~Dear Diary~
I don’t consider myself to be a violent person.
I get mad the same as any creature else, and there are days where I wish it was more socially acceptable to light ponies on fire, but I know well how such thoughts are usually fleeting.
Rage, fear, anger, sorrow; these emotions are both powerful and intoxicating to a youthful mind such as mine. Tantrums were common when I was first getting used to my second bout of infancy, as too were random spikes of aggression. I scratched, bit, and charbroiled a fair share of ponies before I could even crawl. It was not uncommon for foalsitters, such as little Moonhoofer, to approach me in full suits of armor when it came time to clip my claws, or even bathe me.
Despite this sordid past of mine, I still don’t consider myself to be a violent person.
I look back on these childish episodes not in reverence but in disappointment for my blatant lack of self-control. Adults should always strive to be levelheaded when presented with change, no matter how emotionally charged it may be. I should've known better how acting on such instincts, such juvenile tendencies, would lead me not but to ruin yet act on them I did.
I’m grateful that I eventually saw the error of my ways, and have since sworn off violence as an acceptable solution to my ever growing problems...
… That having been said though, I’m not so above it all that I’d outright lie about enjoying the sensation of my fist colliding with a pony’s face.
There's just something so unnaturally serene about striking those big muzzles of theirs. The crunching noise, the bending of bones, the dilation of pupils; there’s just something about the whole process that tickles the joy center of my draconic brain. Like a blast of serotonin, I can’t help but feel good when I think back on how I rose above my trepidation and, for lack of a better descriptor, “defended my hoard.” Anger and rage had boiled over in that hectic instant, giving rise to a side of myself I was unaware even existed.
It’s strange. While I still regret the actions I took back during my hatchling-hood, and use them as motivators to strive to do better... I can’t bring myself to condemn my choice to lash out as I had. It just felt right and rightly just, if that makes any sense.
Again I feel it necessary to reiterate that I, despite my momentary bout of bloodlust, don’t consider myself to be a violent person.
What I do consider myself to be, however, is a dragon.
Never before has this fact been made more apparent to me than it has right now, as I find myself faced with an opponent unlike any other.
As I find myself faced with the one and only Prince Artemis.
◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠
“Now that’s a proper start to an entry!”
A smile graces my lips as I raise my head and quill out from the diary’s many pages.
"In your face, writer’s block!" I mock my metaphysical foe. "Hah! I should have even more to work with once we’re actually done here too…”
Casting eyes across the room, I grant my guest a quick glance.
“... You’re not going to keep a lady waiting too much longer, right Artemis?” I casually ask the sitting pony in his chair.
The young Prince does not reply.
I expected as much.
“Hmph,” I snort, placing The Poisoned Barb back into my purse. “Come on, dude. This is starting to get pathetic.”
Artemis remains silent.
“You’re supposed to be a flipping alicorn, Archie,” I bark curtly, approaching closer. “The very embodiment of the three tribes? Master of the moon?”
Silence still reigns.
“...”
… Stomp
My foot slaps against the ground, echoing against the wooden walls.
“You’re not supposed to be such a pushover!” I shout, raising my voice. “You’re not supposed to be such a wimp...”
Still Artemis remains motionless.
“...”
With a last huff of smoke, I march myself right on over to the blue alicorn’s side, and scream directly into his ear a demanding cry of;
“So flipping wake up already!!”
Artemis responds…
… by slumping over in his seat.
He was, unfortunately, still very much an unconscious stallion.
"For the love of Solaris you are such a weenie, Archie,” I groan, returning to my adjacent sitting stool. "Maybe I should get another cold bucket of water... Hmph. Gentlecolts shouldn’t be sleeping away while mares are at play...”
… Flip flip~
I open The Poisoned Barb back up again.
“Note to self,” I murmur as I write. “ponies are way more fragile than dragons…”
Flip~
“Note to self #2,” I continue. “interrogate bad guys first before knocking them into next week. Bleh.”
Phooey…
…
… You’re probably confuzzled.
Le sigh.
Reeeaaally wish I could just use the old chestnut line of ‘guess I don’t know my own strength’ to neatly describe what the ever flying feather I did to Artemis for you, folks, but that wouldn’t do what actually happened any justice.
Okay, so shortly after I broke free of the Prince’s Dream Realm spell, and discovered where the jerk was hiding, you may recall that I readied myself to grant the sneak some well earned retribution…
~Earlier That Day, In Another Realm~
“... We... can explain, Barbara.”
... I take a nice deep breath to calm my nerves...
AND THEN I SWING MY FIST WITH THE MIGHT OF AN ANGRY GODDESS
“SWEET STARS ABOVE NOT THE FAC-”
BOOOOOOMMMM!!
~Back To The Now, In the Waking Realm~
… Said retribution was supposed to be a simple haymaker, but it certainly didn’t end like a ‘simple’ haymaker.
No, in reality what should have been a vanilla black eye/headache combination had transformed itself through the power of dream logic, draconic fury, and good old homegrown animosity into a freaking one-hit, galaxy-busting, Flawless K.O. VICTORY.
Again, ‘guess I don’t know my own strength’ doesn't even begin to properly describe just how powerful this strike of mine was; one that, as unbelievable as this sounds, held within it enough destructive force to not only banish away the Dream Realm completely, but also fling its two inhabitants back into the waking world with all the elegance of an elephant rollerblading through a Dairy Queen.
Tomes and animals had scattered upon our duel impact into the nearby bookshelves, burying alicorn and dragon alike in a literal literacy blizzard of pages and hardbacks. It was only thanks to my scales that I was able to open my eyes again so quickly and exit my papercut prison unscathed, but Artemis…
Well Artemis wasn’t so lucky, as you can plainly see.
So, in summation; I punched an alicorn so hard that it swiftly relocated him from the Dream Realm into Lala Land.
If I wasn’t so desperate for answers I’d be impressed by the feat.
Since I am seeking answers though, his unconscious state has only served to agitate me more and more with each passing minute! I want to know why he put me to sleep! I want to know why he invaded my dreams! I’ve been mulling over every tiny detail I could recall from our short time together and, while I do have some theories, what I don’t have is solid leads! There’s so much I want to ask him, and so little time left to do so in! Dusk and his friends could be back any minute now for all I know! I can’t have Artemis still here and unconscious when they return; being grounded would be the least of my worries at that point!
Uggghh… Understatement of the century here, but Prince Artemis’ surprise Dragonshy cameo has thrown me a curveball unlike any other.
Out of all of MLP’s colorful cast, Princess Luna’s male counterpart was the absolute last one I was expecting to interact with so early on into season flipping one! In what miniscule amount of the cartoon I can still recall, the mare in question only re-appeared, like, three times in total beyond the series premier; once in a dedicated season two episode, another at the tailend of The Canterlot Wedding, and lastly at the beginning of season three’s premier. If she appeared after that I couldn’t say; that premiere is when Ashley and I stopped watching the show altogether.
Despite her lack of screen time, I think I still have a decent enough grasp on who exactly Luna was as a pony. She was old fashioned royalty, and a tiny bit stuck up, but she was also a mare out of time. Willing to learn new things, yet still holding on to the old ways, I don’t think she was the type to casually invade another’s dream and try to steal precious secrets like a common thief. Such a thing feels beneath her character.
That, sadly, doesn’t seem to be the case with Artemis...
... Hmmm… In hindsight... I probably shouldn’t have expected anything less from Prince Solaris’ younger brother.
Again I say ugh.
Moving on; in the intermittent wait between knocking out a Prince and the present, I’ve done everything in my power to ensure that I’ll be safe once mister former Nightterror stirs from his impromptu ‘nap.’ I’ve made contingency plans upon contingency plans to compensate for his alicorn magic, his pegasus wings, and even any earth pony strength he may be packin’ in those spindly legs of his. Dream logic isn’t going to protect my tail in the real world, so this may very well be my only chance to strike up an honest to goodness conversation with the nut.
Once the two of us get to actually talking with one another, that's when the true battle of wits will begin.
I’ll have to have faith in myself that I’m strong enough to dominate the discussion, steer it exactly where I need it to go, and lay Artemis’ intentions low. Whether he’s working with Solaris or on his own, whether he’s suspicious of me or already in the know; I refuse to let him invade my privacy like this ever again. No matter what his reasoning is going to turn out to be, there’s no way I’ll accept it as justifiable!
I must be both precise and direct with my words when I tell him to leave and never come back. Thank goodness I’ve been granted so much time to prepare for what will undoubtedly be my fiercest fight to date…
...
… Heh… Ironically... I now realize that, in many ways, what Artemis and I are about to have is a good old-fashioned Prince and Squire ‘tea party’, just like the one I had been planning to take part in this weekend with his brother.
Unlike with Solaris, however, I’m not the captive audience here.
This time that honor will belong to My Not-So-Little Home Invad-
“Ugh…”
?!
A tiny moan, and a wisp of a whimper, halts my ramblings and yanks my attention away from them completely.
"... Speak of the devil,” I mumble, as my visitor begins to stir from his slumber. Rising from my bar stool, I quickly stow away The Poisoned Barb again into my purse before griping its strap for strength.
This successfully hides my shaking claws.
"Am I ready for this?” I ask, distracting myself from the anxious thoughts that were threatening to grow louder. "Prep took up most of the wait, b-but did I spend enough time thinking of what to say? Will my script work? What if he doesn’t buy the bluffs, o-or sees what I have hidden in the dark? What if he is working with Solaris? What if I’m in the wrong? What… w-what if...”
From the surrounding shadows behind me, I hear a soft rustle of movement…
…
… It grants me courage.
“... Ready or not,” I speak lowly, not needing to hear a response.
It’s showtime.
…
…
…
“... Mornin’, Mr. Voice.”
"... Oooowww... sire of a wretched wench,” babbles the still groggy stallion, his closed eyes twitching as he tries to open them. “Did anypony get the name of the earth pony stallion that trampled us so thoroughly…?”
“Easy,” I command, swallowing my fear. “You’ve been out for a bit.”
“How… ow… how long exa-?”
“Doesn’t matter.”
“But… owie…”
“Easy,” I repeat. “You might feel a bit out of it.” Even in the dim lighting, I can still make out a fresh blackeye healing slowly against the pony’s light blue coat.
The sight of it had initially made me worried that we were still inside the Dream Realm, but a few painful pinches of my unscaled belly fat reassured me that I was truly among the wakeful and, more importantly, on my home turf instead of his.
“Ow,” the Prince winces again, struggling with the shiner. “T-thou art correct,” he concurs, clearly unaware who he’s speaking with. “It feels as though we are suffering the after effects of one of brother’s more risqué escapades... Heh… We would feel more nostalgic if we weren’t well aware how those yesteryears are long behind us both.”
“Uh huh,” I nod, not really caring for his half-delirious attempt at small talk. Maybe he thinks I’m a castle nurse or something, one that's delicately taking care of the poor pony with a smile and a tender touch.
Sorry to disappoint, your highness, but my bedside manners are atrocious. Just ask the Bluebelles!
As the Prince of the Night continues to stir, I take a moment to scan his appearance one more time before our ‘battle’ begins in earnest.
In comparison to what little I still remember of Princess Luna, Artemis might as well be a completely different pony. For one thing his coat is a much more grayish blue versus Luna’s dark, and for another his short mane is light azure in hue in contrast to the Princess’ much more sapphire-like blue. It’s also not flowing on a cosmic wind, though that detail isn’t all that surprising when you consider how Solaris’ autumn red mane doesn’t do that either. I never found it to be all that unusual before so I won’t here, as it might be a female-only alicorn trait or something. Artemis’ lack of facial hair isn’t all that earth shattering either when you recall the now massive age difference between the two brothers that arose thanks to former's little thousand year timeout.
Outside of his status as an alicorn, Artemis isn't all that much different from a normal pony. My best guess is that he’s probably not fully recovered yet from his unfortunate stint as Nightterror Nebula.
“W… w-what in blazes?!”
This little detail thankfully made my preparations significantly easier to accomplish.
Tying a pony’s hooves and wings to a chair is easy enough when you don’t have to hunt for Solaris’ sized ropes and chains to do it with, after all.
“They’re just a precaution, your highness,” I spoke loudly as I strut out of the darkness and into the light. “You’ll have to forgive me for not wanting to take any chances.”
With eyes now fully open and mind equally awake, Artemis’ flings his head to the side and gasps.
“B-Barbara?!” he stutters. “W-what is the meaning of this?!”
“Took the words right out of my mouth,” I fire back with crossed arms and straightened back, appearing to all present as a solid unwavering stone of righteous indignation.
So startled by my response was Artemis that he again became speechless.
“...”
“...”
“... We casted no such spell to plunder words from thy lips, child.”
“...”
… I fight a sudden, powerful urge to facepalm.
"It’s… just a figure of speech,” is my deadpanned reply, only now realizing that there might be a tiny thousand year linguistic gap between the two of us that I hadn’t accounted for. "The best laid plans never survive first contact,” I grunt to myself.
"When did brother impose a figurehead for the conjuration of the spoken word?”
Oh good lord I’m going to have to throw out half my prep material.
I sigh a defeated "Guess I’ll just wing it,” before straightening up again. Raising my voice, and my claw, I return my sight to the chairbound stallion. “That doesn’t matter, Archie…”
Snap!
With the simple motion of my talons, the room’s lights brighten ever so slightly. Shadows remained in the far off corners of the space, concealing them, but what wasn’t concealed any longer were certain metallic instruments I had laid out beforehand.
Scary looking instruments, I might add, especially to one unfamiliar with modern day science.
“... What matters is that it’s now your turn to be my prisoner,” I finish with a toothy grin, one that only grew larger as the color began to drain from Artemis’ now terrified expression. “Welcome to Dusk’s laboratory,” I reveal, dramatically waving my claws over the assortment of tubes and gadgets and sharp looking tools that dotted the room. “Sorry for the dust. Dusk hasn’t had much chance to use this basement yet since we moved here.” I offer a shrug. “Too busy with his Friendship studies, I guess. And he was so happy when all this junk arrived from Canterlot last week... Such a shame, right?”
Lifting up a needle from the table, I bring the tip dangerously closer for Artemis to see.
“Look,” I sing-song with guilty glee, radiating all the creepy little girl energy I have stored within me. “Still as sharp as the day he bought it!”
Oh Archie did not like that in the slightest.
“S-stay back,” the grown stallion demands, pushing himself against the chair's bindings the best he can. Almost to the point of tipping the whole thing over, if the seat wasn't bolted so firmly to the ground. “T-thou mustn’t harm thy prince, whelp! ‘Tis the law of the land!”
Ignoring the warning, I offer an innocent sounding giggle as I step ever nearer, needle still in claw.
“We… w-we will only repeat ourself once more!” Artemis switches to a panic screech, growing more frightened with every step I take.
Twinkle twinkle
Suddenly, a soft scratching sensation began to dance across the surface of my scales, signifying the start of spellcasting.
As predictable, the cornered pony has ignited his horn in a desperate bid to defend himself...
… This was the part I had prepared for the most, heh.
"Uh uh uh~” I tease loudly, interrupting whatever magic my guest was about to perform. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you…” Hopping back towards the table beside us, I put the needle away and instead replace it with a single, black, ring.
The same type of ring that has struck fear in the hearts of unicorns since their inception eons ago.
“... I hear funneling magic through an inhibitor ring is reeeaaalllly painful~!” I finish my threat with the largest dung-eating grin I could muster.
The glow from Artemis’ horn dies completely thanks to this, as his eyes widen in horror and his jaw drops in pure shock. Directing his sight upwards towards his forehead, the stallion’s shrinking irises are the only indication I receive that he can spot the ring’s twin now firmly attached to the tip of his long ivory appendage.
“H-h-how in Equis did thou procure…?!” he attempts to ask, too stunned by the revelation to complete the question.
“Dusk loves magic stuff,” is my plain answer, intentionally keeping it as vague (yet believable) as possible. “He collects a lot of weird trinkets,” I tack on, using the Prince’s distraction to slide the ‘ring’ in claw to a still darkened part of the table. I can't let him get a closer look at it.
My whole plan hinges on him not being able to tell how not inhibitor ring-y my rings truly are.
Le sigh the second.
Really, really wish I had real inhibitor rings to work with instead of chocolate covered donuts, but if this second life of mine has taught me anything it’s that you gotta make the hand you're dealt with work for you and not vice versa...
… even if the hand in question is full of jokers and an uno card.
You see, despite all the extra time I was granted while the Prince was sleeping, inhibitor rings were simply (and rightfully) not possible for a child my age to get a hold of on such short notice. Even an adult would have a hard time picking up a pair unless they were specifically an agent of the Crown, or a black-market visiting bandit. Their use is highly regulated by the government to the point where it’s rare to see them used at all in even the largest of Equestrian cities. Temporary binding spells are seen as more humane than the former (or ponane, if you’re hung up on Equine terminology), hence why they're more widely used across Equestria for things like sporting events or court hearings.
Bluffing about owning a pair is honestly the only non-violent option I have to discourage Artemis’ from using his magic on me again. I don’t stand a chance on my own otherwise, even with my magic resisting scales...
… Please buy it please buy it please buy it...
"Thou art a fiend, Barbara The Dragoness,” angrily spits Artemis, becoming enraged at the discovery. "To stricken a pony of his gifts is a crime most foul!”
Inwardly I breathe a deep, deep sigh of relief.
"Can’t believe he bought it,” I muse, becoming more confident now that I had metaphorically clipped his wings. "The longer I can avoid plan B, the better.”
Plan B, in case you’re curious-, eh, nevermind. I’ll tell you later.
I have to focus on the now now and the possible then then.
“It’s funny of you to mention crimes, your majesty,” I return my attention fully towards Artemis, making a big show of not being afraid of him any longer. “Last I checked, breaking and entering is also a crime.”
“Bu-”
“Casting a sleep spell without consent is also a crime too,” I cut him off, pushing forward. “A class four felony if I’m not mistaken.”
“Bu-”
"Kidnapping is also pretty high up on the totem pole as well, Prince,” I emphasize this point with a booping of his snout, causing him to wince. “As is unsanctioned interrogation… Which, to be fair, is something I’m totally doing right now to you, but since you entered my democidal uninvited, and since I’m a minor, my own actions will be viewed as self defense in the eyes of the law.
"Yours however… Heh... Well I hope you can afford a good lawyer, Princy!”
Artemis blinks blankly.
“...”
“...”
“... But… we are royalty...?” the stallion tilts his head, clearly confused at my claims.
“And I’m an Equestrian citizen with powers that protect me from tyrannical royalty,” I roll my eyes in response, not surprised with how out of date Archie’s knowledge of modern day law is. "I might legally be considered ‘property’, dude, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have rights.”
Shock of all shocks; the dragon who got screwed over by the law has read up on the law so that the law can't be easily used to hurt her again.
Please hold your gasps until the end of the show.
"You can’t come and go as you please, Archie,” I resume, circling the chair like a shark. "And, this will probably be a wild guess, but I’m going to assume a defense of ‘the Dream Realm isn’t on Equestrian soil’ isn’t going to fly in a courtroom full of ponies who may or may not still be upset over that whole Eternal Night thing of yours from last month.” Biting down a second wave of the giggles, I watch in silence as Artemis begins to sweat profusely.
On the inside, however, I'm laughing like the mad woman I am.
“S-s-surely the citizens can’t harm royalty w-without repercussions!” the whiplashed alicorn fires back, desperately grasping at straws; slipping further and further away from his comfort zone with every barb I fling. Methinks the Prince hadn’t thought up any backup plans before putting this hairbrained scheme into action. “Brother has changed most assuredly in our absence,” he offers hastily. “b-but his baser habits have surely invoked somepony else's ire beyond our own, yes?!”
“Oh a hundred times yes,” is my quick response, not even entertaining the idea of arguing. “And you’re also right about there being repercuss-... repercos… hmph, stupid baby tongue.” I start over. “And you’re also right about there being bad things that happen to ponies who mess with royalty. They’re not banishment level stuff or anything, but they’re still pretty nasty.”
A wicked sneer suddenly etches itself across Artemis’ muzzle as he happily takes the bait.
"Then a punishment most severe will befall thee if thou does not release us posthaste!” he demands with raised muzzle, and an air of unearned authority. “We will lessen thy sentence considerably if thou simply cooperates.”
Well, gee.
Ain’t that a kind proposition.
Just sit back, relax, and have a stranger pick around in my brain until my entire second life is ruined, just for the opportunity to spend one decade in jail instead of two!
How can I refuse?
“Sure.”
“Please reconsider before thou attempts to fight bac- Wait what?”
“I said sure,” I repeat, surprising Archie (and probably you too, my imaginary friends) even further. “I’ll comply.”
Artemis stares dumbly back in his chair, waiting for the other horseshoe to drop.
When it becomes clear that I’m being serious, his confused expression morphs into a victorious one. “G-... G-good! Yes! Thou art wise beyond thy years!”
Pony you have no flipping idea.
“Remove thy bindings, child,” the alicorn demands, raising his muzzle again upwards in a show of superiority. “We shall return thee to the Realm of Dreams and finish our work without further interference.”
“Sure,” I reply, nodding my head instead of moving my feet.
“We shall erase our existence to better complete our task,” he continues, not noticing that I’m staying put. “Thy thoughts will not be laced with worry as we shall disappear from yon memories.”
“Neat,” I comment drolly, mentally noting that ‘Memory Wipe’ was very much a part of Artemis’ magical arsenal.
“We shall lull Sir Butterscotch’s animal companions to a peaceful rest as well,” he sweetens the pot, radiating an unbearably smug energy. “to ensure thy assigned task, the one we overheard, will be manageable upon awakening.”
I grant him a plain thumbs up. “Awesome.”
“...”
“...”
… It’s at this point that he finally notices that I haven’t moved an inch from my spot.
“... Well?” he asks me impatiently, gesturing to his ropes with his eyes.
“Oh I’ll get to that in a minute,” I answer back, suppressing a snicker as I again make no effort to approach closer.
“...”
“...”
“... What art thou waiting for?!” Artemis finally snaps, fuming at my stubbornness. “An invitation to the Grand Galloping Gala?!”
"No,” I casually shrug, not allowing him to rile me. "Already have one of those anyways."
“Then wha-?!”
“I’m just waiting to see your search warrant,” I cut him off, at last allowing my smile to grow fully.
This smile only became larger as bewilderment dominates Artemis’ features once again.
“Search… warrant?” he tilts his head with a lack of understanding as clear as a sunny day.
“Yeah, you know… a search warrant,” I go on, leaning the back of my head against cupped claws. “The thing you need to legally enter a home without the occupants’ permission?”
Artemis stares blankly back at me.
“The form that gets signed by the Royal Court after convincing enough of them that abruptly entering a dwelling is justifiable?”
Artemis blinks slowly.
“... The thing you need to convince me that letting you go is worth my time~?” I finish with the largest sneer I can muster, and snarkiest laugh I can chortle. “And the thing you obviously don’t have which means that I’m in the right here~?”
“N-no!” the Prince retaliates, face glowing red. “We… w-w-we certainly do have the documentation thou art requesting! It… I-it is simply in an extradimensional pocket space of our own making! Yes! That is most certainly the truth!”
Ah the old ‘I left it in a pocket dimension’ excuse.
A classic.
“Remove this inhibitor ring and we will procure it for thee, fair maiden,” Artemis switches to sweet talking. He complete the act by smiling warmly, and fluttering the eyelashes of his one good (admittedly still a pretty shade of cyan) eye towards me.
Sir I am seven.
“Not necessary,” I wave the pleasantries aside, leaning harder into this admittedly silly scheme of mine. One more push and he'll be exactly where I want him to be. “Just give me the filing number and I’ll run over to town hall real quick to make sure it’s registered there.”
“We, um, p-procured it in Canterlot though!” he lies through his teeth, probably subconsciously aware of what I’m trying to get him to admit but lacking the skill to avoid it.
“Yeah,” I play along, continuing the bit. “but it would have had to have been shown to Mayor Mustang first before being made legal within Ponyville’s borders.”
“Thou art making that up, child!”
“I may be a kid, but I don’t kid about the legal process,” I state boldly, puffing out my chest as I do. “And it sounds to me like you’re saying that you didn’t complete this highly important filing step, your majesty.”
“W-... W-we did,” Artemis again fibs, sweating bullets. He fails to meet my judging glare as I drill into him harder. “We… we simply don’t remember this ‘filing number’ of which thou speaks!”
“Well that’s unfortunate,” I sigh mockingly, pushing Archie further into the corner of his chair. “Guess we don’t have a deal then.”
“Thou will still be punished greatly for keeping us here!” he spits in my direction, apparently having at last rediscovered his spine. “Brother will be most upset at thee for thy actions against his kin!”
“...”
“...”
“... Jackpot," I chuckle beneath my breath.
We’re at last where I wanted us to be all along.
“Hmmm… I guess you’re right, Archie,” I concede, willingly granting the pony the advantage once more.
“Please stop calling us ‘Archie’, Barbara.”
“No,” I answer offhandedly before continuing. “And I guess you’re right. Prince Solaris would be pretty angry at me if he found out I was messing with an official investigation.”
“Er… Y… y-yes!” Archie replies quickly, frantically latching onto my intentional use of the word ‘official’. “He would most assuredly be crossed with thy criminal behavior!”
“And,” I go on, attempting to further steer him in the right direction. “if you did go through the proper channels to get a search warrant, then you must have consulted him already!”
“Er… um… Y-yes again!” the alicorn stutters, verbally tripping over himself in an attempt to grab my metaphorical life preserver. “Thou art interfering in matters thou can not possibly understand!”
“Oh no,” I fake gasp. “I don’t want everypony mad at me!”
“But that will most assuredly be the case if thou continues down this path!” Artemis pushes, head swelling with joyful thoughts of regained control and authority. “Repent now and all will be forgiven!”
His tone was commanding and full of self-righteous pride…
“I better write to Solaris then.”
“Yes thou should…”
“...”
“...?!”
… But pride goeth before the fall.
"W-w-what?!” Artemis screeches, eyes growing wide as he spots me pulling out a blank scroll from my purse. “T-that is most unnecessary, child!” he begs, growing more disheveled as I begin to ink up my quill. "There is no need to disturb him at this time!”
“But he can confirm your search warrant request,” I offer cutely, now focusing on my writing. “I wouldn’t want you to get in trouble for not filing it right with Mayor Mustang, Prince Artemis! Don’t you want ponies to treat you nicer? As Dusk always says, ‘A misfiled form is the quickest way to lose a friend’...” I raise my eyes over the scroll momentarily as I feel the need to tack on, “He’s still new to friendship; give him a break.”
With that I return to my writing.
“Please don’t bother my brother, Barbara,” the blue stallion whimpers, his Royal We finally subsiding. “He… h-he is most preoccupied with the Day Court at this time! An unannounced scroll may cause him undue stress!”
“I’ll apologize to him later,” I fire back, though my gaze is still focused on the letter. “Let’s see… I’ll just add ‘Sincerely, Barbara The Dragoness’ aaaannnnddd done.”
I set the quill aside.
“Barbara...” croaks Artemis.
I roll up the finished scroll.
“Please…”
I attach a ribbon to it.
“Please don’t…”
I take a deep breath.
“CEASE THIS INSTANT!!” Artemis wails at the top of his lungs, shaking the very room and nearly knocking me off my feet.
In the face of the mini-earthquake I stand my ground, lock eyes with the Prince’s own…
FWOOSH!!
… and then I set the scroll ablaze.
“NOOO!!” cries Artemis, his fury clear for all to see… as too his sorrow. “Noo nooo... noooo...”
Defeated, he lowers his head and braces himself for the inevitable.
…
…
… Fzzzzzz…
The sound and smell of burning stirs Archie from his slumping, returning his gaze my way.
Once his attention was regained, I hold the still burning letter up closer for the shaking pony to better take in. Upon closer inspection, my captive’s face turns pure white as the lack of a Sending Seal becomes crystal clear.
I had just made a full grown adult cry out in anguish over a burning scrap of non-enchanted paper.
“Solaris doesn’t know you’re here,” I state the revealed truth plainly, having successfully captured the rat in my trap.
Said rat jumps in his seat as I whip my tail forward and shove the still burning paper against it, using my scales to smother the flame into harmless embers.
My eye contact never slackens from the Prince’s own as I proceed to lay down the now undeniable facts. “You came here all on your lonesome without your brother being any the wiser...
“... all because you’re not allowed to be here at all, as was his private decree to you...”
“... Am I right, or am I right, your highness?”
“...”
… Artemis’ face is still and unmoving.
But... that was okay.
Artemis didn't need to say anything more on this matter,
as his eyes told me the whole gosh darn story in his stead.
◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠
~Journal Entry 0049 Page 2~
Beyond gaining a valuable life lesson concerning the consequences of stealing from a baby dragon, our dive into Barbara's psyche also yielded with it fascinating insight concerning why brother has taken such a keen interest in her growth. We regrettably have not spent long enough in this modern age to properly articulate the nuanced differences between the emotional maturity of foals and adults, yet we still feel confident enough in stating that Barbara is no mere foal by any stretch of the imagination.
She is cunning and conniving in ways uncommon to a child her age, and the brief lucidity she gained within the Dream Realm suggests she possesses an aptitude for creativity that far outstrips her peers. Natural born skill of such caliber is unheard of, even in the current year; talent such as hers can only be honed through great dedication to the craft, and to say nothing of experience would be a folly.
Not since Starswirl The Longmaned have we encountered an individual so unique in both mind and quirks.
The two of them even share the same language, if the contents of The Poisoned Barb are to be believed.