//------------------------------// // Chapter II: Cultured // Story: My Little Earth: Humans Are Special // by Skyler Walker //------------------------------// Yet again I get a lot of positive responses! Thanks everyone! You're great! ---- “Come on...” Twilight frowned as the fork slipped out of her hand again. She glared at the appendage yet again. “You'll get it, just relax.” Kyle said, twirling the spaghetti around his fork with ease. “It just takes practice.” “Thanks, I'm working on it.” Twilight grumbled. As useful as hands were, they were a pain in the flank. So far she was damn glad she had her magic or she'd have a harder time getting things done. The fingers were tricky to control, and moving them one at a time without moving the others with it wasn't easy, yet Kyle made it look casual. Then again he had a lifetime of practice with them, she didn't. Grumbling she also looked as his plate as he ate. Unlike her full plate his was half empty and covered with a pasta sauce. Pasta sauce with meat. She had seen Griffon representatives eat before, having shared dinner with the Princess while she had them over. Griffons also needed some meat in their diets, but tended to bring or catch their own food to be cooked and ate. The consumption of meat wasn't repulsive to her, per-say. She was like most ponies; she couldn't digest any meat aside from some fish, and even that was eaten by Pegasi,; Unicorns and Earth Ponies almost never tried them. She had and, well, didn't care for it. There was two things, however, that put her on edge as far as this case went. Number One: She was now an omnivore and would need to consume meat products or substitutes to stay healthy if she was to retain a human form. And she had tried the tofu Kyle brought back the other day. She didn't care if it was the last sort of food on the planet, there was no way in Tartarus she was touching tofu again. She hated it! Granted, Kyle had no idea how to cook or prepare the stuff, but they had both read the online recipes (Thank heavens for Google, her new second favorite thing) and followed them to the letter. She had no reason to think better prepared tofu would be better tasting enough for consumption. Number Two: The preferred meat in this part of the world was beef. Beef, or in other words cow. Kyle had explained, repeatedly, that cows on Earth were not like those on Equestria. They didn't talk, weren't sentient, and weren't very intelligent. That still didn't make the fact that a species she once shared a cup of coffee with not two months ago smelled delicious. Normally any form of cooked non-fish flesh would repulse her, but that meat had the aroma of tastiness. She had to attribute it to the fact she was now in the body of a predator species, and thus flesh should smell good to her. Didn't make the conflict of 'Smells Great' versus 'It's a Cow' any better. If anything it made it worse. Sighing she tried twirling the Parmesan cheese covered noodles about her fork, this time getting it right, if less that she wanted as she ate the food off the fork. And thus she learned she liked human pasta more than hay pasta. This stuff was great! How much better would it be with the meat sau-- Okay, let's not think about eating cow today. Maybe another day. “You're getting it, see?” Kyle smiled at her as he kept eating as well. Twilight smiled back as she got another bundle of pasta on the fork. Hunger was a good motivator to make that fork work. ---- “What is this?” Twilight asked, coming into Kyle's room, looking at his computer over his shoulder. Unlike the computer in the office, his own had a larger screen and a taller computer box. On the screen the icon that was controlled by the mouse selected what looked like tiny humans and strange metal boxes on long oval wheels with long barrels on them, directed them to a group of other humans and other differently shaped metal boxes. “A game, called Command and Conquer: Generals.” Kyle explained, eyes not leaving the screen. “It's a computer game.” “Wait, is this based on... a real... war?” Twilight asked, gasping a bit. Equestria did know war, the Pony-Griffin War that took place four hundred years ago was well recorded, and there were some records of the Separation Wars that took place almost one and a half thousand years ago before the unification of pony kind. The last war to take place on Equestria was the Uprising War two hundred and fifty years ago where a Unicorn leader, Fevered Speech, proposed Unicorn superiority and a attempted to make the city of Spurlin a Unicorn only city-state. The issue of that was the sizable Earth Pony population and the smaller Pegasus population. Speech's solution? Kill them all. It was a horrific war, with a large number of Unicorns from Spurlin and nearby cities joining under Speech's banner. As it turned out his special talent was speech infused magic, making his words into literal commands, more or less brainwashing Unicorns to obey and other ponies to either let themselves be killed or run off. In the end the war was the shortest on record, two months, but made up for it for the bloodiest two months of war in Equestrian history. Nine hundred guardsmen dead, another thousand injured. Civilian casualties were less accurate, but believed to be somewhere between four hundred to a thousand. Twelve hundred Unicorns died under the banner of Fevered Speech before he was killed. Princess Celestia, as history records, attempted to take him alive and with his magic contained to stand trial, but he denied her by hanging himself. Thankfully it's been generations since then. “No, but based on the issues in the middle east, you can say.” Kyle replied. “It supposedly takes place in the 'near future' where a terrorist army called the GLA more or less tried to expel foreign powers and oppress people. They're loosely based on the Taliban, who launched a very nasty attack some years ago at America. They're still recovering from it over ten years later.” “Is there a war going on, now?” “Kinda...” Kyle replied, pausing the game to turn and look at her. “There's an ongoing 'War on Terror' in the middle east, the opinion on which varies. The Korean War is, officially, still on over fifty years later, but right now it's just a staring contest over a boarder. The Iraqi War is, more or less, wrapping up.” “Three wars at once?” Twilight nearly boggled at the idea. Sure, she knew as a predator species, such as the Griffins, a larger amount of aggression was expected, but three wars? “It's important to note that no one's died in the Korean War for over fifty years. Maybe sixty, can't remember.” Kyle replied. “The War on Terror was a reaction to the Nine-Eleven attacks and was directed to a terrorist group, not another country. And the Iraqi War while, as far as I'm concerned was started for the wrong reasons, did get rid of a dictator that was a freaking tyrant. Most humans are good decent people who just want to be left to do their thing. Sadly, a few jerks manage to stir up people who should know better and start something that's just damn evil.” “...I can... Understand that, I guess.” Twilight replied. “I think I'll look up humans and warfare sometime. For now, show me how you play your... game.” ---- Twilight was pretty sure finding Equestria's location relative to Earth would be simple. Her five anchor gems were made to assist in stabilizing the spell she cast, but it could also be used as a homing signal to light the way home. The big issue was how to get home. Being transported world to world had hurt and left her out cold for most of a day. That was not how she wanted to go home unless she had absolutely no other choice what-so-ever. It would require some work to figure out a safe way to get from this world to her own. She had some ideas to test out, but couldn't until she had the right supplies. Still that gave her some time to research and write a new letter, turning back to the keyboard before her as well as the paper nearby with a pen hovering over it, encased in magic. x---x Dear Princess Celestia For now I think I'll write about what I've learned about human culture. At first I thought my studies would be rather easy. Then I realized that humans are... more complex then ponies. Humans are divided between over a hundred countries, each with their own language, customs and traditions. For the sake of this letter I'll focus on 'western' culture, mainly Canadian and American. Humans, particularly here, have a nudity taboo. After some thought it makes a little sense; being bipeds the sexual organs are much more visible to anyone looking, and males have no sheaths. Most clothing was worn when humans started to migrate to colder areas of the globe or deserts to ward off the sun. Religions then picked up on this, making nudity a 'sin' more or less, or indecent. In particular a religion called 'Christianity' which itself seems to have influenced culture quite a bit. I'm sure that will make another wonderful subject. Humans are, for the most part, good friendly people. They are as welcoming as anypony else. The problem with humans focuses on two main issues. As a predator species violence comes much, much easier. In recorded Equestrian history ponykind has fought a total of five wars in one and a half thousand years. Humans once had the same amount within a hundred year time span; World War One, World War Two, The Korean War, The Vietnam War and Gulf War. And those are considered the 'major' wars. I have yet to get any real information on the Second World War, but from what little I know... To be honest, it makes the Uprising War look like a schoolyard scuffle. With several thousand deaths occurring in one day. Not the entire war, just one day. From what I can tell, the death toll was over forty million civilian deaths and twenty million military deaths. Humans are, sadly, better at warfare then Griffons and tend to engage in wars on a large scale. A man named T.E. Lawrence once put it best. “Mankind has had ten-thousand years of experience at fighting and if we must fight, we have no excuse for not fighting well.” Sometime I think I will write about this 'World War Two' in greater detail. Humans biologically are polygamous, but culturally monogamous. Originally they considered marriage a lifelong arrangement, with divorces in large amounts being a more recent thing. Part of the reason humans are culturally brought up like this is they have a near one to one ratio of males to female, unlike ponykind where females outnumber the men three to one. In Equestria arranging time for friends to engage in physical pleasure with your husband is considered a sign of tremendous trust and respect between friends. Humans, meanwhile, have much more conservative views on sex. The idea of offering 'playtime' with your husband to your friends would be seen as odd at best. In addition a female having sex with multiple males would be seen as a sexual deviant, and referred to as, well, unkind things. There are humans who are more casual about sex, but most seem to get worked up over it. One of the most cherished things in this part of the world isn't harmony, but freedom. The ability to do what pleases you (With the caveat of doing no harm to others), going where you please and succeeding or failing on your own merits. The Americans considered it worth dying for. The Canadians eventually got the same without bloodshed by asking nicely. Like I said, Canadians are stereotyped by their politeness. Canada's National Animal is the beaver. Yes, the beaver. An industrious rodent is their animal of choice. They're also known for moose, loons and polar bears. In contrast the American National Animal is the bald eagle. The sport of choice is hockey, which is like hooveball, but with a puck in place of a ball, and sticks instead of kicks. It's also played on ice. My understanding is Canadians take the game seriously, too seriously at times according to Kyle. The television is also a source of culture. The television is hard to explain. It's like a viewing portal, but rather than watching, say Ponyville from Canterlot you watch prerecorded and edited shows for entertainment, news transmitted live as it happens, educational programs and more. There are also longer programs called 'movies' that have larger budgets put into them. They're like plays, but with massive amounts of dollars, the local currency, put into it. Kyle has promised to show me six movies called “Star Wars'. I really hope this is fantasy. Humans fighting among the stars would undoubtedly be messy. Truth be told I think writing an overview, an incomplete overview, of culture has only proven how much I need to learn just to pass as human. If anything I seem to have more subjects to write about. For now I'll call it a letter and go onto another subject tomorrow. All I know is I don't know enough. Signed your Faithful Student Twilight Sparkle x---x “Come on, come on...” Twilight said to herself. She was down in the basement of Kyle's house, searching about. Kyle's Aunt was a curious mare, err, woman who had odd interests and habits. She enjoyed something called 'Transformers' which according to Kyle was more of a colt, err, guy thing. There was a dead salmon on the wall of the living room over the television that was, apparently, sixty one pounds before being 'stuffed and mounted', which is to say made to look as if it were still alive if frozen in place. It was some off preservation thing to show off the catch like a trophy and somewhat unsettling. She had heard of Griffins doing something like that, keeping skulls of notable kills preserved and showing them off. She apparently held a 'second dan' in 'Tea Kwon Do', some form of self defense/combat form. Polly was always a tomboy, which she assumed was the human version of tomcolt. She also had a few odds and ends in the basement. Mostly on shelves across room. There were books, board games (She eyed Risk and Clue as games she might want to try), old clothes, luggage and other nicknacks. Finally after some searching she found what she needed. Two antique looking trunks. The important part was that they were the same make and size. Assuming Kyle would let her use them these would be perfect for her needs. She still needed to do some theory, but it was a start. Smiling she turned and went up the stairs with a bounce to her step. She'd need more, but it was a start. Pulling a sheet of paper out she took out a pen. “Containers, check.” ---- In this chapter I put some wars in Equestria's history, for this fic anyway. I know that this is something that probably wouldn't happen in canon, but it's there since it gives Twilight some context to use later on. Still it should be pointed out that five wars is all that Equestria has had in the past. Humans? I don't think I can count. As for three mares to one stallion, well, I know I'm not the only one to notices the, um, gender gap in the show. Nearly every background pony is a mare. And how many named stallions appear in the first season? A hell of a lot less than the mares. I know I'm not the only one to notice this, AnonponyDASHIE's fic Xenophilia (Warning: it's a clop fic) even has 'herds' as a commonplace thing. Again it's probably something that has no basis in cannon, but I have no idea where all the guys are hiding. I know not everyone will approve/like these things, but I know others will see what I mean. And before anyone asks, no, this fic will not turn into a clop. Sorry, but no. As always topic suggestions/feedback is always welcome.