//------------------------------// // Magic is Fun...Right? // Story: Presto and Me // by MisterEdd //------------------------------// The old stallion in the red tie cocked a busy gray eyebrow at the mare seated across from him. "I'm sorry Miss Trixie-..." "The Great and Powerful Trixie!" "-...but I'm going to have to decline. Here at the Top Star, we only showcase real magicians." Trixie leapt out of her seat indignantly. "But Trixie is a real magician!" "You, madam, are an amateur!" The old stallion roared, rising to meet Trixie, who had quickly shrunk under his furious gaze. "I will not have you besmirch the name of my beloved hotel with your unprofessionalism. Now get out or I'll have you thrown out!" Trixie slunk from her chair and left without a word. She donned her white-brimmed hat and pitifully dragged herself through the lobby and out the front door. It was the third rejection she'd gotten that day and her future was looking bleaker by the minute. She slammed a hoof down in anger. It was that damn Twilight Sparkle's fault! Ever since she ran her out of Ponyville, Trixie's reputation had taken a swan dive and as a result, she couldn't find work anywhere. Oh how Trixie hated her! Something plopped onto Trixie's hat and found to her dismay that it was beginning to rain. Of course it was. She sped towards the awning of a nearby store and sank dejectedly to her haunches. If she couldn't secure a gig soon, then what would she do? Trixie rubbed her chin and began to think. And then...it hit her! She could change her act! "But how will Trixie do that?" A loud rapping sound jolted her out of her thoughts and she let out a yelp as she tumbled onto her flanks. The door to the shop opened and a light gray earth pony stallion appeared. He was dressed in Chineighse garb and his grayish purple mane was styled in a braided ponytail. Noticing the mare on the ground, he gasped and offered her his hoof. "A thousand apologies, Miss. Are you hurt?" Trixie glared at him and pulled herself off of the ground, her hat and cape now fully drenched. "No but Trixie thanks you for the heart attack and the soak!" "Perhaps you would like to come inside? Again, my apologies," the stallion offered. Following the stallion, Trixie noticed that the store was a curio shop and upon stepping inside, found herself in a whole new world. True, while the front of the shop was filled with mountains of useless junk, the further she went in, the more treasures that she discovered. A glass case containing a black-lacquered golden puzzle box. A strange stuffed creature that a small sign pointed out was called a "Sumaretran Rat-Monkey." There was a fortune-telling machine labeled "Zoltan Speaks" that housed a pony mannequin wearing a turban. The stallion trotted around to the front register and grinned. "So, is there anything that you like? Uncle Wing has many wares to show you." Trixie stared past him to find a what she initially thought to be a foal in a bird cage was actually a ventriloquist's dummy. It was a dark pastel green mare with a purple and teal blue mane and wore a frilly red dress with yellow trim. Inspiration struck. A ventriloquist dummy, eh? I could incorporate it into my act! Plus, they ARE in at the moment. Uncle Wing followed Trixie's gaze and smiled. "Ah, I see you are intrigued by the ventriloquist dummy. Legend says that she was carved from a tree that a witch was hanged from by a jealous lover. It carries with it the witch's soul." While the tale was very intriguing, which actually translated as boring, Trixie was far more interested in the price tag. "How much for it?" Uncle Wing's smile faltered. "She is not for sale. She brings with her death and misery. Have you not been listening?" "How does..." Trixie rooted around in her saddlebags. "...Twenty-five bits sound?" "Sold!" Uncle Wing promptly unlocked the cage door and yanked the dummy out, plopping it unceremoniously onto the countertop. He fluffed out a brown paper bag and shoved the dummy into it, pushing it towards Trixie and greedily scooping the bits into the register. "Erm, thanks. I think." Trixie gave the stallion a weak wave and slammed the door behind her, her head filled with ideas for new tricks and promotions. She was going to show them. She was going to show them all! Never again would anypony laugh at Trixie! Uncle Wing, meanwhile, glanced pitifully where the mare once stood and shook his head. "Poor fool." ~*~ Settling into her wagon, Trixie once more studied the dummy seated across the room from her. Its eyes, unblinking, appeared to fixate on her, peering into her very soul. In disgust, she tossed her cape over it and opened up the first chapter of Ventriloquism and You: A Guide to Throwing Your Voice for Beginners. As it turned out, ventriloquism was quite an old practice, dating back thousands of years to the earliest civilizations. The more that she read, the more enraptured Trixie grew and she could practically smell the bits rolling in. "Nice book, dingbat." Trixie jumped, tossing the book as she leapt onto the head of the bed. "Who...who said that?" "I did." She looked around her tiny wagon but saw nopony there. "Under here..." The voice, which was high-pitched and feminine in tone, seemed to have originated from... Trixie swallowed. This...this is a joke. Right? Slowly, she climbed down from the bed and stared at the lump beneath her cape. There was no way that it was- "Closer..." Trixie took two steps forward. "Closeeeeer..." The voice repeated, this time in a sing-song tone. Summoning all of her courage, Trixie approached the bundle and gripped the edge of her cape with her magic. A chattering sound disrupted her thoughts and she quickly realized that it was her teeth. Finally, she pulled her cape free, allowing it to tumble to the floor to reveal the dummy-mare that sat beneath it. Trixie leaned forward so that their noses were nearly touching. Then, the dummy blinked. Trixie shrieked and threw herself backward, scurrying away from the tiny monstrosity. "Hehehe. Hi," the dummy tittered, its jaw clacking open and closed. "You...you're alive? But you're a puppet!" "And you're a mare. A rather silly-looking one at that." Trixie gulped, her throat suddenly feeling dry. "Wh-who are you?" "I think the better question is, 'What are you?' And the answer is, the solution to your problems." "What do you mean?" The dummy cocked her head. "Do I have to spell it out for you? You and I up on stage, making millions, your name in lights! Wouldn't you like that? To hear crowds chanting your name?" Trixie bit her lip. "That...does sound pretty nice." "Of course it does. What do you say?" The dummy asked, holding out a wooden hoof. "Partners?" Reluctantly, Trixie took the offered hoof and shook it. ~*~ It was just your average Tuesday night at Gallopburg's Buffet, a family restaurant that was a personal favorite for many ponies ever since its opening forty-seven years ago. The building itself exuded warmth and comfort, inviting families to come dine with them. It was a packed house tonight and up on the stage, Trixie was sweating like a fox at a chicken convention. This was where her big comeback would happen. She took a deep breath and flung the curtains aside. "Greetings ladies and gentlecolts! I am the Great and Power Tr-r-r-rixie!" She posed and was met with scattered applause. A deck of cards appeared in one hoof. "For my first trick, The Great and Powerful Trixie requires a volunteer!" She then peered around the restaurant before settling on an elderly earth pony. "You sir!" She pointed. "Come up to the stage!" The old stallion unhurriedly pushed his chair up, wobbled to his hooves and, using the table for support, slowly reached for his cane. Beneath her calm exterior, Trixie was absolutely livid. Watching the stallion inch his way towards the stage ignited such a fire of anger that she was ready to storm over to the stallion and shove him over out of spite. Thankfully, the elderly earth pony finally arrived at the foot of the stage steps. Swallowing her anger, Trixie reached down and held the cards fanned out. "Now choose any card, any card at random!" A wrinkled hoof shakily placed itself on one card and the old stallion shook his head, instead taking the card beside it. "Excellent! Now take the card and-..." "She's going to ask you to place it back where you got it!" A female voice called. "Right. N-now Trixie...will shuffle the deck-..." "What is this, Amateur Hour?" This earned the speaker a few snickers from the crowd. Trixie stomped a hoof. "As if you could do any better!" "Get me up there and I'll show you!" Flinging a velvet cover off of an old wooden trunk, Trixie dramatically waved her forelegs over it. "Presenting my assistant, the Amazing Presto!" The lid was flung open and a ventriloquist dummy, wearing a dress that matched Trixie's cape, stuck her head up. To make up for the earlier silence, the audience applauded Trixie as she magically lifted Presto from out of the box and took her seat on a stool, propping the dummy on her knee. "You're welcome." Trixie blinked confusingly. "But Trixie didn't thank you-..." "There, you said it! Feel better?" Again, this was followed by laughter. "Anyway, Trixie will now shuffle the deck"-The cards floated above her-"And pull out the right card!" "Yawn." Ignoring Presto, Trixie shuffled the deck and withdrew a card. "Is this your card, sir?" The old stallion shakily leaned forward and licked his lips. "Uh-uh. No." Presto rolled her eyes. "First she's going to pull out two wrong cards on purpose, then kazam! She retrieves the correct card from behind the old codger's ear. Whoopee-doo!" Trixie glared at the doll. "Alright, Blockhead! How about this?!" With a flourish, Trixie pulled a card out of the top of Presto's dress and showed it to the stallion. "Is this your card?" "Well I'll be...it's the six of diamonds! That is my card!" Presto's jaw dropped and the audience laughed and clapped, resulting in a standing ovation. "Thank you, thank you!" Trixie bowed and "helped" Presto in doing the same. This was it. The beginning on the road to stardom. ~*~ "Ninety-eight...ninety-nine...one-hundred!" Trixie giggled and magically swept the pile of bits into a small bag. "And this is just the beginning! Soon, everypony--including that awful, no-good Twilight Sparkle-..." She added in a growling murmur. "-...Will know and celebrate the name 'The Great and Powerful Tr-r-r-ixie!'" Presto tapped a hoof impatiently on one foreleg. "Annnnnd…?" Trixie stared blankly at her. "And what?" "What about me?" "Oh right. And the Amazing Presto too." The thudding on the caravan door put their conversation on hold. "Entre!" Trixie shouted, levitating Presto over to her and placing the dummy on her lap. The door opened and in walked an earth pony stallion with a haughty demeanor. "Are you Trixie?" "You forgot 'The Great and Powerful,' schmuck-o." The stallion stared at the dummy then at Trixie. "What my assistant means is, yes, Trixie is I. Trixie Lulamoon" Shaking Trixie's hoof, the stallion straightened his tie. "My name is Svengallop and I am looking for a new act to open for Mind Freak at the Bullion's Luxury Casino. And you, Miss Lulamoon, could be that act!" "Wh-what? Me, Trixie, at Bullion's?" "Indeed! My brother caught your little performance at Gallopburg's and insisted that I come down to talk to you." He fished a card out of his coat pocket. "There'll be a talent show at Bullion's in a month. Sign up and if you wow the judges, you might just make it to the big time." Trixie cradled the care in her hoof. "Then Trixie will be there!" Svengallop looked her over from head to hoof in a manner that was less-than-innocent. He grinned, "I will be looking forward to it. Goodbye for now." Giving Trixie one last eyeful, he trotted out the door, which Trixie slammed shut with her magic. "What a creep!" "At least he's giving you a chance to prove yourself in Las Pegasus," Presto pointed out. "Ugh, you're right. Still, Bullion's! Can you believe it?" Presto leapt down from Trixie's lap. "Hey, do you know what I think?" "What do you think?" "We’re gonna be staaaaaaaaars!" ~*~ Night fell upon Canterlot and all was quiet and still. In the pitch-blackness of the caravan, Trixie slept like the dead, her head filled with visions of flashing neon lights and mountains of gold. She smiled and hummed as a dream version of Twilight Sparkle was trapped in a glass box slowly filling with water, her horn hanging useless upon her head. On the chair across from Trixie, Presto sat up and, upon ensuring that the mare was fast asleep, crept out the window and galloped as fast as her little wooden legs could take her. She had an old friend to see. ~*~ Uncle Wing yawned as the last customer of the evening exited the shop, having purchased a tiny furry creature that must never get wet or feed past midnight. It mattered little to Wing if the shop's patrons were unhappy with their purchases; he did warn them of any and all dark curses the objects might possess. He strode over to the front door and turned the key in the lock when he heard a knock on the other side of it. Wing quickly turned the lock in the other direction and threw the door open. There was nopony there so he shrugged, closed the door and locked it. Climbing the stairs to his apartment, Uncle Wing settled into a leather chair and opened up a book. He was mid-way through the second paragraph when a clatter from downstairs had him bolting out of his seat. Either there was a robber or a stray cat got in again. He hoped for the former rather than the latter as he couldn't collect insurance on wild animals. With a sigh, he grabbed a pistol-grip cross bow and trudged down the steps. Flipping on the lights, Uncle Wing slowly wound his way through the shop. "Hello? Is anyone there?" A metal circular shield clattered to the floor followed by a weird, wooden clattering sound and foalish laughter. He spun and aimed his crossbow, albeit with a shaking foreleg. "Hello?" Something sharp jabbed Uncle Wing in his right hindleg and he went toppling over into a stack of old comic books, his crossbow flying out of reach. A small wooden mare walked into view, a bloodied stiletto in one hoof. "Heya Uncle Wing!" The stallion's eyes widened. "Caesarina?" "Ding, ding, ding! What do we have for him?" Presto cackled. "Wh-what are you doing here?" The ventriloquist dummy advanced on him. "I want everything you have on necromancy." "'Necromancy'? Caesarina, I have no idea what...-" Wing screeched as the stiletto plunged into his left knee. "Don't play dumb with me!" "Alright, alright!" He was crying now. "The floor safe behind the front register. Nineteen-eight-four." Leaving the knife where it was, Presto waddled past Wing's line of sight as he desperately tried to pry the stiletto loose. He bit back a scream as he began to pull it out but gave up as the pain was too much. Presto's hoofsteps clacked on the wooden floor. "You weren't lying! This is some heavy stuff! Oh, and just one more thing..." Uncle Wing looked up. He never saw nor felt the stiletto as it went straight through his right eye and into his brain. ~*~ Trixie yawned and sat up to stretch, never knowing a more peaceful slumber. She spied Presto in her usual spot. "Morning assistant! Trixie had the most wonderful dream...what happened to your dress?" The dummy was no longer wearing the dress that Trixie made for her from a piece of one of her spare capes. Instead, she was dressed in her old, ugly dress. "I was in the mood for a costume change," Presto glibly replied. "Trixie doesn't remember telling you to do that." "Last time I checked, you weren't the boss of me." Seizing Presto with her magic, Trixie brought the dummy up to her face. "Listen here, you little...-" "Finish that sentence," Presto said and then sing-sang: "And I'll tee-eell!" Trixie stared at her in confusion. "Tell what?" "How you killed Un-cle Wi-i-ing!" The unicorn felt suddenly very ill. "What did you say?" Presto giggled, "That nice shop owner? Oh, I killed him last night. Or rather...you killed him." Her head rotated so that her muzzle pointed to a magic chest against the wall. "The police'll find a blood-stained knife in that trunk over there that just so happens to not only match the wounds on the victim but also the same exact DNA too." Keeping Presto in a telekinetic hold, Trixie slowly approached the chest before throwing it open, revealing a bloody stiletto wrapped in Presto's new dress. "Told you sooooo!" Resisting the urge to gag, Trixie threw Presto into the chest, slammed the lid shut and locked it. This had to be a sick joke! Wrapping her cape around her, Trixie fled from her wagon and hurried to the curio shop. By the time she'd arrived, she was huffing and puffing like a steam engine but that was nothing compared to the sight before her. Yellow police tape surrounded the area and a small crowd had gathered around the shop. Two earth pony EMTs lifted a covered stretcher out the door, the white sheet placed over something pony-shaped. "What happened?" One unicorn stallion asked. A pegasus mare replied, "The shopkeeper was murdered last night. Somepony killed him and robbed the place." Trixie fought to keep herself from vomiting. She stopped to see one cop showing a plastic bag of papers to another. Tuning out the extraneous background chatter, she listened in to the conversation: "The safe was open but no money or jewelry was stolen. There were some highly illegal spell books found with the pages torn out and scattered around the corpse." "Why? What was the perp looking for?" "Apparently stuff on necromancy and soul-swapping. Really dark stuff." "Legend says that she was carved from a tree that a witch was hanged from... It carries with it the witch's soul." Uncle Wing's voice echoed in Trixie's head. Suddenly, all the pieces of the puzzle fit. She slipped from the crowd and hurried back to her wagon. That little cretin had to be stamped out immediately! ~*~ Throwing the wagon door open, Trixie stomped over to the magic chest. "I know what your game is. You're going to try to use necromancy to raise your body and place your soul back into it. Admit it. Admit it!" There was no answer. Trixie scoffed. "As if Trixie needs to hear it. From now on, Trixie's a one mare show!" Presto's voice emanated from the chest. "Are you sure?" "Absolutely! Trixie will not be party to...ow!" She recoiled as something poked her in the gaskin. It was a syringe and holding it was... Trixie swayed to and fro, her vision fogging up and doubling. She collapsed onto her side and could only watch helplessly as Presto stood triumphantly over her. The dummy appeared to widen, grow and shrink all at the same time. "Just a little something extra that I picked up at Uncle Wing's," she explained, her voice ebbing and flowing like tidal waves. "Turns out, forbidden spell books weren't the only thing that Ol' Wing-a-Ding-Ding was hiding. Let's just say, there was also 'substances of a legally-questionable nature' and leave it at that." Trixie weakly tried to raise a foreleg but it was the same as lifting Jell-O. "Did you really think that I'd hang around a magician and not pick up any tricks?" "You're...yerra tryum tum..." Speaking became difficult but Trixie forced her numb jaw to work, if only to distract from her mounting terror. "...schwap sools." Presto tittered and it was a chilling sound. "You were half right. I am interested in soul-swapping." Her eyes swept over Trixie's inert form. "It's just not my body that I'm interested in." ~*~ Svengallop knocked on the hotel door and pulled at his collar. He was excited that Trixie had arrived in Las Pegasus and it was not just as a talent scout. Admittedly, he found the mare to be a bit weird but her smoking-hot body made up more than enough for that. Hopefully, she would be so grateful, that she'd take him up on his forthcoming offer for dinner and drinks. Sniffing at his sleeve, he wondered if his new cologne was too obvious. He stiffened as the door opened. Trixie Lulamoon leaned in the doorway, her eyes half-lidded in a rather lewd manner. "Ah, Miss Lulamoon, so good to see you again!" Trixie chuckled and laid a hoof on his chest. "Same here, Svengallop. Have I told you how handsome you are?" Svengallop gulped. He hadn't counted on her being one of those types of mares. "N-no, you haven't." Thank Celestia for small miracles! "Well, then," Trixie intoned huskily, "What do you say you take me out for drinks later?" "My thoughts exactly," Svengallop grinned with a suggestive eyebrow raise. "Pick me up around six-thirty. I'll be happy to give you a...private audition." She then blew him a kiss and closed the door behind her. Svengallop did a hoof-pump and started back down the hall. He was about to congratulate himself on a job well done when he paused and something caught his attention. "Did she always have turquoise eyes?" ~*~ Trixie brushed her long silvery locks, admiring how shiny and silky-smooth they looked as she scanned herself in the mirror. A rumbling chest in the corner broke her out of her primping and with a sigh, she slammed the brush down and kicked at the chest. "Stop that at once or you're going in a woodchipper!" The rumbling stopped and Trixie returned to her seat, humming to herself as she resumed her brushing. Applying some lipstick, she made smooching faces at the mirror and giggled to herself. "Abracadabra, I sit on her knee. Presto, change-o, and now she is me! Hocus pocus, I'll take him to bed. Magic is fun...until somepony is dead..."