//------------------------------// // Episode 20: The Wrath of Dan- Dan Vs. Barro the Broadaster // Story: Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship(Season 1) // by Barrobroadcaster //------------------------------// Hello, I'm Gary Gnu with the No Gnewwwwss is Good Gnewwwwws Show, the only show guaranteed to contain no Gnewwwwss whatsoever. And, since there hasn't been a single bit of Gnewwwsss since the Great Space Coaster was canceled back in the 1980s, I would consider that to be very good Gnewwwwsss indeed! When we last left Dan and the gang, their entire planet had been broken. With no way to fix Equestria and the only way to proceed being forward, Dan and crew were left with only one last shot to save both their friends and planet Earth at the same time. Can we get a fullscreen of that? I said "last SHOT" not 'last shot GLASS!' I seriously HAVE NOT missed working with you guys AT ALL. I said "you GUYS" not- oh for good gnewwwwwwss' sake! We've been off the air for years and my studio crew's sense of humor still has not improved. I can tell you all right now that I am not going to tolerate your unprofessional work for another whole season. UUUugghh. This just goes to show you, folks. No matter what, no matter how much time or whatever happens, the more things change, the more they stay the same. And that's true no matter what show you're watching. Just... just cue the episode. For the No Gnewwsss is Good Gnewwwss Show, as always, I'm Gary Gnu. And I'll be seeing you all in season gtwo. Dan did not usually take breaks. When he rested, it was usually at the end of a long day or to eat lunch, or to lounge and bask in satisfaction. He rarely just took a moment to relax and rest because he needed it. Back on Earth, he almost never did it around another person, so it was rare to catch him in these moments. He sighed, leaning forward from the prison wall. The next train was approaching in the distance. If he were any closer to the rails, he'd be in its path. The large, dark cylinder of it approached rapidly, first as a mirage-like dark blob on the vista and then it slowly emerged as a train. Head in his hands, he felt his age a bit, both figuratively and literally as the stubble on his chin dug into his hands, irritating him. Irritation he had not felt in years. Since coming to Equestria, he hadn't aged. Hadn't changed. Hadn't even needed to shave a single day as the potent magic of the planet kept him prestine. With it gone, a growth of beard was beginning to form on his face. Fatigue was beginning to set in, the fatigue of having been doing the same job for too long with too little reward. With no reward. "This is the last batch. Everything we could find," Rarity said, a hint of sadness in her voice she made no effort to hide. "All available text and documents have been downloaded to memory and duplicate files have been made," Knight said, getting off the train with her. "Once we are able to transfer them to physical form, we should be able to reproduce copies. The libraries of New Troy, Manehattan and the Crystal Empire will endure." "The Crystal Empire!" Dan exclaimed. He'd almost forgotten about it. "What happened? Were you able to find Sammy or Flash?" "Not precisely," Rarity admitted. "But, we did find someone," she said, looking over her shoulder. "Mister Dan!" Judgey exclaimed. "It's so good to see you! Why, it feels like it's been ages since we've seen each other!" "Ages or pages, one or the other," Dan said. "I'm sure Nicky will be just thrilled to see you again." "Mister Wright is here? How fortunate! I haven't seen either of you since the wedding! I must say, the court room has been much quieter without his signature outbursts!" "OBJECTION! Did somebody mention me?" Phoenix asked, stepping out of the prison. "Rarity and the Magic Gears just got back from the Crystal Empire," Dan said. "And they found Judge Judgey." "How good to see you, Mister Wright!" the Judge said ecstatically. "I must say though, we have been missing you in court lately." "Court?" Phoenix asked. "I haven't been called to court, Judge. There haven't been in trials since we King Sombra- err, I mean, Sam, was found not guilty." Judge Judgey shook his head. "Of course there have been trials, Mister Wright. Unfortunately, the defense has been quite lacking and that Payne fellow has been making quite a name for himself." Dan gritted his teeth. "The REAL Writhe N. Payne never left the damn Crystal Empire! Nicky, we've been duped the whole entire time!" Phoenix Wright winced. "Yeah, yeah I see that now. You don't have to rub it in." (Either that, or the Judge has just been sitting in the court room this entire time and just imagining all the trials. But I don't think I'm that lucky.) "So where IS the rest of the Crystal Empire?" Dan said, looking over the train. They brought back several containers of books and a few donkeys, griffons and ponies but nothing else. No crystal ponies, certainly. "I'm... I'm afraid.... this is it," Rarity said. She recoiled a bit, almost like she was apologizing personally for what she was saying. "The Crystal Empire is..." Twilight got off the train last. She had the Crystal Heart with her. "It's right here. All of it. Except for my brother, Cadence and Reginald." "Wait," Dan said, "I thought the Empire just disappeared when that thing broke. And that thing usually went with it." "Ah! I can explain that," Judge interjected. "Prince Sentry and Prince Sam were afraid the kingdom was in jeopardy what with all the weather, earthquakes an marauding bands of mutant post-apocalyptic wasteland raiders. So, transferred the Crystal Empire into the Crystal Heart itself and now the Empire will come back wherever we break it on the ground." Dan and Phoenix exchanged glances. "And that's... very convenient." (Almost too convenient." "Yeah, what he thought. But, they transferred the WHOLE Empire into the Crystal Heart?" Judge nodded. "That is correct, Mister Dan." "And they entrusted it to YOU?" Dan asked, prompting everyone to look back to Judgey. "Indeed! I must say, I was quite honored. Had to be careful swinging the gavel around it, though." Phoenix rubbed the back of his neck. "Well... at least he didn't break it." He looked at the Crystal Heart, hovering in Twilight's magical grasp. (I wonder if this is going to be a murder weapon at some point.) Dan grabbed the Crystal Heart. "I wonder if I can kill someone with this." (Sometimes I hate being right all the time. Also, I hate being Wright all the time. Sometimes. Sometimes all the time.) "Can they hear me in there?" Dan knocked on the surface of the giant gem. "Please be careful with the Crystal Empire, Dan," Twilight said. She looked at the jewel herself. "Although... to be honest, I kinda wish we could've done this with Ponyville." "And Cloudsdale," Phoenix added. "And Canterlot," Rarity nodded. "Why stop there?" Dan asked. "Why not just stuff the whole entire planet into a snowglobe or something?" He shook the Heart and looked at it, but the jewel remained the same. Similar to summoning spells, the magic that tied the Crystal Empire to the Crystal Heart pertained to physics. The Empire presently was in a dormant state inside a pocket dimension, similar to Tartarus, with the physical key to the dimension being the Heart itself. Tartarus, formerly Tambelon, was tied to Grogar's bell somewhere in the depths of the Bursavis Complex behind them. "Ah. Yes, pocket dimensions are quite handy, aren't they?" Doctor Whooves said. His plucky smile faded for a second, before he added, "Hope to get the TARDIS back safe and sound. Along with everyone else..." Dan handed it back to Twilight. "Would've made things a lot easier. I'm willing to bet there's SOME reason we couldn't have easily transferred all of Ponyville into a pop-up book or something, then open it wherever we found a new spot for the town. Would've been too easy for us." "Yeah... too easy," Twilight said, accepting the Heart. The Crystal Heart was sacred to the crystal ponies; it was part of their lives. For generations, their magic flowed through it and across their lands, rejuvenating them when they needed it. Similar were Tambelon and the Tears of Daedalus that kept Cloudsdale afloat. They were all important artifacts that so many ponies put so much of themselves into, they became a part of that universe. Sacred objects in Equestria sometimes became the vessels for the spirits of entire kingdoms. If Gust Grasp had been there, he would have tried to steal it. The doors to the prison opened. The train rolled inside and they followed behind it. "This is the last load?" Twilight nodded. "It's going to have to be. I doubt we have enough time to go back and check." "Not enough time to say our good-byes," Phoenix commented. They all knew what he was talking about: the Golden Oaks Library. "So much time, so much... SO MUCH MONEY!" Dan exclaimed. "That treehouse... heh, best one I ever built. Err, rebuilt. We rebuilt. Together." Dan had stayed behind with the other humans while Twilight, Rarity and the Mini Gears went to collect the books from the library. Part of the reason was that he needed to help work on getting the cannon up and running, but another part was that he didn't want to leave the Golden Oaks behind. Partings were better that way, to him. Quick and less painful. Twilight sighed. "I'm going to miss it." Rarity rubbed her friend's shoulders. "Hopefully the next planet we move to has plenty of trees." Doctor Whooves stopped. "That does bring up a good question... where exactly are we going to go." Dan, at the front of the group, came to a slow stop and then turned around. "Where else is there to go? Back to Earth." "Earth? The same one we've heard about all this time?" Rarity asked. Dan shrugged. "Only one I've been to. Probably not the only one but uh... " And that is when it hit him. "That son of a BIIIITCH!!" He spun around and ran down the hall, furious again. "Dan? What? Hey!" Phoenix shouted. "Who's a son-of-a-bitch?" "AAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa," Dan's rage echoed down the hall as he ran. Phoenix turned back to Twilight. "I'm going to go find out what this latest development is about. Can you guys get everything loaded into the capsule?" "We'll take care of it, Phoenix." "Thanks. Meet you at the tower! Make sure EVERYBODY's there!" The lawyer broke into a run and chased after his friend.