//------------------------------// // Rules for Dating Our Teenage Daughter // Story: Scenes From a Life (Post-Villainy) // by Jade Ring //------------------------------// Prompt: “Tirek and Chrysalis have a heart to heart with Cozy Glow and one of her suitors.” The clock on the wall ticked steadily on, the only sound in the living room. A teenage earth pony stallion and a pegasus mare of the same age sat on one side of the coffee table. On the opposite side sat an adult unicorn mare of lime green and an enormous red centaur. The elder pair glared daggers at the youth. The young mare glared right back. The young stallion was trying desperately not to cry. He was visibly terrified, his poor attempt at a brave face betrayed by his quivering lower lip and trembling hooves. His eyelid occasionally twitched, nearly in perfect time with the ticking clock. The centaur’s gaze was impassive, calculating. Centuries of practicing deception (and several months of anger therapy a few years back) allowed him to hide his emotions so well that passing acquaintances often had no idea what he was really feeling at any given time. “How long have we known each other, Onyx?” Tirek sat back in his chair and crossed his enormous arms over his chest, peering at the silver stallion. Onyx Bolt chewed his lip slowly. “Uh… almost ten years? Ever since you started helping out on the rock farm.” Tirek nodded slowly. “I’m forever in your father’s debt, you know. If he hadn’t given me that job, it’s unlikely that we would have stayed in Saddleburg. You would never have become friends with Cozy Glow. We would have avoided this situation entirely.” Tirek’s reached over and lifted a foil package from Cozy Glow’s saddlebag and placed it on the coffee table’s surface. “That debt, by the way, is the only reason you’re still breathing right now.” Onyx Bolt actually wasn’t breathing at that moment. He forced himself to begin breathing manually and did his best not to break eye contact with Tirek. “Don’t let him scare you.” Cozy Glow rolled her eyes and shook her head. “He wouldn’t actually kill you. Probably just steal your magic and leave you as a husk.” Onyx gaped at her. “You know, that’s not a terrible idea…” Tirek scratched his chin as a familiar spell manifested over his head. “And how would you explain that to his father?” Shutterbug asked her husband, her eyes still locked on her daughter’s. Tirek huffed irritably, but the magic faded all the same. “So.” Shutterbug curled her lip. “You’re dating now.” “That’s one way of putting it.” Cozy Glow smirked. “Hey, here’s a question; should I start hanging socks off my doorknob now?” Onyx blinked at his special somepony. “What does that have to do with…?” The stallion might’ve been in the dark, but the young mare’s mother’s eyes flashed emerald with rage at the statement. “Young lady, if you think you can just start raising your tail in this house, then you’ve got another thing coming!” “Dear-heart.” Tirek took his wife’s hoof in his hand and squeezed. “The issue here isn’t that Cozy and Onyx have… er, progressed to the next stage in their relationship.” “It isn’t?” All three ponies said at once, staring at the centaur in shock. “Not at all.” Tirek lifted the foil wrapper and examined it. “Fascinating devices you ponies come up with. This one little piece of rubber, and your chances of infection and accidental pregnancy drop exponentially. It’s genius, really.” He looked at his daughter warmly. “If anything, we should be proud that Cozy is being so responsible.” Cozy returned the smile. “Thanks, papa.” Shutterbug gaped at her husband. “You can’t be serious.” “Oh, but I am.” His gaze hardened, letting his daughter know that she wasn’t quite off the hook just yet. “The issue is that she kept this a secret from us.” Shutterbug jumped up and pointed an accusatory hoof at the two teenagers. “So we’re just going to be okay with this?” “Of course.” Tirek shrugged. “They’re of age, and you know as well as I do how ponies get when the hormones start surging. We couldn’t stop them if we tried.” Shutterbug’s eyes flashed again, this time with a bit of fire. “Can we at least try?” “It would be fruitless. Cozy would simply find a way to outsmart us. Wouldn’t you, sweetie?” “Yup.” Cozy nodded sagely. “But from now on, you need to be honest with us. No sneaking around. No lies. Understand?” “Yes, sir.” Cozy Glow shrank slightly. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” “That’s quite alright. Isn’t it, dear?” Shutterbug’s mouth crinkled with distaste, but ultimately she nodded. “It would be… hypocritical of me to stand between you and your development. Emotional or otherwise.” She settled back on the couch and sighed. “What you do with your body is your own business.” “So long as you’re smart. And safe.” Tirek added. “Y’know…” Cozy Glow gave her parents her best puppy dog eyes. “The safest place for Onyx and I would be here at the house…” Onyx, who had been watching this entire exchange with a kind of detached horror, finally broke out of his trance. “Cozy, what are you…?!” “You’re right, of course. But keep it contained to your room. And don’t make a mess.” Tirek flicked the wrapper to Cozy who caught it easily. “And try to keep it down when your father and I are home.” Shutterbug sniffed. “Psh, that’s rich coming from you.” Cozy Glow smirked at her mother. Shutterbug glared… then returned the smirk. “Fair point.” Tirek clapped his hands together. “ Now that this has all been settled, there’s just one final piece of business.” He turned his attention back to the young stallion. “We need to speak with your special somepony. Alone.” Cozy Glow pouted. “Do you really have to?” Tirek and Shutterbug nodded solemnly. Onyx gulped. “Don’t be scared.” Cozy Glow kissed his cheek and headed towards her bedroom. She looked back at her parents. “Don’t be scary.” Tirek waited until he heard her door shut, then looked hard at Onyx. “You’re the luckiest stallion in town. Do you know that?” “Indeed.” Shutterbug stared a hole through the shivering stallion. “Our princess is one of a kind.” “My wife and I have granted you quite the gift.” Tirek put a fist to his palm and cracked his knuckles. “And a gift like this should be treated with the utmost care.” He repeated the action with his other hand. “You will treat my daughter with respect, I trust?” Onyx nodded slowly, noticing now the emerald sparks dancing at the end of Shutterbug’s hooves. “Of course you will. And you won’t abuse the trust that we’ve placed in you, will you?” The flames licked their way up Shutterbug’s legs, leaving black exoskeleton in their wake. Onyx shook his head quickly. Tirek leaned forward, his immense red bulk filling the stallion’s view and making him shrink back into the couch. “That’s very good. Because if you ever hurt her…” A black nightmare materialized on Tirek’s shoulders and hissed at the terrified teenager through razor sharp fangs. “We’ll hurt you!” Onyx’s paralysis broke and he bolted from the room. Before he could reach the front door, Cozy Glow blasted out of her bedroom and tackled the panicking stallion. She flapped her wings and carried his twitching body towards her room, glaring at her parents. “I said don’t be scary!” Tirek and Chrysalis shared a look. “Were we scary?” Tirek asked. “Of course we weren’t scary.” Chrysalis chuckled as she once again assumed the shape of Shutterbug. “How scary can we possibly be? We’re reformed.” The pair laughed together as they started for the kitchen to prepare dinner.