeling from her tongue. While she tried to free herself from the torment her breakfast had caused her, Luna had toppled over laughing at her sister’s misfortune.
“Bwahahahahaahahaha!” Luna held her ribs as she flew over to her sister’s side. “What’s wrong, Sister? Does your breakfast not agree with you?”
“Luna…” Celestia huffed as she pulled herself to her feet. She spoke through gritted teeth as she tried to ignore her agony. “Did you do this?”
“No, Celestia. I did not.” Luna landed in front of her sister and dismissively waved. “I just had some of Barrier’s privates cause a distraction so he and the rest of the privates could sneak into the kitchen and switch your strawberry syrup with a sauce made from ruby reaper peppers.” The midnight mare declared proudly before gasping at her words and covering her mouth with her hooves. “Why? Why did I say that?”
“April Fools, Luna.” Celestia sported a wicked but strained grin as she rose to her hooves and stared down at the smaller alicorn. “I was hoping to get around whatever pranks you’d set up by slipping some truth serum in your tea, but it seems you managed to get the better of me.”
“Ah… heh heh… Well, it was a good prank… wasn’t it?” Luna gulped as Celestia marched towards her and the grin she sported grew more maniacal.
***
Thank Faust this damned day is almost over. Barrier thought as he set the last of the dishes on the drying rack. It went without saying that he had found himself the victim of several pranks throughout the day.
First was that somepony put cling wrap on his toilet, creating quite the disgusting mess. Then he learned somepony had emptied out his flask and replaced his scotch with apple juice. And then, just when he was about to enjoy the salad he made, he found himself called away by Fleet. During that brief instant, somepony had mixed in bits of Hollow Shades phantom peppers into his lunch.
Still, at least my mouth was probably in less pain than the princess’ was. He chuckled to himself as he pulled the plug from the sink. As he was about to pull away, a knocking came from the door.
In a flash, Barrier was at the manor’s door. Opening it with a flare of his magic, he was rather surprised to see Starshine and five thestrals in full armor were on his front step and instinctively tensed before he noticed that some ways behind them on the lawn were the princesses alongside a pony covered from head to hoof in dark clothes. Celestia was sporting a look of fury that Barrier had never seen on her before while Luna seemed to be unable to face him.
“Magic Barrier, are Swiftsword, Hat Trick, Winter Gem, Iron Forge and Verdant Range present?” the gold mare asked as Fleetfeather and Windy flew over from the living room.
“Yeah,” Barrier confusedly replied before turning towards the stairs. “Kids, come down here. Lieutenant Starshine wants us.” He barked. In a matter of seconds, the five quickly arrived at the base of the stairs and formed a line.
“So, what brings you all the way out here?” Barrier asked as her horn glowed and a scroll floated out of her saddlebags.
“I am here on Princess Celestia’s orders to carry out your summary executions for the act of treason you pulled this morning,” Starshine said as she wagged the scroll in front of Barrier’s nose.
“Oh, yeah. Hard-dee-har-har.” Barrier gave a roll of his eyes as Fleet grabbed a hold of the scroll and unfurled it. “I’m getting rather sick of April Fools pranks today. Tell me, how many of the taxpayers' bits were blown on this little prank?”
“Barrier…” Fleet was somewhat pale as she faced the charcoal stallion. “She’s not joking. I’ve looked over the order here. It looks like a real order to have the six of you summarily executed.”
“What?!” Barrier was taken aback and his magic snatched the scroll from Fleetfeather’s hooves. He could only scan over three lines before Starshine snatched the scroll away and stowed it away in her saddlebags.
“Come out, Barrier,” Celestia barked out as she and Luna stepped away from the gate. “We all must die sometime.”
“I suggest you don’t try to run away from this,” Starshine pulled out from the door as Barrier’s dark coat quickly grew pale. “You’ll only make things worse for yourself.”
Barrier only weakly sighed as trotted out onto the lawn, Starshine falling in beside him before she halted him. Soon the thestral guards had lined up the privates beside him.
“Please, don’t do this to them!” Wind Whistler rushed up to Barrier’s side. “I’m sure it was just meant as a joke!”
“Sorry, kid.” The small filly was pulled away by Starshine’s aura and placed in her mother’s hooves. “I have my orders and I must follow them.”
In a matter of moments, Barrier and his privates were quickly put in chains, along with horn rings atop his, Swift and Forge’s heads. As the chains were secured around them, a gathering started to form outside the house’s gate. Barrier recognized a number of the townsfolk who were bearing witness. Erica and Snow were both pale with worry as chains were secured around Verdant and Forge’s hooves. Drumstick and Clean Cut were trying to cover Crispy’s eyes and hold him back as he tried to fly over the gate. Belmont had tears in his eyes as he looked upon Gem.
The crowd was making quite a commotion that was silenced with a single flare of Princess Celestia’s massive wings.
“Magic Barrier of the Sparkle family.” Her commanding voice echoed. Barrier could hear Verdant shaking in his shackles as the towering white mare drew closer, glaring down the six of them. “You are guilty of tainting my food with ruby reaper sauce. Doing such is an act of treason against Equestria, the crown and myself.
“Your five associates, Swiftsword of the Falchion family, Iron Forge of the Fires family, Winter Gem of the Apple family, Hat Trick of the Cards family and Verdant Range of the Greens family, are all guilty of being accessories in your treason.
“For this act of betrayal, the six of you are to be summarily executed via cannon fire.” With only a glance as a signal, the executioner drew closer with a dark gray cannon. “Do you have any last words?”
Barrier’s only response was a soul-withering glare that he kept locked squarely on the princess.
“So this is how the Falchion line ends,” Swiftsword whispered to herself as she tried to stand tall. “Executed as a traitor. How far we’ve fallen.”
“I love you, Erica!” Verdant shouted as tears formed in his eyes. The hen covered her beak and sadly looked away.
“Snow Sweeper,” Forge called out. “You’ve made me the happiest stallion in all of Equestria! I love you!” Forge said before swallowing hard.
Winter Gem and Hatty simply looked each other in the eye and held their chained hooves together. No words needed to be passed for them in this final moment.
“Very well.” Celestia gave a nod as she pulled back. “Lieutenant, the blindfolds.”
Starshine horn glowed as she pulled six blindfolds from her saddlebags and started to wrap them around the six’ eyes. She started with Hatty and went to the left, ending with Barrier.
“You have no idea how long I’ve waited to see this,” Starshine sinisterly whispered as she tightly tied the blindfold on.
“Then I’ll take solace knowing you were incapable of doing it under your own power.” With his eyes covered in darkness, Barrier couldn’t see if his statement had elicited a response from Starshine, only hearing her walk away, followed shortly by the guards who moved with her.
“Ready…” Celestia barked, silencing everything once more.
“Aim…” Barrier drew a deep breath through his nose and exhaled slowly as he braced himself for the coming end.
“FIRE!” The order echoed out and Barrier was struck in the face by the launched projectile.
To his shock, the shot was little more than a soft splat against his muzzle.
The sound of magic came from behind his head as the blindfold was loosened before Barrier felt something sliding off his face and plinking against the ground in front of him.
With his eyes now freed, he saw what was on the ground was a pie tin with bits of banana cream. Looking to his left, he saw the privates had also received pies to the face.
Barrier’s eyes were drawn away from them as he turned to the sound of Starshine’s bellowing laughter.
“Bwhahahahahaha!” the golden unicorn had her forelegs wrapped around her sides, trying to keep from falling over in her raucous laughter.
“Was… was all this your plan, your highness?” Swift cautiously asked of the alabaster alicorn.
“No. This was what Starshine asked for before we set off and I decided to allow her to have her fun,” Celestia replied as she stepped closer to the executioner behind the cannon. “This however, is a part of my plan. FIRE!”
At the princess’ command, the executioner pulled a rope on the back of the cannon. A loud boom echoed throughout the block as the six ponies were blasted to the ground, covered from head to hoof in black gunk.
The squad weakly got up as Barrier tried to shake some of the black goop from his forehooves. Before he could get up, he found the executioner was now standing uncomfortably close to his face.
“Now we’re even,” the pony said in a deep and gravelly voice that managed to send an intimidating shiver down Barrier’s spine, despite the fact he was over a head taller than them.
“Even?” Barrier tilted his head in confusion. “Even for what?” he asked as the pony brought a hoof to the bottom of their mask and quickly pulled it back.
Barrier’s eyes became the size of pinpricks at the sight of the pony behind the mask. It was somepony Barrier had hoped to never see again, the stallion all too aware of why he felt the fear. It was a pony straight out of his nightmares.
“For punching me in the face, silly!” Pinkie Pie chuckled and snorted. “April Fools! I hope you had fun with my Ink Cannon.” She then shot out her massive tongue and with a single long lick, swept off most of the cream and ink from Barrier’s face before shuddering. “Hmm… Note to self, banana cream and squid ink do not make a good combination.”
“B-but the cannon…” Barrier stuttered as Pinkie quickly bounced over to the gray cannon. To his surprise, Pinkie seemed to pull a sheet off the cannon, revealing her blue and pink party cannon underneath. “I… Oh, screw it.”
As Barrier grumbled, Princess Celestia approached with a soft smile on her face. She then pressed her hoof against his snout and childishly stuck out her tongue. “April Fools, Barrier.”
“Princess,” Barrier grumbled as her magic undid the chains and pulled away the horn rings. “Making ponies think they’re about to be executed isn’t really funny.”
An eyebrow rose on the princess as she smirked. “So says Mr. ‘Hang by the neck until bread’?”
Barrier opened his mouth to respond, only to shut it a moment later and look away, mumbling to himself about circumstance. He was rather grateful that some ink dripped down from his mane to hide his blush.
“Thank you for attending, everypony,” Princess Celestia looked out to the crowd outside the gate as she approached. “I hope you all had a pleasant April Fools day and have a—” She was silenced as her hoof caught a cord hidden in the lawn’s grass. A projectile launched out from one of the bushes by the gate, but it was stopped a good five meters away as it was caught in Starshine’s magic.
“Aww, I wanted my chocolate pudding balloon to hit somepony,” Wind Whistler grumbled as she scuffed her hoof against the ground.
“Nice try, little one. Maybe next year.” Celestia said as Starshine set the balloon on the ground.
Princess Luna flew over to Barrier and the cadets and flared her horn. In a flash, the six were cleaned of all traces of pie and ink. “I’m sorry about all this, Barrier. Celestia slipped some truth serum into my tea and she made me confess to having you all take part in replacing her syrup.”
Barrier let out a sigh. “It’s okay, Luna. At least nopony was hurt and this was a good constipation cure. Still, I’m not a fan of the taste of my own medicine.”
“If it’s of any comfort,” Luna leaned closer to whisper into Barrier’s ear. “I still have one last thing up my sleeve. Sister believes I only have one practical joke planned and didn’t ask if I had anything else in store.”
“Diabolical,” Barrier grinned and gave a chuckle. “Could you send me a photo when it’s done?”
“I’ll make sure of it.” Luna smiled and nodded before pulling away. “Farewell, Barrier. Have a pleasant evening.”
“The same to you, Luna,” nodded back before pulling out his flask and speaking directly to it. “We’re gonna get really close with one another before this night is through.”
Once the princesses and their entourage departed, Erica and Snow both rushed over to Verdant and Forge and pulled them into great big hugs.
“Sir,” Swift said as she approached Barrier’s side, a hint of repressed anger was clear in her tone. “Remind me to never aid you in a practical joke ever again.”
“Duly noted, Swift.” Barrier replied before taking a swig and letting out a sigh. “I think I’m out of the pranking game from now on. At least until I can think of one that won’t backfire or leave any evidence tracing back to us.
***
Princess Celestia let out a sigh of relief as she stepped out of her shower. Besides the prank with her pancakes, her April Fools day had gone rather swimmingly. She managed to pull a few harmless pranks such as using whoopee cushions on Shining Armor and Starshine, slipping green tongue dye in Fancy Pants’ tea and replacing Twilight Sparkle’s ink with disappearing ink.
April Fools is always such a great time of year. Especially when you’re the one that gets to have the last laugh. Celestia chuckled to herself as she used her magic to wipe the steam off her bathroom mirror. She briefly admired her appearance before she saw her coat was starting to change color. Her soft white coat seemed to fade away, leaving a vibrant pink in its place.
“I… but how? Who did—” she found herself cut off when she saw a bright flash and heard a click from the corner of her vision. Standing in her bathroom door was Luna, sporting a wicked grin with a camera in her hooves.
“April Fools, Sister!” Luna said with a chuckle right as a grandfather clock in Celestia’s bedroom chimed. Midnight had come and the day of pranks had ended. “Next time, ask if I laid out more than one prank.” The midnight blue mare mirthfully said before running off.
“LUNA!!!” Celestia bellowed in the Royal Canterlot Voice before giving chase, following the now cackling alicorn into the halls while she was still dripping wet.
***
The next evening, as Barrier was sitting back and picking at a bag of chips, a folder materialized in front of him in a blue flash.
Curious, Barrier cautiously opened the folder and pulled out a letter.
My back-up practical joke was a complete success, though I’m currently being punished by not being allowed any of my favorite foods for a week. I would say this is a small price to pay for this victory. Included in this folder are a collection of photographs I took of her with her current coat. I hope you enjoy them.
- H.R.H. Luna of Equestria
P.S. Celestia has still been unable to remove the pink dye I slipped her. She loathes it and wishes for you to bring a Miss Color Splash to Canterlot to remedy this at your earliest possible convenience.
Barrier sighed before pulling out some of the photographs. Well, at least it will give me an excuse to get out and see Night Light and Velvet again
The charcoal stallion started to flick through some of the photos Luna had taken of her elder sister. He chuckled at the photos of Celestia when she first saw her changed coat, her angrily chasing after Luna through the palace halls while soaked and her pouting upon her throne.
When he reached the fourth photo however, Barrier was rather stunned. It was a rather up close photograph of Celestia’s royal rump. Written in the white space under the photo in dark blue ink were the words, “I know you’ll love this”.
Barrier gave a roll of his eyes before sliding the photos back into the folder and tossing it onto a coffee table. “Friggin’ Luna.” The unicorn let out a sigh before returning his attention back to his chips.