Waking Nightmares: Remix Heart

by KnightMysterio

Chapter 5: Apple Family Hospitality

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Sweet Apple Acres…
Evening...
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Nine mercenaries and their handler all walked up to the Apple family homestead. After the mess with the Flim Flam brothers had been settled, Soldier going off to train with Tempest, the others had gotten to know the rest of the town, Spy and Scout learning how to use their shapeshifting powers, as well as how to consume emotions, even though it wasn’t done predatorily anymore. They were worried about how other ponies would react to that, but Ocellus, their teacher, told them that little ‘nibbles’ of ambient emotion were harmless and only those who were ridiculously sensitive would mind.

They were all in a relatively pleasant mood. Those with families waiting back home were still fairly uncomfortable, but they were glad to get a free meal out of it.

“Och, you doing all right, laddie?” Demoman asked, nudging Soldier. The helmeted earth pony was visibly shaking, wincing every time he took a step.

“She put me through my paces. Ran me ragged, and made me question my belief in a kind and loving God. That training she gave me… it was Hell. Purest, unadulterated HELL,” Soldier said, sounding haunted, shivering softly.

Scout quirked an amused eyebrow. “And you couldn’t be happier, could you?” he said.

“YEP!” Soldier said cheerfully. “That’s PROPER soldier training right there! I have never known what I was missing in my life until now!”

The others chuckled at that. “She seems like your type, mate,” Sniper said. “All discipline and rules and all that.”

“It will be WONDERFUL working for her! I have taught her how to play reveille in repayment!” Soldier said.

“Marvelous,” Spy muttered. “We just committed an interdimensional felony.”

“Aw, don’t worry about it, fellers,” Engineer said. “She’ll get used to our routines.”

“For the sake of her sanity, I hope so,” Miss Pauling muttered.

“Anyway, y’all, let’s be on our best behavior. The Apples are bein’ kind enough to offer us dinner tonight, so we owe it to them to be respectful,” Engineer added.

“Five to one odds there’s a fight,” Miss Pauling said quietly.

Spy smirked. “No bet, girl,” he said, chuckling.

“No. No fighting,” Heavy rumbled. “Apple ponies are family, we are guests. Heavy will smash anyone who disrespects hospitality.”

Everyone looked at Heavy in surprise. “Didn’t think you the type to be polite at the dinner table, big guy,” Scout said. “Considering you just grab a sandwich or ten and punch anyone who talks to you that’s not Engie or Medic.”

“Heavy like intelligent conversation at dinner,” the big earth pony rumbled.

Scout blinked, looking offended. “And what’s that supposed to mean?”

Spy snorted. “Calm down, calm down,” he said, the others chuckling a little. He felt a little tickling sensation at the back of his mind, one that made him feel uncomfortable, but dismissed it as just his changeling senses picking up on the malaise of his teammates with families.

Engineer smiled. “If nothin’ else, it’ll be nice to have some home cookin.’ These Apples seem like nice down home folks,” he said.

“With an exotic adopted sister,” Miss Pauling commented, amused.

“Shoot. That’s just the way Texans are. Anything y’all may have heard about Texans bein’ unpleasant towards ‘different’ is just a bunch of loudmouths. Real Texans, they’ve got hearts as big as their state,” Engineer said. “And they’ll always set an extra plate out for someone who needs it.”

“Coming from you, Engie, I believe it,” Demoman said, grinning.

“I wonder what we’ll be having?” Pyro asked curiously.

“Betcha ten bucks it’ll have apples in it,” Scout cracked.

“They do seem to have a bit of a theme to their lives,” Medic commented, grinning.

The idle chatter between the mercs continued as they made their way up to the apple homestead. As they got there, they found their senses assaulted lovingly by the smell of fresh cooking. Scout and Spy in particular could taste heavy amounts of love in the air, the younger changeling starting to cry.

“You all right, private?” Soldier asked.

Scout wiped his eyes. “Yeah, just…” he said, shaking his head. “You can FEEL how much this family cares about each other. Even from here. I just got a big reminder of what dinner at home feels like with Ma and all of my brothers there.”

Soldier hugged him. “We’ll get you home, son. I’ve never lost a man in my unit yet,” he said with surprising softness.

Scout managed to smile at the military lunatic, the two of them moving on. Spy just nodded in approval. Miss Pauling gave them a curious look.

“It always amazes me to see Soldier getting along with any of you,” she said to Spy. “Considering how much he yells at all of you.”

Spy quirked an eyebrow. “He’s a brute, to be sure. But do you honestly think we’d put up with his lunacy for as long as we have if he weren’t a worthy friend?”

Miss Pauling shook her head. “God, all this talk about friendship from the ponies… If the Administrator is here, she must be having a heart attack.”

Spy grinned teasingly. “Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe’s she’s found someone. After all, from what I’ve heard? Friendship is magic.”

“Just HEARING that makes me want to gag,” Miss Pauling muttered.

Spy chuckled. “It seems to be the rule around here, so I’d develop a tolerance quickly, my dear,” he said.

“Harrumph,” Miss Pauling grumbled. She sighed, and adjusted her glasses, deciding to drop the subject. The group approached the farm in near silence, save for Pyro, who kept getting distracted by lightning bugs and had to be prevented from chasing them. They arrived at the homestead, Engineer taking the lead again and knocking on the front door.

“Anyone home? It’s us, Builders League United. Y’all invited us for dinner?” he said.

“Shoot, we wasn’t expecting y’all ‘til a bit later!” said a female voice. “Food ain’t ready yet!”

“Well, if’n you’d let us help you...” said an elderly male voice.

“You hush y’self, Grand Pear! I done prepared all of our family’s contribution to the last reunion, and there was ten times as many guests then!” the female voice said. “So sit yer wrinkled behind down and lemme work, y’fool!”

“She’s sassy as fuck. Holy shit I like her,” Scout said with a grin, Engineer chuckling.

A younger male voice called out. “Zecora? Big Mac? Go let our guests in and help them get situated.”

“Eeyup,” said a male voice near the door. The farmhouse door opened, revealing the zebra from before and the rather large, red-furred male. Spy found himself reflexively preening at the sight of Zecora, Scout snorting as he felt the desire for the zebra coming from his teammate.

Zecora smiled, blushing a little at Spy. “Welcome to our abode. For your actions today in helping defend our home, you are more than welcome,” she said, gesturing to the stallion next to her. “This is my brother, Big Macintosh.”

“A pleasure t’meet you,” Engineer said, the others nodding in greeting as well.

“Eeyup,” Big Macintosh said, nodding back.

“...Not much for words, ain’tcha?” Scout said.

“Eenope,” Big Macintosh said. “Learned early on that yakkin’ too much means you ain’t actually saying anything.”

Heavy grunted. “Mm. Is good policy. Heavy respect that,” he said, nodding in approval. Big Macintosh nodded back.

Sniper shook his head. “Fine pair of conversationalists, those two.”

Zecora chuckled. “You will get used to our family’s habits.”

Demoman nodded, smiling. “’Tis certainly a fine feast, if the smell be anything to go by,” he said.

Zecora and Big Macintosh both grinned, the former stepping aside to let them in. The inside of the Apple household was small, but homey. Three tables had been pressed together to make enough of a dining area for the Apples and the mercenaries, the ten of them all taking a seat. The rest of the Apple Clan was there. Bright Macintosh and Pear Butter were busily working away at the stove, stirring various pots and chopping up apples and pears for dinner. Sweet and savory scents filled the entire house, all the mercenaries finding their mouths watering at the scent.

Bright Macintosh smiled apologetically at Miss Pauling. “I’m sorry we don’t have any gems t’mix in with what your getting, ma’am. I don’t know how t’cook them into food proper-like,” he said.

Miss Pauling shook her head. “It’s fine. I’m still processing the fact that I can eat gems, honestly,” she said.

Granny Smith chuckled, the wizened old mare relaxing in her chair. “That’s right. Applejack told us y’all were from another world, that y’all got turned into what y’are now… That’s gotta be rough.”

Engineer smiled weakly. “We’re adjusting, ma’am,” he said.

“Well, if nothing else, you deserve a nice home-cooked meal for helping us,” Grand Pear said, the elder stallion sitting on a chair next to Granny.

“Where’s Applehat?” Pyro asked, looking around. “And the little one we saw with you earlier?”

Granny took Pyro misnaming her granddaughter in stride. “Applejack’s finishing her chores. Apple Bloom… is probably upstairs doing stuff for that weird thing she’s into,” she said.

Pear Butter huffed. “I swear,” she said, setting a tray of apple and white cheddar grilled cheese sandwiches on the table. “That girl will be the death of me. It was bad enough when she was still crusading...”

“Crusading? What do y’mean, lass?” Demoman asked.

Applejack, coming in from the fields, answered that for him. “Y’all know what cutie marks are, right?” she asked.

“We were told the basics, yeah,” Engineer said. “Turns out mine is a wrench. Fits, honestly.”

Applejack chuckled. “Well, for ponies, getting a cutie mark is a huge thing. A major coming of age event. Apple Bloom and her two pals, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo, they done decided to form a group dedicated to getting their cutie marks no matter what. The Cutie Mark Crusaders. They ended up trying everything in their attempt to get their marks.”

Zecora rolled her eyes. “Except what they was actually good at. Apple Bloom has a strong head for science. Mainly engineering, which I’m sure you can appreciate,” she said to Engineer, who looked thoughtful, “and she’s got a knack for potions, too.”

“So she got her mark in science, then?” Medic asked, watching with amusement as Heavy sniffed warily at the sandwiches.

Bright Macintosh shook his head, setting down a tortellini dish that had apples, walnuts, mushrooms and squash in it. “Nope. Turns out she and her friends got their cutie marks in cutie marks.”

Scout cackled. “They got so good at Crusading that it became their talent?” he asked.

Bright Macintosh grinned. “Naw. They help others find out their own talents now. I’m honestly kinda proud.”

Big Macintosh snorted. “Mainly because we don’t have to scrub tree sap out of her fur no more,” he said.

“Excuse me?” Spy asked, confused.

Zecora giggled. “Eight times out of ten, their failures would result in them getting covered in tree sap. It helped me make a potion designed for getting sticky substances out of fur,” she said.

“It did NOT happen that often,” said a younger voice from the staircase. Everyone turned, seeing Apple Bloom walking down the stairs. She was wearing a frilly black dress, and had stylized black makeup on, black highlights in her mane. Everything clashed HORRIBLY with her mane and coat.

The mercs (save for Pyro, who just stared) burst out laughing upon seeing her. Apple Bloom fumed. The other Apple family members gave the mercenaries odd looks, wondering where they were going with this. They didn’t approve of Apple Bloom’s new style, but this was rather rude…

“What in God’s name are you wearing?!” Soldier asked, laughing.

“I wear the darkness to show the darkness in my soul!” Apple Bloom said in what was clearly a rehearsed speech. “None can understand the angst that I suffer, the lack of understanding I face for my genius every day...”

Spy, who had learned how to shapeshift from Ocellus earlier, turned into Apple Bloom with a flash of blue flame. “No one understaaaaaands me!” he wailed in a nasally version of Apple Bloom’s voice. “I’m a teenager and my parents aren’t letting me get away with things! I’m so angsty I have to dress edgy to show how people don’t understaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand me!”

This set off a fresh round of laughter from the mercenaries. Zecora was visibly struggling not to smirk, while Big Macintosh just calmly stared ahead, not trusting himself to look at his little sister’s expression. Applejack snorted laughter, while the older ponies shared amused looks, Spy having echoed their own thoughts of Apple Bloom’s current look. Bright Macintosh was visibly struggling not to laugh, Pear Butter elbowing him in the ribs while struggling not to smile herself.

Apple Bloom just fumed. “I wouldn’t expect you to-”

Spy turned back to normal in another swirl of blue flame. “Several of my associates are far from their families and long to get back to them,” he said, staring at her intensely. “Be very careful what you say next.”

Apple Bloom, to her credit, was intelligent enough to bite her tongue. She grumped, and sat down wordlessly.

Scout chuckled. “Seriously, you got a great family. An absolute stud of a big bro, a really cool adopted sister, another sister who’s a national friggin’ hero, a couple of grandfolks, a babe for a ma, a Dad that’s… well, a Dad that’s alive for one.”

The other mercenaries glanced at Spy, who just closed his eyes and sighed softly.

“Sorry to hear that, sonny,” Granny Smith said sadly.

Scout smiled at her, nodding. “Basically, what I’m saying is, and pardon my language… what the fuck do you have to complain about?” he continued.

Apple Bloom just looked away, suddenly finding herself unable to meet any of the mercenaries eyes. Except for Pyro, who stared right at her, looking rather bothered. She fidgeted uncomfortably for a moment as Pyro stared at her. “...I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to-”

Before Apple Bloom could finish, Pyro licked her hoof and began rubbing Apple Bloom’s makeup-covered face. “Smudge...” Pyro said absently as she turned Apple Bloom’s intricately-styled makeup into a giant smudge. This got EVERYONE laughing.

“...I give up,” Apple Bloom said, going to get cleaned up and changed.

Bright Macintosh shook his head. “I swear, that girl gets harder to understand as she gets older,” he said, setting down a potato and green bean curry.

“Children are strange creatures,” Medic said. “I would do studies to try and learn their mysteries, but the others never let me kidnap enough for a control group.” The Apples gave him an alarmed look.

“We’re in enough trouble with the authorities in Teufort as it is, Medic,” Miss Pauling said. “Plus HOLY CRAP DID YOU DO THAT MORE THAN ONCE!? WHY WASN’T I TOLD ABOUT THIS!?”

“Matter settled. Medic talked out of it. Forcefully,” Heavy rumbled.

“You’ll have to forgive Medic,” Spy said. “He has nothing in the way of a conscience.”

“It gets in the way of science,” Medic said, looking over the dishes. “Mmm, this all smells wonderful. Vegetarian, I presume?”

“Eeyup,” Big Macintosh said.

“I apologize if anypony wanted meat,” Pear Butter said. “It’s difficult to come by here. Not enough griffons to justify a market, even with the school accepting more griffon, diamond dog, and dragon students.”

“What, you can’t just use one of the cows or pigs or something?” Scout said, gesturing out to the farm. At the alarmed looks the Apples gave him, he frowned. “What?”

“We ain’t about to turn one of our tenants into food, sonny,” Grand Pear said, frowning.

“...Cows and pigs are sapient here!?” Medic said, grinning widely. “FASCINATING!” The others looked rather dismayed at this, trading uncomfortable looks.

Applejack shook her head. “...I guess they ain’t on your world. Dangit, Twilight told me it was like that in Sunset’s dimension, I should’ve thought of that...”

Pear Butter smiled. “Well, differences aside,” she said, trying to change the subject as she set out some pear fritters and a jar of pear butter, “I hope you enjoy our modest fair.”

Engineer chuckled. “Ma’am, this here’s shapin’ up to be a mighty fine feast.”

Soldier grumped. “No meat...” he said.

Demoman poked him. “I dinnae think we CAN eat meat in these bodies, laddie,” he said. “Best to just adjust.”

Soldier sighed irritably. “Fine, fine...”

Demoman smiled. “Think of it as a survival mission. We’re stranded in a strange land, so we have to eat what we can to survive,” he said. “That way we can make it back home healthy.”

Soldier considered that. Spy, getting what Demoman was going for, added, “A true military man would be able to subsist on anything. Are you a true military man?”

Soldier, buttons pressed, sat up stock straight, saluting and smacking himself in the face with his hoof. “SIR YES SIR! Ow.”

Granny Smith smirked. “Yer a goofy one, ain’tcha?”

“I AM A PROUD MEMBER OF THE AMERICAN MILITARY! I WILL SERVE PRESIDENT CELESTIA AND PRESIDENT LUNA WITH DIGNITY, HONOR, AND FEROCITY!” Soldier declared.

“Medic’s evil. Soldier’s nuts,” Sniper clarified, the Apples all nodding in understanding.

Dinner was almost completely served. Applejack sat down at the table, joining the others. Zecora smiled. “So I know that you are mercenaries, and your names seem to be rather indicative… what all do you do, exactly?” she asked.

Applejack grimaced. “Spare us any messy details, please,” she pleaded. She knew most of it already from the earlier interrogation but hadn’t told her family yet.

The BLU ponies hesitated. Finally, though, Sniper spoke up. “Essentially? We battle over useless territory in the name of two idiots. We fight in war games against exact replicas of ourselves. There’s a device during the war games that lets us come back from the dead whenever we get killed in that particular battleground,” he said.

“Our counterparts in Reliable Excavations and Demolitions, or RED for short,” Spy continued, “are clones, as are well. We discovered where our real bodies are,” Miss Pauling looked VERY alarmed at this, Spy smirking and continuing, “and decided that since we were functionally immortal because of the system they’re using, we decided not to question it. Whomever wins each match, gets to keep the memories of the previous winners and take their place until the next battle. We’ve won the past few matches, so we have a long period of memories built up.”

Engineer nodded. “Keeps it simple with our families and such,” he said.

“As for specifics? I can outrun any of these other mooks in combat, plus I can cap any point quicker than they can. I’m all about speedy attacks, baby! Ain’t nothing I can’t outrun!” Scout said proudly.

“I am a frontline warrior!” Soldier declared. “I charge in, and destroy my enemies with fierceness and gusto! And then when I get in with my shovel, I rip out their-” Demoman stuffed a pear fritter into his mouth, Soldier losing his train of thought.

“I am the voice in my head which tells me to burn things!” Pyro said. She picked up a pear fritter and tried it. “This is very tasty!”

Pear Butter smiled. “Thank y’kindly.”

“You are a very nice flying jam jar! I am very glad to meet you!” Pyro said, happily nomming her fritter.

The Apples stared at the mercs.

Engineer sighed, giving Pyro a kiss on the cheek. “Pyro… would take too long to properly explain. Suffice to say that what she sees and hears isn’t the same with as what we all see and hear. And yeah, she is our fire specialist.”

“Who can now burn things with her brain,” Sniper muttered. “Bloody HATE magic...”

“I ain’t never had much use for it m’self,” Granny Smith said. “Beyond what comes natural to the tribe. Ain’t nothin’ better than makin’ something with your own four hooves is what I say.”

Grand Pear chuckled. “One of the few things we agree on,” he said.

Engineer smiled. “Amen,” he said. “I’m the tech man for our team. I build teleportation devices, dispensers which can heal and give constantly renewing supplies of ammunition, and sentry turrets to protect areas we’ve taken or want to keep. I don’t much like anything which I ain’t had a hand in buildin’ or modifyin’.”

Granny Smith chuckled. “I like you,” she said. “Y’all sound like our kinda folks.”

Engineer tipped his helmet to her. “Texas born and raised, ma’am. And proud of it,” he said.

Apple Bloom came down the stairs at that point, clad in nothing but a hairbow, the makeup washed off of her face. “You can make a device that teleports folks?” she said, looking interested. “Like how unicorns can teleport?”

Pyro blinked. “Where’d the talking smudge go?” she asked, looking at Apple Bloom.

Engineer decided to change the subject to avoid having to explain Pyro more times than necessary. “Yes’m. It requires both an entrance an exit device to be set up, and in battle I have to guard them both, but it works just fine.”

Apple Bloom quirked an eyebrow, visibly interested. “Think I could get a look at your plans?”

“Sure thing,” Engineer said. “Maybe after dinner, though. It ain’t proper to talk shop once the food’s been served.”

Apple Bloom frowned. “Sounded like y’was talkin’ shop just now, though?”

“Naw. We’s just makin’ introductions,” he said. “Heavy, you wanna go next?”

Heavy nodded. “Heavy is short for Heavy Weapons Guy. I build big guns. I shoot big guns. I like big guns.”

Demoman quirked the eyebrow above his eyepatch. “He’s not compensating for something. Don’t ask me how I know. As for me, I’m the explosives expert of the team. The best demoman in the business. And considering I’m drunk 99% of the time and work with bloody explosives, that’s no exaggeration.”

Apple Bloom gave him a curious look. “But what makes you the best demoman?” she asked.

The mercenaries chuckled as Demoman sighed in exasperation. “Lass, if I was a bad demoman, then we wouldn’t be here discussing it, now would we?” he said, the other mercenaries chuckling.

Apple Bloom blushed. “That… sounds like you’ve said it a lot.”

Demoman snorted. “In a business where everyone in me family has gone blind by my age due to explosions, I still have one good eye. And I didn’t lose it to a bomb. I lost it to a fockin’ wizard! The same bastard that sent us here stole me bloody eye and turned it into a monster!”

Grand Pear quirked an eyebrow. “Mighty impressive,” he said.

Applejack nodded. “Not sure I can fully appreciate what y’all do, but I can respect bein’ best in the family at it.”

Big Macintosh gave her a look. “...What exactly are you implying?”

Applejack got a smug look on her face. “Just thinkin’ out loud,” she said, adding under her breath, “about how many more apples I harvested the past couple years compared to you.”

Medic chuckled. “Anyway. As you can guess, I am the team’s field medic. I invented a rather miraculous device that can heal almost any injury, even near fatal ones, in seconds! I have also been exposed enough to its energies that my natural healing ability is accelerated. Here! Let me show yo-”

“NO,” Spy said firmly, putting a hoof on Medic’s horn as he started to levitate a scalpel out of a hidden pocket. Medic just rolled his eyes and put the scalpel back.

Applejack frowned. “I was sure the guards got all weapons away from you,” she said uneasily.

“I am never without a scalpel, fraulein. One never knows when one has to perform surgery,” Medic said, chuckling wickedly.

“Never be alone with him,” Miss Pauling said, the dead serious expression on her face making the Apples worried.

Medic nodded. “Probably a good idea,” he said. “I am prone to experiments.”

“...Moving SWIFTLY along,” Sniper said, trying to change the subject, “Spy and I have similar jobs – We’re assassins. Me at range, him up close.”

“I also do infiltration and information gathering, as well as sabotage,” Spy said. “In the end, our roles are similar, especially in the war games – eliminate high priority targets before they do damage.”

Bright Macintosh shook his head. “I can’t say I approve of the job, but you seem like nice enough folks aside from that.”

Spy nodded. “Your feelings are understandable,” he said.

“Thank you for not thinking I’m just some crazed gunman,” Sniper said. “I get enough of that from my folks. I’m a professional, thank you very much.”

Pear Butter just nodded, not sure of what to say. “What about you, ma’am?” she asked.

Miss Pauling quirked an eyeridge. “I serve the most evil woman in existence as her minion,” she said. “As for the details… Well, you all seem like nice people, so I won’t go into them.”

“Trust me,” Spy muttered. “Its for the best. I couldn’t sleep for a week after I looked into what she does.”

“I’m sure she had good reason for doing whatever it was!” Scout insisted, patting Miss Pauling on the shoulder.

“Lovesick imbecile...” Spy muttered quietly.

The Apples seemed to accept that, Pear and Bright finishing setting the table. Once that was ready, everypony gathered around the table to sit down to eat. Grand Pear stretched, the older stallion sighing. “Never gonna get used to not sayin’ prayers before a meal,” he said.

“Prayers?” Spy asked. “You believe in gods here?”

“Well,” Applejack said, “for a while we used to believe that Celestia and Luna were gods. Cadance of the Crystal Empire too.”

“Celestia’s the one who gave this land to our family,” Granny Smith said. “Ponyville just built up around it.”

“Yes, that was brought up earlier,” Spy said. “You are the nobles in charge of this area, then?”

“Technically,” Bright Macintosh said. “We ain’t never made a big deal out of it, though. Only ever pull it out when some Canterlot snob gets uppity and tries to order us around.”

“Fair enough,” Engineer said. “I got me eleven college degrees. Ain’t never flaunted it t’anyone in my hometown.”

Big Macintosh whistled, impressed. “You and me definitely need to talk sometime,” he said.

Engineer smiled, tipping his hard-hat to the farmer.

Pear Butter smiled. “But yes. You can imagine how it is. Seeing beings of such might and majesty from a distance, watching them as they move the sun and moon, or seemingly read your very soul...”

“And then we got to know them,” Applejack said, chuckling.

“Killed the majestic illusion, huh?” Engineer said. Privately, he was glad that he didn’t need to pray to them. He only believed in one God, thank you very much. He also had doubts about the whole ‘moving the sun and moon’ thing, but he wasn’t going to discount it. As Pinkie proved, there was a lot he didn’t understand about this world.

Applejack nodded. “Twilight was Celestia’s personal student, and with the work of me and the girls, we got to spend a lot of time with them. Celestia’s a glutton for sweets and a vicious prankster, to the point where she finds ways to sabotage the Grand Galloping Gala every year. She’s also a thrillseeker who, and this is a direct quote, ‘freaking hates how boring her job is sometimes.’”

Zecora chimed in, grinning. “Luna, by comparison, is loud, noisy, old-fashioned, and finds delight in the most mundane things. Video games, modern postal delivery, cooking...”

“We didn’t know Cadance that well,” Applejack said, “but we found out that she was Twilight’s babysitter. And she’s an absolute dork who has the silliest ritual she does every time she and Twilight meet up, in addition to being to biggest dang romantic out there.”

“She’s also as into Ogres and Oubliettes as much as me and her husband is, which is sayin’ something, considering I’m head of the local league. She’s been trying to get ponies into it up in the Crystal Empire ever since she took the throne there, but she ain’t had much luck,” Big Macintosh said.

Ogres and Oubliettes… Oh! Gargoyles and Gravel! Miss Pauling thought, smiling. “We have a similar game in our world, if its anything like I’m thinking. I might be interested if we have time before we go home.”

Big Macintosh brightened.

Pear Butter grinned. “Well, everypony eat up. We got lots of food, and its all fresh and delicious,” she said.

“Do you have anything like scrumpy, lass?” Demoman asked. “I’ve been bloody sober since I got here and its aggravating me to no end.”

Pear Butter frowned. “I don’t know if I should...” she said.

“His tolerance level is high enough that he’s completely functional at blood alcohol levels that would leave even Heavy here staggering around,” Medic said. “On top of that, he has NEVER thrown up while drunk and is completely silly when soused. He’s only a dangerous drunk in combat.”

“Aye, I won’t hurt anyone, I swear,” Demoman said.

Pear Butter and Bright Macintosh traded worried looks, but Bright eventually nodded. “All right,” he said, going to a cabinet and unlocking it. “I’m holding you to that...”

Demoman cheered as a bottle of scrumpy was placed before him, and dinner truly began. Everypony dug in, enjoying themselves as they devoured the repast Pear Butter and Bright Macintosh set before them. During the dinner, Spy turned to Zecora and asked, “You mentioned that you ran away from your home?”

Zecora nodded. “A falling out with my birth mother,” she said. “I have since reconciled with her, but it took many years for us both to put aside our pride. Plus, I have long since come to think of Equestria as my home.”

Spy nodded. “Teufort is the closest thing I have had to a home in years,” Spy said. “Before I joined the team, I tended to travel a lot.”

Zecora smiled. “I can imagine. The life of an international spy...” she said.

“It isn’t as glamorous as novels make it out to be,” Spy said, smiling. “But I do manage to find enjoyment.”

“Yeah, I bet,” Scout muttered, Spy sighing a little in response. As he dug into a sandwich, a voice in his head spoke up.

Jeremy? said a familiar voice.

Scout blinked, looking around. “Huh? Someone say something?”

“No,” Heavy rumbled around a sandwich.

Oh thank God, said the voice. It’s me, Jeremy. It’s Mom. Scout’s jaw dropped, and he started to speak, but the voice silenced him. Just think at me for now. I’ll be able to hear you.

...How do I know its you? Scout said. He didn’t like Spy, but he had to admit he knew what he was doing when it came to disguises.

I know why rainbows make you cry, said the voice, explaining the reason.

Scout managed to keep his face neutral, but inwardly, he was overjoyed. Ma! It really is you!! But how?!

Merasmus isn’t the only wizard in the world, honey. Spy gave me some blackmail material to use on Saxton Hale if something ever happened to you, and I called it in. Hale found me a wizard who WASN’T possessed like that idiot, Scout’s mother said. I’m using an artifact of his to contact you.

Well, this is great! Scout said. Maybe you can help us get home!

Hopefully, honey, Scout’s mother said. I miss you so much.

Me too, Ma, me too, Scout said sadly.

I’ll look into things on my end, Scout’s mother said. Can I trust you to do what I say once I know what to do?

Love and a longing for his mother’s embrace filled Scout’s heart. You know it, Ma! You can always count on me!

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
The dungeon under Twilight’s Castle…
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“That’s my boy,” Chrysalis said quietly, grinning as she used her natural connection to the changeling hive mind to talk to Scout. Since it was natural, the magic-blockers lining the cave couldn’t prevent her from contacting him. And to the deposed queen’s delight, Scout completely lacked the mental barriers Pharynx had taught the hive to put up, making him easier to read than a comic book. “That’s mommy’s special boy… Mommy’s so proud of you, Jeremy,” she cooed, grinning viciously.

Outside her jail, the two changelings guarding her fidgeted uncomfortably. They had been talking about the arrival of the mercenaries, when they overheard Chrysalis muttering to themselves. Both of them couldn’t help but think they were forgetting something very important, something that Spy and Scout both needed to know…

TO BE CONTINUED...