//------------------------------// // Chapter 47 - Total Chaos (Part 2) // Story: A Pony Displaced: Homeward // by NoLongerSober //------------------------------// A grumbling Barrier was dashing along the Baltimare City streets, trying to find a tiny bit of sanity in a world gone crazy. The towering skyscrapers had been replaced with everything from toys and cards to stacks of crackers. There’s got to be some sort of transport still available here. Barrier grit his teeth as he ran and jumped along a bouncy street made of lime gelatin in a manner that would’ve made Pinkie Pie smile. Who knows what crazy things are happening in Canterlot if this is what Discord’s doing to Baltimare. After nearly an hour of frantically sprinting throughout the seaside city, Barrier came across a pegasus mare pulling an empty passenger carriage.  “Excuse me,” Barrier exclaimed just as he teleported alongside her. “Ma’am, I need you to get me to Canterlot as quickly as possible.” “Whoa, hold your horses there, pal.” The white coated pegasus held up a hoof as she spoke, another hoof moving to her temple to adjust the sapphire-blue headband that held back her crimson mane, “I ain’t takin’ anypony outta town. I’m part of a strictly local sky chariot service. ‘Sides which, things seem more than a little dangerous right now and I’ve never had to fly that far.” “Ma’am,” Barrier glowered at her. “I am a former member of the Royal Guard who needs to get to Canterlot as soon as equinely possible. I have both intelligence and power that could help put an end to what is currently going on.” “I’m sorry, mister,” she started to pull away from the charcoal stallion. “But I just don’t think that’s a good enough reason to stick my neck out when things are looking this damn nuts.” Barrier sighed and slapped a hoof to his forehead as the pegasus kept pulling away. “I’ll pay you a thousand bits.” The mare stopped in mid-step and her ears suddenly perked up. In an instant, she had turned around and was sporting a wide grin on her face. “What are you waitin’ for, mister? Canterlot awaits, so get your flank in gear!” Barrier rolled his eyes at her new found lack of concern and took a running leap at the chariot.  In the instant before his hooves could touch down, the chariot had turned into a large half of an orange. “Do… do you still want to go?” the mare looked over her shoulder at her passenger, seeing his hooves sinking into the fruit pulp. “Just. Get. Flying.” Barrier grumbled threateningly, making the pegasus flair her wings out.  “Roger that!” she shouted as she started flapping her snow-colored wings. After a matter of moments, the pair were airborne, quickly flying over the roofs of some of the warped buildings. Surprisingly, Barrier looked over the edge of the orange, seeing the ground with its roads made of cookie dough and grass made of concrete over a hundred feet below. I still feel safer than I would on a train. “Good afternoon, passengers!” The pegasus grinned as they climbed ever higher. “This is your captain, Crimson Tide speaking. We’re now booking it to Canterlot as fast as we can go. There are no planned stops currently so in the event you need a lavatory, please just go over the side and I’ll try to avoid hitting you should the need arise. In the event of a water landing, I think your orange can be used as a floatation device.” As Crimson Tide continued to ramble on, Barrier kept his eyes on the horizon; searching for any sign of the regal capital city. So far, however, he could only see mountains and trees stretching up and squatting as they flew. Privates, element bearers, princesses… Whatever’s going on, I hope you’re safe. *** Things were hectic and insane in Vanhoover where what was once called Squad Nine-Eight-Two ran through the city, attempting to save the city’s citizens. Trash cans were bouncing along the streets while some ponies were eating tables, as well as the skies rapidly shifted between day and night. In the Vineyard vineyard, a collection of grape vines were grabbing onto the workers and dragging them into the vanilla powder that was now the ground.  “Help!” one of the ponies screamed as the vines pulled him ever closer to the sinkhole. “For Faust’s sake, help us!” The stallion’s prayers were answered as a blue blur dashed past the vines, slicing them apart and freeing the workers. When the blur came to a halt, the workers saw the form of a tall unicorn mare standing over them as more vines began to rise from the ground. “Make your way to the park,” Swiftsword barked as she focused on the collection of vines that now stood like a nest of cobras getting ready to strike. “That seems to be the calmest place in town. My friends and I will fend these off.” The collection of the vines lunged forward, only to drop to the ground as a violet pegasus aileron rolled past, cutting them into ribbons with a pair of wing blades.  More of the vines leaned back before snapping forward, launching a volley of grapes at the unicorn mare who rolled to the side, avoiding the tiny fruit before they exploded. The vines reached back to launch a second volley, only for an orange light to engulf the plants before they were quickly consumed by flames. “Hope the farmers aren’t too mad over this,” Forge huffed as he and Hat Trick came to Swift’s side. “Should it come to it, I will reimburse them for the damages,” Swift firmly replied as she set her sword back in her scabbard. “Come, we must keep going.” The trio bolted away, leaping over the vineyard’s candy cane fences and took off along the side of the road, now composed entirely of wooden blocks. Minutes passed before they eventually made their way to the center of town, where they found Winter Gem and Verdant Range catching their breath next to a fountain that was spewing out lime scented soap. “Range, Gem, status report,” Swift barked, making the two stand at attention and salute almost instantaneously.  “Ma’am, we successfully located Mayor Chestnut Gavel,” Verdant said as he and Gem set their hooves down. “Unfortunately, she seems to think she’s a cat now,” Gem spoke up as she pointed to her left, where the group saw a brownish-gray unicorn mare playing with a ball of blue yarn on her back, occasionally whacking the ball with her curly dark brown tail. “Could you get her to the park?” Swift forced down her urge to chuckle at the sight of the mare pouncing on the yarn. “Have you ever tried to get a cat to go anywhere, Swift?” Gem rolled her eyes and sighed. “I think we’d have an easier time herding foals that’ve eaten a whole candy store.” Swiftsword took a deep breath and trotted forth. “Very well. For now, we’ll continue to—” “Help me!” a feminine voice screamed from nearby, making the squad’s ears stand on end. With her ears quickly flexing, Swift found the source of the scream was down about a block away. “Onward!” Swift charged ahead, the band falling in line by her side with trained ease as they made their way to the scream’s source.  They soon found the screams were coming from a blue and white griffin hen with a black beak sinking into the cobblestone street like quicksand. “We’re on our way, ma’am!” Swift called out as they headed towards her. They were a few feet away when they slammed into a steel wall that had appeared from literally nowhere.  The quintet started to stumble back when they found that the ground was now a steel floor with a large circle of bread and tomato sauce on top of it, causing them to tumble backwards as they saw stars circling around them. Two more metal walls appeared to go along with the one made of glass that boxed the group in. Before any of them could get back up, the hen appeared beside them and a rain of heavy cheese gratings and pepperoni slices the size and weight of sewer covers pinned them all down into the saucy dough. The entire room then began spinning around as all the cheese melted, pinning them to the oversized pizza before the whole thing was shot out the lowered glass door, landing in the street. “Sound off!” Swift barked as she struggled to rise. The cheese kept her from moving and her horn refused to light under the ton of topping. “Status report!” “Unable to move, Swift,” Hat Trick spoke up, his snout the only part of him sticking out from layers of cheese.  “Same here,” Winter groaned as she tried to use her earth pony strength to move, not even moving the cheese a millimeter. “Ay hern on’t erk!” Forge muttered from his buried mouth.  “I think Forge said he can’t use his magic to free us,” Verdant chipped in. “Faust curse it,” Swift sighed as she ceased her struggle. “This is insanity.” “You’re telling me,” a sixth voice joined in. “This has got to be the weirdest day ever.” Swift’s eyes shifted over to her left, where close to her was the hen they had tried to save, now stuck too in the cheese and pepperoni.  “Hi. My name’s Jaylin,” she said as she tried to move a foreleg under the cheesy mess. “I’d try to shake your hoof, but we’re all pretty stuck.” “Indeed,” Swift casually replied as she tried to spot anyone who could free them. “Still, the sentiment is appreciated.” “So…” Jaylin clicked her tongue before a moment of awkward silence passed. “Would you say this is the weirdest thing that’s ever happened to you guys?” “Pfft, hardly.” The purple snout sticking out of the pizza smirked. “Our friend Verdant once got a personal tour of Princess Luna’s colon. I’d say that was a lot weirder.” “Wait, what?” “Hatty, shut up!” Verdant shouted at the now giggling grin sticking out of the cheese. “I swear, I’m gonna slip ruby reaper into all your food for weeks once we’re out of here.” “Guys!” a familiar voice came from a nearby alleyway. Looking at the source, Swift saw it was Erica, who was rushing over with a twitching Fruity Punch on her back. “What the Tartarus is going on here?” “Honestly, we have very little idea, Erica.” Swift’s eyes fell onto the pink unicorn that was writhing in agony on the griffin’s back. “What’s wrong with Punch?” “I think whatever’s going on is screwing up her internal magic somehow. It’s making her—” Erica was interrupted by the pink unicorn’s sudden scream as one of her forelegs became long, blue and disjointed, her eyes became blood red with electric green sclera, and a single yellow wing that was well over three times the poor pony’s length exploded from her back. “Sweet Celestia’s flank, what’s happening to her?!” Jaylin shouted, as Punch’s other foreleg became a scaly fin, her coat turning orange and her horn retracted into her forehead. “M-m-magic…” Punch wheezed as she dragged herself off the griffin’s back, landing with a splat on the cheesy surface, her legs turning back as she struggled to lift herself up again. “Acting up. Everything’s so... chaotic. Do you think this is some sort of divine punishment for failing beautician school?” “My friends, I ask that you try to get us free,” Swift ignored Punch’s question as she struggled and strained.  “Right,” Erica nodded before trying to swipe at the cheese, only for her talons to have no effect. “Okay, I can’t cut you out. Guess we’ll have to eat you out.” Gem and Hatty snickered immaturely. “Which should we start with?” Erica’s eyes darted about the stuck six. “Start with Forge. His magic should hopefully be able to melt this damnable cheese and get us free much sooner,” Swift said, not seeing the pleading look in Forge’s eyes. “Right, Forge first,” Erica saluted the unicorn mare before dashing over to Forge’s side. “Now hold still, Forge. I don’t want to accidentally bite you.” Erica dug into the pizza, her beak just barely missing the unicorn’s face as she tore into the gooey cheese, covering her face in marinara. Forge’s breathing reached a fevered pitch as his eyes dilated at the sight before him. Too close! This is far too close to a hungry griffin’s mouth for comfort! The cobalt blue unicorn felt something nip at his ankles, making him squeal. Looking down, he spotted Fruity Punch, now with a blue mane and a beak tearing into the cheese around his ankles. “Almost got your horn free, Forge,” Erica spoke through a mouthful of cheese and marinara. “Just give me a second…” Once the hen had managed to finally free the horn from the cheese, Forge felt as if a horn ring had just been taken off. In a shining flare of orange light, his horn ignited as the light spread to the rest of the cheese still coating him. He poured every last ounce of energy he could into his magic, but the cheese didn’t react at all. Not even a singe or a bubble marred the surface. “Well, that was a bust.” Erica wiped the sauce off of her beak with her foreleg. “How the heck is magic proof cheese a thing?” “Keep going, Erica!” Swift shouted as she once more tried to pull herself free. “We need to get free as soon as possible!” “Right,” Erica sighed before letting out a small belch. “I’m gonna need a half-ton of fiber bars after this.” Erica started to dig in once more, entirely oblivious to Forge’s nervous whimpering.