//------------------------------// // Chapter Sixty Nine, Wounds and Time: Healed (mostly). // Story: Airship Mauled // by Darkonshadows //------------------------------// -Location: ???, Celestia- “I consider myself lucky that I can’t be haunted by it forever… that’s kind of sad to for you Anubis and again I’m really sorry.” Jade was truly sorry for casting a full cake, she lived through the experience. “Is it odd to anyone else that we’re holding a therapy session of gods and a single mortal… do I even have divinity?” It was traumatizing from what Jade described happened to her and Anubis. Unlike what happens with cupcakes, you don’t simply barf rainbows at the end of a horrific set of painful indescribable horrors… you bleed them from every orifice. “No, but you are touched by the sun. Now please stop apologizing for a necessary action, one that left me with a reminder of something that I will not forget until the heat death of the universe.” If it was as bad as Anubis states, then I should probably tell Twilight to make it illegal for Jade, Kuril or anyone they teach to be magical alchemist to use their magic on a ‘full cake’. “I would wish to talk about something else other than… that.” “So how are you going to tell your sister Luna about this Benny?” Having asked that Jade, I find myself at a loss of how to even explain it. “Also does this mean Philomena is not only your familiar, but also…” Jade slowly trails off and I can see where the question was leading. “I haven’t the foggiest as to how I’m going to tell Luna about this, but I did say that I would tell her everything afterwards...” Sighing loudly, I decided to just push forward. “The one thing I know for certain is that I am not my past, I’m tired after the last thousand years and I want at least one year of freedom to relax without Twilight coming to me for help. Is that so much to ask?” “With all that stress on your back? It’s not much to ask for some peace and quiet. Besides after a thousand years of shouldering that burden, every pony race owes you this break.” Baast was still as sweet as I remember. “So instead of knowing you as Bennu, I want to get to know you as Celestia now.” “I find myself open to making new friends, I need to practice what I preached to Twilight and could use a refresher course in having friends.” Rolling my eyes and flipping my mane, I continue. “Friends that aren’t political agenda driven ponies trying to weasel things out of me, get things by me, or trying to usurp me. If I can’t get a break from making sure Equestria doesn’t snap, then I’m going to snap! I really don’t want to see any nobles for a while and I want nothing to do with them, I just want to spend some quality time with Luna.” “Speaking of sisters, welcome to the sibling club and you can just make sure to make mine very…” A full sized paw smashed Baast into the sand, but Baast continues as if her sister wasn’t trying to bury her in the sand. “Happy! Given how much she likes you and all! It’s not like we Anugyptian goddesses have much going for us at the moment and I’ve technically just been retired from work by my pharaoh.” “I’m right here you know.” Jade stated blandly, bluntly and banally. She waved at Baast with an annoyed look on her face. Baast just smiled at Jade in an impish manner. It was smiles like that which made her known as Discord repellant. “I have a job sister… several actually. I’ve recently proudly added Goddess of Physical Education to my list of titles as a teacher, I’m Kuril’s secretary and I’m in charge of a guild that hasn’t really done much of anything yet.” Stupid sexy sphinx looked to Jade with a smile. “So when can we actually make the guild official? In any case you’re out of a job Baast, I have tenure.” “We’ll work it out after I’m done dealing with a few loose ends Sekhet.” You, Jade, were a very scary and deranged Abyssinian. “Now can we talk about how squishy I am in comparison to all my friends and loved ones? I sometimes feel inadequate next to someone like Arizona who has her own inadequacy issues.” I only have an inkling as to what Jade will do, but if it’s anything like the golden ship incident… it’ll be awe inspiring. “Oh, can I join in on talking about Arizona’s inadequacy issues?!” Veles popped in and he looked like a tree in the shape of a dragon, only the limbs bent the wrong way and his head looked like a melon that was almost fully cut in half and the entire head flaps when he talks. Also his tail was made of Discord’s connected to the base of his tail by their tails, which was probably the most disturbing thing I’ve seen in a while. “Fine, just don’t cause problems.” Well Jade, I don’t think we have to worry about that as the confusion god was less disruptive than Discord was. “This is a therapy session, I do not want a therapy session for this therapy session.” “Did someone say they needed a horrible therapy session to have a therapy session about?” Discord popped in while grinning. “Oh, hello there Veles, long time no see.” “I sense a great incoming headache.” I groaned out. “You have good senses!” Shouted Veles. “Think slowly!” Discord throws a jar down into the center of the group. -The next day, Airship Mauled, Jade- “So I wanted to get away from Pinkie and the other girls for a while.” Muttered a slightly upset Fluttershy. “We’re always going to be friends, but right now we’re being a little... distant.” “Twilight might have brought you together, but friendships as strong as yours never dies if you keep working at it.” My friendship with Bennu hasn’t exactly died and I told Fluttershy about Celestia. So I wasn’t surprised by what she brought up next. “So is group therapy with Mr. Anubis working? Discord mentioned he had fun… knowing him, he probably did a few things.” It seemed as if Fluttershy was still angry with Discord after the whole 'Grogar’s Bell' thing. “He did, but he at least cleaned up after himself.” Seeing the raised eye, I decided to at least drop a hint of what happened. “We did have a few problems with getting Thing One and Thing Two back into Pandora’s Box. Got a nice hat out of it and he was being about as subtle as a brick to the face that he wants me to ask you if your still annoyed with him.” “Isn’t Pandora’s Box a jar full of the world’s evils?” Sweet, innocent, Fluttershy... I would rather not tell her about this, but... I am all the world’s evils. “Eh, Anubis was there, any evil spirits in the jar just sank down to the very bottom of it to avoid his ire and only a few Things got out. Any ‘Thing’ beyond two is far weaker than you would think to deal with, you could have personally glanced those evils back into the jar.” I grinned. “It was actually pretty funny and laughable, Discord tried to help cheer us up in his unique way… even if he doesn’t know the meaning of self-control for obvious reasons. He at least showed me I’m not as squishy as I look, being among several gods during an event where a few of the world’s evils escaped a very magical jar. Though him turning it into an actual box leaves me somewhat worried who he’s going to mess with next.” “It better not be me, he’s still on thin ice as it is.” Woah, the shy pony had some bite with those words. “So can we discuss how you’re feeling right now?” “Far better than I have in a while, but I missed watching you grow up into a beautiful mare.” She blushed and pawed at the ground. “Thanks for the compliment, you’ve grown into a beautiful queen too.” Fluttershy tapped her hooves together. “I feel bad that all that stuff happened to you.” “Well I’m actually glad.” That a bunch of horrible stuff happened to me. “Really, why?” She looked worried about me. “Just imagine what would happen if I wasn’t in the past to help stop Anubis or make all of Saddle Arabia cry in fear?” Methinks that my friend couldn’t imagine it, but I certainly had a very vivid and active imagination. “Excuse me, but can I borrow this for a while?” I was lifted off the ground by a single hoof on my butt and carried off by Arizona. “Thank you!” -Center of Airship Mauled- The eternal fire was roaring in its place at the center of Airship Mauled, I still wondered if it would last beyond my death. I turned to Arizona as she sat down next to me. “So what do you need Zone of the Enders?” They ended a shadow plague before it could consume the world, so I thought it fit. “I need advice. You know I’m good at fighting, but I’m having problems coming up with hobbies outside of beating the living daylights out of things and I don’t feel like learning how to wield explosives as recklessly as my mother does.” Arizona had been lazing about lately. “While I know I’m ridiculously strong and could kick flank every day of the week without stopping, I need something else other than beating up my wives to occupy my time. Velvet pushes the limits of her magic, Paprika is learning cooking and I feel a little one note in what I can do.” “Yet you can do it so well that I technically don’t have a plan on how to defeat you… but I can see why you would come to me. Since I’m the best at distracting people.” I was Arizona’s best friend, outside of her wives. Her whole life was about becoming a strong cow and fighting, also adventuring and having fun. “Have you given any thought to rodeos, beast taming or basket weaving?” Arizona gave me a flat look at that last one. I’m quite sure she came to me on the basis that I, like Jacky, can give any adrenaline junkie their fix by just living around me long enough. “Bouncer for a club?” That suggestion had her as interested as the first two options I labeled. “Groupie and bodyguard for some famous person?” “I’d like to not be tied down to a single location or moving too much without my wives, also Paprika is world famous already and not because of her short lived career as a creepy mime. She’s actually in the world book of records for managing to hug the most people in a year, how one alpaca can hug half a billion people in a year is beyond me.” Don’t know what to tell you Arizona, but I wasn’t about to suggest Bounty Hunting… though anyone who saw you coming would immediately skip town if they knew you. “Have you ever actually been on a real date with either of your wives in the last few years or have you actually been coasting off of the mutually assured violence between you and Velvet?” It was the first question that came to mind when I thought of the relationship Arizona had with Paprika and Velvet. The silence was staggering. “I’m surprised Velvet even wants to go through with a ceremony after all the fighting we do, I can understand Paprika well enough because she loves us no matter how much we fight. She’s supportive of whatever we want to do, we’re her whole life and yet she still has time for hobbies. Like making healthy picnics for sell.” One hopes that Arizona understands that the whole alpaca love sight thing is extremely unnerving from an outsider’s perspective. “You’ve got me thinking of a few things at least… I really should treat my wives to some things, but to do that I need to start earning some bits. Well at least I need them to treat Paprika, Velvet’s actually happy with the love-hate inertia we’ve got going. Is it the weirdest thing ever to be married to someone who you share an alarmingly excessive amount of loathing and love for?” “I’m in love with a chimera that wanted to end me the first time we met, I have no wherewithal to actually comment on that.” I considered what Sekhet had asked me earlier. “How do you feel about the Guild we’ve never used?” “As long as we’re not actually called ‘The Airship Maulers’, I’d be happy.” Giving Arizona my flattest look ever, right now. “It sounds like something Jacky does by existing, not something we’d be doing for a living. I wouldn’t mind doing some odd jobs around here, someone would have to have use for a cow that can move furniture.” “To be fair to our prodigious piratical parrot, The Ardent Survivor is still capable of flight.” Too bad I can’t sustain the balloon to be tougher… it was too big an object for that. “Yeah, odd jobs and learning new things on them sounds good. Get Skelly in on it, she apparently has a past of doing odd jobs… might need a translator though. Fortitude and Flamberge did a lot of odd jobs while they were circumnavigating the entire world, best bet is to get Fortitude involved. Flamberge has been a bit busy with that visiting kitsune, not to mention the most recent crashed airship is opening a noodle store in our humble town. Said noodle shop is also incidentally a front for the Cat and Hawk subsidiary of the black market goods duo that Flamberge met in Neighpon and I approve of that wholeheartedly. Too bad they aren’t open to requests yet, could have really used their services for my plan.” “How you feeling Jade?” She finally asked. “Pretty good, the mental scars are going to chafe though.” I felt Arizona wrap a hoof around me. “I’ll feel even better when I know the leader of GODLESS isn’t going to send assassins after me again.” “I’m here for you when you needs someone’s head bashed in.” Arizona was being fairly comforting right now. “Just don’t ever ask me to milk myself.” “Completely understandable Zone.” I threw an arm around her as well and we relaxed together by the fire. “It’s good to be back.” “Not that we needed you, but we missed you all the same. Truthfully, we miss your insanity more than you.” Arizona grinned and we both started laughing. “I don’t think Maries or Fizzle can live happy lives without you in them and doing something to interrupt anything everyone else is doing... I'm calling best stallion at your wedding.” -Two days later, Manehatten, Extreme Wrestling Federation- “Your thoughts?” I said while looking at the two before me. “The offer is sound, in return for giving us Dispel Grace… we’ll stay out of your way and will not interfere in your take down of the leader of GODLESS.” Across from me was Shocking Awe. Standing behind him, with his arms crossed, was a silent Jock Hawk who kept flexing his bulging muscles as a form of intimidation. “That doesn’t mean we’ll stop chomping at the bit for good fights though! We’ll be antagonistic anywhere else other than Manehatten, which is now officially a neutral zone.”