//------------------------------//
// Chapter Seventeen 
// Story: My Dear Shy - Life in Equestria 
// by Keeper-of-Harmony 
//------------------------------//

"Remember to stay in bed after you take your medicine~" Twilight sing-songs as she gleefully trots out of the bedroom.  She halts right at the threshold and spins around to look at me with a wide, satisfied grin.  "And thanks for the massage!" she says cheerfully, twirling back around as she finally exits the bedroom.

I could only stare in traumatized silence.  The whickering...  The moaning...  Oh the horror.

Here I am.  Alone.  Alone without a television to keep me entertained.  Though I should have bit my tongue for saying I'm alone when a serpent-like creature with mismatched appendages crawls along the ceiling above me, head twisting around as his jaundiced yellow eyes gazes down at me.  He wiggles his talons.  I shake away my trauma and frown.

The interloper that is Discord crawls some more until he's directly above me.  He then stands on the ceiling upright (although in this instance wouldn't it be 'downright'?) as his neck turns another one-hundred-eighty degrees until he's facing his front.  The deity has a grandiose grin plastered on his upside-down face.  I would have been concerned about his grin if not the fact that I'm shuddering from his bones audibly snapping, crackling, and popping earlier.

"Well hello, Rick," Discords begins ever so casually as he purposely ignores the face I'm making.  "Tis not a fine morning we have here?"

I glare at him before laying down.  "Not really in the mood, Discord," I grouchily say as I pull the covers over my stomach.  "Can't you see I'm sort of unwell at the moment?"

"Ah, yes," Discord nods, stroking his unruly goatee.  "The whole barfing incident at the buffet, as I heard recently."

"Typical you eavesdropped," I accuse.

"Such accusatory verbiage," says the spirit.  He snaps and vanishes and instantly reappears right by my side in a flash, that smile of his still etched on his cheeky face.  "I couldn't simply idle by while my poor, sad, depressed, miserable-"

"I get it!" I growl.  "Why are you trying to make my life a living hell?"

Discord gasps.  "I would never do such a thing!  What kind of a friend do you take me for?"

"An ass," I reply wryly.

Discord clicks his tongue as he shakes his head in disappointment.  "Is that anyway to treat your friends?"

"Only when they're being jerks," I grumble.  "I appreciate the concerns," I say as I turn away from the spirit, yanking the blanket over my shoulder, "but right now I'm cranky from a bad wake up call.  So if you want to be the friend you say you are, I suggest you leave me alone so I can rest until my daughter returns with my food."

Knowing how obviously stubborn Discord is trademarked to be, he arches over me like a bridge and we're face to face once more.

"Looks like somepony woke up on the wrong side of the bed," Discord notes as he snaps his talon.  Bear traps, skunks, and barbed wire fences are scattered around the floor to where I'm facing.  Leave it to Discord to literalize everything he says.  He snaps and the hazards poof up in smoke.

"Isn't the first time I've been told that," I mutter.  My stomach gurgles.  I make a sudden grab for the bucket as precaution.  The feeling, however, goes down south, and now I have the compulsion to expel something gassy.  To avoid the embarrassment, I hold it in.

Discord frowns concernedly, to which I find suspicious.  "My oh my.  You look rather pale, my friend," he says.  Discord snaps his talon and vanishes but returns a second later dressed in... a pink nurse's outfit, with high heels and a nurse's cap to boot.  Seeing Discord -- a creature made up of different animal parts -- wearing that outfit very much qualifies as nightmare fuel for me.  What's been seen cannot be unseen...  "Come on, Rick.  At least let me provide you service.  Nothing would make me happier than help a friend in need," he says, giving a curtsey.

Now I'm really tempted to gouge my eyes out.  And why did those last three words sound familiar?

I cross my arms and stare at him dubiously.  I then pinch the bridge of my nose and sigh in exasperation.  "Fine," I reply simply.  "Maybe you can be useful and bring me-"

"Done!" Discord chimes as he snaps the digitals of his lion paw.  A shot glass filled with water appears and floats before my very eyes.

I blink at the floating object, arching a brow.  "Uh... Thanks," I say while making an uncertain reach for it.  "Though I was actually going to-"

"Way ahead of you!" Discord interrupts me again, conjuring up an extra fluffy pillow that voluntarily tucks itself underneath my initial one.  "Anything else you need?" Discord asks.

"Thanks..." I say, agitated.  "But what I really want is-"

A very thick blanket appears and shrouds over me like a flying predator.  Another heavy blanket layers over me and my mouth.  Then another, and then another, to the point where I'm unable to budge or speak even.  I squirm helplessly underneath my fabric prison.

"Is there anything else I can do?" Discord asks, filing his talons self-admirably.  "How about another glass of water?  Perhaps a massage?  What about a sponge bath?  Acupuncture?  Or how about-"

I erupt into an explosive rage, throwing the covers off of me with every ounce of feverish strength.  My whole face burns red that steam is actually belching out of my ears as I seethe at the deity.

"No! No! And hell no!" I bellow.  I jump out of bed and stomp towards Discord with my arms flailing wildly in the air.  "For the love of God just please get me my flippin' sauce! I swear you must have been born on a highway, because that's where most accidents happen!" I shout.  "And I would castrate you, but it seems somebody has already beaten me to it!  Is this how you get your sick kicks?!" I add.

I could hear frantic hoofsteps coming from outside the bedroom door.  Fluttershy bursts through the door as her face is contorted with worry.

"I heard yelling!  Is everything okay, Fath-" Fluttershy's mouth freezes as her eyes widen, aghast.  She covers her mouth with a hoof and points at the draconequus' attire.  "Discord? Wha... Just what are you doing here?  And w-why are you wearing that?!"

Discord taps his digits together.  "Well you see, Fluttershy," he coughs nervously, "I-I was-"

"You was torturing me is what you were doing!" I exclaim, accusing him with a pointing finger.  My daughter gasps by this.

Fluttershy turns to the draconequus.  "Is that true?" Fluttershy asks with scolding eyes.  Discord shrugs.

"Well I wouldn't particularly say it was torture but-"

"Discord!" Fluttershy chastises.

Discord quickly holds his lion paw and talon up defensively.  "Now, now, Fluttershy.  I was merely trying to help!  I thought I'd cater your father's wishes as gesture of goodwill.  I mean, I am reformed aren't I?" Discord explains.

My daughter turns to me inquisitively.  "Is that true, Father?" she asks.

"Initially," I respond, "but I haven't even asked one darn thing and he's been showering me with unnecessary things!  All I wanted was one simple thing: and that was a jar of my special sauce."  I gingerly rub the base of my forehead as I can feel a headache coming on.

"And is that also true?" Fluttershy inquires.

Discord hangs his head low, guilt-ridden, like a scolded child.  He pauses before answering with a sigh.  "Yes, it's true.  Of course I asked for his permission first."

I cross my arms, glaring at the spirit incredulously.  "You didn't ask me anything you liar!  I said 'you could do something useful and bring me-' and that's when you started giving me this stuff I didn't ask for!" I said, breathing heavily.  Fluttershy takes the air and hovers over to me, holding my hand.

"Now, Father," Fluttershy tuts, her soft voice assuaging my anger, "this temper isn't going to help you get any better, so why not just take a deep breath and lie back down in bed."

She rubs my hand placatingly.  I stare at my daughter, then at the spirit, and back at her again.  Soon I find myself simmering down once I've seen the imploring look on Fluttershy's face.  I inhale through my nostrils deeply and blow out a collected sigh.  Fluttershy beams and slowly guides me to her bed.  I slide into bed as my beloved daughter pulls the sheets over me.  She flies to the spirit, whispering something in his ear.  Discord nods and shuffles toward me.

He doffs his nurse's cap, holding it across his chest, looking awfully remorseful.  I roll my eyes.  "I do apologize for my nuisance," Discord begins, his digits thumping on the cap.  "I only wanted to show everypony that I'm not the tyrant I once was."  The spirit looked to me with trembling lips and puppy dog eyes.  "Do you think you can forgive me?"

I deadpan.  I have a hunch this is all an act.  Regardless, seeing as my daughter expects an answer out of me I roll my eyes and sigh begrudgingly.  "I forgive you..." I drawl on the last word.  Discord's lips literally swirl from a frown to a brightened smile, demeanor changed in an instant.

"Oh I just knew you had a heart in you!" Discord springs with glee.  He slides out an x-ray monitor from offscreen and presents it in front of me, showing off my itty-bitty, shriveled heart.  It then grows an umpteenth times it's size that it's breaking the borders of the x-ray monitor.

I'll give Discord pointers for the The Grinch reference.

"BUT," I add.  "How about next time you don't wear that?" I point at his nurse's outfit.  "Seriously, you make me want to throw up," I say with a cringe.