//------------------------------// // BLT's and SMG's // Story: Gryphon Six // by Sunsong //------------------------------// “Try it.” “Nein.” the German crossed his arms, and turned his beak away from the offering. “Try it, please?” I held up my masterpiece, begging for the stubborn bird to try my cooking. “Vhat is it?” The German sniffed the air, smelling the aroma of real food. “It’s a BLT, a burger made with real lettuce, real tomatoes, and bacon.” Sunset, having enough of their nonsense, picked up the burger in her magic and shoved it into Arend’s beak. His eyes widened, and he quickly finished off the burger with all the ferocity of a German Tiger tank. I rolled his eyes and started eating my own burger. “Told you it was good.” “Have to admit Gavin,” Sunset stated as she finished off her tomato, lettuce, and fish salad, “Those look good, too bad they don’t come meat free.” Arend looked up from his meal, “Herr Sunset, vhat I don’t get, is vhy do you eat fish, but not meat?”  Sunset just shrugged and took another drink from her new canteen. “It’s just how I was raised, most animals are sentient so ponies try not to eat them. Fish aren’t, so most ponies are alright with eating them.” As we all finished eating, I readied my weapons. We had camped out half a mile away from the mine, and it was time to strike. I made sure my guns, my katana, and my various knives were all ready. Sunset prepared her Anti-Material Rifle, her Thompson submachine-gun, her broadsword, and her grenades. While Arend readied his large Machine Gun, his Grunnerstein, his Luger, as well as his new long handled grenades. Stomping out the fire, I gave the sign to move out.  We walked the half-mile to the mine entrance, careful not to make too much sound. But the low cresting hills and sprawling forests of the Gryphon highlands gave plenty of cover. Reaching the mine turned jackal gang hideout, Sunset crested the hill and pulled out her Anti-Material Rifle. Attaching the suppressor, and layering it with a Silencing Spell. Sunset put a bullet in the head of the jackal guard outside the mine. We walked down the hill to the door, Sunset and Arend stacked up on the left side of the door while I took the right. I pulled out my shotgun while Arend and Sunset readied their submachine guns, long range weapons would do less good in the mine. Arend tested the door handle before turning it and opening the door slightly. Inside we could hear the voices of multiple jackals, discussing the last shipment they had robbed, or the booze they had gotten drunk on. Arend closed the door before readying himself to kick it down. I held up three talons, then dropped one, then the next. I then closed my fist, Arend kicked down the door and backed up a little. I entered first, shooting a jackal to the front of me with my 12 gauge. Sunset entered next, pumping lead into the two playing pool on the left. I continued to shoot jackals as I advanced to the right, none of the jackals had time to grab their nearby weapons, so they tried to run. Tried. Arend entered last, putting down a jackal that had just entered via the opposite door. By the time the last of the jackals fell blood had stained the hardwood floors of the nice looking break room.  We walked past the dead bodies and went into the tunnel, encountering light resistance. Mostly from small arms fire, like 9mm pistols and the occasional automatic rifle. But the amount of jackals we encountered was decreasing slowly. As we reached the end of the tunnel, we found a wooden door set into sturdy looking wooden walls.  We stacked up again on the door, Arend kicked in the door, but when I entered, I noticed that there were no jackals here, nobody at all. The room was empty of people but looked well lived in, there was a big bed and a full bookshelf. There was also a cabinet standing against the wall, a small kitchen was tucked in the corner, and a container sat at the foot of the bed. We spread out, looking for any sign of jackals. Arend gave a cursory glance around the room before heading into the kitchen area. Sunset started picking through the bookshelf and put some of the titles into her storage. I heard the steady munching of crackers from the kitchen area. Walking over to the bed, I opened up the container. Inside I found a sack holding nearly a thousand gryphs, two gold bars, a pouch holding a handful of sapphires, five hundred equestrian bits, and a pack of short/thin condoms. “Umm… Sunset, Arend, get over here. Now.” I heard the sound of a book being closed, and I stopped hearing the munching of food. Soon, the heads of my two companions joined mine in staring at our loot. “Mein Gott.” . . . “Holy bucking Celestia.” . . . “I could buy a new trench coat…” Sunset smacked me over my deserving head without even looking away from the loot. “Gavin, you could buy an army’s worth of trench coats and then some.” Ignoring the pack of useless (for any of us) tiny condoms, I started putting the money into the shared storage we used for food and money. Arend walked back to the kitchen and started filling the Pip-boy with food. While Sunset, who had already taken all the books she wanted, moved over to the cabinet. I was about to close the lid of the container when Sunset called out, “Hey Gavin, you might want to see this.” Walking to where Sunset was, I noticed that the cabinet was empty. “See what? The cabinet’s empty.”  “Look here, scratch marks on the floor, like somepony moved it again and again. Get on the other side and help me get it out of the way, it’s been enchanted to be heavier for some reason.” Sunset lit up her horn and picked up the cabinet, sweating at the effort. I stood up and pushed the cabinet, it must have been enchanted because there is no way an empty cabinet should weigh this much. “Fuck, what is this thing made of? Lead?!” But heaving one last time pushed the cabinet out of the way, revealing an opening in the wall. I turned to face the opening, but as soon as I did. I was greeted by a pair of steel-clad hooves flying into my face. Sunset saw Gavin’s body fly without the use of his wings, and then hit the wall on the opposite side of the room. Gavin’s body crumpled like a puppet with its strings cut.  “GAVIN!” Sunset turned to face the pony that did the deed. He was a large Earth Pony stallion, clad in full heavy metal armor. Not the elegant gold of the Royal Guards, not even a knights suit from the legends, it was crude and bulky. Like a novice blacksmith had beaten it from slag and iron with a sledgehammer. It revealed nothing except the stallion’s face, with faded yellow fur and wide, dilated eyes the color of toxic waste. He looked sick, but judging by the strength in his kick, he was healthy enough to fight. Sunset drew her broadsword and her submachine gun with her magic. Hoping to end the fight quickly, she swung the sword at the other ponies neck. But the sick pony just laughed as it bounced off of his neck armor. He turned and lunged at Sunset, just dodging a hail of bullets from Arend’s Grunnerstein.  He closed in on Sunset and tackled her to the floor. He raised a hoof to punch her in the face, still laughing like a lunatic. But before it could make contact with Sunset’s face, the razor sharp edge of Arend’s shovel dug into his face, knocking him off of the unicorn. Sunset jumped up and ran to Gavin’s side, she leaned in and heard his steady breathing. Sighing in relief, she turned to Arend, “He’s fine, just unconscious.” Arend, now facing her nodded. He started walking towards his two companions, but stopped as something tapped him on the shoulder, “Was zur Holle?” Arend turned around and was met with a buck to the face, much like his fellow Gryphon. He was also launched into the air and into the wall, landing right next to Gavin.  Sunset felt her eye twitch, and as she watched the laughing stallion, something in her snapped. “Buck you Gavin for getting knocked out, buck you Arend for not killing the bastard, and YOU, ESPECIALLY YOU, BUCK… YOU!”  With her magic, she picked up Arend’s machinegun, his Grunnerstein, Gavin’s shotgun, his All-American, her Anti-Material Rifle, and her Thompson submachine gun, and then she turned all barrels towards the stallion. But even as she pointed six different deadly firearms at him, he kept laughing, and kept walking towards her. She closed her eyes, and pulled the trigger of every weapon in her magical grip. . . . When she opened her eyes again, the laughing stallion was laughing no more. The front of his armor had been completely obliterated, as well as the first twelve inches of his chest. She closed her eyes one more time, and slumped over. Asleep atop her only companions in the world. . . . “Soooo… I voted that we never speak of this day again.” “I vill second zhat motion.” “You… bucking idiots.” After the three of us had woken up and checked for concussions, of which we had none, we finished looting the place. In the end, we walked out of that mine with over two thousand gryphs, two gold bars, five sapphires, five hundred equestrian bits, and twenty-five assorted pistols and rifles looted from the container and the pockets of various dead jackals. We started walking side by side away from the mine, ignoring the roads and paths completely. Eventually I turned to Sunset and asked what I’m pretty sure we were all thinking at this point, “Soooo… Sunset, where are we going?” She stopped walking and gaped at me, “Me?! I was following you!” “No I was following you!” I shot back, We both turned to Arend, and asked at the same time “...Arend?” “Vhat…?” . . . After some map delegation and lack of anything else to do. We decided to head west, to try our luck on the Equestrian/Gryphonia border. After all, what could go wrong? “I hear Griffonstone is nice this time of year.” I could feel Sunset’s silent disapproval pierce my back, “Right, right, Griffonstone is a shithole.” “Grrrr, why do we have to go west? Why can’t we try down south or back east?” “It’s because I’ve heard some whispers of a job Sunset.” She crooked her head, “What kind of job?” I grinned, “A big one, a bank heist down in Eaglecrest. If we join up, and we can actually pull it off, we’ll need a place to lie low.” Arend just nodded his head, but Sunset was livid, “So now you want us to be criminals?! Were bounty hunters, not thieves!” “Relax Sunset, it’s not that kind of bank.” Sunset sat down, more than a bit confused. “The bank we’re going to help rob is a front. It's the cover of a huge smuggling ring, ponies, illegal drugs, cursed items, stolen art, experimental weapons, you name it, they probably have had it smuggled it to Saddle Arabia a dozen times.” Sunset narrowed her eyes and glared at me. “Where did you get this information? [flashback] Sunset was sleeping in the inn room we had rented, while Arend was still probably digging his trench. I on the other hand had tried to get back in touch with my more, clandestine skills. Namely stealth, pickpocketing, and lockpicking. It was back in Catsglade, I had seen a big house, probably owned by the town's mayor. So I had snuck in, looking for an easy cash grab. Instead however, I had stalked my way up the stairs of the nearly empty house, avoiding gryphonesses in prench maid outfits. But instead of feather dusters, they were holding assault rifles with the expertise of seasoned veterans.  But one thing about these maids, when they think no one is watching, they like to flag their tails. Seeing their hidden treasure nestled between finely toned backsides alone made the trip worth it. And seeing what some of them had fitting in them as they patrolled gave me a new respect for these gryphonesses. Being able to walk with a dildo the size of a baton while showing no discomfort or limp was impressive. Still dodging heavily armed maids, I made my way to the master study, where I was sure I would be able to find information on a good job. And as I entered the room, I started shuffling through letters and opening drawers.  Eventually I found something not related to city taxes or monetary inconveniences. It was a letter addressed to the Mayor, Inkfeather, about a bank in Eaglecrest. Finding it odd that a Mayor would be concerned over a bank on the border when Catsglade had one of its own. I kept digging trying to find out more, and eventually I did. A newspaper clipping was attached to another letter, looking at the clipping, it was a report about a jewel encrusted heron statue that had been stolen from a temple in Lithohoofia. Looking around, I saw that same golden heron statue, but devoid of any jewels sitting on the Mayor’s shelf.  The letter itself was a note of thanks for the donation of over thirty thousand gryphs to the same bank in Eaglecrest. With a courier's paperwork written on the back for a delivery of a golden heron to Inkfeather from the bank in Eaglecrest. Pocketing the letters, I seized the opportunity to grab some extra cash, something easily missed, unlike the heron. So I stealthily headed to the Master Bedroom, I silently entered, and looked around for jewelry or other loose items. Spotting an ornate box on the wife's side, I walked over to it and opened it up. Inside were hundreds of gem clad necklaces, rings, earrings, and bracelets. I scooped up a handful of jewelry, easily missable from the veritable horde in the box, and I doubt it was her only one.  Putting it into my Pip-boy, I made to leave the room, when I heard the unmistakable sound of two gryphons charging up the stairs.  I slid under the bed and prayed that they would not enter, but that was my luck. In cards, dice, and even roulette, my luck was king. In times of danger or fear, my luck was a bitch. The two gryphons, the mayor and a mistress most likely. Jumped onto the bed and copulated for the next hour. And then again, and again. By the time they were asleep and I had the chance to slip out the door, I was resisting the urge to corner one of the maids and have my way with her, their flagged tails and obvious belly bulges from the oversized dildos, once alluring, were now impossible to drag my eyes away from. I decided ‘to hell with this!’ and threw myself off the balcony, letting the rush of flight and the cold air wash away the scent of lust and temptation. [flashback over] “Ummmm… nobody you would know.” Sunset sighed, “Oh well, lets rob a bank.”