Human's Guide to Surviving Equestria

by setablaze53

Prelude

It needs to be stated here that the following text is for human eyes only. Any non-human species that may have found this, please return it to Princess Luna, co-ruler of the nation of Equestria.

Fellow human, it fills me with both immense joy and sorrow that someone has had the fortune and the misfortune of reading this text. I am joyful because the work we put into making this book was not in vain, and because it may help someone who has found themselves in our current situation. I am also sorrowful because you have found yourself in the same situation as my friend Jay and I.

If you are reading this, you are a human that has somehow found themselves on a foreign world full of what seem to be talking rainbow colored midget horses. I understand your confusion and ask that you not panic. If you feel like this is too much to handle at the moment, feel free to have a private mental breakdown and return when you feel better about your quantum stranding.

That’s right, I said stranding. You are stranded, stuck, marooned in a new environment that is hostile to the unprepared. Seeing as you are new here, we have taken it upon ourselves to make sure you are as prepared as we can possibly make you to take on the deadly, adorable abominations of nature known simply as “ponies”.

This guide will hopefully help you turn this nightmarish hellscape into a place you can comfortably call home away from home. We have taken many risks in pursuit of the knowledge contained in the following chapters, all to hopefully prepare you for what is to come.

I think it should also be stated here that I have no idea if you are stuck here alone or with other humans like Jay and I. I have no clue if you are from the same country, point in history, timeline, or even the same universe as me. I can only hope that, whatever your circumstances may be, you find this guide helpful in your future endeavors.

If you have any questions that are not answered by reading this book, ask Princess Luna. She should be the one who handed you this book in the first place, and she is the only pony allowed to read what is written here for many reasons. Some reasons include that she was a great ally in researching the information here, and that other ponies may be offended greatly by what is written within these pages. Luna is an honorary Bro and you should make friends with her as soon as possible. Also, you can think of Luna like a tutorial level if you feel that you need to test any of the knowledge in this book.

God speed my friend, and may you find your time in Equestria enjoyable.