Renee was a busy mare, as was to be expected for the Overhead of Expeditions. She had teams to coordinate, reports to forward, and a husband who she tried to connect with outside of work hours at least once a month. Thus, the nervously smiling alicorn at her desk was the last thing she needed.
"Darling, with all due respect, this is the last thing I need."
Pinkie giggled as her Party walked by, for reasons best left unconsidered.
"I know," said Evening, "but you’ve always been one of our best negotiators when it comes to the Carousel. Besides, they specifically requested you when I pressed for a response, and they're being obstinate on this one, even for them."
Renee sighed. Ah, the Infinite Carousel. There but for the grace of her friends went she. A lot of she. Easily the most infamous equine self-society known to Merodi Universalis, preaching the "generosity of big business" and flouting Merodi laws on multiversal trade with mass quantities of all-too-familiar coquettish charm. "I don't suppose we've ever pinned down where they came from narratively? Just so I know whose works to boycott?"
That set off Pinkie again. Really, was the mare just wandering in circles?
Eve shrugged her wings. "It's awfully nebulous. But this is a major incident, and we need answers from them, no matter—“
"Darling, don't even think 'no matter the cost' when dealing with the Carousel." Renee sighed and got to her hooves. "Still, may as well look into this. Goodness knows we can't have you trying to work with them; they'll have you selling your own horn within the hour."
"That only happened once," Eve muttered.
Renee patted her on the withers. "Twice too many by my taste. With which Rarity shall I be meeting?"
"Photuris."
"Oh." A lady did not let her jaw drop, so clearly Renee did no such thing. After recovering from not doing so, she said, "My heavens, this is important, isn't it?"
~~~
Seeing Photuris didn’t mean going to the Prime Carousel, a space station shaped like its namesake that served as the Infinite Carousel’s primary business hub. It meant visiting the world where the business began. And the Ponyville of Equis Carousel was...
Well, in all honesty, it was a dream for Renee. The small-town charm of her own pre-Merodi Ponyville blended with the cosmopolitan flair she'd admired in larger cities, all arranged according to her own aesthetic sensibilities. It was, both figuratively and literally, Ponyville by Rarity®.
As a pair of burly security stallions escorted her into a version of the Boutique that towered like a cathedral to fashion, she couldn't help but reflect on the problem with that. After all, one had to wake up from a dream at some point. Otherwise one was in a coma.
The Rarity awaiting her had chosen to age with maximum grace, her mane and tail a delicate interplay of violet and silver, her half-moon spectacles meant to accessorize more than correct her vision. She lounged like an empress, missing only the slaves fanning her and feeding her peeled grapes. And given that she was the CEO emerita of the Infinite Carousel, who had allegedly named herself after the company's mysterious founder, it was certainly an apt comparison.
She smiled and sat up in her chaise. "Renee, darling. So wonderful of you to make room in your busy schedule for little old me."
Renee gave her a flat look. "Don't darling me, Photuris. We both know I'm not here for empty pleasantries."
"Oh, just a bit of empty pleasantry?" Photuris turned onto her belly, chin in her hooves and kicking her hind legs like a filly at a slumber party. "How is Daniel? Allure? Minna? Come now, surely you have time for a little gossip."
Renee glared at her in a way that made her feel uncomfortably like her mother shutting down one of those slumber parties. "Even if I wanted to, I really don't. Strictly speaking, this isn't even my department; you just refuse to speak with anyone in Relations, including the Rarities."
Photuris waved it off. "They're late acquisitions, Renee, and all so small-minded. They haven't seen the things we've seen. Yes, most bore Generosity and stopped a villain or two, but their minds can't fathom the sorts of decisions we make on a daily basis."
"'Make'?" said Renee, arching an eyebrow.
"Made, in my case. Most days. I do try to keep active in my retirement."
"That actually brings us to the point of this meeting quite nicely." Despite herself, Renee sat on the serviceable but much less exquisite couch opposite the physically older mare. She highly doubted Photuris would cooperate immediately; best to get comfortable as she asked the burning question. "What precisely happened to a good ninety percent of the Ferengi population of Galaxa Quadrants?"
Photuris fluttered her lashes in feigned innocence. "Why would we know anything about them?"
"According to the missive from the current Grand Nagus, prior to the disappearance, his predecessor met with, and I quote," Renee floated out the appropriate data pad and her reading glasses from her saddlebags and read, "'a bunch of pallid, outrageously clothed females even more hideous than most humans.'" She let the quotation hang in the air for a moment before adding, "Having refreshed myself on Ferengi beauty standards, that's arguably a compliment."
"One could certainly say that, yes." Photuris turned so she was laying on her back again, thoughtfully staring up at the ceiling. "How much else do you know about the Ferengi?"
Up went the eyebrow again, but Renee saw no harm in playing along. "Almost religiously capitalistic. Even with such prevalent matter replication technology that many societies are post-scarcity, they make use of a material that can't be replicated just so they have a usable monetary standard. Granted, the Federation is rather idealistic in that regard, but there's such a thing as overcompensation. Bizarrely misogynistic as well; based on my admittedly brief research, they only recently realized that letting their women handle money means they can double their customer base."
Photuris nodded. "Largely accurate. And you've come close to the main point. From the perspective of Galaxa Quadrants, the Ferengi are an obsessive relic of a society. But from a narrative perspective..."
~~~
"The Ferengi," declared the Grand Nagus, "are a joke."
“Oh?” Photuris said politely, lounging opposite him in one of the many, many opulent rooms of the Nagal Residence. “In what sense?"
"We're a caricature,” continued the wrinkled old creature, massive ears all but whooshing with his angry motions. “A parable. A mockery of a society, made to hold up as a model of what not to do for wide-eyed little humans."
"You've seen Star Trek."
"Yes,” snarled the Nagus. “Human-made or not, the fact that it focuses on the Federation is enough to make me spit. I would give two, no, three hundred bars of gold-pressed latinum for the chance to punch Gene Roddenberry in his smug, misshapen face."
Photuris smiled, and because some habits never died, said, ”That could actually be arranged, albeit for a somewhat steeper fee."
He waved off the offer. “Another time, perhaps. I did not call you here merely to rail at the circumstances that brought my people into being. I want to make the Ferengi more than mere symbols of human folly."
"And how do you intend to do that?"
"We will leave this universe, seek one better suited to what truly matters in life."
She smiled knowingly. “Profit?"
"Precisely! But building dimensional drives sufficient for an interstellar civilization isn't cheap, and no one is willing to invest without a destination already in mind.” The Nagus rolled his eyes. “I can't imagine the Merodi will be willing to help us.” He slammed his fist against a side table that could purchase a small moon. "Their very existence is in direct contravention of the twenty-first Rule of Acquisition!"
"Oh?"
"Never place friendship above profit."
"I see.” Photuris narrowed her eyes. “And yet you sought out the Infinite Carousel, where we believe friendship is profit. And is there not a Rule of Acquisition that states 'females and finances don't mix'?"
"The ninety-fourth, and one that time has shown to apply far less now than in the time of Gint. But it is the ninety-fifth that concerns me: Expand or die. And we are approaching market saturation in our galaxy. There may be untapped markets in the Delta Quadrant, but there is definitely death. If my people are to thrive, they have to look outside our reality, and we have to do that under the Merodi's nose.” The Grand Nagus snarled, displaying a snaggled set of teeth as unique as a human’s fingerprints. “It took ten thousand years to forge the Ferengi Alliance, and I will not see us reduced to a disparate bunch of isolated wandering merchants.“
Photuris nodded. ”I understand completely. Officially, I can't help you too much, but I do know of a species that will welcome you with open arms."
He grinned, which wasn’t much better than the snarl. “Excellent! Where can we find them?"
She waved a hoof. “Ah ah ah. We both know nothing comes for free."
The grin took on an even more predatory cast. "Very true. Let's bargain."
~~~
"So we were able to come to a reasonable deal, though I suppose some part of the Ferengi disagreed with the plan. You have to understand, I merely initiated the proceedings; others took care of the fine details.“
“I’m sure,” Renee said flatly. “So what did you do with them?"
"Hmm…” Photuris gave her an appraising look that went down to fractions of a cent. “As much as I'd like to negotiate for that information, you have far too many Pinkies at your disposal for me to think you couldn't find it out yourself. I introduced the Grand Nagus to the Melnorme, and they took matters from there. The Nagus was overjoyed; he didn't have to spend a drop of latinum on dimensional drives."
Renee’s jaw worked silently for a few moments. “You... You sold an entire species to the Melnorme?"
Photuris flinched back as though struck. ”Sold? Heavens, no! The Infinite Carousel may have a hoof in many businesses, but we do not engage in sapient trafficking. As I said, I merely introduced the two. The Grand Nagus was the one who indentured his people to, and I quote, 'the true masters of acquisition.’”
"And I'm sure you got nothing out of bringing the Melnorme an entire race of unpaid interns,” Renee said with a heavy sigh.
“Weeeell…” Photuris smiled like Allure had when she’d been trying to be coy as a filly. “A small finder's fee may have been involved."
"On top of whatever the Ferengi paid you to 'make introductions.'"
"Naturally."
Renee took a deep breath as she got out of her seat. “You horrify me, you know that?"
And Photuris just smiled. “I do, and I pity you. Ta."