//------------------------------// // 17. - April First // Story: Pregnant Noses Know // by Irrespective //------------------------------// Princess Celestia peeked one eye open as she awoke, and she performed a quick survey of her room. Her magic leapt out to form a magic shield around her, and she checked for any hidden traps, sneaky sisters, or overeager Discords. When the scan came back clean, she opened her other eye and fully checked her room. Everything seemed to be in the proper place, untouched and untainted by a potential prank. Celestia sniffed the air carefully. Other than the familiar scent of herself and her Bean, there was nothing new. The lack of sugar from a five layer cake was welcome, as was the absence of saltpeter and ghost pepper residue.  Perhaps her sister would leave her alone on this April Fools Day, for a change.  Celestia relaxed, but only slightly. Luna, being the former bearer of the Element of Laughter, had been a well-known mischief maker in the founding days of Equestria, and upon her return from exile, she had promptly reclaimed her former standing as Princess of Pranks. April Fools only gave her younger sibling a convenient excuse to engage in a full day of hijinxs at the expense of her uptight elder. A thousand years ago, Celestia had taken the jokes with a healthy amount of amusement and enjoyment, and she had resolved to endure Luna’s renewed assaults with an overabundance of tolerance, since she had been gone for so long.  But her tolerance had been mistaken for encouragement, and in the space of a few short years, the Princess of the Dawn had been burned out, burned over, reburnt, and burned once more on the whole day of pranks, jabs, and stunts. Harmony knew it wasn’t that Celestia couldn’t enjoy a good prank, or an appropriate joke. She would not deny engaging in a few harmless stunts on occasion, especially if it would help her little ponies to lighten up a little bit when they interacted with her. But there was a difference between the occasional lark and a twenty-four hour free-for-all that was loaded with a neverending barrage of antics and gags, and it always seemed like Luna never knew when she had gone too far. She was sure she was still missing some primary feathers from Luna’s “harmless rollick” of last year.  Vigilance was to be the watchword for today. While the room was safe enough, there was no guarantee that her sister hadn’t set something into motion in the palace, nor could she fully trust that her loyal guards had not somehow been bribed, coerced, or press-ganged into assisting the Caretaker of the Night in her efforts. It wouldn’t be the first time such a thing had happened.  “Celly?” Bean’s voice drifted into her ears and sent a small tingle of delight down her spine. “What’s up with the shield? Everything okay?” “For the moment,” she said, her eyes narrowing on the balcony. “But given what day it is, I’ve learned that you can’t be too careful. Luna is sure to have some prank at the ready, and I doubt it would take much to get Discord in… on…” Celestia trailed off, her eyes going as wide as dinner plates as they dropped to her husband. She sucked in a sharp breath of alarm as he yawned. “In on what?” he asked, his wings buzzing slightly as he stretched out his forelegs. “In on a prank? I could see that happening, so we probably should…” Bean’s eyes locked on his foreleg. While it was still the same yellow color that he had known his whole life, there was a definite lack of the familiar fur.  “Um.” Bean lifted his leg up for a closer inspection. “Is this... chitin?” “It would appear to be so,” Celestia said, her hoof gently touching his leg to confirm that her eyes were not deceiving her.  “So… wait.” Bean glanced over his shoulder, and gave his new wings a buzz as Celestia stood. “Did I get changed into a changeling, somehow?” “So it seems,” Celestia said as she took in all of the changes that her husband had undergone. “But if that is what happened, you’re not like any changeling we’ve ever encountered.” Bean trotted over to the full-length mirror and looked himself over. Thankfully, his familiar yellow coloration had remained, as had his mop of a mane that was still in need of a trim, and his overall pony looks and shape. But that was where the similarities ended. Bean now sported what looked like a pair of antlers on the top of his head, and a large horn-like protrusion that reminded Celestia of a Kirin, or perhaps a rhinoceros beetle. A thick ruff of brown fur circled his neck, with three teardrop shaped gems resting just above that, each a brilliant blue color. His midsection sported three black stripes, which gave that part of him a bumblebee look, and his new translucent blue wings, when resting against his body, were covered by a thin shell that forced them to taper off over his rear, thus giving the impression of a tail. All Hail Changeling King Bee aka Prince Beak Bean by Mix-Up “Okay, Bean. Breathe.” The new-look prince forced himself to suck in several deep gulps of air, but his left rear leg was shaking uncontrollably. “You’re married to Princess Celestia. If there’s any pony on the face of the planet who can fix this, she can. You’re going to be okay.” “I will not rest until you are restored to your former self,” Celestia added. She quickly wrapped her wing around him and gave his cheek a kiss, and she suppressed the shudder that wanted to surge out at the unfamiliar touch of chitin on his cheek. “We will both figure out how this happened and get you back to how you were before as soon as possible.” “Sister!” Luna’s voice boomed into the room, and the nocturnal ruler strode in from the balcony. “Why do you delay in raising the sun? I have been waiting to lower the… moon…” Luna stalled out as she caught sight of Bean’s new changes. Her jaw worked for a moment, and it took some time for her to figure out which question she wanted to ask first. “I guess this means you didn’t do this?” Bean asked, while Celestia yanked the sun up with one swift tug of her magic. “Nay. I had resolved to leave both of you alone this year. It is never wise to prank a pregnant mare, plus I looked forward to seeing you pull your mane out while waiting for something to happen,” Luna said. She began to circle Bean as she continued. “Even so, I would never do something like this to you. Perhaps Discord is responsible for this altered state?”  There was a pause as all three waited for said draconequus to appear, but he was not forthcoming. Celestia then huffed, and her horn lit as she checked her beloved over for any injuries, and to see how deep the changes went.  “I hope he didn’t do this,” Bean said. “After everything I went through with Chrysalis, this isn’t funny at all.” “Could Chrysalis be responsible?” Luna mused aloud. “We know she is a vengeful insect, and she could still hold a grudge against the prince.” “I’m not sure how she could do this, but we must pursue all possible options,” Celestia said with a grim frown. “Luna, please go summon Sergeant Pokey. He may know something about this, and we can start from there.” * * ✹ * * “I’m gonna kill her,” Pokey stated with a growl. “So, she did do this to me?” Bean asked, his wings buzzing nervously.  “She must have.” Pokey began to pace the throne room as he thought. “I don’t know how or when, but this has to be her doing. Just when I thought she was starting to show a glimmer of promise…” “Where was she last night?” Celestia asked. “With me, in my house,” Pokey said. “I spent most of the night talking her out of a plan to use her new rainbow color scheme to scare ponies around Canterlot, somehow, and to suck up the resulting emotion. I guess fear tastes like soy sauce to her, but she’s also said that her emotional taste buds are still not working properly. She was hoping that she could get them straightened out by sampling from a lot of ponies.” “And where is she now?” “When I left to report for duty, she was still in my house. She said she was going to write some letters to her hive and figure out if she could undo her molt.” Pokey paused in his pacing, and then he dipped his head to Bean. “I offer you my apologies for this, Your Highness. She must have snuck out sometime during the night while I was asleep. I assure you, it won’t happen again.” “No need to apologize, Pokey,” Bean said. “You aren’t responsible for this.” “I do wonder what Chrysalis’ plans are, if she is culpable in this matter,” Celestia said, a hoof rubbing her chin. “While this form is troubling, it doesn’t seem to have affected your mind at all. Why would she not try to put you under her control again? Did she change you in an effort to drive us apart?” “Who knows?” Bean said. “I think she lives in her own little fantasy world, and this is part of her grand illusion, somehow.” “I’m afraid she is not responsible for this.” Luna’s voice cut in just as she appeared in a flash of light. “Lieutenant Spear Point and I have just finished our review of the Night Guard’s rounds, and there was no unauthorized entry into the palace, or into your room. The detail assigned to watch Pokey’s house also reports that nopony—or bug—left the home at any point last night. Chrysalis is as innocent as she is able to be.” “Are you sure?” Bean asked. “I mean, it’s not that I don’t trust you, but…” “I am sure, Bean,” Luna said with a slight frown. “We must look elsewhere for the cause of your transformation.” Bean chirruped in annoyance, then clamped both hooves over his mouth. “I didn't say that. Tell me I didn't say that.” “Let’s all remain calm,” Celestia said, though her wings ruffled slightly. “There must be a reason for this. If only a certain chaos lord would help enlighten us…” she finished, her volume at a near shout. But Discord was still not forthcoming, and after another moment, Celestia snorted. “Why does he never show up when you actually need him?” “I suppose it is his nature,” Luna replied. “But let us set him aside for now and eliminate all other sources. Is it possible that a unicorn somehow placed a curse on Bean while you two were out and about yesterday?” “No, nothing like that happened,” Celestia said, her mind quickly reviewing what had happened the day before. “We started out with a Ways and Means committee meeting, and then we met with the mayor of Manehattan.” “We ate lunch alone,” Bean added. “Then there was the public works ministry, and after that the delegation on housing and urban development. Dinner was with the Grand Poobah and his retinue from the Benevolent Order of Griffons. Do you think maybe one of them did something?” “Sergeant Clover, Sergeant Pepper, and myself cleared them before they entered the palace,” Pokey said. “The only way they could have done something to you is if they slipped something into your meal, and they carried nothing on them.” “Maybe this is some sort of allergic reaction to something in the meal?” Celestia offered.  “That’s some reaction,” Luna noted.  “I don’t have any food allergies,” Bean said. “Or, at least I’ve never had a reaction to anything before.” “Sergeant, please bring Chef Beet here,” Celestia commanded. “While I doubt the kitchen staff has any culpability in this, I would like to make sure.” * * ✹ * * “You wanted to see me, Your High-YAH!” Chef Beet’s sentence ended in a screech once she saw Baked Bean. “Holy princesses of night and day, what happened?!” Luna stood up a bit straighter, and a small smile emerged. “Did she just call me a holy princess?” “We’re not sure,” Celestia said as her sister preened with pride, and she rolled her eyes at the antics. “But we’re also hoping that you could help us.” Chef Beet’s eyes went wide, and she gasped in alarm. “Oh no! This is an allergic reaction to my orecchiette pasta, isn’t it?!” “No, I’ve had that before with no problems,” Bean said. “Though I did like your broccoli sauce. Did you use pecorino cheese in that?” Chef Beet nodded. “I also added some chili flakes to it, to give it some spice. Was it too much? I can cut back next time.” “No, I’d use a little more, actually,” Bean replied, his new wings buzzing again with excitement. “That miso you used was good, too. What did you put in that?” “Before we lose you two in yet another recipe,” Celestia cut in with a grin, “may I ask a quick question?” “Oh! Of course, Your Highness.” Chef Beet dipped her head. “My apologies.” “No need for that. Is there any chance that somepony could have placed something in my Bean’s dinner last night? Some kind of reactive agent that would have caused this?” Chef Beet shook her head. “I’m the only one who touched your meal last night, Princess. It’s one of the security measures we have in place to make sure your food remains untainted. My staff cooked the meal for the griffons, but their ingredients were kept separate from mine. If you like, I can check the supply I have on hoof, but I’m not sure how anypony could have contaminated it. It’s checked by the guard when it arrives, and kept under guard after that. The only ponies who have access to my pantry are me and yourselves.” “Please double-check, just to be sure,” Princess Celestia said. “Report back to us once you’ve finished.” Chef Beet nodded. “I’ll get back to you on that miso recipe, Prince Bean.” “I look forward to it. Hopefully I’ll be less horny when we chat.” Bean blinked, then put his face in his hooves. “I can’t believe I just said that.” “I know what you meant, Your Highness,” Chef Beet said with a giggle, and she left the throne room without further comment.  “So, it seems that we cannot blame your food,” Luna noted. “But that puts us back where we started.” “Indeed,” Celestia said, her eyes sweeping over Bean once more. “This is most peculiar. It almost reminds me of…” “Of what?” Bean asked. “Sister, do you remember Sir Gale Wind?” “That old windbag?” Luna snorted. “I wish I could forget him. Why?” “Do you remember that incident, when he went missing for one night, and then returned to our old castle?” Luna snickered. “Indeed so! That was hilarious! I’ve never seen anypony so bloated in all my life!” “And do you remember what caused his condition?” Luna stopped laughing and thought for a moment. “Are you suggesting that Bean somehow got into a patch of toxicodendron iocus?” “It is possible, but I’m not sure how.” “Question,” Bean cut in. “What are you two talking about?” “Poison Joke, my love,” Celestia said. “In the Everfree Forest, there is a flower that plays practical jokes on anypony who happens to make contact with it. I’m sure there’s some botanist who could explain the particulars to us, but the important thing is that this plant could have caused this transformation.” “A plant that plays practical jokes?” Bean huffed. “It’s not funny. But we haven’t been anywhere near the Everfree since last year. Unless…” “Unless what?” Celestia asked, but then she gasped. “Wait.” “The botany club,” they said together. “The what?” Luna asked. “After dinner, Celestia stayed with the griffons while Trixie and I went to a meeting with some local botanists,” Bean explained. “The head of their club is one of the royal gardeners, and when they found out how little I knew about flowers, they insisted on going to the palace greenhouse to ‘educate’ me. Of course, I can’t keep my curiosity in check, and I must have gotten into some poison joke while I was sniffing all of the samples.” “Ah.” Luna nodded. “We do have a flower or two in a back corner, as I recall.” “So, do I need to go sniff some other flower to undo this?” Bean asked. “There’s an herbal remedy to undo the effects of the poison joke,” Celestia said, her relief hanging heavy on her words. “As I recall, you need to soak in a bath that has been infused with the remedy, and the reversal of the effects should be immediate.” “Well, that’s not so bad,” Bean chirped in delight. “Any chance you could join me in said bath? I may have inadvertently contaminated you, after all.” Celestia laughed. “The remedy is also a mild muscle relaxant, so I do believe I will join you.” She paused for a moment as a thought came to her. “Has anyone seen Miss Lulamoon this morning, perchance?” * * ✹ * * The Great and Powerful Trixie hated April Fools Day. Her loathing of the fake holiday had begun as a filly, when her classmates would pull nasty tricks like having her eat peanut butter crackers made of cardboard and toothpaste, or making her “accidently” trip into a kiddie pool filled with fluorescent green dye. She hated how vicious some ponies could be, and how they didn’t care if it hurt somepony else, so long as they got a laugh. But Trixie was no common imbecile, and she had quickly taught herself how to both avoid the cruel pranks and to turn them back on the prank-er as well. Trixie would not deny that she secretly had enjoyed turning the tables on her attackers, and those old skills had proven oddly useful during her current employment in the palace. But now, she was regretting the fact that she had not listened to the little voice in her head that had told her to get out of Canterlot for the day. She had assumed that the palace would be relatively safe, given that it was stuffed to overflowing with pompous nobles who came apart at the seams when their afternoon tea was five minutes late. Trixie had figured that if she just remained close to Princess Celestia and Prince Bean, she would be shielded from Princess Luna, and thus safe from the only potential source of pranks. It was never a good idea to prank a pregnant mare, after all.  That hope had been destroyed as soon as she’d woken up for the day. As usual, she had gracefully fallen out of bed when her alarm clock violently ripped her away from Dreamland, and like always, the hapless device had met an untimely end at Trixie’s hooves. Once she had managed to rub away the pain from her impact with the tiled floor of her room—which she had lessened by throwing several blankets and pillows down at the impact site—Trixie had stumbled into her bathroom for a shower and a healthy swish of mouthwash to get the taste of carrots out of her mouth.  The shower itself had been divine, and Trixie secretly wished there was a way she could take the entire bathroom on the road with her. There were perks to having a permanent home—running water, storage space, an actual bed—and she had to admit that she was going to miss those things.  The thought of how she might miss working for Wysteria and the Royals had been interrupted when she had stepped out and reached for her towel. Normally, a blue hoof would stretch out into her field of vision, grab the fluffy and mountain fresh scented towel, and then pull back to properly dry her coat, tail, and mane. On this April Fools morning, there was no blue hoof to be seen.  To Trixie’s credit, she did not panic at first. Instead, she simply figured that there was something fundamentally wrong with the universe as a whole, and that if she simply pulled her hoof back and extended it again, everything would reset and she would see her familiar appendage once more.  This was repeated several times, and then Trixie panicked.  “AIEEE!” Trixie wailed at a frequency that was at the upper end of a pony’s range of hearing. “Who stole Trixie’s hoof?! Trixie can’t walk with three legs! Help!” “Miss Trixie!” Corporal Quillpoint burst in, his horn flaring with magic. “Are you all right?”    “Trixie is not all right!” she bellowed as she thundered into the main room. “Some vile villain has stolen Trixie’s leg, and it’s Trixie’s favorite leg, too! Summon the guards! You have to find out who did this, and then throw them in the stockades for a month! Why are you just standing there?! You look like a guppy floundering on land!” “Um, Miss Trixie?” The corporal pointed to a nearby mirror. “I think you’ve got something bigger to worry about than a stolen leg.” “What?! How could anything be more important than my Great and Powerful leg?!” Trixie whirled to look in the mirror, but her rant stopped as soon as she did.  There were two possible explanations for what she saw in the glass. The first was that she had been bitten by a vampire, and that she was now some sort of batpony. The second was that she had, somehow, been turned invisible. The first option didn’t make much sense. From what she could remember, batponies could still see themselves, even if they didn’t have a reflection. Trixie also seemed to recall that they were sparkly, had an impulsive desire to share their feelings with others, and were in some sort of feud with a pack of weretimberwolves.⁽*⁾ ⁽*⁾Trixie's choice in bedtime literature left something to be desired. Quality, to be specific. And taste. — That left Trixie with the second option, and she slowly approached the mirror as she thought her way through what she was seeing. The incomparably beautiful form of Trixie was not visible in the reflection, but there was a faint outline of herself, only because of the water that still clung to her invisible coat.  The effect was visually impressive. Trixie wondered if she could somehow replicate the look for her magic show as she flicked her tail and watched the outline of it disappear in the mirror as the water went flying.  “I’ll go get one of the Princesses,” Quillpoint offered. “Just stay… wherever you are.” * * ✹ * * “Invisible?” Luna tapped her chin with a small grin. “How interesting.” “Interesting?! Trixie does not think this is interesting at all!” Trixie replied, though it was difficult to make out what she was saying through the thick gauze that she had wrapped around her face and neck. “How is the Great and Powerful Trixie supposed to perform if nopony can see her?! You have to fix this!” “Very well. Let it not be said that I, Princess Luna, am unsympathetic towards my subjects.” Luna’s mischievous grin grew slightly as her magic summoned a trendy trench coat and fashionable fedora, then placed both on the afflicted secretary. “There we go. With such a stunning ensemble, you are sure to be noticed now!” “Trixie is not amused,” Trixe growled.  “Oh! I nearly forgot.” Luna’s magic produced a pair of dark sunglasses, and she cheered to herself as they were placed on Trixie’s mummified muzzle. “There! Perfect!” “This is not what Trixie meant!”   “Miss Lulamoon, please relax,” Celestia said while trying to hide her amusement. This was no time to laugh, even though she would have done the same thing for Trixie’s demands. “We have already determined how this happened, and we can reverse the effects of the poison joke. We’ll have you back to your Great and Powerful self soon.” “Good. Trixie would have to file for worker’s compensation otherwise, and Trixie might have developed a reputation of being accident-prone. I didn’t want to try to explain how this wasn’t my fault, for once.” Trixie cleared her throat, and with a glance over her new ensemble, she moved on before anyone could ask any questions. “So, what does Trixie need to do to become visible again?” “Excuse me, Your Highness?” Sergeant Pokey’s voice cut in, and he strode into the throne room with bug Bean and Sergeant Clover. “I’m afraid we have some bad news on that.” “Changeling!” A nearby vase took flight in Trixie’s pink magic and burst over Bean-bug’s head. “Run, Your Highness! Trixie will throw herself in front of the threat to bravely protect you from—” There was a long pause, a quiet throat-clearing when the rest of the room did not join in on the crockery cranium crashing, and then a very small “Oh. Yes. The Prince was exposed. Carry on.” “That was my favorite morning sickness vase, too,” Celestia noted with a small sigh. “I suppose I’ll just have to go pull another one from the collection. Sergeant, what seems to be the issue?”  “We don't have one of the ingredients needed for the remedy,” Pokey said while Bean rubbed the top of his head. “The last reserves of milkweed were used two days ago by Princess Luna.” Said princess retreated a step as everyone’s gaze fell on her. “To be fair, how was I to know it would be needed for this?” “Did you use it for that thing on your—” Celestia started, but she stopped herself when Luna glared daggers back at her. “Never mind. We can discuss it later. We have everything else, correct?” “Yes, Your Highness,” Pokey said.  Celestia tapped her chin in thought. “There was another recent incident with the poison joke, if I recall properly. Wasn’t it Twilight who had…” A flash of magic produced several scrolls, and Celestia unfurled three of them while studying a fourth. After a moment, she let out a small cheer, and she leviatated the scroll to her husband for him to read. “What is this?” he asked. “When Twilight first moved to Ponyville, she and her friends happened upon a patch of poison joke in the Everfree, but a local herbalist by the name of Zecora was able to cure them,” she said. “Perhaps she has our missing ingredient, and would be willing to share.” “Twilight and her friends had this same problem?” Bean asked. “I hate to think of what this did to them.” “It was actually quite hilarious,” Trixie said with a snort of amusement. “A tale for another time.” Celestia cut in before Trixie could get going. “For now, I believe we should pay a visit to Zecora.” “Be sure to take your time, Sister,” Luna said with a wicked grin. “All day if you need to. There is no need to rush.” “Please don’t tear down the palace with your pranks while we're gone,” Celestia groaned. “And I would appreciate it if you didn’t make any large holes, either.” “Are you insinuating that I will do something while you are absent?” Luna let out a fake gasp and put a hoof to her chest. “I assure you, I will be on my best behavior.” * * ✹ * * “Trixie doesn’t like this place.” The sharply-dressed mummy glanced up to the canopy of leaves with a hard swallow as the carriage touched down in the Everfree. “This place eats ponies and then picks its teeth clean with their bones.” “There are many dangers within these woods,” Celestia agreed as Pokey and Clover unhitched themselves from the carriage. “But the forest is not actively trying to destroy you. If you can respect the creatures that live here, you will be safe enough.” “Trixie still wants to get out of here as soon as possible. Will this take long?” “It will largely depend on if Zecora has what we need, and if she is willing to share. If she will, then this should only take a few minutes. If not, then we will be forced to search for the milkweed ourselves, and that may take some time.” “Twilight’s report indicated that Zecora was pretty friendly,” Bean added. “I think she’ll help us out.” Celestia drew in a deep breath and held it for a moment. “I have to admit, it’s nice to be out and about. The air in the palace gets so stale, it’s hard to breathe sometimes. I almost wish we could get out more.” “We do need to go camping still,” Bean noted with a grin.  “We do indeed.” Celestia mirrored Bean’s smile back to him, and a curious thought came to her. “You know, I can’t help but wonder how complete your transformation is.” “What do you mean?” Bean asked.  “While we know the poison joke is responsible for your altered state, there has never been any serious research done on the actual transformation process. In short, do you simply look like a changeling, or did you actually become one?” Bean’s wings buzzed slightly as he thought the idea over. “How would we know?” “Simple. Try changing forms. If you can alter your appearance, then you are a changeling.” “Oh. Good point. Who should I change into?” “Try somepony near your own size,” Celestia said. “Perhaps your father? Since you and he are similar in appearance, that might make the change easier.” The entourage paused and formed a loose semi circle around the Prince. For a few moments, Bean squinted and grunted, but despite his straining efforts, nothing happened. “I guess not?” Bean meekly offered.  “Maybe you need to have them in sight,” Celestia offered. “Try copying Sergeant Pokey.” Bean nodded and turned his full focus on the sergeant. He dipped his head, and with a deep grunt of effort, he tried again. Again, nothing happened. After a few moments, Celestia called out for Bean to stop. “You’re going to give yourself a hernia if you keep doing that.” “Too late,” he groaned, a hoof on his striped midsection. “But I guess that answers the question.” “That is a relief, to be honest,” Celestia said as they began to walk. “A partial transformation is far easier to reverse. Still, I think I may commission a study or two on the transformative effects of poison joke. A better understanding of how it works would be most beneficial.” “Can we please get a move on?” Trixie moaned.  “Zecora’s house should be just over there,” Clover offered.  Bean’s new wings flared out, and he gave them a test flap while looking them over. “Do you think these things actually work?” “Perhaps,” Celestia said. “Try it.” Bean’s wings began to beat and buzz like a pair of dragonfly’s wings, and his hooves left the ground. Half a second later, his face slammed into the spot where they had been. “Ow.” “Newbie,” Clover and Pokey scoffed together. “I really don’t think those wings can support your weight, love,” Celestia called out just before Baked Bean slammed into another tree. “You’re going to hurt yourself.” “Ow,” Bean groaned. He rubbed his new horn for a moment, then attempted to take off again. “I think I’ve almost got it. I just—ow—need to make—ow!—sure to watch—OW!—how I angle them when—” His sentence was cut off when he collided with Trixie and sent both of them crashing down a small embankment. Celestia’s magic quickly picked him up, and he offered an apology to Trixie as he brushed the dirt off his chitin. “Sorry. I didn’t see you there.” “Oh, you’re going to be sorry!” she snapped.  “Control yourself, Miss Lulamoon,” Celestia chided with a hard glare. “It was an accident. Besides, I believe we have arrived.” The reaction from the group was mixed. While the Prince and Princess took an immediate interest in the various masks that littered the ground near the tree’s front door, Trixie let out a grunt of disgust, and the two guards began to search the small clearing for any traps or other hazards.   “Nice place to live, if you’ve got a bolt in your neck,” Trixie muttered.  “I do find it to be quite dear. There is nothing for you to fear,” an unseen pony replied. The assistant secretary let out an undignified screech, and her wrappings deflated as she shot her invisible self out of them.  “A common response to my appearance,” the mysterious voice went on with a small laugh. “But I did not expect your disappearance. Tell me, Royal pony folk, have you encountered some poison joke?” Bean’s eyes went wide in awe as the unseen speaker stepped into the light that filtered through the tree branches, and he fought to contain himself. “You’re a zebra!” “An astute observation,” the zebra said. “Welcome to my habitation.” “Good morning, Miss Zecora,” Celestia said with a warm smile. “Forgive our intrusion, but as you can see, we have indeed had some problems with poison joke as of late, and I am afraid we have run out of milkweed in the palace.” “Ah! So a remedy is what you seek,” Zecora said with a matching smile. “Fortunately, a surplus of herbs I like to keep. I would invite you inside, but I’m afraid you are too wide.” A look of horror passed between Bean and the guards at Zecora’s brash words, but Celestia simply chuckled. “Yes, I do believe I’d get stuck halfway through your doorway. My little Nilla has done a number on my hips and flanks.” “I’m sure for you she is a delight, provided I see your feelings right. I can mix the remedy for you without delay, and allow you to go about your day.” “I greatly appreciate your help, Miss Zecora,” Celestia replied. “Is there any way we can repay you?” “I will give you the remedy with no fee.” Zecora paused, and she brightened a bit as a thought came to her. “But perhaps there is a way for you to help me.” * * ✹ * * “Oh, that feels so much better.” Bean groaned in delight as Celestia gently massaged his antler-free head with her hooves. “Thank you again, Zecora.” “It was my pleasure to assist.” Zecora dipped her head to him, but then she cuffed Trixie over the head with a hoof. “And you should hold still and not resist. I must make sure you’re completely soaked, or to pony eyes you will remain cloaked.” “You don’t have to be so rough about it,” Trixie grumbled. “Just because you’re still upset about that whole alicorn amulet thing…” Bean took a moment to fully enjoy his surroundings. Zecora had been kind enough to follow them back to Ponyville’s day spa, and the owners had quickly cleared everypony out when they saw who was in need of their soaking tub and heard about what had happened. While it wasn’t quite as nice as the swimming pool of a tub that was at the palace, it was just the right height and temperature for Celestia to give him a gentle massage as he soaked up the remedy. “So, what can we do to help you, Zecora?” Bean finally asked. “Mine is a rather simple need,” she replied. “I simply would like some new books to read.” “Really? Well, that’s not a problem.” Bean chuckled, then sighed as his wife began to scratch behind his ears. “We’ve got a huge library full of books. More books than you could ever read in a lifetime, on every subject imaginable.” “Legends say it is superb.” Zecora cuffed Trixie over the head again, then flipped her so her head was submerged in the bath water. “But I simply wish to research some herbs. I will return any borrowed tome, since there is little space in my home.”  “So, you just want a library card? That’s easy enough.” “I will make arrangements with Princess Twilight to have any book you want delivered straight to your home,” Celestia added. “Just let us know which one you want.” “You are most generous, indeed, to honor such a simple need.” Zecora pulled the completely and totally visible Trixie out of the water, and she rapped on Trixie’s back with a hoof to help clear the water that the showmare was coughing up in spurts. “If you have some time, Zecora, I’d love to ask you some questions,” Beans said, and Celestia rolled her eyes as he continued. “I’ve never met a zebra before. Have you always lived in Equestria? Are there more zebras like yourself in the Everfree, or is it just you?” Bean’s questions were interrupted by a blast of confetti from nowhere, and a familiar laugh flooded the room as the streamer bits pulled together until the Discord puzzle had been put back together. The draconequus let out a laugh as he honked a bicycle horn, and he removed his groucho glasses to properly wipe away a tear. “Oh, this day has been an absolute and literal riot!” he wheezed in joy. “And it’s not even half over yet! What shenanigans have you been into, Bean-o? Please tell me they've been good.” * * ✹ * *