//------------------------------//
// Chapter 1: The First Dose 
// Story: My Daily Dose of Carotene 
// by Stillmatic 
//------------------------------//


My Daily Dose of Carotene
Chapter 1: The First Dose
By: Stillmatic






I’ve met only three interesting women in my entire life so far, and each has done something to affect me somehow. Lady Luck, a fickle, conniving hooker, is the first that I tend to get acquainted with more than I’d like. Second is pretty obvious, I think. Life may be a bitch, but god forbid that bitch divorces me. The third, however, isn’t worth mentioning just yet. Better you don’t know.

The first two combined run my life of illicit activities and I find myself both suffering and benefiting from each of them. Unfortunately, it was decided that they’d work entirely against me the moment I was too drunk to not realize what was happening. The alcohol was a good idea, their plan was excellent as well. Two bullets in my direction dropped me to the floor. They fired my gun a few times at where they’d be as a cover-up, most likely so it seems that I attacked them and they retaliated. Lastly, they shoved my still-breathing body off of a penthouse suite, gravity forcing me to plummet down into the streets of Kuala Lumpur. 

I suppose I had it coming after what I did, but I still feel my fingers curl into a fist at the memory. Anyway, dropping, dropping, nothing. When I opened my eyes, I was already on the ground, bleeding out like nobody’s business. I was in a cave, I guess, what with all the rocky walls and stuff. Something was glowing behind me but vanished by the time I looked back. It was at that moment, despite being drunk out of my mind, I was scared shitless. You don’t ever expect to hear some kind of malevolent, evil chuckling in the background, especially when it sounds like it’s literally coming from everywhere in the background. 

Some freaky-deaky thing showed up the next second, looking all creepy and… well, creepy is probably the best way of describing whatever the hell it was. I tend to dislike the abnormal and unordinary things in life, the things that tend to be more trouble than they’re worth. So what was my first reaction (though it was awfully slow from all that alcohol) when I saw some horse thing with some funky armor, huge wings, a horn, and a pitch-black coat?

“Human, I have a proposi-“

It truly shocked me that I was able to take it down with only two bullets, especially in my state. You ever hear of those Wild West stories where there’s some kind of sheriff or outlaw who shoots better while drunk? Yeah, it was like that except a lot more fucked up in my case. I ended up shooting it in the leg and then somehow in the eye. Splat, end of it talking (didn’t actually consider why it was in the first place). Done with and on the ground, not moving at all. So what did I do, with my amazing logic? 

Simple. I crawled away. The blood flow from my wounds wasn’t stagnant up until that point, and it started to worsen quickly. As I was pulling myself out of that cave, I came across something that was hard, white, and oddly shaped. It looked familiar, so I held it up to remember where I might’ve seen it before. I was going to scratch the right side of my head when I realized I was feeling something entirely different. I looked back at my hand and saw more blood than I remembered being there. It was then I finally realized I was looking at a part of my own skull.

Suffice to say, I was scared out of my mind (no pun intended). I forced myself onto my feet and didn’t want to hold out any longer than necessary on the miracle that I was still alive, let alone able to function at the blood-alcohol levels in my body. After all, how much time did I have until I’d fall over and die? One minute? Two? The bullet wounds were still bleeding and I was missing part of my skull, so the odds didn’t exactly favor me. So I tried running, but ended up falling over at every attempt, maybe getting a few meters before tripping over my own feet. 

Left with only one option, I walked as fast I possibly could without catching something. One hand clutching the good side of my head to help that splitting headache, the other holding the skull fragment and trying to cover the hole in my chest. I went on like that for an indefinite amount of time, but then again, I was in no position to tell time. Just then, I realized I was walking through a forest the entire time, weaving around trees and rocks. How did I not notice that earlier? I continued regardless until breathing became too hard, freezing up my lungs and making me heave loudly. There was a trail up a few feet away and I did my best to try and get myself there. Hell, my luck was abysmal so far, but maybe someone would find me.

Then again, it would pretty hard to do that, especially when one falls into a bush instead of a dirt trail. My cheeks, nose, and face were throbbing from landing on them, but I couldn’t care less about that. It took a few moments of lying the lowest I’ve ever have had to in my entire life, but I figured things out. Lying there, I surprised myself when I actually came to terms with what was happening. Even if someone did find me, there’s no way I’d survive long enough to get to a hospital, especially after losing so much blood just getting this far. So I just stayed there, waiting to finally black out.

But then, I heard something… odd. The clip-clopping of hooves against the ground. That meant that someone was probably riding their horse or something, right? I always heard stories about goody-goody cowboys saving anybody who needed help and stuff, so maybe I was in luck. Though, I don’t know how much it would do for me at this point. Regardless, I tried my best to crawl out, but couldn’t muster the strength. I stopped once I heard muttering.

“… Where are those things…”

Sounded female? Oh man, being saved by a cowgirl. Despite being half-dead, the more reptilian part of my brain immediately thought: ‘I’m so going to try getting with her once I actually live’, completely disregarding the fact I might not even survive another few minutes.

“… Darn it, where are they? Why are wild carrots so hard to find near the Everfree…” 

My mind instantly went to the dirtiest thought possible, most likely due to all the wine in me: “I’ll give you a wild carrot to find…”

It wasn’t until I heard the sound of something approaching me that I figured out I said that out-loud, though, probably for the better seeing that it made it easier to find me. 

“H-Hello?” I honestly could’ve sworn I heard someone swallow loud enough that I heard them. “I-Is anypony t-there?”

Forcing myself to move once again, I dug my fingers into the dirt and pulled forward. Let me tell you, it’s an excruciatingly painful experience to shove dirt into open wounds and rub them in. I groaned loudly at the continuing head and body pain, and fell back onto my face as soon as part of my upper-body stuck out from the bush. I heard a gasp, but I could barely make it out in my condition. My entire body throbbed constantly and all I felt was an intense heat. Sweat was already going down my face from earlier, but it was getting like a waterfall now. All I knew was that I was heaving on the filthy ground, eyelids lowering. 

A metallic taste became more prominent in my mouth now, and it forced me to slur my words, letting droplets of blood fall and get sucked into the dirt below me, “H-Help…”

Hooves hastily backed up and away from me, “S-Sweet Celestia! Wh-What are you?”

I grunted in pain, trying to maintain consciousness, “Hoshtpitle,” I took a moment to spit out some blood, “G-Get me to a hospital…”

“What are you?! Some kind of monster from the Everfree?”

At that point, I felt like snapping, which I ended up doing. I’m still surprised I went from struggling to survive, to coming to terms with dying, to being berated for something, to feeling an enormous amount of spite towards who I expected to be my rescuer. So much spite in fact, that I decided to just say “Fuck it” and try to give them a guilt-trip after I die. I mean, I definitely wasn’t going to make it out at this point, I might as well leave someone with a slap across their face for not at least trying. 

Planting my hands forward, I forced myself upwards shakily, barely able to hold up my own weight. I nearly dropped a few times, but I held it there. I pulled in one leg, put it below my chest, did the same with the other, and stood up. I almost fell right then and there, but luckily a tree was nearby. I heard another gasp and finally decided to check this chick out. Who knows, maybe I’ll at least die happy with the image of some cute woman in my mind. Though, I wasn’t given that chance as my legs suddenly gave out. 

Somewhere within my mind, I was screaming at myself, trying to coerce my body to hold out a bit longer before falling over dead. It refused, just as tired as my mind was, and I fell to my knees. I teetered for a good few seconds before gravity slammed me against the trail. That final blow sent me spiraling straight in unconsciousness, making the world go black so slowly. I could hear more muttering, this time anxious, and the sounds of hooves scrambling around. I considered why the girl’s horse was so frightened of me before finally succumbing to darkness.





I didn’t think it would happen, but it did from what I could tell. Somehow, I was still alive. Either that or I was in a very comfortable version of hell that provided comfy beds and some really nice sheets. I decided the former was more likely. 

Pain was the first thing I felt, mainly because I tried to sit up against all the better judgment provided by any thinking human being. Unfortunately, I wasn’t thinking at the time due to the fact I just dodged a coffin. I lied back down, groggily pressing my head against the pillows. The headache only seemed to get worse over the next few minutes, but I didn’t want to open my eyes just yet. Besides, they were bandaged for whatever reason, and I was feeling particularly lazy at the moment as well. And I don’t think that sunlight and massive head pain would work all that well together either.

Eventually, it got to the point that I couldn’t just sit around with all this nausea anymore. I sat up, wincing at the pain in my abdomen. My stomach lurched and I had to force myself from vomiting on myself. That would make for an embarrassing situation, something I didn’t want to be in. I lifted the bandages off of my eyes and looked at myself, realizing that worrying about throwing up was a slightly less concerning matter compared to me currently being stripped of all clothing. The few times I’ve ever been in a hospital, I don’t think I’ve ever been completely naked while being admitted. Did they do things differently in Malaysia?

Well, if it was normal, it wasn’t all that bad, I suppose. Could be worse. I could’ve woken up while they were doing something to me. Shuddering at the thought, I looked around me to find a fairly dark hospital room. Pale, white walls, all immaculate and very faintly gleaming boxed me in quite effectively. There was another bed nearby, but that entire area seemed empty of all signs of life, whether it was another person, food, or get-well cards. I looked to my right, finding an unsurprising absence of cards of my own. Though, I did find two small, plastic cups on the table.

Two identical, white pills were next to each other in one, alongside a green capsule with a red Swiss cross stamped on it. The other cup was filled with what was probably tap water or something. Figures. 

Assuming these were mine, I nabbed the pills and popped them into my mouth before downing them with the water. Almost instantly, a fizzy, bubbly feeling passed through me. It faded the next second and was followed by my headache intensifying drastically. I clutched my head in pain and honestly felt like banging it against the nearest wall. It subsided, but not before making me feel like I was near-dead all over again. Groaning, I felt what was probably the worst cause of motion sickness (without being in a vehicle) I ever felt. Oh man, it sure was a doozy when I fell over limp and out of bed, even more so when my head collided with the table and hit the floor. I blacked out quick, but not before hearing more clip-clopping from nearby. Why was there a horse in a hospital? Obviously, I didn’t get a chance to think on it.





I woke up to sunlight and a headache again. Though, I had to admit, I was feeling way better now. Sure, there was still pain in the areas I got shot, but at least it wasn’t as pronounced as when it happened. Better than being a piece of paste on the concrete… Which brings me to wonder how I managed to get from Kuala Lumpur to a forest cave in the first place. Thinking on that, I sat there for what seemed to be a good while, trying to find some sort of connection there. It was possible, in some twisted act of heinous fun, that I somehow survived a sixty-story fall by hitting things on the way down and ending up on the streets, where those scumbags picked me up and dropped me off at some cave.

What the hell was I thinking when I even concocted that thought? But there had to have been some way I survived, yet I’m not seeing it. A quick punch to the leg proved I was still alive though.

“Ouch.” 

That actually hurt more than I expected. In fact, it was starting to hurt a lot more with each passing second. A quick look to my right showed that there weren’t any pills waiting for me. That honestly left me with only one solution, a little self-medication of my own. Truth be told, I don’t like the fact I’m addicted to probably the worst drugs a person with my money can get his hands on. It makes me feel less-than-savory, a bit dirty, and not exactly friendly either, usually dampening my mood quickly. But hey, who can blame me? My lifestyle comes with a lot of stress and I need an outlet somewhere.

I spotted my clothes across the room, by the door leading out of the room. Throwing off the sheets like all my inhibitions, I forced my stiff legs forward until I reached that goldmine of a business suit. Shame that it was ruined by something as stupid as a bullet, right? I think so. Rifling through it, I noticed a few things. All of the clothing was perfectly clean, and more surprisingly, fully repaired as if nothing ever happened. No blood, no marks, nothing. Creepy, but fine by me. I found my vest too, which unfortunately was riddled with a single hole. Can’t win them all, I guess. 

Let’s see… My handgun was still there, another shocking discovery. Had about four bullets left, too. A bag of blow was in an inside pocket, but I wasn’t jonesing for that just yet. What I really wanted were those generics. Let me tell you, Malaysian painkillers were some serious stuff if you have the money to buy the powerful generics. I wasn’t even sure where these came from, really. Military, government, civilian… Did they even have a name? I couldn’t read this language, so I couldn’t tell. Oxycodone, acetaminophen, hydrocodone, don’t really know. Then again, what did it matter? I threw two in my hand and headed to the cup of water by my bed. It all went down smoothly.

That pain, which was near unbearable mind you, was slowly going away. Another problem presented by extended use. You just can’t get that punch-you-in-the-face type high after the first couple times. It’s sad, really. I tried sighing at my situation but a yawn came instead. Man, those pills made me abnormally sleepy. You know, that floor looked pretty damn comfortable, and the bed was pretty far away. Not giving it another thought, I lied my back against the nearest wall and fell fast asleep.





Waking up this time proved to be the easiest. Well, with the exception of a certain little detail I didn’t notice until a few moments later. Sitting up, a quick look to my right revealed no pills waiting for me. Darn. Next, I heard what sounded like light, peaceful snoring to my left. I didn’t bother looking just yet and assumed it was another patient in the bed a few meters from mine. Except… this sounded oddly close, like it was right next to me. I slowly turned my head to my left and froze.

I was looking at something… not sure what, but it was something. It was literally a big pile of poofy orangeness snoring and lying on part of my bed. I don’t even know how I didn’t notice it before, what with what looked like another part of it on a chair next to my bed. Very gently, I lifted the poofiness, which I learned was hair, and saw something a bit weird. Maybe more than a bit, but you get the idea. Lying there was what looked like the head and neck of a horse, attached to the rest of the body that was sitting on a chair like a normal person would if they were slumped forward asleep. My first thought was that Malaysia now used comfort animals in helping people heal or get their strength back. Hell, if I was any longer in a place like this, I’d get depressed too.

I dropped the hair and looked at it, finding the damn thing so incredibly fascinating. And by fascinating, I mean freaky as hell. Seriously, I’m pretty sure horses aren’t the best type of animal to bring into a hospital to help someone get better. Maybe a dog or a cat, but a horse? Definitely not my type of animal. Honestly, if the doctors here were going to screw with me like this, I’d might as well find a better hospital to go to. Right as I was about to pull the covers off, there was more clip-clopping. So the first horse wasn’t helping my healing process, so they’re going to bring another? Interesting logic.

But who am I to talk about logic? I thought I knew it, but that went straight out the damn window once I saw another horse walk in. Someone obviously had a sense of humor, because it was pretty funny to see a horse dressed up as a doctor. Yeah, pretty fitting joke. It heard me chuckling and I could’ve sworn its face brightened. A lot. Still creepy. It was brown-on-brown color-wise with a combed back mane and some doctor garb. Honestly, it was funny to even look at the poor thing. Probably too stupid to realize what it was wearing.

“Oh, good! You’re awake, wonderful!”

I swear, I must’ve lost all the color in my face, because he was holding back laughs now. This did not make sense, at all. But then I remembered something. These rooms had intercoms, right? I think they did. It was probably a doctor using an intercom to mess with me and make it look like the horse was talking. Playing along, I thought it’d be funny to egg him on, though the fact he was speaking English in Malaysia didn’t pass over my head.

“So, uh… Doctor, you’re a horse, huh? How’s that treating you?”

He smiled nervously and rubbed the back of his neck, “Quite well, actually. How is being…” The horse literally looked like it was trying to find the right word, “… you?”

I frowned. How did they get the horse to do all that? Can they even get their legs back that far? What about making its mouth move? God, these people were seriously messed up if they thought this was funny. 

“So doc, where are, really? Come into the room and talk to me, without the horse staring at me.”

It cleared its throat, “You’re speaking to him. This is alright though; you’re merely confused about your surroundings after that nasty spill you took a month back.”

Whoa.

“A whole damn month?”

I finally noticed a horn on top of its head, only because it was glowing now. A clipboard was covered by the same glow and was flying in the air, right in front of its face as it read it. 

“I’m afraid so. Luckily, we were able to repair your skull as good as new, though I don’t recommend putting pressure on it for a few months. Your chest was a tougher situation, seeing as though some metal object practically destroyed your liver. All the alcohol in your system didn’t help either, along with a number of other drugs we couldn’t properly identify. But all is well, and we were able to fix everything just fine.”

I looked around, turning things over to try and find the intercom, “Well doc, how exactly does one rebuild a liver? Or did some stiff ‘donate’ it to me?”

Stopping to look, I saw it smiling at me again, “Magic, of course.”

Alright, now they was just screwing with me bad.

“Real funny. How much am I going to have to pay once I get out? Fifty thousand? Hundred thousand? I don’t know the price of an organ or the transplant, but I have the nagging feeling you bought the one I’m using off the black market.”

It checked the clipboard again, “Oh, around five hundred.”

I honestly felt like I was about to flip out really bad.

“WHAT?! FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS?! WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF PRICE IS THAT?”

It winced at the loudness of my voice, but I didn’t give even half a shit. I wasn’t about to be swindled out of that much money just for a damn organ I could probably buy for a fraction of that in China. I was about to march into wherever this doctor was and kick his ass into giving me a better price. Hell, I should’ve just rip the damn thing out of my body and hand it back to him for the price he set on it.

It waved its hooves apologetically, “No, no, no. I meant five hundred bits! Not five hundred thousand bits!”

“The hell is a bit?”

The horse fished through its pockets and pulled out a gold coin, “This is a bit, sir.”

That coin was mesmerizing. The way it shined, the way it glowed, just everything about it made me want to rip it from its hooves and just walk away. I didn’t get to do that. Why? Because the orange horse next to me decided to wake up. It raised its head tiredly, the curly mane rising upwards. Those half-lidded eyes just stared blankly until they were rubbed by the hooves. It stretched its forelegs wide, much like a person would, and yawned. It was kind of cute the way it did that, but then again, they probably trained it to do just that.

It blinked its eyes a few times before they settled on me, “Oh! You’re finally awake!”

Another doctor or nurse was trying to have fun again and pulled this on me? Groaning in anguish, I began flipping over items near me to try and find where those intercoms were. There weren’t any seeable items on the horses, so I ignored them for the most part. But I did see the curious stares I got. 

“You know, they were thinking about strapping you down with how many times they walked in with you on the floor.”

Once again, ignored. I continued to open drawers and look under sheets until I found nothing at all. There must’ve been something I was overlooking, but what? It definitely wasn’t in plain sight, that was for sure. I looked back at the horses. Polite, but confused smiles. I didn’t have time for this. I tried standing up, but something forced me down. A look forward showed me that the horn on that doctor horse thing was glowing the same color that was pushing me to the bed.

“Now, now, we can’t have you wandering around until we get the blood tests back. Surely you can wait another hour or so?”

Okay, I was seriously starting to believe that they were the ones talking. 

“Are you… talking?” I asked. Chances were I was being laughed at for actually asking that. 

“Of course, haven’t you heard somepony talk before?”

“Uhh…”

I considered everything before me. Talking horses, glowing horns, something holding me down, the fact I was still alive, me in a funky hospital, the weird drugs they gave out, and the overall situation led to one thing: this was one mess of a way to realize you weren’t dead. In fact, I was actually starting to think what was happening wasn’t some hallucination. I was being weighed down by something that I could barely hold out against, I saw no evidence of cameras or intercoms, and this seemed all too real. 

The brown horse grunted, “Please, stop struggling and lie back down on the bed.”

I complied, mostly because I couldn’t do it any longer. Collapsing back, my head landed on the pillows and I heaved loudly. Why was that so difficult to do? What was pushing me back onto the bed? Why the hell did that horse have a horn? Too much confusing shit at once. I turned my head to the left and saw that orange horse (the cooler looking one) make concerned faces at me. Horses shouldn’t have much expression, right? I mean, they’re horses, it’s not like they have as many muscles to make facial expressions. And they were sort of short, way shorter than normal horses. In fact, if I stood up, they’d probably only reach about to maybe my chest, if not lower?

“Are you alright?” It asked. “Why do you keep moving around, you’re still recovering from when I found you!”

“When you found me..?” It nodded. How the hell can a horse find me? This was getting too real, there’s no way I was going to stay there a second longer. “Right… Now I’d like to sign out of the hospital.”

The doctor horse sighed, “We can’t allow that yet. We’re still waiting on the test results.”

Just then, another damn horse walked in. It was white, with a pink mane and a nurse cap on, “Doctor! I’ve got them right here!” It looked at me, “So you’re finally awake, huh? We’re glad to have you on the bed for once, you know.”

I heard the horse next to me giggle. Horses can’t giggle, I think… I didn’t even notice when it touched me though, and man, that was a real shocker. No, literally, I felt like I got shocked, except for the fact it felt really… odd. Like, a pleasurable kind of shock the moment it touched. Regardless, it scared the crap out of me and I nearly fell off the bed again. At this point, I pretty much lost it and started freaking out really bad. 

“FUCK!” I scooted back and away from the orange horse. I almost felt bad when I saw the hurt face it made, but I pushed them away. The doctor was getting closer, something I didn’t take kindly to. I saw the flower vase next to me and tried throwing it. I didn’t throw it though, and the only thing that happened was that I soaked the horse with the water. The flowers just fell right in front of me to the floor, bringing nothing to happen. I saw its horn glow, and that same pressure go onto me. Taking a wild guess on what to do next, I threw the plastic vase at the head, right onto the horn. It flinched, disrupting that feeling over me. 

I threw off the covers and ran, and I kept running despite the fact that I was naked. Give me credit though, I at least grabbed my clothes before leaving. None of them actually tried stopping me, but I saw the look the orange one gave me. Still, it looked emotionally hurt. I didn’t think horses, even talking ones, could have their feelings hurt. Nonetheless, I thought I’d go the gentlemanly route and just get the hell out of there. 

After a few minutes of running, I realized the medical staff that blocked my exits was corralling me up higher and higher. Another thing? They were all horses. What kind of world does a guy live in when he ends up in a hospital run by horses? Don’t they have laws against this kind of stuff? Anyway, I eventually reached the roof, which was probably the worst place to end up seeing as though I was being hunted down by vicious, bloodthirsty horses with a penchant to kill innocent people. I bet they were going to fatten me up, then eat me later. I wonder where all the people are in this place…

I kicked in the door and ran out onto the roof, panting loudly. Saying I wasn’t used to this kind of stuff would be an understatement. I’m used to cars doing all the fast moving for me, not my actual legs! But anyway, it was obvious that I didn’t have anywhere to run at this point, so I tried finding something that could help me get out of here. Seems like Lady Luck cursed me again, because there wasn’t a single thing around that could’ve been of use. It’s not like I wanted to hurt these things, but they were definitely going to try and do something to me. 

I flipped around, seeing a swarm of horses just standing there, waiting for me to do something. I mean, they actually looked like they cared for me, or at least care that I didn’t end up a splatter mark on the sidewalk. It really made me feel uncomfortable, but I wasn’t going to stop now. Of course, I was forced to stop as several of those horses grabbed onto me with that glowing stuff and held me down by the chest. Struggling didn’t do anything, and I went into another state of panic. The harder I fought, the more tired I got, and I eventually gave up. 

I groaned, barely able to breathe after all that. From among the crowd, I could just barely see that one orange horse jump over, just to see me. It smiled broadly when we made eye contact, but I broke it quickly. Too weird for me. Feeling guilty for some reason, I looked back to see a dejected face before it decided to walk away, back down into the hospital. I don’t know why, but that made me feel absolutely horrible. It was a horse, and it was somehow affecting my feelings enough for me to feel bad? What was wrong with me?

“Well, at least you’re getting a healthy exercise, even though you weren’t meant to yet…” I heard from the right. The brown horse adjusted his glasses, “Seems as though you check out for now. If anything begins acting up, come back and we’ll take care of it, alright?” 

I nodded, feeling it was appropriate to just go along instead of fighting this. I must be tripping on something horrible if I’m experiencing this. The magic dissipated and I stood up, now a free man, emphasis on the free.

“SHIT!”

I immediately covered my lower body with my clothes, feeling very awkward all of a sudden. You know, they only gave me a weird look as soon as I did that. I guess they finally figured out what clothing means to a person. Then again, they’re horses, not actual people. Still, I saw what looked like the guys clear their throats and walk away quick. The girls though (mostly nurses, something I found quite cliché) were either blushing or covering their eyes. At least those last ones had some decency instead of just staring at what was behind my suit. I edged away, moving around the group of remaining horses and towards the others going down the stairs. 

I took a deep breath and headed down as well, feeling very uncomfortable about my situation. I could practically feel their eyes looking into my back, wondering or watching. God, that felt so wrong to think about. I passed by several occupied rooms before just giving up and heading into an open closet. My clothes were on in a minute, bringing some serious relief to me. I made sure everything was where it was meant to be, threw the Audemar on my wrist, and left the closet. To shorten an unnecessary explanation, I found myself outside of a hospital and on a road to a small town within a short time.

“What the hell have I gotten myself into?”

Asking myself that was a common thing, mostly because my occupation tended to get me into rough waters on occasion. I decided to sit on a bench near the hospital, thinking about what was happening. I was near positive that I wasn’t in Malaysia, what with all the English and different terrain, but where was I then? But the most baffling thing were the talking horses moseying on about, doing everyday things as if it were normal for horses to do. It was kind of frightening, when I thought about it. Just where in the universe could I be that allowed for these things to live like people?

As usual, something stopped me from thinking over the important things.
 
“Hey! I saw you a few days ago! You’re that thing that had its head blown off,” said a mint green, female horse with a horn on its head.
 
Cute. I should’ve smacked her shit.
 
“Yeah.” She sat down next to me, “Where’d that one horse go?”
 
“Horse? We’re ponies, not horses!”
 
“What’s the difference?”
 
No really, what was the difference? I sure as hell didn’t know.
 
She rolled her eyes, “We’re just different!”
 
Ugh. This was going nowhere so fast.
 
“Whatever. Where’s that one ‘pony’ who saved me?”
 
The horse grinned, “I’ll tell you if you let me look at those!” She pointed at my hands.
 
I lifted them up, feeling uneasy about what she would do, “These? What’s the big deal?”
 
“Nothing, really… Anyway, I saw her head into the Everfree Forest a minute or two before you got out of the hospital. You should still be able to catch up to her, probably.”
 
I stood up and tried walking away. Might as well, right? I don’t know; give her some money or something. The horse would probably eat it though… Who cares, I got plenty of it. I was rudely stopped however, by the minty green horse from just a second ago. She somehow had a pretty good grip of my hand as she turned it over in whatever the hell you call those things at the end of their legs. There was a sheepish grin before she let go, letting me get the hell away from that freaky ass horse. Creep.
 
A short walk towards the nearby forest edge later, I heard a scream. Mind you, a female scream. Another person, possibly? Hmm… Might as well go investigate. I ran as fast as I could, careful not to dirty my shoes. Seriously, those were real Italian. No way I was going to mess those up.
 
The forest wasn’t easy to navigate, but I eventually came across a big boulder-type thing. It kind of moved at a upward slant, making it look like a small cliff that was maybe six or seven feet above the ground. Looking around it, I saw what looked like five hunched gorillas of different sizes all moving closer to the horse from earlier. Dohoho… I was going to like this, a lot. I dug a finger into my breast pocket and opened a baggie, taking out some coke. I sprinkled it on my jacket arm and lined it up. A quick lick on my fingers told me how good it was; it wasn’t easy getting stuff this pure around a stickler of a place like Malaysia.
 
I pressed one nostril closed and placed the other at the beginning of the white line. It was snorted fast, heading straight up into me. I blinked several times, pinching my nose to make sure nothing fell out and shook my head twice. Shit was starting to hit me hard right there.
 
Wiping away some mucus that came out as a side-effect, I grinned a wide, “fuck the world”-type grin, “Oh boy… This… This is going to be fun…”
 
Things were liable to get a little… Hmm… They were going to definitely get a teensy bit violent. Oh well. Might as well enjoy it, right?
 
Right.




Author's Notes




Well dayuuuummm, never thought I'd be writing this shit. Originally meant to be a oneshot for a specific person (WHO KNOWS WHO THE FUCK THEY ARE, MOTHERFUCKER), this was turned into something else. And so, a Carrot Top x Human fic was born. Take note! This human has a name, but it shan't be revealed quite yet. Though, this fic will be short, so don't expect much or too frequent updates, like any other story I've worked on (some excluded, of course). Let's see... what else to cover...

Ah yes, this character is based off (partially personality-wise) of a character of a somewhat similar role played by Nicholas Cage. In no way should you associate them in any other way, because this character is definitely not as old or hideous as Mr. Cage. You'll have mad respect if you guess who this nigga is.

One last thing, silver text is quite resourceful into looking how one might act or think if they had restraint/substance abuse problems. Why would I add this? Because it's fucking fun is why.

Anyway, I got nothing else to say. Hope you enjoy this, comment, favorite, thumbs-up, etc., etc..

As Always,

Stay Trilla.