//------------------------------//
// Lies and Regrets. 
// Story: Golden Shadows 
// by Sylif Daring Doo 
//------------------------------//

_____*Five minutes later, Lyaroa's POV.*______

I often find myself believing that being alone isn't so bad, sure you may have a lack of company and won't have anyone to talk to, but the silence and time to think without interruption is nice as well...the main problem with being alone however is the absolute boredom that eventually follows.

Of course, after only five minutes, laying alone in the medbay I can't bring myself to find any comfort in being alone with my thoughts, especially when I consider just how much everyone is risking to help save me from this blasted poison, I groan as I tilt my head and look to the door of the medbay, I feel a heavy weight on my heart as I feel the poison slowly eating away at the temporary containment that mo-Galesh used, I know what this feeling is, it's helplessness, knowing that I am useless to help my the people closest to me, people that I now see as my family, as for Estalli and Galesh? I wasn't sure what to think of them anymore, with the truth revealed and having spent time with the much younger sentinel, I was finding it increasingly difficult to hold on to my hatred of Galesh.

I shake my head clear and return to staring at the ceiling, I sigh and close my eyes to have a mild escape from the light of the medbay, I allow my thoughts to drift away from my feeling of helplessness and to other things, soon enough I find myself thinking about everything that led up to this point, from being handed over to the Swordwraiths to creating Golden and Fang, from pretending to be Fang to returning to my true body, from destroying the timeline of the world I loved to waking up to fighting Galesh.

I open my eyes and sigh, annoyed by where my thoughts went when they were idle, in my silence I mentally screamed in the hopes that someone would come into the medbay...I would even take mot-Galesh! "I wish I would stop doing that." I mutter before looking at the door, soon a sudden thought popped into my erratic head and I grinned, I sat up a little and groaned in pain, the poison in me causing my body to experience soreness and exhaustion.

I hold my hand up and channel a little power into it, I then release it and a security system of holographic images appeared before me, revealing all the rooms of the ship, I look over the cameras and I memorize where all my friends, Estalli and Galesh are, Fang and Galesh were still in the cockpit flying the ship, Estalli was with Skitter, Roxanne and Dark in the cargo hold checking the supplies, I noticed that we were understocked.

Then I saw Apache, Spark, Firefly and Syrin on the observation deck, they were caught between watching the stars and watching something on a small holo screen, I raise an eyebrow and zoom in the image, I recognize the video as one of my old logs, detailing my designing of the ships arsenal of prank equipment, I chuckle at the memory, one of the very few happy memories during my time as a Swordwraith initiate, before I killed the grandmaster of the order and three elder members of course.

I soon hear the Computer speak up in a concerned tone. "Mistress Lyaroa, you should not be using your powers, it will only aggravate the poison." It stated before adding a dissapointed tone to it's next words. "And I though you moved past spying on others?" It asked, clearly disapproving of my actions.

I rolled my eyes and dismissed the images. "Whatever, how's Wheatly handling the update to his software?" I asked calmly while changing the subject instantly, not willing to get into this argument.

"I do not know where you found him, but his software is surprisingly high level for an artificial intelligence designed to make bad decisions, he is handling it as well as could be expected for a mortal machine, but I am forcing him to take breaks, if only to keep him from damaging something." The computer replied calmly, seeming to not care about the change of subject that much.

I nodded in understanding before sighing, I look to my right and see a few crutches and walking canes. "Computer...get me one of those-" I was cut off as I hear the door to the medbay open, I look over and see Fang standing in the doorway, he seemed to have something to say.

"We've arrived." He said before walking to the canes and crutches, his voice was its usual calm self but I picked up on a hidden level of annoyance, I chose to say nothing about it as the wolf walked, his paw like feet making next to no sounds on the metal floor of the medbay, he soon the grabbed a cane, walked over to me and held it out for me to take.

I take the cane and with his help I stand up, I let out a shaky breath at the sudden weakness in my legs which caused me to wobble a little bit, I managed to stay upright with Fang's help, and we were soon on our way out of the medbay, our pace was slow because of my condition but I didn't let that stop me.

It took us a good four minutes to reach the bridge, neither of us said a word along the way and when we stepped onto the bridge itself, everyone had managed to fit as those with wings used them to hover above the others. "So, where is this dimensional ripple at exactly? Skitter asked curiously.

"It is the size of a walnut miss Skitter, against the backdrop of space those without the ability to sense or detect it will never find the ripple, instead all they wil see is a distant star." The computer elaborated in its calm tone.

At this moment I took the opportunity to make myself known. "That's the beauty of my design, even if the technology of the worlds inhabitants could see it, they would think the ripple insignificant to the universe and overlook it." I chuckle a little and shakily make my way to the front of the cockpit, helped by Fang initially and then by Roxanne, I look at Galesh who was in her brown wolf body glancing over at me with her golden irises, I was a little surprised to see the older Sentinel without at least her golden mistlike eyes, but I didn't let my surprise show, instead I focused on the ripple and took a deep breath. "Alright, there is one complication to this entrance...I have to use my powers to open it, which as we all know means that it will agitate the poison within me." I say, glancing behind me I could see the hesitation and instant disapproval of the plan. "The upside to this plan is that I designed this entrance so that only I can open it, so if the Sentinel Army or any Hunters want to chase after us they will have to go through a really...annoying roadblock I set up a long time ago." I explain to them all.

It's clear that everyone was weighing the pros and cons of going through this entrance of the silence was anything to go by, but then Syrin spoke up. "What's stopping them from traveling to a different world like with what happened with us, Shade and me?" She asked. "I mean, I didn't have to deal with any roadblock of any kind during my uh...hopping." She added, referring to when she was uncontrollably going back and forth between worlds.

At the curious stares I recieved from everyone including Galesh, I decided to explain. "The situation is completely different from then to now, for one reason alone...the worlds beyond this entrance are the ones I deemed too dangerous to be kept close to the rest of the others, I don't know how they have developed since then but I don't think we have anything to worry about, after all, there should only be one or two worlds we have to go to, and even then it would probably be only two or three planets at that." I explain, I take a breath. "It's up to you, the quickest way or the safe way." I add, making sure they all knew I wasn't forcing them to go along with my idea.

Everyone shared glances for a while in relative silence, murmurs and whispers passed through the bridge rapidly until a clear voice spoke above them all. "Open it." Said the voice of Galesh.

I look at Galesh who turned to face the others, spinning the seat around to do so. "I don't want to agitate the poison anymore than you do, but the fact of the matter is that we don't have time to take any detours as the containment won't hold the poison forever, and once it breaks out I won't be able to contain it again." She spoke evenly and with intelligence, which was fitting for who she was. "So unless any of you have a better idea, I say we open it and save my daughters life." She stated firmly before facing the viewport.

At the stunned silence from my friends I sigh and reach out with my powers towards the dimensional ripple, I command the ripple to open and before our very eyes a blinding light formed from every color of the rainbow and many more filled our vision. "First times a bitch!" I warn as I brace myself as much as I could while closing my eyes which did little to shield myself from the light.

Moments later the light dulled and then it soon vanished, I waited a few moments before opening my eyes, I hear gasps of awe and admiration from the others and I smile, knowing for a fact that we were no longer in space, instead I had directed us to a planet that I was familiar with. "Welcome everyone, to Gordac, what Earth could have been had the dinosaurs survived." I state proudly as I look out at the planet.

We were currently flying slowly through a beautiful orange and light blue sky with white clouds and and a blazing red sun beating down on the planet, numerous trees with green leaves that were slowly turning to autumn colors reached high from the ground, at least eighty of them were around seventy to a hundred feet, rolling plains of green and yellow grass stretched on for miles with plentiful ponds and a huge lake were nearby for water.

Though perhaps the grandest sight yet was that of a herd of enormous dinosaurs with four legs and a thick armored hide going from the base of their tails up to the head ending with a pair of tough looking horns, they roamed the plains alone and soon enough numerous dinosaurs of varying species entered their view, from triceratops to stegosaurus, they all roamed the plains.

"This is incredible...it's beautiful." Skitter stated in awe as she looked out at the plains.

Galesh cleared her throat, I look at her and she spins the chair around. "Now Lyaroa, why are we here?" She asked with a raised eyebrow. "Because this better not be a sightseeing trip." She added.

I nodded and took a breath, I wince as I feel the poison eating away at me slowly, I take a seat in the Co-pilots seat and I speak. "We are here to find my son, the last time I checked he was here." I closed my eyes on an attempt to sense his presence, it took a few short moments but I did feel his presence, I felt my heart stop for a second at the thought of seeing him after so long but I shook my head clear, putting off my personal feelings for the moment. "He was a raptor, he had dark brown scales with golden scales in a pattern along his body, his eyes are-"

"Cyan." Fang interrupted me and stepped forward. "Glowing reptilian eyes with cyan irises." He stated, I stare at the wolf in disbelief as he described the description of my son.

"What's his name? And how do we avoid a fight with him?" Estalli spoke up, her voice filled with eagerness to meet her nephew while also focused on why they were here.

I feel my strength fading quick and I take a deep breath to steady myself. "His name is Acain and he shouldn't attack you right away, but just in case saying his full name will let him know you talked to me." I explain. "His full name is Acain Kansi Juzor." I look away from Galesh who seemed stunned but barely let it show as she looked at me.

"And what does he protect?" Roxanne asked with curiosity. 

I look at my girlfriend with a serious expression. "My Sentinel form, that is what he protects, but we should be careful, it's possible that he won't care and will attack us outright even if you do say his full name." I warn before standing. "Now let's get going, it's unwise to linger on this planet for long."

"And where do you think you're going?" Roxanne asked as she blocked my way, her arms were crossed as she glared at me warningly.

I blink and point outside with my free hand. "Out there to help you find my son, where else?" I ask, confused as to why the fox was blocking me.

"You aren't leaving this ship Lyaroa, this is the safest place for you and if you go outside there is a chance you will die, and I for one am not taking that chance...none of us are." Roxanne stated firmly, getting reaffirming nods from everyone else, I sigh and hold my free hand up. 

"Who exactly is going out there then hmm? this planet was dangerous to me even before I gave up my immortality, you need a Sentinel out there and no offense to Estalli, but she isn't strong enough to handle Gordac even if Galesh goes with, it would take just about all of us to survive out here." I explain, trying to justify myself.

"When was the last time you were here then?" Skitter asked curiously. "Because it's very possible that things have changed since the last time you were here." She added, pointing out a huge flaw in my explanation.

I sigh reluctantly and grip my cane tighter. "...Eight hundred years." I whisper, though it didn't matter that I whispered as everyone on the bridge has enhanced hearing, and heard me just fine.

"Then things had to have changed somehow in those years, you can't go out there, we'll decide on who goes out and who stays with the ship, for now however we need to land somewhere secluded...Computer, scan for a landing sight." Galesh ordered, taking charge of the situation and silencing any complaint I had when no one spoke up.

"Scanning... I have found a suitable canyon nearby, it appears to be a dead end and exits into a large forest, turning to face forest now." The computer stated.

The ship flew ahead for a few moments before turning around, everyone aside from Galesh and myself gasped at the sight of an enormous forest that stretched for thousands of miles in many directions, the trees were mostly all ridiculously tall and just off to the side was a large rocky canyon that had very high natural walls of brownish red stone. "That forest is incredible!" Firefly spoke up, flying closer to the viewport.

"Computer take us down, keep shields and cloaking up at full power if we are spotted, divert power from cloaking to weapons." Galesh ordered before standing and facing the group. "Let's head down to the meeting room, we can discuss who's going out to search for Acain better in a more open area." She suggested to everyone.

I grunted and followed everyone out of the bridge, though as everyone else gathered in the meeting room just down the stairs, I made my way back to the medbay, knowing that none of them would let me go search or leave the ship. "You know where I'll be if you need me." I say as I approach the door to the medbay.

I soon reached the medbay and entered it, the door closed behind me and I made my way to the closest bed, I leaned the cane up against the bed and lifted myself up to sit on the bed, as soon as I was seated I heard the door open, I look over and I see Roxanne in the doorway. "Hey Roxie, come to visit?" I joked before making sure I wasn't going to fall off the bed.

"We need to talk, REALLY talk, no avoiding my questions, no half assed answers, I want the truth and I want it now." The fox firmly declared as she walked into the room and locked the door, she then walked over to me and pulled up a chair from the wall.

I sigh and feel a deep pit form in my gut, I know that I'm not going to enjoy this and I also have a feeling that I know where this is going. "Computer, override code seventeen, program three." I say quietly.

"As you wish mistress." The computer replied before a golden barrier formed on the door and Roxanne looked at me warily.

"What are you doing?" Roxanne asked as she set the chair down next to the bed, she crossed her arms as she stared at me, clearly not trusting me right now.

"I told the computer to leave us alone and ensure we have privacy, no one can hear what we say in this room, not even the computer." I explain before laying back on the bed. "I can also undo that order by snapping my fingers or saying the reverse code." I look at Roxanne who sat down. "I'm all ears Rox." 

Roxanne nodded, seeming to understand, she then gained a neutral look that had a furious glare in her eyes. "I think it's time for the full story...you said that you had this ship in the days you were a Swordwraith initiate?" She asked flatly, gauging my reaction.

Unfortunately for me, I was horrible at hiding my emotions, and I flinched at the mention of those days. "...Y-yes, I did have this ship back then...I had a crew back then, multiple initiates that were loyal to the order and who had orders to keep me from from trying to escape, this was three thousand years ago however, so it's not really worth talking about." I said with hesitation, I personally didn't want to remember those years, and I prayed that Roxanne didn't ask.

"When did you have kids? I remember you specifically saying that you used a trick to hop a thousand years forward." The fox asked, and I bit my lip as she asked this question, I feel the pit of guilt grow deeper within me.

I didn't answer right away, instead I averted my gaze from Roxanne, feeling ashamed and unable to look her in the eye, but the fact that she said nothing frightened me, I knew that she was staring at me with her Amber eyes, this went on for a minute before I could practically feel the guilt washing over me and overwhelming me. "I lied!" I snapped, I looked at Roxanne and stared at her with tears forming. "I couldn't go through with it, I panicked and jumped to another world...this world, I lived among the natives by taking the form of a raptor, years passed and I laid the egg that birthed Acain, I was happy to have a son and for a long time I felt as though I could forget the past." I gulped and my hands shook as I held them in front of me. "But I couldn't, I just couldn't move on, so once my son reached mental maturity I severed myself from my Sentinel form after making a new body and I left, leaving him on his own with the burden he never should have had to bear." I took a shaky breath and stared up at the ceiling, I feel tears falling down my face as I confessed. "I didn't stop world jumping until I finally made it to the world that you and Fang were made in, I quickly hid myself in Fang's mind and you know how it went from there." I explained.

Roxanne kept up her glare at me even as I silently cried with tears falling down my face. "How many lies have you told me? told the others? how do I know that you haven't been forcing any of us to like you just so you wouldn't feel alone?" I was shocked at Roxanne's questions but she continued speaking before I could reply. "How many worlds are we going to have to escape from just because you can't bring yourself to realize that the one you loathe isn't your mother...it's yourself?" This harsh question made me freeze as I looked at Roxanne in shock and a feeling of betrayal. 

"I...I what?" I ask in disbelief. "Where are you getting that nonsense? none of that is true." I ask, offended and hurt at the questions I was being asked.

Roxanne huffed and stood up from the chair, she walked a couple of steps away from me and then looked over her left shoulder at me, her single Amber eye seeming to glow as it stared at me with intensity. "Either you think I'm an idiot or you really don't see the truth." She stated flatly. "You can't lie to me anymore Lyaroa, I know all the signs of your lies, we have spent years together after all, and you didn't exactly lose any of your lying habits when you were Umbrea." Her eye narrowed at me. "You surround yourself with people, you are rarely alone and you are never at ease, which is why your lifestyle is so chaotic." The fox sighed and shook her head, she looked away from me.

"You are terrified of being alone because that means you have only yourself to talk and look at...and you hate it, if you need me to give you proof of my claim, all I have to do is ask you a question." She turned around and stared at me with a serious expression that I rarely see on her face. "When was the last time you looked yourself in the mirror? really looked, not just a glance?" She asked.

I look away instinctively and curl up as I find myself laying on my side, I was silent and my mind raced with different thoughts, Roxanne ceased talking but I knew that she was watching me, I refused to look at her and I closed my eyes, I use my free hand and snap my fingers, causing the barrier on the door to vanish, I feel my eyes water up again as I open my mouth to talk, though the words I would use hurt me deeply. "Get out." I say in a broken voice, unable to hold back my sobs as I feel my emotions begin to run wild.

"Why?" Roxanne asked in a neutral tone.

I flip around and stare at the fox whose Amber eyes seemed hurt but still just as determined. "GET OUT AND GET OFF MY SHIP!" I shout before I can even think about it, I feel a stabbing pain in my heart as soon as the words left my mouth and I flip to my other side facing away from Roxanne, I squeeze my eyes shut tightly, unwilling to even look at the fox as I feel tears streaming down my face.

Roxanne did not say a word, instead i heard her leave the medbay and I hear the door close behind her, meanwhile I simply lay in the bed crying to myself, the pain I was feeling came more from my guilt from what I said to my girlfriend than yelling at her, though in a part of my mind that I had buried a very long time ago, I knew that she was right, and I knew what my mind was trying to tell me.

'I hate myself.'