//------------------------------// // Chapter 149 - That's Not Funny // Story: Dadonequus Discord (Book 2) // by CrazedLaughter //------------------------------// There you stood, in Pinkie’s classroom. It was quite different from the classrooms you’ve seen so far. It was bigger, had ovens, baking tools, party stuff, bean bag chairs, all sorts of fun stuff that obviously meant she just wanted her students to relax, have fun, and have a good laugh. Pinkie was addressing the class, pointing over to you, sounding as cheery and excited as she normally was. “Alright everycreature! Today we have a new student, Nonn- Er, Anon! I want you all to give him a super fantabulous laughter class welcome! Now get ready! Steady! And…” Pinkie made a gesture, and everyone, with varying levels of excitement, greeted you. Oh yeah baby, you’re awesome. You look to the class with a smirk, close your eyes, and do a bow. “Thanks everycreature, and it's great to meet you all t-What is that ho-SDGSDGSD” As you greeted the class, you turned to see a peculiar looking hole in front of you. The next thing you knew, your mane was blown back and filled with confetti as Pinkie jumped around. She had fired her party cannon at you. “Yay! Now…” Pinkie, before you can even react, dashes behind and bounces up and down as she makes another announcement. “You get to experience a really special treat, Anon! Today, everycreature will be telling really fun jokes! Mhmmm, mhmmm, and just like any good joke, we’re going to laugh, have fun, and enjoy each others time. Yup yup, if there was ever day to be in my class and feel at ease, it’s today! Awesome, huh huh huh?!”  C-christ, s-she was really high energy about this. You plop on your ass and quickly brush over your mane to straighten it out. Still, she was already getting straight to the joke telling as you did so, and that was something you wanted to get into. Perhaps you took Ocellus’s reaction personally, but you wanted to prove that your joke was funny and that most of your friends were being prudes. You took a breath and looked to Pinkie with a cheerful smile. “Yeeeah! Totally awesome. In fact, I actually happen to have a joke I wanted to tell. Gallus and Sandbar let me know the joke telling was some sort of homework, so knowing everycreature was going to tell a joke… Well…“ You shrug with a smirk. “I didn’t want to be left out.” “Ooooooooooooooh, interesting.” Pinkie said, clearly intrigued. But again you are surprised as she also suddenly grabs you and plops you on her desk. You were stunned as your body shook. Like, holy shit, early on in your time in Equestria you wanted her all over you. Now? Sheesh, even with your young body, she was hard to keep up with. In any case, she looks over to her class and points at you. “Alright everycreature, we’ll be telling our jokes right now! And since Anon is our newest student and has one ready to go, then we’re going to listen to his first! Remember to hang on to your sides, because after all the jokes are told, we may have to tape em’ back together.” Pinkie said with a giggle. Shit, looks like you were already on. But you couldn’t tell it just yet. First, you had to make sure that Pinkie herself would be ok with the joke. All you had to do was question her on where her limit was, and if it was high enough, then you were good to go. You whisper to Pinkie and beckon her to come closer. “Anon? Is something the matter?” She asks. “Oh, er, actually, I just wanted to know if the type of joke I was going to tell was ok with you.” You tell her. “Hm? Well, usually any joke is ok with me. Why? It’s not a bad or nasty joke, is it?” Pinkie asked, becoming a tad worried about you being cautious about your joke. “Er, not really, relatively speaking. Just, y’know, how do you feel about jokes that poke at concepts and ideas and stuff?” Surely the element of laughter doesn’t mind a little insulting humor, right? It  wasn’t like it was really bad or anything. Surely she’s poked fun at her friends with harmless jokes, right? “Oh, those kinds of jokes? Those are ok.” Pinkie tells you, without a hint of hesitation. “Really? Even if it sounds, er…” It was hard to come up with the words to describe the type of joke you were going to tell. You didn’t want to outright tell her as you wanted her to laugh when you delivered the punchline. “Hm, ummm, rude, I guess would be the word? A little wrong, maybe?” “Aww, Anon, there really isn’t anything wrong with that. Pranks kinda fall into that kind of category and those are ok as long as it really isn’t hurting anypony. I’ve made jokes about my friends that were a teeny tiny bit pokey, but it was all in good fun. I even make fun of myself sometimes. Iiiiiin fact, I got a joke about lumberjacks you might like, might help ease the tension.” Pinkie says. Aha, so far so good, seems she would be very accepting of your joke, especially if she herself could come up with a joke about freaking woodcutters. “What is it?” You ask Pinkie looks left and right, back at the class, then whispers. “Why do lumberjacks never have any answers?” Hmmm… “I… Don’t know, why?” “Because…” Pinkie said as she already found it difficult to contain herself. “They are always the one to axe the questions.” Pinkie said before breaking out in stifled laughter. Huh, that was actually a pretty punny joke. Well then, haha! If she found that funny, then your joke would probably fucking slay her. “That’s pretty good, Po-er, Professor Pinkie. Gotta keep it professional, right, Professor?” You ask, just wanting to get on her good side just a bit more before you tell your joke. “Awwww, you’re such a good colt, Anon. No worries, ok? You can still call me Ponk on 'accident' during school hours if you want… Nonny, hehe!” Pinkie said as she gave you a pet. “But alrighty!” She then zooms back towards the class and swings her hoof up, then down. “Take it away, Anon!” And so you do, you tell that joke. You tell that joke the best you can, putting on more of a comedic tone to your voice as you walk left and right across the desk. “...Here’s my wife, take her!”. As you end the joke, you hop off the desk and slide across the floor as you raise your forelegs high. “Ta da! Pretty funny, right?” But oh god, no one was laughing. There were gasps of horror, blank stares, Gallus twitching as he held his beak shut as to not laugh, and a very mortified looking Pinkie. Oh, there was also a guy crying because apparently he was having terrible nightmares of his mom and dad splitting. But no, the worse thing was the mortified Pinkie. Like, what the fuck? What happened?! “Ta… Da?” You say again, hoping they were just delaying their laughs. But nope, Pinkie just silently walked over to you, still wide eyes and horrified, and began to whisper to you. “Nonny, that wasn’t the joke, right?” She asked. “N-n” No, fuck that shit. It was the joke, and you were proud of it! “Actually, yeah, it was. Why? Do you have a problem with it? Because not only do I think the joke is great, but it also breaks through social norms and preconceptions of what a joke shSDJGLKDJGSLKDHFGIFHV”. And what happened to you next was nothing short of extraordinary. While yes, you have teleported many times before, this time was different. It was slower, and yet just as fast, filled with color, your face flapping about as you felt wind smash against it. Was it Discord? Did Discord telerwaTGDSGSDFGDFG. “Gyah! I can’t see! I’m drowning! Where am I?!” You yelled out as suddenly things became dark and very very wet. “S-sorry, Nonny!” Pinkie said as she began to lift what appeared to be a pail from above your head. “But I got scared when you were all twitchy like that. I thought water would help.” Twitchy? Water? What in th-HOLY FUCK! You were suddenly outside! Outside and a few ways away from the school, as you could see it and the town from the hill you were somehow on. Holy damn, did you have a stroke and a seizure at the same time?! You spit out some more water and wipe your mouth as you look to Pinkie in surprise and worry. “G-geez! W-what happened, Ponk? H-how did we end up here?” “Oh, I ran up here with you when you started talking crazy. I guess that's why you were twitching like that too. Soooooo crazy. You had me worried, Nonny, you made me and everycreature else think you were serious with that joke and speech. Though, I guess that must mean something must be wrong. Are you ok, Nonny? Do you need help with anything?” Pinkie asked you, as she seemed legitimately worried about you. Ran? Ran up ‘here’ with you? As in… WHAT IN THE FUCK?! THAT WAS GODDAMNED INSTANTANEOUS! N-no wonder everything just flashed and flew by in an array of color. Pinkie really could move as fast as she apparently could in the show. But how?! This wasn’t the show anymore, it was impossible! No one, not no how, can move that fast. That was faster than Dash, that was faster than even the Flash and… Oh good lord you were thinking like Twilight back in season one, when she had her doubts and tries to stay within realistic reason against Pinkie andaSFDGSDGSDGDFDF.  Once again, Pinkie throws yet another pail of water over you and holy fuck, where was she getting these pails from?! You know what, never the fuck mind, why even bother to figure it out? She once again states the reason she threw a pail over you was because you were suddenly looking off and crazy again. Hell, she was now suggesting you were possessed. You weren’t, and after spitting up more water and trying to get your mane and coat dry, you look to Pinkie as you shake your hooves at her and say. “I’m not crazy! G-geez, ok? Relax with the water!” Like seriously, you were afraid to see what the next thing she was going to do was. “Why are we even here? I just told a joke! Like, what? Did you have a problem with it?” “Well, yeah.” Pinkie said, flat out. “Nonny, that joke was really hurtful and wrong. And then you went and tried to defend it! I thought you were going nuts! I had to do something, and I had to make sure my students didn’t hear any more of your crazy talk too!” Wut? “What are you talking about? How was it hurtful and wrong? Didn’t you say you were fine with those kinds of jokes?” “I did, and I meant harmless ones. Anon, not only is your joke a direct break of harmony, but it almost sounded like you think everycreature should tell jokes like that. Nonny, nopony wants to hear such a scary and nasty joke. A husband and a wife, or even parents, splitting up? Even as a joke, that kind of idea can spread, become real, ruin families, destroy towns, DESTROY HARMONY, BRING IN DARKNESS AND DESTRUCTION, RUIN THE TASTINESS OF CAKES, CANCELLED PARTIES!” Pinkie was suddenly becoming near deranged and scary as she grabbed you and brought you to eye level. “And then! AND THEN! Well…” Suddenly she calmed down and asked you as she tilted her head. “Well, you know what happens then, right?” Did you? Darkness and destruction? Destroyed harmony? Ruin families? Oh dammit, she might have some sort of point on this one. Fuck man, you were in Equestria, where peace and harmony is literally required for the world to function. Because, if it doesn’t, then it gets turned into a fucking frozen wasteland. “Windigos?” Pinkie nodded. “Windigos.” Ugh, of course. In your world, the joke is fine. In this world, it’s a death sentence. “Mnnn, sorry Ponk. Ya know how it is, stuff from my world is just a little crazier than here in Equestria.” “Oh, Anon, you’re a sill-” But as Pinkie began to pet you, she suddenly began to shake you crazily as her eyes bugged out. “WHAT?! YOU TELL THOSE KINDS OF JOKES IN YOUR WORLD?! AT YOUR AGE?! DID WINDIGOS DESTROY YOUR WORLD?! IS THAT WHY DISCORD SAVED YOU?!” FSDDSFSDFDFSD! Crap!  You were going to puke, you swear to god you were. “P-Ponk! There’s no magic in my world! R-rememberrwrsfdsdsd” “Oh…” Pinkie snapped back to normal as she put you down once more and pet your dizzied head. “Well, that’s good, I don’t think any world should become a worldcicle, even if their jokes are icky.” Ohhh, sheesh, get it together, Anon. Christ, was she always this jumpy? “Y-yeah. Well, I’m glad I’m here in Equestria anyway. It’s a lot nicer, and I feel like I have a real family here. Not to mention a lot of good friends.” “Awww, Nonny.” Pinkie grabs you and gives you a gentle hug. “You’re so sweet! No wonder Fluttershy is always happy when she-OH MY GOSH! THE CLASS!” Suddenly, Pinkie nearly crushes you as she goes frantic again. “WE’RE WASTING TIME! IF WE DON’T GET BACK TO CLASS AND HEAR THOSE JOKES, WE WON’T HAVE ANY TIME FOR THE LESSON!” “Ngh, C-calm down, Ponk. We can j-” God, no. GOD NO! You could hear it, and your body could barely take anymore of it. You could hear her body revving up like an engine as her hooves began to spin in place, even peeling out as you found yourself being quickly placed upon her back. And then, in the sickening blur, you both were off.  However, right before reaching the doors to the school, Pinkie trips on a stone, causing her to barrel roll and plop right in front of the doors as you flew off her back and slammed face first through the doors, into the courtyard of the school, and right into the fountain. “Nonny!” Pinkie cried out in worry as she dashed over to the fountain. “Nonny! Are you ok?!” You slowly rise up out of the water, greener than you ever have been as you found yourself surrounded by browner water. You had launched projectile vomit right before hitting the water, and upon coming out, you were done. Done with school, done with jokes, done with life. God, you felt sick, you never wanted to go that fast ever again. Like, fuck, Pinkie can haul ass when she wants to. Geez, you didn’t even get a chance to enjoy her squishy embrace before going through that sickening series of events. And god fucking dammit! You rather hit your head than keep falling in cold pools of water. Fuck, you really hope this doesn't become a thing. When Pinkie approached you to check if you were ok, you just stared at her, delirious in your mind, and pointed at her. “Pikachu, I choose you!” You bellow out before falling over, unconscious. Despite being unconscious, you make one final note. Never upset Pinkie Pie.