Have I ever told you how much I love memes? Meh, you probably worked that out beforehand anyway. What kind of a brony doesn't enjoy memes?
I'm talking about memes now because I was acting one out now on the dining table of the Cadenzas. It was a rather small one, with room that would only accomodate eight ponies, so I assumed that this was the personal dining room, rather than a grand dining hall for all of nobility to feast in. There were 4 large chairs that were set out; they were each light blue in colour, similar to the walls of Prince Filio's bedroom and indeed most of Trottingham Castle, or at least, what I had seen of it during our walk to the dining room. Each of the chairs had a letter embroidered on to it with what I can only assume to be gold thread; one with the letter 'S', the one adjacent to that had 'F', the one across the table had 'A' and the last one next to that had the letter, you guessed it, 'M'. Storgia and Filio had taken their respective chairs, while Agapé's was left empty. How could he still be meditating? Myself, being far too small to use a chair, was seated on the table itself, in front of where Cadance would be sitting, if she were here. We were discussing the recent events at the Grand Galloping Gala, which led to my usage of the Skeptical 3rd World Kid.
'So you're telling me, that there were not one, not two, but five humans in attendence at the Gala?!'
'That's what we were able to find out, yes.' said Filio in a calm tone.
'And one of them punched the Princess Luna in the face?!?'
'Again, yes, that happened. I should probably ask Auntie Luna about how she is feeling after that.'
'Don't worry about it Filly! It takes more than a right hook to take Auntie Luna down!!' said Storgia in that same happy tone.
'What have I told you about calling me 'Filly'?'
'Sorry, Filio.' Damn, was Storgia a wallflower or what?
'Anyway,' I continued, 'Do you have any info on these Pieces?' If I was gonna come into contact with any of these guys, which I invariably was going to, it'd serve me well to know what I was faced with, 'cos after all, it'd be a crap Game without inter-Piece action...
Goddesses', that sounded so wrong.
Filio came to the attention and said 'Actually, yes, we do have information on a few of the more infamous Pieces that are known...' the way he said infamous just told you it was a stand in for 'the ones that fuck all the shit up'.
'The first is Griffin of the Griffin Pirates.' I rolled my eyes at this. I guess that some people tend to want to indulge their wildest fantasies when in a new world...
That being said, I wasn't going to rest easy here until I got a hug from Fluttershy.
And the name, seriously, what the hell? Griffin the griffin? Which unimaginative bastard named you?! I made it a point to bring up his stupid name if I ever met him.
'Griffin's first recorded appearance was in Stalliongrad Prison, where he was detained for possessing a weapon and for not paying the toll.' I heard him mumble something else around, '...what everyone only gets detained for...'
'He was involved in a prison break,' Now I'm listening... 'Resulting in the release of himself, along with his accomplice Gilda the griffin, and a certain Trixie the unicorn.' Wait what?!?!? Gilda and Trixie are with this guy?!?! Griffin, you've gleaned some respect from moi, your name is still stupid, and I shall still bring it up with you.
'Since then, he's been involved with uniting two tribes of cat-people,' 'kay, that means furries exist in Equis. 'Adding them to his crew, as it were, freeing slaves from the Diamond Dogs, the deaths of several dragons, including a black dragon, from which he forged his weapon, and we are given to believe that he had some involvement in ending the Changeling Invasion. He is also rumoured to be completely insane, with an insatiable bloodlust. He is currently planning on taking over the now barren Griffin Dominion and the Diamond Dog continent, Gem Fido, to which extent he has been on a 'rock and roll' tour of Equestria, ending in Canterlot, one day after the Grand Galloping Gala.'
My mind was now rolling. This Griffin guy, in the however long he's been here, has freed slaves, and by the way, I didn't know slavery was happening until that moment, killed dragons, made a weapon from one, helped in the Royal Wedding invasion, plans to take over not one but two continents and went on a rock tour? Griffin, you've gained a fuckton of respect from me, your name is still stupid, but I shall not question it for fear of a gruesome death.
'The second i-'
'Lemme tell the next one, Filio, you make it sound so booorrriiiinnngg!!!' Storgia butted in.
Filio replied with an exasperated sigh which everyone would recognise, and then 'Allright then, Storgia, go ahead...'
Storgia paused to clear his throat, and then promptly blew out all the torches in the room.
'Whoa, what the fuck?!'
'Don't worry, Aniseed,' Filio said to me mentally. 'As much as it pains me to say it, you're in for a treat!'
There were a few more seconds of silence and then a deep voice, like the ones announcing actors' names in adverts for epic films.
'Diamond Dog legend foretells that when the Sun and Moon are reunited,' The darkness swirled infront of me until it became a familiar illusion of two ponies I know very well.
Celestia and Nightmare Moon...
Nightmare Moon suddenly exploded and in her place was the Princess Luna, in her diminutive form as seen in Season 1, Episode 2. The two princesses nuzzled eachother before swirling off into the darkness. The voice continued.
'There will rise a hero, from a distant land.' A faint stick figure faded into view. 'A wolf, with a coat as white as the moon.' The figure was quickly taken over by a view of the back of a bipedal wolf, gazing into the moonlight, both shimmering in an eerie light. 'Wielding the blade of dragon's bane,', a katana materialised into the illusion wolf's hands. 'He shall cleave his land of that which oppresses, and unite them.' The wolf looks over his shoulder, grimaces, and then with expert precision, does a decapitating slice with the blade, ending the illusion and lighting all the torches in the room.
'So... awesome...'
'I know, right? Storgia has a certain knack for illusions, in fact, I was surprised that it wasn't on his cutie mark!'
'Thank you, thank you! Really, you are too kind!' Storgia had ended up standing on the dining table and was currently bowing to us. Having heard the legendary tale, I inquired to Filio as to why he thought the legend was a human.
'Well, for one, it is a wonder that he exists at all. The wolves of old died out long ago.'.
'And so you think he was summoned in the form of a wolf?'
'That's pretty much the thought process, yes.'
It sounded like such an error, but it was the only thing that we could go on. How often does a species come out of extinction without magical intervention? There were now 2 humans I had to watch out for, but I needed info on the others.
'So, we have an axe crazy griffin rock god and a legendary wolf continent liberator thing. Anyone else?
Filio prepared to speak up but was interrupted by a knocking on the door.
'Ah, yes, come in, please.'
The door opened and in walked a chef pony accompanied by two waitresses, holding covered dishes with magic. They laid out dishes for each of us; two in front of each of the Princes, and three in front of me. The chef then spoke up.
'Dinner is served, your Majesties.'
'Thank you, sir, but you need not be so formal with us.' Filio said with a sincere smile on his face.
'Enzo!' Storgia piped up, 'How has everything been?! Has dear Carmelita begun to show yet?'
'Haha, yes she has, your Majesty!', Enzo's face suddenly lit up with a bright smile. Storgia's did the same as they went into discussion about possible names for Enzo's incoming foal.
Storgia is doing his job well... I thought to myself privately. Can I?. It was bugging me slightly that I was going up against Gods know how many others in this Game. How am I, one Parasprite, going to be able to compete with all of the others? I was at least consoled by the fact that most of the humans I had heard about were put here to seemingly do good.
As I was thinking this, Storgia's conversation with Enzo had ended and the latter had left with the waitresses. Filio lifted the silver lids off of each of our dishes that were now in front of us.
'I didn't know what sort of food you liked, so I had the standard teenage affair prepared. How do hay chips and a daisy sandwich sound to you?' Filio asked me as he lifted my lid.
And by my alicorn Prince Game Masters, the smell! If heaven existed, it smelled like this! It was like the best fish and chips you could think of, but so much better! I just wanted to scoff all of it down right away!
But I had a problem. I hadn't worked out how to fly yet, and I was unable to walk up to plate, or climb up it, or do the bouncing thing that Pinkie made the Parasprites do...
In other words, I was being denied my deliciousness.
'Erm, guys, help.' I said rather pitifully.
The brothers were both amusing themselves yet again at my helplessness. It wasn't fair! I wanted my food and I couldn't have it! I continued to wave my legs at the plate in a pleading manner.
'Come on help me this isn't fair I want my foo-oooo-ooo-oo-od!' Not the most dignified of my moments.
Filio finally stopped teasing and gave me a magical lift onto my plate. Finally, it's mine! The chips were stacked as high as my own height. So not particularly high, but still, for me, this was gonna be a challenge...
Or was it...
I'm a Parasprite. The kings of eating. This is nothing.
I stretched my mouth out and took a bite out of the chips. And it was delicious!
I continued, mouthful after mouthful, until they were all gone. Storgia and Filio were both staring at me, mouths agape.
I had eaten all of my chips in about 2 seconds.
The Princes straightened themselves up slightly. Filio decided to speak up.
'So, um... enjoy your chips?'
'Uh, yeah...' This was so awkward, I swear down. I had probably broken all rules of etiquette in front of the Princes! I resolved with myself that I should explain.
'Parasprite reflexes, I guess, heh heh...'
'Oh no, no, that's perfectly fine. I mean it was just... wow.'
'Yeah.'
'...'
'I'll have the sandwich a little slower, shall I?'
'Can we stop being awkward now?!' Storgia asked with a miffed look on his face.
'... So, humans!
'Yes, as I was saying...'
I soon learnt about the other three guys at the Gala, one who was 'The Iron Handed Terror' Celt, a bugbear with a bounty after getting piss drunk at the Gala, ending up in a fight between him and Griffin, which resulted in a curbstomp. His whereabouts were currently unknown. The second was a dragon of undiscernable name and gender, who was the one that attacked Princess Luna in a fit of rage for an unknown reason. Its whereabouts were also currently unknown. The third was a changeling who took a more humanoid form (guess he misses being human. I know that feel. I want my hands back.) and went by the name of 'Knightmare'. He owns a 7 string guitar, the strings being rainbow lightning (dafuq?) and is musically adept. He was currently at the Royal Palace of Canterlot. The night ended with the Nightmare which possessed Princess Luna possessing Octavia, turning her into Nightmare Octave, who was eventually defeated by Knightmare (Knightmare takes out Nightmares, oh yeah), but not before a mass breakout at Canterlot Zoo, which had to be dealt with by Griffin, who killed pretty much everything.
Some kickarse party.
'And I guess that answers your third question back in my room.'
'Third question?'
I backtracked my thoughts to when we were in the room. And then I remembered.
'I asked you guys about when you decided to bring me here.'
'Yeah, after the Grand Scandalous Gala, we decided 'hey, it's not fair, all these so called Gods putting you guys here to have an influence, and we can't have our say, especially after Auntie Celestia brought one of you too!', so we decided that we were gonna try it out, just to see what would happen, and it worked, so here you are!' Storgia explained to me. It seemed like sound enough logic, given the circumstances (such as I'm a fucking Parasprite in Equestria) but there was one detail that had to be mentioned.
'Princess Celestia has a Piece?!'
'Yes, that Knightmare fellow is here by the grace of our dear aunt!'
The stakes must have been high if the co-monarch of Equestria herself was putting a Piece down. I now seriously needed to know just exactly what the flying feather was going on with these Gods putting humans here. Why? To have an influence. On what?
I didn't know. And that bugged me, pun not intended.
I had finished my daisy sandwich by now. The Princes had both finished whatever they were eating. It was then that I noticed a pulling in my stomach (do I have a stomach?), as if I needed to vomit.
'Uh oh.' Seen enough MLP to know where this is going. 'Guys, tissue, now.'
Storgia levitated a tissue in front of me and I gave up on resisting. I spat out the inevitable brown glob onto the tissue and watched it form colour and wings, finally opening its eyes.
So there it was, 2 Parasprites. And yes, yes I did say the line.
'THE PARASPRITES HAVE BEEN DOUBLED!!!'
After Storgia and Filio stopped staring at me awkwardly, I realised that I had a problem on my hands legs. There is a new Parasprite around. I have to look after it. Crap. I thought the best thing to do would be to give it a name at least.
Now to think. This was my son. Who I had. Without sex. A virgin birth. I had it.
'Your name is now Jesus.'
'Seriously Dad? For real?'
Holy shit it speaks!
And it knows about the Bible...
'Yeah, turns out I know everything you know, which is surprisingly little...'
'Oi!' So I had a smack talking son too? Great...
Soon after I had thought that, the reflex came back and I spat out another two globs. These two became yellow and blue, and flew up next to the red Jesus.
'Well, then I guess you're Joseph...' said I, pointing to the blue one, 'And you're...'
Crap. All out of Bible.
What? I'm an Atheist, never paid attention in RS lessons.
Well, was, before y'know, hearing about all these human summonings.
Let's think of something relating to Jesus...
Wait a minute...
Stable next door.
'Hello, Brian.'
Monty Python is awesome.
'Well, I suppose you should greet your brothers, Jesus.', while I work out just what the hell I'm going to do with you...
'Salutations, idiot siblings!'
I hate Jesus.
While all this was happening, the Princes where staring at me awkwardly for the third time that night.
'Did... did you not hear that?'
'Hear what?' Storgia asked. 'You were chirping a bit... wait, were you speaking to them?'
'Yeah.' What else would I be doing? 'It was nothing important.'
As I said that, would you believe, yet another pull from my stomach!
'Three's enough for one night, dammit!'
I suppressed the reflex and suddenly it had dissapeared completely. I felt lighter. Better. More powerful.
Wait what?!
And guess what the Princes were doing? That's right, staring awkwardly.
I let out an exasperated sigh. 'What is it this time?!
Filio pointed with a hoof at me. 'Your wings.'
I looked back and my wings..
Were fucking.
Glowing.
'Holy dear mother of you guys!', what, think I'm freaking out over nothing? Come back when one of your limbs starts pulsating.
'Huh.' Filio put a hoof to his chin. 'It seems as if your magical resonance suddenly spiked after you didn't spit another Parasprite.'
'Listen, that's all very well and good, but do you know how to unresonify my magic?!'. At the time, this shit was eerie as hell. I was in a perfectly stable state before this, and now, for all I knew, I was a ticking time bomb.
'...Try spitting. I want to see what happens.'
I didn't need persuading. I go for the spit and what happens?
A Hadouken. That's how I describe it best. A freaking white chi ball came out of my mouth.
Needless to say, I was stoked.
'I got magic baby!!!'
Except it didn't really do anything. It collided in the wall and just dissapated. Heh. I have hidden magic that does nothing? This needed to be researched.
But more importantly, my wings stopped glowing.
'Hooray, we have been saved from the terrible fate of absolutely nothing.'
'Shut up, Jesus.'
'Well, that's interesting...' Filio said, 'It seems Parasprites have a special brand of magic. That is unless Agapé granted it as your gift...'
'Gift? What?'
The Princes both stood up from the table and addressed me while I was still on my plate.
'The series of spells that allowed us to enter your world and bring you here leaves a large surplus of magic surrounding the caster,' Filio begun to explain. 'What is done with this magic is in the hands of the caster, but they, more often than not, choose to use this magic to give their Pieces special abilities or items.'.
'So you think my magic was Agapé's gift?'
'He refrained from telling me, but I suspect it is. Agapé is a sort of magic enthusiast.'
Well now I at least know something about the guy. But this idea of gifts got me interested.
'Say.. did either of you two give me any gifts?'
Filio was now grinning. Storgia was doing the same, but so hard, he looked like he could explode.
'As a matter of fact, yes,' Filio started. Storgia kept silent. 'Seeing you as you are now for the first time, I wondered whether you would have trouble communicating, knowing that Parasprites don't usually possess the ability to do so naturally. I therefore used the magic to allow you to be able to telepathically communicate with anything in your line of sight. Your communication with us, however, is without bounds.'
'Well that's handy.'
'Ah yes, and one more thing. In case of the world pulling a U-turn and giving you the ability to speak normally, I prevented the eventuality of a useless gift by adding an extra. You should be able to communicate with anypony regardless of language, and to animals as well. Nifty, eh?'
I approved of the gift Filio gave me. Communication with anything? Looks like I'll be able to hear what Angel thinks in that douchebag mind of his...
At this point, Storgia was pent up with excitement, shaking like a jackhammer and was almost foaming at the mouth.
I guessed that he was waiting for me to ask what his gift was. If it was making him this excited, it must be awesome, right?
'And what did you give me, Sto-'
'I gave you a map!!!'
Whut? 'A... a map?'
'Yes, but not just any old map! I gave you a map,', he pressed his front hooves into his temples, 'IN YOUR MIND!!!'
...Whut?
I looked over to Filio and raised a (nonexistant) eyebrow. He just did the shrug, you know the one.
'Storgia, what do you mean?'
'Hear me out here! Just close your eyes and focus!'
'If you say so...'
I closed my eyes and started to concentrate.
'You have no idea how stupid you look right now.'
'Shut up, Jesus!'
After a few more seconds, an object came into view.
'See anything, Aniseed?' Storgia asked.
'I see a green arrow... and nothing else.
'Perfect! It worked!'
'...but it's just an arrow...'
'Ah, yes, see, the arrow is you, and I think you are too far away. You need to... what's the word when you make the map bigger?'
'Zoom in?' I hazarded.
'Yes! You need to zoom in!'
I willed my focus to get closer to the arrow and it started. The arrow remained the same size but a blue expanse came into view. When it fully filled my vision I stopped it. It looked strangely familiar.
And then I realised. It was a completely perfect floor plan of Trottingham Palace. Or at least the areas I had seen.
'I got Trottingham Palace, but that's all on this map.'
'That's to be expected. See, I wasn't able to put a full map of Equis into your mind, so instead, I left it empty but constantly updating to have all of the places that you have already visited. And I bet that if I show you a map of the known world that we have, it should get implanted into your mindmap!'
'Wow, that's... surprisingly crafty of you Storgia.'. If this worked, it would have meant that Storgia would have single handedly overcome the issue of not having enough magic, by circumventing the need for it entirely.
It was the magic equivalent of trolling.
'I'm not finished!' Storgia brought me back to attention, 'In addition, you should be able to label ponies or other beings of interest, and track their movements! Try it!'. He sounded eerily similar to a video game tutorial...
Regardless, I opened my eyes and focussed on Storgia, supposing that that was how it was done, and sure enough, on the map, across the table from the green arrow that was me, was Storgia's cutie mark, several blue and red hearts arranged to form one heart, and his name: Prince Storgia Cadenza.
'Now watch!'
I heard the tell tale clopping of hooves that told me that Storgia was moving about, and his mark on the map started moving to match his movements.
'Which part of the room am I in?!'
'Right corner.'
He moved some more.
'And now?'
'At the window.'
'Brilliant! Everything works as intended! I can't wait to show Gappy that it actually worked!', exclaimed Storgia as I exited the mindmap, coming back to the room. I quickly remembered that I should probably mark Filio on the map as well. His mark, a red heart with two swords crossed behind it, and on the heart in black two interlocked hooves, grasping eachother, was placed onto the map.
Filio then walked over to the door and opened it. Stifling a yawn, he said, 'Well, I think we've had enough learning about ourselves for one night,' he started chuckling a bit, 'I say it's high time we got some rest, don't you?'.
'Sounds like a plan.'
'Yeah, I guess we should...'
'Listen, that's all very well and good, but unlike you guys, I actually have things to do with my life, so if you'll excuse me...'
'Jesus, don't you fly out of that window now!'
'And how are you going to stop me?'
Stupid, technically correct Jesus! He had now flown out of the window and was nearly out of sight. With nothing to focus on, neither of the Princes could TK grab him.
'Shit! He'll tear up the Royal Garden!'
From outside I heard a distant voice.
'Screw you, beeyatch!'
Fucking Jesus! How in Equis was I meant to force him back here?
Wait.. force him back...
How did Pinkie do it?
Music.
I went and whistled the first thing that came into my head. Fearing the worst, I had expected nothing to happen, but soon enough, I saw a small red dot flying up to the window.
'Gotcha!'
Jesus came flying back through the window and came to hover around me, all while spouting enough curses to make a sailor blush.
'Well, thank goodness that that episode is over!', said Filio, 'We should make our leave now. Shall we?'.
Storgia once again levitated me and the other three Parasprites onto my back and we started off towards the guest quarters, where I would be staying. On the way, I turned to face Jesus.
'Hey Jesus!'
'What?!'
'Screw you, beeyatch!'
You have no idea how good that felt.
Author's notes: This chapter was basically Aniseed learning about what is going on here and getting a few of his powers. The Hadouken shall be explained in due time, be patient!
Second point to make, I need to mention a few references. Griffin is from BlackWing's Griffin the Griffin, the legendary wolf is Aoi from Io's The Blue Stranger, The Red Curtain, Celt, 'The Iron Handed Terror' is from Troutking's What was Lost, the unnamed dragon is Ember from Tamara Bloodhoof's Dancing Flames, Cooling Ember and Knightmare is from JJ Malcolm's From Nobody to Knightmare. I suggest you read all these fics, they are the absolute bomb!
Thirdly, shoutouts to all of you guys who favourited, especially DataPacRat, who has an awesome Chessverse story in Myou've Gotta be Kidding Me... Seriously so good.
Finally, be warned, for the next chapter shall contain a large amount of feels.
Thank you, and that is all!
-TheAirHideous