-Airship Mauled, The Witch’s Fare, dinner time, Jade-
“So how long will it take Jacky?” My sister was a genius and I was currently partaking in her great intellectual abilities, while watching Gene and Gavin do wing exercises.
At the table we were at, Jacky was going over the magnetically driven lightning skates. There had been a few issues with how I got off the rails.
“About a week. Apparently thestral weather magic does have a slight variance to it that pegasus magic doesn’t, do we know any good pegasi that… Fluttershy maybe. I’ll have to get in contact with her a few days from now.” Jacky turned to me with a cheerful smile on her beak. “So what do you think mom is making tonight?”
I lifted my nose to the air and took a small sniff. It smelled pretty good and judging from the smell mom was just about done working on dinner for our family.
“Judging by the smell? Vegetable soup, there’s carrots, potatoes, onions, salt, pepper and maybe a few shredded tomato chunks. Whatever else mom decides to add, we know it’ll be good.” I then turned back to our guest levitating in one of the last twenty gallon kegs of peach juice, my daughter makes some delicious giant peaches. The fact that she can create peaches that huge within seconds is not something I’m going to question of a world growing tree. “Celestia, dinner will be ready in a short while and then you can teleport back up to Canterlot with your crowns. Twilight Sparkle must be sad to be separated from her friends thanks to the fact that she’ll no longer be in Ponyville, but somebody that’s not Blueblood has to run this country. I’d take a feral tribal breezy over him.”
“Sadly a common sentiment that can be made about him, we are still considering giving Twilight control of the sun and moon. It isn’t her specialty and Luna thinks we should continue to do those duties personally. I don’t expect Twilight to stay up for days on end trying to fulfill both of our jobs, they are our talents, though we would like her to do it for a little while so we can get at least a year or two of retirement before we find something else to do. Just because we choose to retire, doesn’t mean we’re not immortal anymore.” A large crash was heard and Celestia jumped slightly and noticed that the rest of us hadn’t reacted. Didn’t take me long to get use to the sound of an airship landing haphazardly again. “I sometimes forget that airships have an odd tendency to crash around here, I already had various unicorns and pegasi check both the air and the magic in the general area, multiple times in fact. There’s still no logical reason that it should keep happening so often in the given region of Airship Mauled like it does.”
“Eh, we’re not too worried about it. I wonder if Sekhet managed to get under it in time.” I was soon answered when a sad looking Sekhet came in dragging both Anubis and Baast. They look particularly mangled this evening and if they weren’t gods, then I’d be far more concerned about them.
“It missed me….” Sekhet whined loudly to everyone in the restaurant, there was a bout of laughter and smiles all around. There was also the passing of bits between hooves, claws, hands, tentacles and flippers. Escargot the kraken just lost a bet with Briny the selkie, didn’t think a selkie would live so far inland. “These two are so lucky.”
“I don’t know when you became a masochist sister, but I will definitely approve of you possibly getting kinky with whoever you eventually find to take the stick out of your backside.” Baast said groggily as her bones and flesh were popping back into the correct shape without any of the sickening noises that should occur, Sekhet calmly smacked her upside the head when she eventually got back to being mostly normal.
“This current itch does not match the agony that ends in the rainbows of torment.” Anubis dully said, it was so nice of him to visit and see the town we built in the middle of nowhere next to forest as equally dangerous as the Ever Free was. He was actually going to be a part of an interesting conversation tomorrow.
“Celestia, good to see you ma’am, Bracing Knight reporting. There’s no trouble from the mega-fauna around Airship Mauled and nobody was harmed in the recent airship crash… nobody who wasn’t a god or goddess anyway.” Looking behind Bracing as she trotted in, I saw her Myrmeke started to chew on a block of limestone with chunks of gold in it. I thought the giant ant was both adorable and friendly, aside from the problem with stealing sugary stuff whenever it could get its mandibles on some. “I know that you will soon step down, but it’s been an honor to serve you. I’ll make sure this town stays safe, I really don’t think we have to worry about the Sun Priestess… sorry… Jade. After all the crap she survived and went through she doesn’t need me, she can handle herself fairly well.”
I certainly couldn’t take Anubis on the worst day of his, where he has both his arms tied behind his back and a crippled leg. He’d still win a fight against me.
“Yeah, but don’t expect me to tell that story any time soon, it took a few days to tell everyone here.” I skipped over what I did as Mirage, but Flotsam had a relatively accurate book on it and she asked me a lot of questions about it. If anyone wanted to know about that, they’d just have to ask her now and I’d even direct them to her. “Mom!”
My days as Mirage were done and thankfully so was Face Seer, an annoying cyclops who kept annoying me to let love back into my heart. It never really left, I was just full of rage at the time and he was certainly barking up the wrong tree when it came to me. The last time I talked to him, I pretended to give into to his ways and then knocked him out. That guy had it bad, I would hope he eventually moved on from that crush he had on me.
“Yes, I heard the airship crash Jade, no need to yell!” Mom shouted back, this was going to be a busy evening at the restaurant.
“We’re ready to start taking orders!” Savannah and Brenda shouted out and matched each other in striking a provocative pose as they came into the dining area. If the food couldn’t attract people, then these two certainly would for other reasons.
“My it sure has become busy around here.” Celestia took a seat next to me at the family table, she was family enough for it I guess. “What is it that we needed to talk about Jade?”
“A lot of things, like me knowing who the leader of GODLESS is. Also a few things that we’ll need to have a private chat with Baast, Sekhet and Anubis somewhere reclusive some time starting tomorrow. I have a running theory about something I want to run by you guys to see if I’m right, it involves a magical artifact created by an old friend thousands of years ago. Luna can come too if it will make you feel safer, but I seriously doubt anyone is going to attack us.” I’m still getting back in the saddle as it were, we were beginning to match Ponyville for one of the best towns to visit, also one of the weirdest in Equestria. If you decided to stay here you had to know some things, such as the various oddities that the town sported. “Don’t worry about it, they weren’t in Canterlot and I have an idea or two as to where they are right now. Like how I’m also sure Discord is done messing with Twilight and her friends… for about a week. No I’m not going to tell you who they are Celestia. The leader involved me in this when it was completely unnecessary to do so, as such I’m well within my right to petty kitty them like no tomorrow. They will never see everyone coming.”
“Yeah, I don’t think Jade is going to go easy on the leader of GODLESS!” Flamberge walked out the kitchen with an apron, apparently he was helping with food preparation today.
“You better believe I won’t! What I do to them will be remembered forever by everyone that knows me, but let me just say this… it will not involve cupcakes or a full cake. Both are quite nasty to deal with and one has a chance of catching me in the backlash and I’m not going through that twice!” I flicked and ear and turned to Anubis when he gave a silent sigh of relief. Celestia had a worried look on her face. “No, I’m not going to seriously injure them either, but I want to get in at least one solid face punch. I already gave a list of things I need for my evil plot to get off the ground being gathered by The Squirrels and you won’t actually be in charge when I do it so… you can’t stop me.”
“You mean nobody will be able to stop all of us Jade!” Voices from around the room stated at the same time, in the same tone and in unison. It was fairly creepy.
Celestia blinked at the support of more than ninety percent of the room. That was one hundred percent of the locals, the ten percent that didn’t say that were the gaggle of Bushwoolies and Furbobs that recently started coming in from their crashed airship and were attracted to the aroma of a well-made witch meal.
I didn’t even know Bushwoolies were smart enough to build airships… much less one large enough to crush both Baast and Anubis. Bushwoolies weren’t known for their organizational skills and their intelligence was usually lower than that of a diamond dogs, but they were generally friendlier. Their cousins the Furbobs probably built it, despite their varying opinions on any matter.
I’m still waiting on talking raptors that weren’t parrots or beaked like my sister. Whether it had feathers or not didn’t matter to me, as I would hug a talking velociraptor if I met one. We did see that magical triceratops, so I’m still waiting on that day to occur. It was not impossible, but likely highly improbable… that meant it has to happen one of these days in the coming month. Sure dragons and wyverns existed, but I still wanted a talking velociraptor specifically. I’d even settle for a highly bestial one trying to kill me constantly.
“Can I help then?” Okay Celestia just floored me and I thought about it…
“That would be easier on Fizzy’s part of it… can you get Luna involved to?” Though I stole her crown and some feathers, it was not like Luna could hold a grudge. I’m too cute for that right? I was older, but I still had most of my looks from my kitten days.
“I’ll see if I can swing it, but I don’t think Luna likes you very much.” Didn’t mind that fact at all Celestia. “Though I’ll want you to do a favor for me in making sure Twilight is okay in the first few months of her rule.”
“Me and Fizzy can easily train the royal guards.” Not that they could keep up with me last time, but doing it on a pogo-stick should prove interesting at the least.
“I’m sure you can, but my favor is going to be a little bit more specific than that.” Whatever you say Celestia, I’m sure I'll do it.
“Just so long as it’s not getting me into a dress, I can haggle it out with you later.” Yes, my hatred for dresses will continue to exist for as long as I did. Even if Rarity could slip one on me, everyone knew I would destroy it immediately without any remorse whatsoever.
“So… what exactly are these supplies your plan is going to use anyway?” Really Celestia, you don’t have any other topics of discussion? Okay, but you asked me for it.
I inhaled through my nose.
“One rubbery green ball that’s at least five pounds in weight. Tons of two by fours delivered to a specific location, don’t really know how much I actually need and will make an estimated guess of more than would be required. A cheese wheel that is specifically of a horrific stench. Three weasels that can be substituted for raccoons if the weasels refuse. Precisely forty seven paper clips and a stick of butter.” I held up a claw to stop Celestia from speaking. “I’m not done yet, but this next one requires more explanation and for me to catch my breath. A fresh banana bought on the day of what I’m planning that will be touched by my sister Jacky for approximately five seconds, no more than six, but not less than four.”
“That seems….” Holding up a claw to Celestia and everyone else in the room leaned in to hear my list of things I’d need to accomplish my future goal.
“Continuing on from that… a bag of manure, lots of illusion powder, a pouch of powdered and distilled poison joke, at least a miles worth of plumbing pipes, a single long distance firework with an empty compartment that will not be used with either aforementioned powder, my mom’s fish jerky… which is really easy to get since she keeps making so much of that stuff!” I cleared my throat and proceeded to pace around the room listing out every single thing my plot would use. “Ahem… an anvil, a candelabra, a really large amount of string not produced by me, a wad of Paprika’s fur, an exceptionally sharp icicle that will take a while to melt, a griffon mask, three clay masks, some pepper, a ballista that can safely fire people aimed at a very specific spot by Flotsam, Fortitude to be standing in one spot for two hours which has nothing to do with the Ballista. Flamberge, Maria and Sweetcakes need to be capable of working at any Hayburger using their fire abilities. There’s also a wind-up toy train, twelve inches of toy train tracks actually related to previous need, a delivery mare named Ditzy Do that has to deliver something very specific to someone at exactly the wrong time by accident, a mare named Derpy to deliver a muffin to me on time, three different pulley systems of varying strengths and the people to use them without question. We’ll also need the Cutie Mark Crusaders and Trixie ‘great and powerful’ Lulamoon. I can get the crusaders there no problem through Cheerilee, but I need ideas on how I can get Trixie involved. I don’t care what act she does, just as long as she starts it on time in the right place. Blade is already an expert knife thrower so we’re covered there and a few other jobs that I need to ask people to do for me. Also Mara and Marie can’t be near Maria during it all and must remain separated from her for the day.”
“That… is a lot to keep track of.” Celestia muttered in sheer horror.