Alright. I guess I’m floating in some space. Might as well tell a story from my past. Let’s see… There was when I discovered Starswirl before he became famous for his magic and taught him Food Honour which helped him control his out of control magic. Or my first-time seeing Faust. Hmm… My love story it is!
I guess it was a year after my time as King, I keep getting a bevy of suitresses. I wasn’t interested in any of them but one did catch my eye, she was an alicorn and she had a mane that was red and non-flowing and same with her tail. Her cutie mark was a feather pen. I guess her talent is writing magic but I can tell that she is a warrior as well. My heart was beating like a bongo drum. Of course, I gave my suitresses tests. Each one had unique tests, each ending with their likes and dislikes and if theirs aren’t, at least, similar or doesn’t match mine, then they’re gone. And almost all of them didn’t match with mine so they were gone! But one suitress matched mine. And that was Faust. We… didn’t get along at first, because Faust was the first alicorn and she didn’t trust a giant hairless ape. Of course, when it came to our first date, I treated her a lot of delicious, veggie stuffed meals. Which I may or may not given us a love-binding fruit called ‘Loving Couprunes’. Yeah, the fruit is pretty much a forever love fruit. It’s like a love potion in a fruit, so give it to two people who hate each other’s guts, then badda bing, badda boom! In love. But it was an accident and I guess we were happy together and sure, we fought but not every couple are perfect.
But when we got married and had our honeymoon… Let’s just say I did not get any sleep, rest or breaks all four months… And yes, we did ‘that’ for all four months. Turns out that Alicorns have longer heat seasons then the average pony because they have all physical attributes. Meaning Faust had the stamina of each pony tribes. Such as the Earth Ponies’ land stamina, meaning when she is moving in one spot. The Pegasi’s moving speed, which we do ‘that’ all over the place… Then the unicorn’s curiosity… Last time I let her do something with my ‘man tunnel’! Then we went to our royal doctor, turned out her constant morning sickness was a sign of pregnancy. I didn’t know what was said next but I did pass out. I did wake up but if you could see my happiness, it would’ve been infectious cause I was filled with fatherly pride. BUT!!!! I did have to deal with 11 months of pregnancy… 11 MONTHS of strange cravings, mood swings and being careful to not make my wife feel useless as I did everything. But she didn’t mind me cooking for us and the subjects. Cause I prefer to rule with a kind heart. When she did go into labour, I was panicking like crazy as my wife was screaming in pain as my firstborn, although at the time, I didn’t know that, was coming out. I did hear her screaming threats regarding my ‘fun bags and one-eyed monster’ and the nurse, at the time, told me that every father went through the same thing. I pulled a branch of cigar tree and lit it so I can smoke my stress that something bad could happen to my darling snoopy-poo. That’s right, I call my wife my snoopy-poo, she calls me sweety-meat, ya got a problem with that?! Anyway after a few more hours, the doctor said I can come in now. I quickly sewed my still existing torn mouth scars, so I don’t scare my baby. And I completely taken care of my cigar branch and saw my wife holding my baby.
I walked silently to her and gently pulled the blanket revealing a baby unicorn with pink mane and tail. With arms as well? Seems like she is a centaur. I remember her opening her eyes and seeing me the first time, which she smiled at me with her adorable smile. I knew that fatherhood is gonna be rough… But I wouldn’t exchange that for anything else in the world. Well, I do know that I won’t have any sleep for the next few years or something like that. And with Luna and Discord’s births, I wasn’t prepared for the craziness of fatherhood. They have my appetite that for sure. I had to train Troll Kongs to aid me in the kitchen and I named the leader of the Troll Kongs Boss. He’s a Silverback. We’ve kept cooking for my hungry as Tartarus children. I’ve adapted to the ponie’s speech and now how my girls got their cutie marks and Discord got his chaos magic?
That’s a story for another time. Cause I can feel myself getting pulled out of the Void. Why am I hearing an echo of the Void? Damnit now I need to make a reference to DBZA. When I get back to my Equestria, I’ll say ‘FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS I’VE LAID DORMANT!!!! WHO HAS DISTURBED MY—Oh hey kids.’ I will laugh like hell when I see my subjects’ faces. I think I know who has what from me and Faust… Celestia has Faust’s love for cake while Discord has my passion to see any creature’s reaction and laugh at it. Whilst Luna has both mine and Faust love for games. I had my game consoles in my room when I wasn’t looking with my HD Flat screen Plasma TV. I was very rich cause my mom on Earth had a 5-star restaurant and I was her sous chef and I do the extremely hard cooking in my mama’s restaurant. Anyway, Faust and my kids asked me what the tech was when they saw it and I introduced them to one of my favourite games. Mario Party and they were hooked to it but we agreed that we have three game breaks every year, 24/7.
I slowly introduced them to more games and THEY GOT GAMERS’ RAGE!!!! I think they cussed multiple times when they died. But when they played Wolverine and Deadpool, they were obsessed with the op regenerating characters. In fact, they were begging that I have the unicorn scientists to make serums that give immortal-like regenerating to the consumer. I said no cause I demonstrated our regeneration but they were exploring multiple way to die but I disciplined them to not do any foolish things like that or be cocky. BEFORE YOU SAY CHILD ABUSE!!!! It was a 'fair but firm' moment.