//------------------------------// // Bush March // Story: Trot Buddies! // by shortskirtsandexplosions //------------------------------// “Of all the stupid cartoonish hare-brained schemes that Trixie could ever get herself involved in...” “... … ...” “This is never going to work. How could it work?!? It's like trying to cross a busy highway wearing cheap stage decorations!” “... … ...” “Ugh! And why is Trixie's fur chafing? I think I'm having an allergic reaction to whatever leaves are growing from these thorny branches! Take a look. Here—see? Does Trixie look like she's breaking out into a rash to you?” “... … ...” “Helloooo?!? Are you listening to a word Trixie is saying?! Or are you too busy being a self-centered nincompoop?! Let's not forget it was you who got Trixie into this mess—!” “Will you please can it?!” Flash Sentry snarled. “This is supposed to be a secret sneaking mission!” This entire time, he had been doing the main hoofwork: namely carrying the two of them and a large cluster of vegetation across the rolling hillsides of Equestria. Literally—he was carrying Trixie. The lighter, softer of the two ponies took it upon herself to hold the multiple branches of the bush, so that it spread up and outward like an umbrella—covering the two trot buddies. “More like secret sucking mission!” Trixie huffed. “Guh! It's barely been ten minutes of this godawful trek and Trixie is already sweating! Feel it?! Do you feel the Great and Powerful Trixie sweating?” “Feel it. Smell it. Loathe it.” Flash himself was drenched in perspiration. He may have possessed strong horse limbs, but he was still unaccustomed to such hard labor over a long-distance trot. He kept his muzzle and gaze steady, following the zig-zagging movements of no less than three other “bushes” shuffling in a sporadic, serpentine fashion across the fertile valley of Equestria. “Can we complain a little less, though?” He huffed and puffed. “I'm trying to concentrate on the rest of the train.” “You call this scouting party a 'train?!'” barked Trixie, fidgeting atop Flash's posterior. She nevertheless did her part—holding the branches in a tight formation as they crossed a dirt road, navigated a shallow stream, and hugged the southern crest of a sloping hillside. “It's more like a smattering is misguided gandy dancers at best!” “Could you re-word that?” Flash panted and sweated. “I don't speak David Copperfield.” “Magic has nothing to do with it! And if it did—it'd be a horrible act at that! I mean—just look at this path Sunset is making us take!” Trixie gestured towards the horizon, nearly throwing off their camouflage. Flash gave her a little shake, and she recovered with a frown. “Look... all Trixie is trying to say is that if we stuck closer to the fenced wheatfields to the north—we'd blend in more with the local shrubbery!” “A little late for throwing her that suggestion, don't you think?” Flash wheezed. “Trixie was too busy trying to prove a point!” “Yeah? And what point was that?” “... … …” “Take your time!” Flash sweated and trotted. “I'm not going anywhere—except everywhere.” “This whole thing is still stupid,” Trixie grumbled, trying to maintain balance atop his spine. “And even with your slight alteration, it's still half-stupid.” “Jee, thanks.” “I swear—the only reason Sunset's going through with this is because she has an ego to maintain! And this is her way of proving it!” “Y'know, for all the egotistical ammunition you have for firing at Sunset's decision-making, you at least have to respect the fact that she's trying her darnedest to take care of everyone who hopped off that cruise ship!” Flash grunted and strained as he pulled the two of them over a rising mound of earth. Ahead of them—they could faintly see the bush belonging to Bulk Biceps and Derpy Hooves. The distance was growing wider with each obstacle they encountered. “No, Sunset isn't perfect, but she's doing a whole lot more than either you or I have since this whole crazy debacle began! Would it really kill either of us to show her some support?!” “Well, there's no needing to convince Trixie precisely where you lie.” “Ugh...” Flash rolled his eyes. “Please... not again with this—” “If you wanted to be on board with your girlfriend's plan so badly, why didn't you volunteer to share the bush with her?!?” Flash Sentry skidded to a stop. Trixie jerked in place atop of him. Blinking, she squinted confusedly down at her “mount.” “What is the meaning of this?!” Trixie rasped. “Haven't we lost enough ground as it is?” “I want you to promise...” Flash gritted his teeth, frowning into the sweat-drenched soil beneath them. “...to stop calling her my 'girlfriend.'” “Oh, hop out of the closet already, sad-sack.” Trixie blinked at herself, then tapped her chin in thought. “Or would that count as 'hopping back into the closet...?'” “I mean it!” Flash grumbled. “I'm not gonna stand for it anymore!” Flash growled. “How many times am I going to have to just roll over and let you get away with this stupid horse hockey?!” “Hah!” Trixie belched. “'Horse hockey!' You made a funny—” “Don't try steering this conversation elsewhere! Look at me!” Flash looked up at her, brow furrowed in righteous fury. “This is as serious as I'm ever going to put it. Drop the 'she's your girlfriend' crap or you can trot the rest of this journey on your own!'” “Sad-sack...” “And... a-and I hate to put it to such an extreme, but you're really leaving me no choice!” “Sad-sack... … ...” “Believe it or not, I care about you, Miss Lulamoon! And—let's face it—if I'm not going to be your trot buddy, who in the heck else is gonna frickin' volunteer for it—?!” “Sad-sack!” “Stop! Calling! Me! Sad-sack!” he hollered. She grasped his head with one hoof and forced him to look eastward. “Look!” “... … ...” Flash's muzzle dropped. His wide eyes blinked through a curtain of sweat, darting north and south. There was no sign of the rest of the scouting party. “I... I-I don't see anything...!” he wheezed. “That's just because you lost the rest of our team!” Trixie's voice cracked. “Why on earth did you choose to stop and yell at Trixie all of a sudden?” “Uhhhhhhhh...” Flash's legs shook, wobbled, then finally—WHUMP! He and Trixie collapsed to the earth like broken christmas ornaments. The branches of the bush scattered all around their exposed pony bodies as they lay breathless and alone. “Uhm...” He smiled crookedly, a blush spreading through his muzzle. “...whoops?” “Hmmmf!” Trixie turned her nose to the sun. “Way to go, sad-sack!”