//------------------------------// // Main Event // Story: Trot Buddies! // by shortskirtsandexplosions //------------------------------// “What we have here... issss failure to excavate!” Rover declared, pacing back and forth in the middle of a great subterranean hall. Flash Sentry stood—more like he was forced to stand—in the middle of the chamber with guard dogs aiming spears at his bruised and dirtied figure. He watched wearily as Rover continued lecturing while marching back and forth in front of an antagonistic audience of sapient canines of all shapes and sizes. “All we have asssssked for issss a humble digger!” Rover gestured in mid-stride. “Wasssss it for gemssss?” “NO!” the crowd of mutts hollered as one. “Wasssss it for blood?!?!” “NO!!” “Wasss it for any toolsss of dessstruction or evil incantationssss that could be ussssed to usssurp the power of our pony overlordssss?!?!” “NO!!!” “We are but humble entrepreneursss!” Rover said, his voice echoing to the stalactites above. “We only ssssseek to be on level with the horsssse merchantssss who have already gotten an unfair head ssssstart before ussss!” He then spun to point an accusatory paw at the stallion. “But sssssome creaturesssss ssssssimply don't see eye to eye with our dessssperate climb to the top! They would much rather maintain the unfair balance of power! They are dirty cheatersssss, ssssaboteursssss, and they sssssserve no one but our oppresssssors!” “You tell 'em, Rover!” rasped a tiny mutt. “Yeah!” An oppositely huge dog pumped both fists. “Down with the esssstablishment!” “Woof!” “Yeesh...” Flash Sentry teetered where he stood, wearily watching the scene. “Somebody fetch these schmucks a red flag with a hambone and sickle...” “Thisssss foolissssssh sssstallion'ssss act of cowardicccce has forccced usssss back decadessss in our pursssuit of digging up valuable product for pawning!” Rover said. “Becausssse of him, we are down one digger—and now we'll have to go to the sssssurfaccce and find another pony to... uh... borrow!” Rover cleared his throat. “But that'ssss not why we're gathered here.” “Why are we gathered here, Rover?” “Bark!” “For one reasssssson and one reasssson only...” Rover's slitted eyes seemingly flickered with vengeful resolve. “To punissssh thisssss maned misssscreant and make an example out of him for all who would attempt to oppossssse the diamond dogssss!” Flash Sentry gulped. “Ssssso how about it?!?” Rover raised his forelimbs to the ceiling as every mutt growled and bristled with bloodthirsty agreement. “Merccccccccy? Or punisssshment?!?!” “Punissssssh!” “Punissssssh!” “Punissssssh!” Flash felt the paws of the guards gripping him by his wings. He gasped inwardly... His legs trembled... … Icily, Rover peered about until his narrow gaze fell on Flash. “Sssssssso be it...” He marched towards the stallion on threatening limbs. “...prepare yoursssssself, pony...” He crackled both sets of knuckles. “... … ...for the mosssssssst nausssseating torture we could conjure up for the likessss of you.” Flash took a deep breath. “I...” He shuddered. “...am ready.” Rover's jaws opened. His teeth glistened as his mouth brimmed with drool. A low hissing sound rose from his maw, increasing in tonality until: “Fido!” He hollered. “Bring out the stool!” Flash blinked. “Stool?” Dogs whooped, whistled, and hollered as the largest mutt in the room ran out of the chamber. Then—seconds later—he ran back in, holding a ridiculously small stepping stool in his grasp. It was slammed on the ground behind Flash—and with a shove from the guards the stallion was forced to squat on the small wooden thing. Then... In front of Flash, one of the smallest dogs in the room walked up with a small table and a plate of what looked liked turkey legs and chopped beef. Flash's eyes narrowed. “Now... my little ponyyyyyyy...” Rover sneered with utter menace and sadistic aplomb. “Watch clossssely!” He gestured to the armored canines. “Guardssss! Make ssssure hisssss head doesss not turn away!” “Uhhhhh...” Flash began, but he was nevertheless “forced” to sit on the stool and “watch.” “That'sssss it!” Rover gestured as the small dog sat at the table with the food. “Watch!! Mwahahahahaha!” The room filled with howls and jeers. The tiny-tiny dog chewed liberally on the meat. His eyes remained fully-locked onto Flash's as he took extra time and care at tearing the bird muscle from bone and swallowing raw chunks of protein. His eyes burned aflame with nefarious purpose. “... … …?” Flash arched an eyebrow, sitting awkwardly across the dining dog. “What... wh-what am I looking for?” he muttered. “SSSSHIVERRRRR WITH TERRRRORRRR!” Rover was already bellowing with dramatic paw gestures. “ASSSSS HE EATSSSS RAW MEAT BEFORE YOUR EYESSS!” He hissed and bristled. “DOESSSS IT NOT FILL YOU WITH HORRORRRR?!?! DO YOU NOT FEEL THE URGE TO VOMIT, LITTLE PONY?!?!” “Huh?” Flash blinked again. “I don't...” Then his ears flicked knowingly, and he relaxed against the grip of the guards on his shoulders. “Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh cuz I'm a horse...” The tiny dog burped, his muzzle covered in flecks of beef. “Uhhhhh... Rover?” He glanced up at the leader. “I don't think it's working?” “But how can that be?!?” Rover rasped, his slitted eyes widening in disbelief. “He's a pony! They hate this kind of stuff!” “Gotta admit... looks pretty scrumptious,” Flash said with a slight chuckle. “Especially those turkey legs. Reminds me of the stuff they serve at Magic Kingdom.” The dogs watching this event stirred with apprehension. Rover pointed angrily. “You LIE!!!” The entire cavern echoed with a gurgling noise. Flash covered his belly with a blush. “S-sorry. Can't help it. Been ages since I had a good meal.” He licked his lips. “What I wouldn't do for a nice steak right about now.” The whole audience silenced, drooling and whimpering. “Y-you...” The largest mutt gawked at Flash. “...have t-tasted of the ambrosia known as 'steak?'” Flash took a moment to squint at Rover and the rest of his gang. “... … ...you guys really are just TV-Y7 villains, aren't you?” But before any of them could respond— KAPOWWWWWWWW!!! A huge hole exploded in the north wall of the cavern. “Woof!” “Bark!” “Yiff!” Everyone flinched—including Flash. But as the dust cleared, everyone could see a huge throng of equines standing at the freshly-made entrance. And at the very head of the group was none other than— “Trixie Lulamoon!!!” The showmare hollered bombastically. She stood tall and proud with her snow-white mane billowing in some magical wind. “Look upon your vanquisher, fire hydrant humpers, and despair!!!” “Trixie!!!” Flash beamed from the stool. He shuddered ecstatically from within the grip of the armored dogs. “Cheese and crackers, girl! Play of the game!” “Unhand the sad-sack you insidious carpet smearers!” Trixie said, pointing an offensive hoof. “Ahem...” Sunset Shimmer stepped up, flanked by Rainbow Dash and Applejack. The rest of the scouting party were there entirely. “You've already done your part by bringing us down here.” It was her turn to glare down at the mass of quivering dogs. “Now... Diamond Dogs... we're simply here to bring our boy back up to sea level. We can do this the easy way or the hard way, but we won't take 'no' for an answer.” “Hah!” Rover shook a defiant paw while a dozen dogs beside him raised spears and maces. “Like we could ever be intimidated by the likesssss of you prisssssy poniesss!” Sunset Shimmer and Fluttershy exchanged glances. The latter of the two delicately cleared her throat: “Bulk Biceps?” “YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!” Behold, a pale horse. And he threw his muscular self down from the hole and barreled mercilessly into the crowd of canines. Rover and his two best buds jumped and hugged each other—shrieking. THUD! TH-THUD!! SLAM!!! The cavern became an echo chamber of meaty onomatopoeia. Bodies flew high and low, ricocheting off crumbling stalactites and splattening comically across cave walls. The remaining dogs scattered every which way, shrieking and howling in panic with their tails between their legs. “Yes! YESSSS!” Trixie pumped both forelimbs. “Rip and tear!” “Simmer down, sally,” Applejack said. “Yes.” Twilight Sparkle nodded, adjusting her glasses. “At least wait for the DLC.” “RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!” Bulk Biceps headbutted half-a-dozen dogs with one skull-splitting lunge and kicked another group of them into next year. By the time he was done rampaging, ninety percent of the subterranean population had fled into the lower tunnels—their high-pitched yips growing more and more faint. Soon, the overtly-muscular behemoth stood in place, snorting and flexing his forelimbs. “DO YOUR TAXES!!!” As for Rover and two of his best buds... ...the group had cowered in the center of the chamber. They squatted low, covering their scalps with trembling paws. “Mercccccccy! Merccccccccccy!” Green eyeslits peered up at Sunset's group as they trotted down into the main hall. “Pleassssssse! You can have him! He'sssss jusssst a dumb horssssie!” “That he is...” Sunset nodded, smirking. “But we love him all the same.” She pointed at Trixie. “You're lucky she didn't go galloping straight to the Dragon Kingdom..” Her eyes narrowed. “Equestria—from whom you're keen to kidnap so many citizens—has made friends in high places, after all.” “Not that you'd know anything about 'high places,'” Rainbow Dash's voice cracked. “You dudes are as low as it gets!” “Well said, Rainbow Dash!” Rarity remarked. With a sharp gasp, Rover and the others gawked at Rarity. “L-Lady Rarity...!” Rarity raised a dainty forelimb, squinting down at the bunch. “Ehhh? Do I know you?” “We had no idea thessssse two sssapssss were friendssss of yoursss!” Rover said, pointing at Flash then at Trixie then at Flash again. “We would n-never have double-crosssssed you again on purpossse!” “Yessss, Rarity! We're ssssorry for our transssgresssssion!” “Pleassssse don't punissssh ussss with your whining voicccce!” “Woof!” “I... see...” Rarity leaned in towards Sunset. “I take it there's history...?” “It's a long story,” Sunset droned. “A bare hoofnote in the memoirs of the Princess.” “Very well then...” Rarity trotted forward, her nose tilted haughtily upward. “Thou shalt commit forthwith to never kidnapping ponies ever again!” She waved a hoof. “No matter what the intent or pursuit! It simply isn't proper!” “Never again!” “Never again!” “We promisssse, Lady Rarity!” “Pleasssse! Take your ssssstallion and go!” Flash was already standing up from the stool— —when he felt a massive pair of forelimbs hugging him from behind. “Ohhhhhhhhhh!” Bulk Biceps' voice rumbled through the stallion's dangling body. “We were so... so worried about you!” Lyra Heartstrings trotted down from the crowd. “We heard you did some stupid, brave things.” Derpy Hooves leaned in. “Did they torture you terribly?” “No. I'm fine, everyone...” Flash drifted out of Bulk's hug with a dumb smile on his face. “Especially now...” His eyes trailed up to a certain showmare's. Trixie gazed down at him from a lofty ledge, smirking. “Well well well...” She arched an eyebrow. “Did you honestly think the Grrreat and Powerrrrful Trrrrixie would just high-tail it to the hills when her very own trot buddy was in mortal danger?” “More like saturday morning cartoon kid's peril...” Flash winked. “But I couldn't be gladder that you're here.” “Hmmf!” Trixie tossed her mane. “That's a first!” Sunset Shimmer stepped in. “We were running circles on the surface, searching for the two of you after our groups got separated. A few hours in—we saw Trixie galloping every-which-way, shouting her head off about how her 'best friend' just got dog-nabbed.” “Oh please...” Trixie glared off into the distance, her blue cheeks taking on a rosy tint. “It wasn't that dramatic.” “Don't be so silly, darling.” Rarity winked. “Sometimes extreme theatrics are the best way to attract attention.” “Well, we caught wind of her in no time!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed. “And the first thing out of her muzzle was that you both were in trouble and you had set her free!” “Sunset caught on about the whole Diamond Dog business,” Applejack said. “Which led us here.” “And the rest—” Pinkie Pie leapt up. “—is hysterical! Heeheehee!” “I... uh...” Flash shrugged. “I really just wanted Trixie to be free of this mess. That's all. I didn't honestly expect a rescue party.” “Yes. It was charmingly brash and short-sighted of you.” Sunset Shimmer trotted past him with a lingering glare. “We'll talk about it later.” He gulped. “Alright, everypony!” Sunset Shimmer hollered to the group. “The dog show is over! Get back with your trot buddy! After a quick count—it's back to the surface and onward to Ponyville!” Trixie and Flash obeyed—trotting towards each other. “Y'know...” Trixie turned her nose up. “I'd say that we were even, but... let's face it. This whole scene takes the cake. You owe Trixie.” “Uh huh.” “And—for the record—Trixie was not shouting her head off.” Trixie hid her face, brushing her mane back. “And she most definitely was not a goofy, sobbing mess when Sunset and the others found her...” “Uh huh.” “And when all of this is said and done, sad-sack is still a total selfish loser for forcing Trixie to escape from the prison cell without going with her.” “Uh huh.” Flash merely smirked, eyebrows waggling. “So... 'best friend,' huh?” Trixie gulped. Flash stared at her. “It's... it's as Rarity said...” Trixie trotted slowly, following Sunset and the rest in their spelunking exit. “Theatrics attract attention.” “They're attracting something, alright.” “Oh hush. You're embarrassing Trixie in front of the sapient dogs.” “Sucks to be them.”